


Shattered

by Nightfoot



Category: Tales of Vesperia
Genre: Alternate Character Interpretation, Angst, Gen, Post-Canon, rape is discussed but not shown
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-17
Updated: 2014-02-17
Packaged: 2018-01-12 19:00:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 15
Words: 93,380
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1195980
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nightfoot/pseuds/Nightfoot
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Yuri stumbles upon a disturbing revelation that shatters everything he thought he knew about Estelle. The only thing he knows for sure is that there is something very wrong with Flynn, and he won't rest until he gets his friend back to normal.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. An Impossible Truth

**Author's Note:**

> This began in a conversation with Hoskky, so I'm going to say it's her fault, except to be honest I'm pretty sure I'm the one who started all this. Like pretty much everything I write, it started as a joke that turned serious. Really serious in this case, because this is probably the darkest thing I've ever written. It is, in fact, my first M rated fic and on that note the first one that warrants a warning label:
> 
> WARNING: This story contains psychological, physical, and sexual abuse. There's nothing explicit, but if these topics bother you, please don't read this story.
> 
> And if you're wondering about pairings, there are no romantic pairs one way or another in this story, so interpret as you will. It's not exactly an AU, more of a "canon happened as seen, but what if this is what was really going on behind the scenes".

"Boy…" Yuri put his hand on his hip, surveying room, "Alexei sure had a lot of crap."

Flynn looked up from the floor with an irritated sigh. "Good afternoon, Yuri. I see the concept of knocking still eludes you."

"You know me." Yuri strolled into the office. "Gotta keep you on your toes."

Flynn sat cross-legged on the floor of his new office, looking through a box of papers. Before Flynn could properly make it his office, he needed to finish going through all Alexei's effects and clearing them out. He'd only been officially sworn in as commandant a week ago, and been so caught up with other duties he hadn't had much time to devote to cleaning yet. As such, boxes of paperwork covered the floor and Alexei's personal red banners still hung from the wall. Yuri would have taken those down first, because they seemed to be taunting him.

"Don't you have more important things to do than housekeeping?" Yuri asked, sitting on a box. "I'm sure you could assign someone else to do this."

"I will for most of it," Flynn said, still staring at the paper in his hands, "but I'm starting with Alexei's confidential paperwork. He did do actual work running the Knights beyond trying to take over the world – most of this stuff is actually administrivia that I need to keep. I need to sort through it all and find out what was essential Knight operations, and which were diabolical schemes to take over the world, and most of this is classified and can't be delegated." He sighed and lowered the paper to look up at Yuri. "It's going to take me a while. How are you?"

Yuri shrugged. "Can't complain. It's been a fast week." It had been a whole week since confronting the Adephagos atop Tarquaron. It still felt like only last night. Yuri's group had initially said they'd stay in Zaphias for only a couple of days to work out their next steps, but after the chaos of world travel and planet-saving, they'd ended up spending most of their time napping at the inn. Spending the entire day lounging around, goofing off and hanging out without dire threats hanging over them was such a novelty.

"I know what you mean," Flynn said. "Between the meetings I've been dragged to all week, this is the first afternoon I've had free to even start sorting through all this."

"Man, you're going to be even  _more_  of a workaholic now, aren't you?" Yuri leaned his arms on his knees and shook his head.

"I'm just doing what needs to be done," Flynn said. "How long are you going to be in Zaphias?"

"A couple more days, probably," Yuri said. "Judith, Karol, Repede, and I are going to head back to Dahngrest. Estelle is going to stay here for a little while and help Ioder get established. Rita's staying with her for now, but she's going to head to Halure in a little while where all the refugees from Aspio have settled."

Flynn nodded. "If I recall, Lady Estellise intends to move to Halure as well someday."

"Yeah, that's what she says."

"With both of you gone, I'll be pretty lonely here."

"Ah, you'll be fine," Yuri said, waving his hand. "You'll be so busy with work you won't even notice we're gone."

"Hm… I suppose." He put the paper back on the stack in the box. "I'm sorry if you came to hang out. I really need to get this done, and it's not something you can help with, I'm afraid."

"Yeah, I get it," Yuri said. "No time to spare for little old me."

"Sorry," he said with a tight smile. "I promise I'll make time before you go back to Dahngrest."

"Don't worry about it," Yuri said, standing. "We went three years without even sending letters; I can deal with not hanging out every day."

"I suppose you're right," Flynn said, staring at the box without meeting his eyes.

"Well, you're busy, so I'll head out," Yuri said. "I was in the area and thought I'd say hello, but I don't want to bug you."

"Thanks for understanding," Flynn said. "Oh, Yuri?" he looked up again. "If you're on your way out, could you grab that box?" He pointed to one near Yuri's foot. "Those are Alexei's personal correspondences. I looked through some of it and I just found letters to his mother and things like that."

Yuri stared at him. "Alexei has a mother?"

Flynn looked up at him incredulously. "Of course he has a mother. Everyone has a mother."

"Well, yeah," Yuri said, still trying to imagine a Mrs. Alexei. "I just never thought someone like him…" He'd never given Alexei's family much thought, because thinking of him as a normal guy with loving parents and a childhood got in the way of kicking his ass. It was weird, though. At the back of his mind he'd always assumed Alexei didn't have a happy childhood, because people with supportive parents tended not to try to take over the world. A lack of love and affection could really darken someone's mind, so it was weird to think that bastard didn't even have that much of an excuse for his actions.

"Her name is Sandra and she lives in Heliord," Flynn said. "I believe she's rather embarrassed by her son's actions. Tries to stay out of the public eye. Anyway, it doesn't look like any of that box is official work, so I was going to toss the whole thing. Could you take it down for me on your way out?"

"Yeah, sure." Yuri hefted it up. "I'm always happy to get rid of Alexei's trash." The box was heavier than he'd expected, digging into his fingers. He wasn't about to tell Flynn, though.

"Thanks," Flynn said as Yuri walked to the door. "Don't leave Zaphias without at least saying goodbye, alright?"

"Yeah, sure." Yuri didn't bother looking back as he left the room. He didn't know what he'd expected. Typical Flynn and his typical overworking. This job was going to be the death of him.

Yuri shifted the weight of the box as he reached the stairs. He should have known he was going to get stuck taking out Flynn's garbage again. Damn, this was actually really heavy. What was Alexei writing? Love letters to himself?

_Dear Alexei, you are just the prettiest little commandant Terca Lumereis as ever seen! Who's going to take over the world? Is it you? It's you! With love, the only person who will ever like you: yourself._

Yuri paused and frowned. He needed to get away from this train of thought before it led him to places he was not at all comfortable going. Yuri shifted the weight of the box again, trying to balance it on his hip. Of course, since he was also walking down stairs and his hips were moving, this ended up sending the box wildly off-balance and it slipped from his hands.

"Shit!" Yuri smashed his knee on the step in his rush to grab it, and caught the lip before it spilled down the steps. A handful of envelopes fell out and tumbled to the base of the stairs. He knelt sideways on the stairs, his left knee throbbing from how quickly he'd dropped, and scowled as he picked the box up again. Stupid Flynn.

At the base of the stairs, he set the box against the wall and stooped to pick up the dropped letters. He was about to toss them when one caught his eye. It was a folded letter that had fallen open, and he couldn't stop staring at the opening salutation. Not the words themselves, that was just a standard address to Alexei, but the handwriting. He was certain he had seen that handwriting before, and he grabbed the letter and stared at it until it came to him.

The way the 'A' curved, the bit of a curl on the tail of the 'E', the way the 'L' leaned a bit too far to the left like the writer was eager to move forward… he'd seen this handwriting before, scribbled across pages of an inventory of their belongings or pinned to his door to let him know the others had gone to breakfast. He could picture that hand, delicate and deft with a pen, neatly forming the letters with a confident artistry his own sloppy scrawling could never match.

But it  _couldn't_  be her. Why the ever-loving hell would Estelle write to Alexei? It had to be a coincidence. He read the rest of the letter, curious to find out who had handwriting so similar to Estelle's. The further he got in the letter, the tighter his chest felt.

_Alexei –_

_Our plan is to head to the Krityan town of Myorzo. Schwann and I will rendezvous with you in Egothor Forest. Be waiting next week. I don't know the exact day we'll reach the village, so sit tight and wait for me._

_-Estellise_

Yuri read the letter five times, certain he was reading it wrong. Somewhere during that time, he'd fallen back on his ass and now leaned against the wall. Maybe it was actually in a foreign language that happened to resemble their normal language so much that it appeared to make sense but  _really_  meant something totally different. It was a bizarre leap on logic, but it made a heck of a lot more sense than interpreting this at face value.

In fact, he didn't even know how he was supposed to interpret this at face value. Why the hell would Estelle write to Alexei to tell him their position? And what did she mean, 'rendezvous with you'? Had she  _known_  Raven was going to kidnap her? But the wording here sounded like she was telling Alexei what to do.

He read it again. He read it backward. Maybe there was a different Estellise. She had the same handwriting, was in a position to give orders to Alexei, and travelled to Myorzo with Schwann. It sounded impossible even as he thought it, but what else was he supposed to believe? That Estelle was collaborating with Alexei? How could he even consider that after all the things Alexei had done to her? He felt like the worst friend in the world for even letting it cross his mind.

It was probably nothing. Probably a weird coincidence of names and handwriting. After all, lots of people were named Estellise. Yuri couldn't think of any others at the moment, but he was sure they existed. It was a fluke. He should forget it. He had already pushed it from his mind.

But when he tossed the letter back on top of the pile, he paused for a second and then pushed more old letters aside to check the handwriting.

It was like his heart gradually turned into lead with every letter he pulled out.

_Alexei – I was successful in converting Belius into an apatheia. Flynn was there to retrieve it as per his orders, but the idiot let Yuri get away with it. For now, focus on obtaining one from Astal._

_Alexei – I will hopefully lure Phaeroh out in Dahngrest. Have Heracles ready to destroy him._

_Alexei – I'm interested in visiting Keiv Moc. Find us in Heliord and give us some reason to go there. I don't really care what. Be sure to make a fuss about me going so I can drag Yuri along as "protection"._

This had to be some elaborate joke. Estelle must have planted these, knowing he would find them, in an attempt at humour. It was totally unlike her normal sense of humour, but it made more sense than this being true. This was a joke. A dumb, stupid joke. He'd just toss this box of letters and be done with it.

He stood, grabbed the box, and hurried to the dumpster. He stepped outside through the door by the kitchen and stood next to the large dumpster full of rotting food. This could end right here. He could just toss this box, push those letters aside and forget he ever saw them. He really,  _really_  wanted to just toss this damn box and then continue on his way back to the Comet to have dinner with his friends. He didn't need more complications in his life. He didn't need more uncertainty. He did not need this. He tossed the box.

But he kept a handful of letters and walked back into the castle, even though deep in his chest he knew he was not going to like where this led him.

For now, it led him to Estelle's apartment.  _Just leave it_ , he told himself after knocking and waiting for her to let him in.  _It's nothing. Why are you even bothering her?_

The door swung open and Estelle met him with a grin so huge it made him feel dumb for even being here with these letters in hand. "Hello, Yuri!" she said with that huge smile that broadcasted love and friendship like a twenty-foot billboard. "Do you need something?"

"Nah," Yuri said. "I just wanted to pop by and talk."

"Oh, ok," she said, stepping aside to let him in. "It's nice of you to visit."

"You should come down to the inn with us," he said, entering the apartment. "We've just been hanging out and it's not the same without you and Rita."

"Sorry," Estelle said. "We've been so busy getting the new government together. There's so much to do!"

"I can understand that." He hovered in the middle of the room, not sure where to sit. That was the problem with Estelle's apartment – all the furniture was so fancy he felt like he shouldn't touch it, like he was in a museum.

"What's that in your hand?" she asked, closing the door and walking toward him.

"Oh, this? It's…" He looked down at them. This was stupid. He was going to feel so dumb when Estelle realized he'd fallen for her joke. Oddly, he didn't care. He desperately wanted to be told he had fallen for an obvious joke, because that kind of humiliation was so vastly preferable to the other impossible reality. "Some weird letters I found in Alexei's office. It kinda looks like your handwriting, doesn't it?" He forced a laugh and held one out to her. "Weird, huh?"

Estelle stared at the paper for a few seconds. Yuri studied her face, but didn't see any hint of worry in her eyes.

"I mean, that's definitely your signature at the bottom, isn't it?" Yuri said, pointing.

"Oh, these letters?" She pulled them from Yuri's hands and laughed. "Are you actually worried about them, Yuri?"

"No," he said, not very convincingly. "But, I mean… you  _did_  write them? Is that what you're saying?"

"Yes," she said, flipping through them and glancing over their contents. "No point denying it. Like you said, my signature is on them."

"Ok, so… why? I don't get it."

She shrugged. "It was just a thing I was doing. I thought it would be fun to pretend I was a secret agent." She walked to her desk on the other side of the room and opened a drawer. She giggled and added, "I know it's dumb, but it was fun."

"I could see you doing that," Yuri said with a small smirk that didn't last. "Although, I'm just confused… I mean, if it was just a joke you were doing by yourself, how did they end up in a box in Alexei's office?"

"Why are you so worried about these silly letters?" she asked, her back still facing him as she put them away in the drawer.

"I'm not, really." He wondered if he sounded more convinced than he felt. "I guess I just think it's kind of weird."

"Well, Alexei is dead so it really doesn't matter what he has anymore."

"I know. I just want to know why he had them in the first place. How did he get them? Did you actually mail these to him?"

Estelle looked back at him with a small frown. "Yuri… could you please drop it? I don't want to go into it."

Ordinarily, he would drop it at this point. He could tell Estelle clearly didn't want to talk about this, and he wasn't the sort to pry when his friend clearly didn't want him to. It was just… she still hadn't answered why she had mailed those to Alexei. That was the most important piece of information in this whole thing. "Yeah, ok… as soon as you tell me why you mailed letters to Alexei giving him orders during our journey."

"Why does it matter? It's in the past."

"Tell me Alexei wasn't taking orders from you."

Estelle rolled her eyes. "No, Yuri, Alexei wasn't taking orders from me." She shook her head. "Honestly, I think you're still a bit frazzled from everything that happened with the Adephagos last week. Maybe you should lie down?"

"I am not 'frazzled'," Yuri said, starting to get angry. "I've been lying around for a week. I don't think it's paranoid for me to want an explanation for these."

Estelle's eyes widened and she stared at him with pained expression. "A-are… are you actually accusing me of collaborating with Alexei?"

"I don't know  _what_  I'm accusing you of," Yuri said, putting a hand on his hip, "because you won't tell me. Estelle… come on, it's me. Is it something embarrassing? I swear I won't make fun of you, just humour me and give me the real answer."

She chewed on her lip, and then siad, "Ok, well... I sent them after the fact to mess with Alexei."

"I saw one about Zaude. Alexei never made it back from Zaude. He couldn't have received it after the fact."

"I sent that one earlier. It was just lucky coincidence he ended up doing exactly what the letter said."

His heart pounded.  _Come on, Estelle, you can do better than this… Flynn wouldn't even buy these sorry excuses. Give me something I can believe!_ "That is bullshit and you know it."

Estelle stared across the room at him and Yuri furiously met her eyes. He was pissed off with her because he knew there had to be a rational explanation for this, but she wouldn't give it to him for some reason. Did she  _want_  him to think the worst of her?

"What are you trying to accuse me of, Yuri?" She sounded on the brink of tears.

Yuri felt like an asshole and a strong part of him wanted to walk away and forget it. He couldn't, though. He'd started pulling the thread, and now he couldn't bring himself to walk away until the entire thing was unravelled. "Why were you sending messages to Alexei?"

"How could you even say that?" she asked.

"Tell me the truth."

"Yuri, it's  _me_ ," she said with wide eyes. "You trust me."

"Please, Estelle, give me a reason to," he said. " _Why_?"

"Let it go. It's in the past."

"I am not leaving this room until you give me a satisfactory answer for why you were sending orders to Alexei and giving away our position and actions."

They met each other's eyes. A long minute passed. Yuri started counting heartbeats but they came so fast and loud he gave up. For a whole minute, neither of their expressions exchanged. Yuri was stubbornly angry and desperate for an answer, while Estelle gave him pleading eyes filled with hurt.

And then Estelle's expression dropped. She went from the verge of tears to mild annoyance, and leaned back on the desk while crossing her arms. "You just  _had_  to keep prying, didn't you?"

"I… what?" His resolve faltered at her sudden change of attitude.

"Don't know why I'm surprised. Turning around and leaving when it's good for you has never been your strong suit."

"What the hell are you talking about?" This was happening. It couldn't be happening, but it was. He refused to believe this was happening even though he was in the middle of it.

"What do you want me to say? Yes, I sent those letters to Alexei. 'Giving away our position'? To whom? The person Alexei reported to already knew exactly where you guys were going and what you were doing."

"No." It wasn't very eloquent, but it was all he could think of.  _This can't be real, this can't be real, oh fuck this_ cannot _be real_.

"It's kind of annoying, actually," Estelle said. Her voice wasn't supposed to sound like that. Her voice always had an edge of playfulness or caring. You could hear the 'I love you' just from the way she inflected 'hello, Yuri.' But now it was… flat. Devoid of all emotion. "We got through the whole journey and none of you idiots ever suspected a thing, and now it all falls apart a week after it ends because stupid Alexei couldn't dispose of confidential materials properly? If he wasn't already dead, I'd kill him myself."

Yuri's hand went for his sword. "You're not Estelle." A mental image of Regaey morphing into Yeager crossed his mind. That had been possible with blastia, of which there weren't any now, but there had to be some other method. He held his sword in front of him, trying to quell the rising flashbacks of the last time he drew his sword against Estelle.

"Of course I'm Estelle. Don't be mad at me because you were too stupid to realize what was going on. I did try to kill you the moment we met, after all."

"You… what?" He thought back, trying to think of what she could be talking about. His memory landed on her coming at him with a vase. He hadn't thought much of it at the time, but Flynn had rambled once about how head injuries could be very dangerous. If she'd successfully smashed him over the head with a heavy vase before he turned around, it very well could have killed him. He shook his head. "You didn't know who I was. You were defending yourself against an obvious intruder."

"Lucky for you I decided you would be useful after I learned who you were. It's so much easier to keep up the 'sweet little princess' routine when I've got a knucklehead to do all the fighting for me."

"What have you done to Estelle?" Yuri's voice was taut, and keeping it from shaking was harder than doing the same for his hands.

"I told you, Yuri. I  _am_  Estelle. The one and only."

"I don't believe that for one second. Estelle would never say things like this. You been impersonating her for a while? Write those letters to try to implicate her?"

The girl who could not possibly be Estelle rolled her eyes. "You're so stubborn, Yuri. How could I be anyone but Estelle? I was there with you in the Quoi Woods when I was," her voice momentarily morphed back into a familiar Estelle pout, "s-so scared of the curse on the woods." She smirked and added, "But my brave hero Yuri promised to take care of me."

"How do you know that?" he seethed.

"I was with you all the way to the end, to that saccharine talk we had the night before the Adephagos."

Yuri shook his head. "That wasn't you. That was the  _real_  Estelle."

"If it wasn't me, then how would I know that I told you I was so excited to be able to stay with everyone, especially you?"

"You could guess that," Yuri said. "Estelle's emotions aren't too hard to read." Their positions had flipped, and now Yuri was the one offering weak explanations for everything.

"And then you said, 'thanks. I feel the same way.'"

"So then you were spying on us." Attack her now. She clearly wasn't Estelle, and the real Estelle, the one he adored and would go to any length for, was in trouble somewhere. This smirking bitch stole Estelle's appearance somehow and was trying to masquerade as her. Something held him back from attacking, though, and it was that she had gotten every detail perfectly right. She looked so exactly like Estelle she couldn't be anyone else, except she had to be since Estelle would never say these things.

"Was I spying on you in Yormgen when I told you how worried I was that maybe what I was trying so hard to figure out wasn't really important at all?"

Yes, yes she was, because this wasn't really Estelle so that was the only explanation. Except, Yormgen didn't really exist. He still didn't know what that city was, but only his small group could possibly have been there. How the hell could some stranger follow them out in the Sands of Kogorh without being noticed and then slip into an illusory city with them? There was an explanation for this. There  _had_  to be.

"And then we fought on top of the Sword Stair," please-oh-please-can't-be-Estelle said. She held her hands over her chest and swooned mockingly. "Oh, you were my hero! You were so determined to 'set me free'. You really would have done it, wouldn't you? Killed me? I almost wish I could have let you, but it would mean I couldn't stick around to watch it destroy you." She shook her head and dropped her arms. "It is annoying, though. Since I already got Zaude out of the ocean, I had no more use for you lot. I was going to kill you, but I guess I have to admit I'm not as strong a fighter as I thought. I saw the battle wasn't going my way, so I 'snapped out of it' and let you guys 'save me'."

"Shut up!" Yuri growled. Stop talking,  _stop talking_ , the more she said the harder it was to rationalize this out as a different person. How could she know things that only Estelle would know? How could this be her? How could she be saying these things? It was like a bizarre nightmare that he wouldn't even find scary when he woke up because it was so impossible.

"Aw, you're being so rude to your darling Estelle," she taunted. "I must admit, I was planning on none of you figuring this out, but watching your face is almost worth it. You're so satisfying to break apart, Yuri. Like when I pulled the strings to get Ragou off the hook, just to see what you would do. You certainly did not disappoint. If only you'd kept going. I wanted to see how low you'd go, but you managed to pull yourself up again before it got  _really_  exciting. How disappointing."

"What is  _wrong_  with you, Estelle?" He had given up on trying to keep his voice steady. Estelle was seriously telling him that she'd been playing him all along and he couldn't even fathom how he was supposed to process this.

"Nothing is wrong with me," Estelle said. "I'm the same as I've always been. The thing is, being left alone with no friends and no freedom in a castle for your whole life gives you a  _lot_  of time to perfect your acting skills. I'm quite proud of my performance, really. Not a single one of you saw through my mask. Of course, I've had many years to practice."

"Stop it," Yuri said. "Stop. Just… stop talking." This couldn't be true. It was a joke. A really bad joke and any second now she was going to burst into laughter and tease him about falling for it and he was going to feel so gullible and dumb but  _please_  let him feel that because it was infinitely better than accepting what Estelle was saying.

She walked toward him. Yuri brandished his sword. "Stay back," Yuri snapped. She wasn't going to make him use it on her, was she? He'd already done that once; there was no way he could bring himself to fight her again. Except it  _wasn't_  her. In fact, it had never been her. The Estelle he loved… could she really not exist? Was she really just an elaborate act that this… this horrible person had created? Everything they had shared… was it all a lie?

"What's wrong?" she asked with a smile. "Don't want to fight me?"

Yuri couldn't think of anything to say. He'd run out of excuses to rationalize what was happening and the only thing left was to accept that Estelle really was saying these things, that this was  _really happening_. He sheathed his sword because she was getting close and he was afraid his rattled mind might actually strike her. He wavered on the edge of accepting what she was telling him, but he couldn't bring himself to imagine cutting her down.

She stood before him with a smirk, and then said, "As fun as this was, Yuri, I can't let you run off and tell the others." Golden light blossomed around her feet. "Oh power that tries souls, shine…"

Yuri had a split second to react. He leapt to the side just as she yelled, "Photon!" and a burst of orange light engulfed where he'd been standing.

This was real. This wasn't a joke. Estelle had just attacked him and if he didn't do something, she'd do it again. Yuri lunged at her and tackled her to the ground with a cry of rage. His fist smashed into her face and he couldn't get clear words out. She just cackled as Yuri pinned her to the ground.

"You never disappoint, Yuri!"

"Shut up!" Yuri screamed, barely even seeing her bloodied nose through his haze of fury and horror. "You're not Estelle!"

"Oh, but I am!" she laughed. "And that's what makes your reaction so perfect." Her knee smashed into his gut and she pulled herself out from under him. Yuri snatched the collar of her shirt to try to stop her, but the clothing ripped and she pulled away. On her feet again, she started casting.

Yuri jumped up and went after her again to keep her from casting. He grabbed her and pulled her against his chest, pinning her arms behind her back. "Why are you doing this?" he asked with desperation. "Snap out of it!"

Estelle kicked his shins and struggled against his grip, but Yuri was stronger than her. After fighting to get out of his grip, she screamed, "Help! Guards! Help me! Yuri's gone insane!"

Yuri shoved her away from him. She hit the table and bent over it with a grunt while Yuri took a few slow steps backing away. He didn't want to get into a fight with the knights, not now when he was finally getting his life in order. But what was he supposed to do?

Flynn. The name shot through his brain and then quickly grew to fill it up. Get Flynn. He'll know what to do. Flynn always knew how to deal with things, and if he knew the situation, Yuri wouldn't have to worry about the knights.

He turned and ran. He barely saw the walls as he flew by in his haste to reach Flynn. He clung to the thought that Flynn would make everything make sense again, because it was the only thing keeping him somewhat stable. He couldn't believe what had happened even though he'd just experienced it. His head already toyed with the idea that what if he was insane and he'd made the whole thing up in his head and now he'd attacked Estelle for no reason?

The door slammed against the wall and rattled a picture frame when Yuri threw it open. He stood in the doorway and panted, staring at Flynn with wild eyes. Just seeing him sitting calmly, still going through the paperwork, relaxed him. It was so normal, so  _Flynn_ , and it made the impossible events in Estelle's room seem very far away.

Flynn sighed as he looked up. "I see you still don't know how to knock." He frowned when he saw Yuri's expression. "What's wrong?"

Yuri walked toward him, trying to figure out how to put this into words. "Flynn, it's… it's Estelle. Something's wrong with her."

"Is she sick?" Flynn asked with concern as he stood up.

"No, she…" Yuri reached Flynn and stood before him. He almost didn't want to explain, because for now he could cling to the hope that Flynn would give him a rational explanation and make everything better, but once he explained, if Flynn couldn't make this better he wouldn't have any hope to cling to anymore.

"Yuri? What's going on? You're worrying me."

"Estelle… Estelle said she was giving orders to Alexei."

Flynn frowned in confusion. "What?"

"I found some letters from her in that box you wanted me to throw out. I asked her about them and she kept denying it at first but I pressed her for an answer and then… it's like she just snapped. Like she's been wearing a mask this whole time and then suddenly tossed it aside and told me that she's been playing us all, and that she was responsible for most of the shitty stuff that happened on our journey."

"You can't honestly believe that," Flynn said.

"I don't want to!" His voice cracked. "But then she attacked me. She  _attacked_  me, Flynn. She said I knew too much and I think she was actually trying to kill me!"

"Lady Estellise wants you dead?"

"She certainly seemed to!"

Flynn hung his head, staring at the floor with a serious expression. "This… this is serious." He crossed to the entrance and closed the door.

"What do we do, Flynn?" Yuri asked, turning around to watch him. "It seems impossible but… but I don't know how to explain this."  _Come on, Flynn, give me a rational explanation. Please make this better._

"I'm sorry, Yuri," Flynn said, slowly turning around. He drew his sword and met Yuri's eyes with a cold expression. "But now that you know the truth, I'm afraid I can't let you leave here alive."


	2. A Reluctant Promise

"What the hell is this?" Yuri hadn't even reached for his sword yet.

"Lady Estellise wants you silenced, and I take my orders from her."

Yuri slowly shook his head as Flynn paced toward him. "This isn't funny. I really do think there's something wrong with Estelle."

"There is nothing wrong with her," Flynn said.

"Are you kidding?! You should have seen her. She's gone nuts!"

Flynn slashed his sword at Yuri, who whipped his out just in time. "How dare you insult Lady Estellise?!"

Yuri gritted his teeth as he pushed back against Flynn's sword. "What are you doing? Don't you dare tell me that whatever's gotten to Estelle has gotten to you, too."

"Nothing has gotten to me," Flynn said, and Yuri barely blocked another blow. "I take my orders from Lady Estellise, and if she wants you dead, I will finish that for her."

"You can't be serious!" Yuri enjoyed sparring with Flynn, or having friendly battles like their fight at Aurnion last week. There was nothing friendly about this, though. Yuri kept having to move backward, and it was all he could do to keep Flynn from inflicting a serious injury.

With an angry grunt, Yuri pushed back against Flynn. His sword grazed Flynn's arm enough to cut the fabric but nothing else. "Hey!" he shouted. "Knock it off! I don't want to fight you."

"Well, then," Flynn said breathlessly, "I guess you'll have to lie down and let me finish you."

"Like hell!" Yuri barked, going on the offensive. He'd been holding back this whole time, but the way Flynn glared at him told him one important thing: Flynn really was serious. He really was trying to kill Yuri. If he didn't fight back and give it his all, he could very well end up dead on the floor of Flynn's office.

"Ha! Finally giving me a real fight, are you?" Flynn rose his voice over the clank of steel. They carefully circled each other, carefully minding the boxes strewn across the floor.

"What the hell is wrong with you?!" Yuri shouted. "This isn't you, Flynn." Flynn's sword slashed his shoulder, which was preferable to his neck as it nearly had been. Yuri ignored the stinging and kept up the pace.

"Guess that shows you've never really known me," Flynn said.

"Of course I do." He tried to force Flynn against the wall with a series of successive blows. "Better than anyone."

Flynn snorted and pushed back, knocking Yuri's sword arm away with his left hand. Yuri swore and stepped to the side at the last second, but not before the top of Flynn's sword grazed his stomach and left a long slash curving around his side.

"If you think that," Flynn said, "I'm insulted. You honestly thought I was naïve enough to follow Alexei without knowing what he was doing?"

"Shut up!" Yuri punctuated his anger with a blow that sunk into Flynn's left shoulder, leaving a deep gash. Flynn grimaced for a second, but didn't let it slow him down. "You wouldn't work for Alexei," Yuri said. "I've known you since we were kids. You believe in justice!" His sword slashed Flynn's face, leaving a bloody mark on his cheek. "In defending those weaker than you!"

"And where did that get me?" A swift strike forced Yuri to step back. He tripped over a box and fell on his ass with a grunt. "All those self-righteous beliefs ever brought me was pain."

"What the hell are you talking about?!" Yuri scrambled away on his butt. "Where is this coming from?! Pain? What pain?"

"But Lady Estellise showed me a better path." Flynn stepped around the box and paced toward Yuri, his face disturbingly emotionless. "I trust her. As long as I follow her orders, I'll never suffer again. She is my truest friend."

Yuri managed to get to his feet. On his way up he grabbed a handful of papers from one of the boxes and flung them in Flynn's face. This distracted Flynn for only a few seconds, but it was enough time for Yuri to come around beside him and smash the flat of his blade against Flynn's back. It could easily have been a fatal blow, but he couldn't bring himself to do that.

"Stop spouting this bullshit!"

Flynn staggered forward but caught himself before falling. He spun around and their swords clanked as Yuri parried his blow. "We've been friends since before I can remember!" Yuri said. "Have you forgotten that?"

"You were never my friend!"

The furious gleam in Flynn's eyes honestly scared Yuri. It wasn't that when he looked in his eyes he didn't see Flynn… it was that he  _did_. This was Flynn, and that was more disturbing than anything else. "Of course I am! Always have been!"

"Stop lying to me. I know the truth now, thanks to Lady Estellise. You abandoned me when you left the Knights."

"What?! That wasn't about you at all. I told you that!" How much longer could they keep this up? Yuri was starting to feel light-headed from the blood loss. Flynn couldn't be faring much better, since he was covered in cuts and slashes. "Would you just cut this out, you idiot?!"

"What's wrong?" Flynn asked, landing another slash on Yuri's arm. "Afraid you'll actually have to live up to your promise in Nordopolica?"

Yuri didn't even have to pause to know exactly what Flynn was talking about.

_"If I did, would you just kill me as well?"_

_"If you go and become a villain, you won't be giving me much choice_. _"_

When he'd said that, the thought that Flynn really would go the way of Ragou and Cumore had seemed laughably impossible. It wasn't so funny now. He'd made his choice to take down those who would abuse their power, but what if that person was Flynn?

"How long?" Yuri demanded. "How long were you knowingly taking orders from Alexei… from Estelle?"

"Always."

"But you liberated Mantaic!" Yuri insisted. "You're not a villain, Flynn!"

"Yeah," Flynn said, swinging his sword and forcing Yuri to step around the desk. "Lady Estellise needed apatheia to unlock Zaude, so we let him try to find Phaeroh in an attempt to take his. When it became clear that wasn't working, I was ordered to step in so he would stop wasting Knight resources."

"What the hell?!" Yuri ducked below the desk. "You knew all those people were getting killed, and you just let it happen?"

"Lady Estellise said it was necessary."

"That's not you, Flynn." He crawled around the desk as quickly as he could. "You always cared about everyone."

"That kind of thinking brings suffering."

Yuri sprung up on the other side of the desk. "Stop!" he shouted. "You're my best friend!"

"You are an obstacle."

"Are you really saying you did everything willingly? That you helped Alexei, knowing he planned to raise Zaude?"

"Raising Zaude was Lady Estellise's goal. I merely followed her instructions."

"People  _died_."

"They don't matter."

Yuri stared at him. It was all horribly, awfully sinking in. Estelle had been manipulating them all along. Flynn was… Yuri didn't know  _what_  Flynn was, but Estelle had clearly gotten to him. Flynn had knowingly let people die and get hurt and he didn't even care. He had more power now than he ever had before; if he was allowed to remain unchecked as the commandant, who knew how many more people would suffer thanks to him blindly following Estelle's orders?

Flynn came at him again, and Yuri realized what he had to do. This really wasn't Flynn anymore. Well, it  _was_ , and that was the horrible part. This was Flynn now, but as far as he could tell the Flynn he'd grown up with had been killed by Estelle ages ago, leaving this emotionless monster who'd been playing him all along.

And Yuri was going to have to take him down.

He fought Flynn with renewed vigour. He knew what he had to do now, and he was going to do it fast before he lost his nerve. In the thick of the fight he didn't have time to really sit and think about this, but maybe that was for the best. If he stopped and contemplated that fact that Estelle was a villain and Flynn her dangerous puppet, he might have a mental breakdown.

Flynn backed away from Yuri, but he was slowing down. He was losing blood faster than Yuri and panting for breath. Yuri's sword smashed into his and knocked it aside, and then Yuri rammed his fist into Flynn's stomach. Flynn stumbled backward and his foot caught on a box. He toppled onto his back, his sword falling from his grip.

This was it. No hesitation.  _It's not really Flynn_ , Yuri told himself.  _If it ever was, it hasn't been for a long time. End this._

"I won't let you hurt any more people," Yuri said. His voice was as hard and cold as a block of ice, but that was because if he let any emotion at all into it he'd end up screaming in rage and pain. "I won't let you sully Flynn's memory anymore."

His grip tightened on his sword as he stood over Flynn. He'd stab him straight through the heart and end this quickly. There was no need to make him suffer. Every inch of him shook, including his breath as he drew in a great gulp of air.

He brought his sword down. In that second, he met Flynn's pained eyes. They looked simultaneously scared, confused, and… thankful. As if some part of the old Flynn had managed to break through and give him silent gratitude for ending it all.

It wasn't much, but it was enough that Yuri's trajectory changed at the last millisecond. The blade sunk through Flynn's chest until it hit the floor, sliding through his ribs and lung but missing his heart. Yuri stood frozen, his hand still locked on the hilt as Flynn gasped for breath.

The moment might have lasted five hours as far as Yuri knew. It ended when Flynn wheezed and coughed, blood splattering on his chin as a steadily widening stain blossomed on his chest.

Yuri released the grip on his sword and staggered backward, unable to tear his eyes off Flynn. All he could hear above his own pounding heart was Flynn gasping for air and coughing blood. It was done. Flynn wouldn't last much longer. He wouldn't be able to hurt anyone else. Yuri had done the right thing, because the Flynn he'd been interacting with in the past few months  _wasn't_  Flynn. It was the right thing to do, he desperately told himself over and over.

He couldn't stand here and watch Flynn drown in his own blood. He should stay, he knew. He didn't want to make Flynn die alone and in in agony on the floor, but if he stayed in this room with the smell of blood clogging his nostrils any longer he was going to faint.

Yuri ran for the door. He didn't know where he was going; he just knew he had to escape.

* * *

Sodia made her way down the hall toward Flynn's office, a stack of papers in hand. She felt guilty bringing them, knowing he already had enough work cut out for him, but this had to be done. She knew he'd be upset with her for not bringing it to him right away. She turned a corner, and crashed into someone running the other way.

The man knocked her to the ground, the papers flying everywhere. "Oof!" she said as she hit the ground. "Excuse you," she grumbled in annoyance, but the person didn't even pause before continuing down the hall. She got to her knees and watched him go, and frowned as she recognized his back. "Yuri Lowell?" What in the world was he up to now?

Sodia gathered her papers and got to her feet, muttering darkly to herself about hooligans being allowed in the castle. She hadn't gotten a good look at him, but she'd caught a glimpse of wild eyes and she hoped he hadn't gotten the Commandant drawn into some reckless scheme of his.

She quickened her pace, eager to reach Flynn and ask him what his friend was up to now. She reached his office, knocked once, and then opened the door. "Sir, I brought-" she cut off with a gasp. The papers she dropped hadn't even drifted to the floor by the time she reached Flynn's side.

"Commandant!" she screamed, her shaking hands hovering over him, unsure what to do. All knights were trained in basic first aid, but this was far beyond her knowledge. A sword pinned him to the floor, blood pooling under his back. His breaths came quick and rattling, interrupted by blood bubbling up between his lips. At least it meant he was still alive, but for how much longer?

The only person who could save him was Lady Estellise and her healing magic, and Sodia was sprinting out the door by the time she completed that thought. As she ran, images of the horrific scene came back to her. With sick dread she realized she recognized the hilt of the sword that was piercing him. She remembered Yuri's frazzled appearance and easily put two and two together. Yuri was not a good person, and she had always suspected he'd get the commandant into trouble, but she'd never doubted that he did legitimately care about him, even if the relationship was destructive. She'd always feared he would accidentally get Flynn killed, never this!

She ran into Lady Estellise before reaching her room. "Lady Estellise!" she said, stopping her in the hallway. Estellise had been walking quickly toward Flynn's office, and Sodia wondered if she already knew something had happened. "You must come quickly! Commandant Flynn is-" her voice cracked as he she pictured the scene again. "He's horribly wounded."

Estellise gasped. "Oh no, what happened?!"

"There's no time to explain. Come with me." They took off running. Sodia ran harder than she ever had in her life, but it still felt too slow. All she could think of as she ran was that pool of blood under Flynn getting wider and wider.

Tears built up in her eyes as she ran, terrified that he would be gone by the time she got back. What if she's lost her chance to talk to him one last time by going to get Estellise when it was already too late? What if he had last words he wanted to give her, but she wasn't there for them? There were so many things she still wanted to tell Flynn. How she felt, what he meant to her, and even… even what she'd done at Zaude. She'd pushed that aside for weeks, telling herself there would be better times to bring it up, and it had always seemed like they had so much time to get to it. If Flynn died and she never told him the truth, she'd have to live with that guilt for the rest of her life.

They reached his office and she slammed the door open. As she saw his bloodied body, she realized that her guilt from Zaude had disappeared. She no longer felt awful for attempting to kill Yuri; she felt awful that she'd failed the job.

"Flynn!" Estellise yelled, running to him. She dropped to her knees, not even caring that she stained her white skirt. "Sodia, you need to help me," she said breathlessly.

Sodia stood over Flynn, hands shaking. "What can I do?"

"You need to pull the sword out. I can't heal the wound with it in there."

"Tell me when to pull." She grabbed the hilt, which wiggled slightly. Flynn coughed up more blood, and a chill ran down Sodia's spine. It was ok, she told herself. The fact that his face contorted in agony meant he was still alive.

Golden light glowed around Estelle, casting shimmering shadows on Flynn's pallid face. "Pull it out now," Estellise said.

Sodia yanked the sword out and then let it fell to the floor with a thud. Flynn coughed and gasped, trying to get air but unable to even breathe with a hole in his lung.

"Revitalize," Estellise said, and bright light engulfed Flynn. It was so bright Sodia had to squint and look away, but when she turned her head back, the hole in Flynn's chest had closed, leaving a bloodstained red mark.

"Is… is he alright?" she asked, barely daring to hope.

Estellise reached out her gentle hand and rested them on the side of Flynn's neck. She slowly nodded and said, "Yes. He'll live."

Sodia let out the most relieved sigh, and slumped to her knees. "Thank heavens." Flynn's eyes were closed and he seemed to have passed out. His breaths were ragged and slow, but he was taking them. Sodia reached out and tenderly held his hand, taking comfort in the fluttering heartbeat. It was weak, but it told her he was still with them.

"But… what happened?" Estellise asked, looking to the sword with confusion. "That's Yuri's sword."

"I encountered Yuri Lowell running out of the castle," Sodia said, raising her eyes from Flynn. "He appeared to have been in a fight."

Estellise hung her head. "I… I don't believe it. He attacked me, too."

Sodia reminded herself that the princess looked roughed up as well. "What happened?"

"Yuri came to my room to talk to me," Estellise said, looking down at her bloodied knees. "I… I don't even want to say it. He's  _Yuri_. I just don't know what came over him."

"Did he harm you?" Sodia asked.

Estellise took a long time to speak, obviously feeling terrible for condemning a close friend. "He… he tried to force himself on me," Estellise said, staring at Flynn so she wouldn't have to meet Sodia's eyes. "I don't know what came over him. I can only assume he's been dealing with feelings for me for quite a while and… and decided that since our journey was over he might as well act on them." She pulled her hands up and rubbed tears from her eyes.

Sodia's glare narrowed and her fury with Yuri Lowell soared even higher than she had previously thought possible. She'd known he was bad news the moment she met him. Flynn and Lady Estellise were too trusting for their own good. They couldn't recognize a villainous thug when they saw one. "Were you harmed, Lady Estellise?"

She tearfully shook her head. "No, I'm fine. I fought him off." With an unconvincing smile she added, "I'm stronger than he thought, I guess. He ran out and I didn't follow him. I didn't know what to do. He must have gone to Flynn."

"Do you think he told Flynn what happened?" Sodia asked, trying to piece it together.

"I don't know," Estellise said. "Maybe."

"Perhaps he thought he could complain to his old buddy about women not putting out," Sodia said bitterly. "Commandant Flynn would hardly let that slide." Maybe he had tried to arrest Yuri when he found out what had happened, and Yuri had resisted arrest.

"That could be," Estellise said. She took a deep breath and stood up. "Flynn's going to recover, but I've done all I can with magic. It will take some time for him to recover the lost blood, and for his lung to reach full functionality again. He needs to go to the infirmary."

"Right," Sodia said, getting up as well. "You stay here with him. I'll arrange for a stretcher to be brought."

"Thank you for coming to get me, Sodia," Estellise said. She glanced down at Flynn and said, "I don't even want to imagine what might have happened if you hadn't found him when you did."

A chill ran through her once again. Sodia didn't want to imagine that either. She left the room, bitterly wishing she'd finished the job at Zaude before her suspicions about Yuri could be proven correct.

* * *

Rita sat at the desk in the room she was using at the castle. Karol and Judith were staying with Yuri in the lower quarter and Raven had already gone to Dahngrest to deal with Altosk, but Rita had a report to finish writing. Since Estelle was staying in the castle, Rita decided to stay here as well, just so Estelle wouldn't be lonely.

She had almost finished a page describing precisely how Brave Vesperia No. 1 worked when frantic knocking came to her door.

"Rita?" came Estelle's voice. "R-Rita are you in? I need to talk to you."

There was fear and pain in her voice that Rita hadn't heard since she'd been kidnapped by Alexei. For a second Rita was frozen in shock, and then leapt up. "Yes!" she called, running to the door. "Come in, I'm here!"

The door burst open and Estelle collapsed into Rita. Since Estelle was a few inches taller, this was a difficult arrangement for Rita. "E-Estelle, what happened?" Rita said, staggering backward as Estelle sobbed into her shoulder. Rita straddled the line between comforting and burning up with anger. Whoever had made Estelle cry had better run, because Rita was going to incinerate them.

Rita pulled Estelle off her just long enough to close the door and lead her to the bed. They sat side by side on the edge of the bed, with Estelle clinging to Rita so tightly she almost couldn't breathe.

"It's ok," Rita said, awkwardly rubbing her shoulder. She was inexperienced with this sort of thing, since blastia never broke down into tears. "What's wrong? What happened?"

"It – it's – it's  _Yuri_ ," Estelle sobbed.

"Yuri? Is he ok?" She wouldn't put it past Yuri to get himself into trouble again. If that asshole was making Estelle worry about him, she was going to punch him.

Estelle nodded and pulled her face up enough to rub her tears on the back of her hand. She sniffled and said, "He came to my room. He told me that he's had feelings for me for a while and now that the journey was done he thought it was time to act on them."

Rita nodded slowly. She could buy that Yuri had feelings for Estelle. She'd always assumed they were purely platonic, but romantic feelings from him weren't totally implausible. So then, was Estelle upset because she'd had to break Yuri's heart?

"I told him I didn't feel the same way about him," she said. "I told him I loved him but that he was like a brother to me."

"That was probably the right thing to say." Rita only hoped that  _this_  was the right thing to say. Estelle was first real friend she'd ever had, so her experience with the proper response to boy trouble was limited.

Estelle shook her head. "But Rita, he… he wouldn't take no for an answer. He grabbed me and tried to kiss me."

"He  _what_?" Suddenly the situation's plausibility crumbled.  _Yuri_  did that? But Rita saw the rip on Estelle's shirt and how heavily Estelle was crying, so clearly something horrible had happened.

"I fought him off," Estelle said. Her shoulders shook and Rita squeezed them tighter. "I – I was so scared, Rita. I know Yuri can be scary when he's facing bad guys, but for the first time,  _I_  was scared of him."

"That bastard," Rita seethed. "How could he?"

"That's not even the worst part," Estelle said.

Rita's stomach churned. How could it possibly get worse?

"After he left my room, he – he went to Flynn's office and…" She buried her face in the crook of Rita's neck. "I don't know what happened, but he and Flynn got into a huge fight. If I hadn't arrived in time to heal him, he – Flynn would have…" She broke off with a sob. "He's so badly hurt, Rita."

"But Flynn is Yuri's best friend," Rita said. "Why would he do that?"

"I don't know," Estelle said, shaking her head against Rita's neck. "I guess," she sniffled, "I guess we never really knew him as much as we thought we did."

Rita shook nearly as much as Estelle, but hers was born of anger. It was like the fury and betrayal of finding out Raven's true identity, only ten times worse because at least she'd always suspected Raven was a creep. Once she got to know him, it had never even crossed her mind that Yuri wasn't a good person at heart.

"Where is he now?" she asked.

"He ran away," Estelle said. "Sodia's got the knights out looking for him."

"They'd better find him," Rita said. "And when they do, I'm gonna tear him to shreds. That bastard's got a world of hurt coming!" The thought that Yuri had done such horrible things was so difficult to process, Rita didn't even want to deal with it. She smothered the confusion and betrayal under fury.

"No, Rita," Estelle said. "I don't want you to hurt him. I couldn't bear to see Yuri hurt."

"How can you say that?! After what he did to you?!"

"Because he's Yuri."

Rita sighed heavily. Estelle was always so trusting. Well, fine, if Estelle wasn't going to get pissed off at Yuri, then Rita would just have to get mad for her.

Estelle took a few deep breaths and finally pulled back from Rita. "Thank you, Rita. I… I think I'm ok now."

"Yeah, of course," Rita said. "If you need anything to feel better, just let me know."

"I'm going to go to the infirmary to check on Flynn. I'm worried about him, but I just really needed to talk to you."

"I understand," Rita said. "Do you want me to go with you?"

"No, it's ok," Estelle said, getting up. "I know you have work to do."

"Well… alright. Let me know if I can do anything."

"I will. Thanks Rita."

After Estelle was gone, Rita went back to her desk. She stared at her page of notes, and then slammed her fist on her desk. What the hell was Yuri thinking?

* * *

Yuri wasn't sure how he reached the Comet. He'd done most of the run in a panicked haze. Luckily, his legs knew the way and he crashed through the door of the room Judith and Karol were sharing.

Judith's hand was already on her spear by the time she realized it was him. "Yuri?"

Repede looked up and growled lightly with concern.

"Hey, Yuri," Karol said, looking up from the game of checkers he and Judith were playing. "What's… Yuri?"

Yuri stood in the doorway, panting for breath with wild eyes and covered in still-bleeding wounds.

Judith dropped a game piece and jumped up. "Karol, get the apple gels."

"R-right," Karol said, hopping up and going to his bag.

Judith rested her hand on Yuri's arm, carefully avoiding the wounds, and closed the door with her other hand. "Yuri? What happened?"

 _You killed Flynn_. That was the only thing he could think of. He didn't actually know if Flynn was dead; there was a chance a healer had reached him before he bled out. Yuri didn't know what he was hoping for.  _You killed him he was your best friend and you killed him he's dead he's dead Flynn is gone because you stabbed him and he died in agony Flynn is gone because you fucking killed him you piece of shit you killed -_

"Yuri?" Judith asked, her brow deepening with concern.

"Yuri, you should sit down," Karol said, holding a handful of apple gels. "I'm going to go get Estelle."

"No!" Yuri shouted, finally snapping out of the stream of horror in his mind. "Don't."

Karol froze and stared at Yuri's panicked face in surprise. He and Judith exchanged concerned looks, and then Judith said, "Sit down. We need to stop the bleeding."

With gentle hands, she guided him to the bed. Yuri collapsed on it, his muscles giving out. He sat on the edge, staring at the floor and still taking deep breaths. Repede trotted over and sat by his feet, offering silent comfort. His head spun and he was only half aware of where he was, and it was a constant battle to keep from throwing up. He wasn't sure how much of that was blood loss and how much was the foundations of his world getting ripped apart.

"Here, Yuri." Karol stood nervously before him and held out a couple of gels. "Eat these."

Yuri wordlessly swallowed them. His wounds tingled and closed, but he was so numb with shock he barely noticed.

"I need to take your shirt off to get to your wounds," Judith said, returning from the washroom. He hadn't even noticed her leave.

Yuri nodded mutely. It was weird that the bed was shaking this much. Oh, wait, that was him. Judith reached around his waist and undid the sash, and then slid the vest off his shoulders. She pulled up his shirt and he raised his arms to let her pull it off his head, and he was distantly aware that it was chilly. He could barely feel anything, though.

"You need to calm down," Judith said, rubbing a damp cloth over his wounds to mop up the blood. The gels had barely closed them and the touch of the cloth stung, but he couldn't bring himself to care.

How could he calm down after what he'd done to Flynn? After what he'd learned about Estelle? Just thinking about it made him want to throw up. He was dimly aware that the pain from his injuries had dulled and that Judith was now wrapping bandages around the deeper cuts the gels couldn't fully close. He was lucky to have such good friends… that is, if he could trust them. He'd thought Flynn and Estelle were his best friends, after all. If he couldn't even trust them, could he trust  _anybody_?

"Tell us what happened," Karol said, hovering uncertainly behind Judith. "You're scaring me, Yuri."

"It's… Estelle… she…" He struggled to get words out between his rapid breaths. No matter how hard he breathed he couldn't get enough air in his lungs. It didn't help that he didn't want to say this. Telling Judith and Karol what had happened would make it all so horribly real. Besides that, what if he told them only for them to attack him , too? What if they were also in on it? What if the entire group had been in on it from the start and spent the whole time laughing at him behind his back?

Judith grabbed the blanket from the bed and draped it around his shoulders. She knelt in front of him and gently rested her hands on his shoulders. "Yuri… whatever it is, you can tell us. We're your friends. We want to help you."

He raised his head enough to meet her eyes. He was half-terrified of what he would see, but Judy's stare was as calm and friendly as it had ever been. She couldn't be in on it, he told himself. She'd only joined up with them in Ghasfarost, and even then she'd been following her own goals for a while. He could trust her.

"Estelle betrayed us," he forced out.

"N-no way!" Karol said.

"Karol," Judith said, glancing at him from the corner of her eye, "let Yuri speak."

Yuri swallowed a deep gulp of air as Judith rubbed his shoulders. "I found these letters in Alexei's office. They were all from her. He… he was taking orders from her the whole fucking time."

Karol shook his head in shock. "No way… Estelle would never do something like that."

"I confronted her about it," Yuri said. "She admitted the whole thing. She told me she'd been manipulating us, and then she attacked me. I swear I'm telling the truth." His shaking gradually went away and his breathing slowed down, but he still felt numb inside.

"We believe you," Judith said. She frowned deeply and added, "It's hard to believe such a thing of Estelle, but it's even harder to believe you would make something like that up."

"Is that how you got injured?" Karol asked. "Did Estelle do that?"

"No," Yuri said. "After I ran from Estelle, I went to Flynn. But Flynn… he…"  _he's dead and you killed him._  He shook his head to get that thought out of his mind. "He's taking orders from her too. I don't know what's going on, but I'm sure she's done something to him. He attacked me, and I… I…"  _killed him he's dead I killed him I killed Flynn he's dead dead dead –_

"You struck him down," Judith finished for him.

Yuri's whole body tensed. "I stabbed him," he said hollowly. "I couldn't see any other way out. He admitted to letting innocents die and knowingly working for Alexei. I had no choice!" His voice cracked as he shouted the last bit. "I stabbed him in the chest and then I ran away."  _Because you're a fucking coward who couldn't face what you've done even though you fucking killed your best friend._

Judith and Karol exchanged uncertain looks, and then Judith leaned forward and pulled him against her chest in a tight hug. She rubbed his back as he stared in surprise over her shoulder.

"It's going to be ok, Yuri," Judith said softly. "I have every confidence that you wouldn't have done what you did if Flynn had given you any other choice."

"I don't think he  _was_  Flynn," Yuri said, sitting motionless and letting her hug him. It had been a long time since he let somebody hug him like this, and he had to admit that it felt nice. "Estelle did something to him. I can only guess it happened during those years they were together at the castle. She's got him wrapped around her finger."

"Hey, um, guys?" Karol said, glancing at the window. "I know this might not be a good time to bring it up, but I really don't think we should stay here very much longer."

"Why?" Judith asked, looking over.

"Well, chances are Estelle didn't want Yuri telling us what was going on, and Yuri just attacked the commandant. I'm sure Estelle's got the knights looking for him already, and it's not hard to guess he'd come here."

"That's right," Judith said, pulling away from the hug. "We should leave town."

"Let's go to Dahngrest," Karol said. "It's outside the empire's reach, and maybe Raven can help us."

"What do you think, Yuri?" Judith asked.

He nodded dully. "Yeah. Sure."

"I'll get our things," Judith said. "Karol, go next door and get Yuri's things."

"Right," Karol said on his way out the door.

Judith went around the room, throwing all their belongings into bags. Luckily they didn't have much. Karol came back a few minutes later and Yuri finally forced himself to get to his feet. He slipped his shirt on and grabbed his bag from Karol, and then the group left the inn.

They walked silently through the lower quarter. Yuri didn't feel like talking while Judith and Karol didn't want to disturb him. They were all dealing with the shock of Estelle's betrayal, and the only one who didn't seem fazed by the revelation was Repede. Yuri looked down at the dog as they left the city and headed to Ba'ul and the Fiertia sitting in the field outside. Had Repede always known, or at least suspected, Estelle's true nature? Repede was far from a friendly, people-loving dog but he'd remained hostile toward Estelle for ages. Perhaps he could tell, instinctively in a way he couldn't quite express to Yuri, that something about her wasn't right.

They loaded up onto the Fiertia and without a word Yuri headed for his bunk below decks. He collapsed onto the bed without even changing clothes or taking his boots off. Repede curled up next to him as Yuri stared up at the wooden planks above the bunk.

It was unreal, he thought as the boat swayed with Ba'ul's take-off. Estelle had betrayed them. In fact, she'd been betraying them all along. Then there was Flynn. Was it really possible that Flynn had been under Estelle's thrall this entire time? He remembered saying goodbye to Flynn as he left the Knights three years ago, and wondered if that really was the last time he'd seen the  _real_  Flynn.

Horrified thoughts and devastated feelings swirled together until he drifted into a restless sleep


	3. The Empty Princess

Once upon a time, there was an orphaned princess who lived in a castle. She didn't have any friends, just a constant stream of nannies, tutors, servants, and Council members telling her how to live her life. Well, there had been other children. Sons and daughters of prominent nobles were occasionally brought over for playdates, but for some reason those never went over well. The other children never liked the princess very much. They cried and said she was "weird" or "different" or even "scary".

This didn't bother the princess. She found the other children inane, which was a word she had learned from one of her books. The books were her  _true_  friends. Characters in books had endlessly more adventurous lives than her, and lived in worlds so much more exciting than her own. Sometimes she wrote her own stories, which was more fun than playing with other children. She could do whatever she wanted to these people and nobody got her in trouble for it.

The princess grew up. She learned from books and from tutors how to fit in. She learned how to pretend she cared so that she wouldn't get in trouble, and she learned that presenting herself as sweet and naïve meant nobody would suspect she was anything but. She still wrote stories as she grew up, but the older she got, the less satisfying it was. Sure, there were no consequences for the things she did to fictional people, but there were no real rewards either. The lives of other people were as big a concern to her as the lives of her fictional people, so it seemed to her that she should be able to manipulate real people if she wanted to as well. It was just a matter of getting away with it.

A bit under three years before the Adephagos appeared, Princess Estellise was walking back to her room from the library. It had been another boring day in the boring castle, and since she'd read every book in the library already she desperately longed for something else to do to take her mind off how dull this place was.

That was when she bumped into him.

"Oh! Please excuse me," the young man said. "I didn't see you coming around the corner."

Estellise laughed. "It's quite alright," she said. By now the mask of sweet innocent was second nature to her.

The young man gasped. "You're Princess Estellise!" He bowed, so quickly it was a rather clumsy attempt. "Forgive me for not recognizing you right away, Your Highness."

"Please, you don't have to act like that," she said.

He straightened up with a smile. "It's an honour to meet you, Your Highness. But, um… I'm sorry to bother you, but do you think you could point me in the direction of the Knight barracks? I seem to have gotten a little lost…"

"You must have," Estellise said. "You need to go back down to the first floor and cross the courtyard to the east wing."

He snapped his fingers. "Right. I knew I needed to go east."

"Are you new to the castle?" she asked. What good was a guard if they got lost in the castle?

He nodded. "That's right. My name is Serg…  _Lieutenant_  Flynn Scifo. I've just been transferred here." He stood up a little straighter and beamed at her, clearly as proud of being transferred to the castle and his promotion as the sun was of shining.

"Then it's nice to meet you, Flynn. I'll look forward to your service in the castle."

She hadn't thought it was possible for his smile to widen, but Flynn proved her wrong. Could he even see? "You flatter me, Your Highness. Well, I should be going. Sorry to bother you."

"No, it was my pleasure. I hope to see you around."

He nodded in parting and marched off down the hall. Estellise watched him go, wondering if it was physically possible to shove more keenness into one body. In just their brief conversation, she'd realized he was one of her least favourite type of people. He was the sort who was so eager to help and please others for no reason other than that he wanted to. It was the kind of personality Estellise couldn't understand if she tried, and the eager, bouncy enthusiasm that often came with it chewed at her nerves. Sometimes she made people like that characters in her stories because she found it satisfying to crush their spirits.

Actually… that gave her an idea of a way to relieve her boredom.

Fifteen minutes later, she stood in Alexei's office. Alexei was one of the few people who didn't irritate her, mostly because he at least partially understood her.

"Good morning, Your Highness," he said, putting his pen down.

"What are you working on?" she asked, sitting in front of his desk.

"Actually, I was working on the Zaude problem."

"Oh?" A smile slipped across her face. Zaude… now there was something to alleviate boredom. When she read in the library that there existed an ancient super weapon hidden beneath the sea, she'd instantly been intrigued. That was the kind of weapon that would stir up the world, maybe raise a few wars. Just imagining the chaos it would bring to this dull world made her feel giddy, and the project of working to raise it gave her something to do and focus on.

"Yes, I think we will need to deal with apatheia in addition to your power. Do you know about them?"

She shook her head. "No, I haven't come across them in my reading. Tell me later. I wanted to ask you about a new lieutenant who just got transferred here."

"Who is that?" Alexei asked, opening a drawer.

"His name is Flynn Scifo."

"Scifo…" Alexei thumbed through the drawer and then pulled out the file. "Ah, yes, him. He was supposed to arrive this morning. Is there a problem with him?"

"I find him… interesting," Estellise said, leaning forward on the desk. "He seems rather keen."

"Yes, it says so here in his report." Alexei pointed at a paragraph, but Estellise didn't bother reading it. "According to his captain, he displays remarkable dedication to lawfulness and chivalry. He is loyal to his comrades and goes above and beyond the call of duty to protect civilians from even the most minor threats. His dedication to justice and doing right by his fellow man is, or so it says, unmatched." Alexei folded his hands and smirked. "What an eager young man. I can see why he got promoted."

"Which brigade is he assigned to?" Estellise asked.

"None at the moment," Alexei said. "He was promoted to lieutenant and transferred to the capital to join a brigade more suiting his abilities, but he hasn't been placed yet. He'll likely be put under Schwann."

"Hm… no," Estellise said. "I want him for a… personal project."

Alexei raised an eyebrow. "What sort of project?"

"An experiment, I suppose you could say. I'll be needing your assistance to make this work. Nothing too difficult; just a few guards who can do a dirty job and won't blab about it and a prison cell away from prying eyes."

"Of course I can arrange that, Your Highness. What is the aim of this project?"

"If it works, he'll be quite useful to us."

"And if it doesn't?"

Estellise shrugged. "He'll probably end up catatonic, but at least he won't be obnoxiously overeager anymore."

* * *

In the present, Estelle sat in the infirmary. Flynn still hadn't woken up, but his condition was stable. It was the morning after the attack, and Estelle was irritated. Knights had scoured the city for Yuri last night in the biggest manhunt the empire had seen in years, but there was no sign of him. There was no sign of Judith, Karol, or Repede, and Ba'ul was no longer outside the city, so it wasn't hard to guess where he'd gone. They had probably taken off for Dahngrest, but Ioder wouldn't let Sodia charge into Dahngrest looking for him and risk breaking the peace treaty. It was annoying. Estelle had hoped to keep Yuri from telling the others the truth, but that hope was dashed. This was going to make things complicated.

Well, maybe it would be fun. The Zaude thing hadn't worked out; how was she supposed to have known a world-destroying abomination lurked behind it? It would be boring if everyone died. The adventure had been the most entertainment she'd had in her life, and she wasn't thrilled with the idea of sitting around the castle again. Dealing with Brave Vesperia would give her something to do, at least.

The door creaked open and Rita entered. Estelle smiled at her when she looked up. Estelle sorted most people into the world into one of three groups: useless people to be ignored, obnoxious people to be gotten rid of, and useful people to be manipulated and disposed of when she was done with them. Most of the group she'd travelled with fell under the third category, but then there was Rita.

"Morning, Estelle," Rita said, rubbing her eyes. "Have you been here all night?"

"Yes," Estelle said, looking down at Flynn with weary eyes. It would look bad if she'd gone back to her room and slept soundly after what happened to Flynn, so she'd slept in the bed next to Flynn's.

"How's Flynn?" Rita asked, crossing the room.

"He'll be ok," Estelle said. Rita dragged a chair over and sat next to her. Despite all knowledge that forming attachments to people was a weakness, Estelle liked Rita. She enjoyed her company and found talking to her engaging. Rita was useful due to her knowledge of blastia, but Estelle still wanted her around even if she couldn't contribute simply for her company, and she'd never felt that way about anyone before.

"I can't believe Yuri would so such a thing," Rita said, staring at Flynn. "I know he's hot-headed, but he's still Yuri."

"I know," Estelle said, folding her hands on her lap. "I really thought we knew him."

"I'm gonna pound that guy when I see him again," Rita said, clenching her fists. "Even if you consider that he and Flynn were always at each other's throats, I can't imagine what would come over him to go after  _you_  like that." She looked at Estelle worriedly and said, "You're sure he didn't hurt you, right?"

Estelle nodded. "Yes, I'm fine, really. Flynn's the one you should be concerned about."

"Do you think Karol and Judith know what Yuri did?" Rita asked.

Estelle shrugged. "I don't know. I hope not. I'd like to think that if they knew the truth they wouldn't side with him." She stared down at her knees and, barely above a whisper, said, "Maybe they find it as impossible to believe as we do."

"Do you think Yuri is sick?" Rita said. "Or maybe he was drunk?"

Estelle shrugged. "He seemed sober, but I guess it's possible."

"I mean, it doesn't excuse his actions, but it at least explains them."

"I suppose so."

Rita sighed, staring at Flynn for a few moments. She frowned, and then got to her feet. "I'm hungry. Do you want to get breakfast?"

Estelle shook her head. "I don't feel like I could eat anything right now. You go ahead."

"Alright… I'll bring you back a muffin, just in case."

She smiled. "Thank you, Rita."

"I'll be back soon."

Rita left, and Estelle let her smile drop. Sometimes it was tiring being so friendly. She yawned and leaned back in her chair, trying to decide what to do about Yuri and the others. Now that they knew the truth they would of course have to be killed. It was a matter of how she should kill them without it looking suspicious.

Before she got too deep into these thoughts, Flynn moaned. Estelle sat upright again and looked to him with interest. He turned his face to her and gazed with confusion through half-lidded eyes.

"Yuri…" he mumbled.

"Yuri is not here," Estelle said. "Yuri is the one who nearly killed you, remember?"

Flynn's fists bunched up the white sheets as his brow furrowed in confusion. "He… he was helping… what have I…" His eyes were scared and panicked, with steadily growing horror as the memories came back to him.

Estelle frowned slightly in annoyance. In general, she was quite pleased with the way Flynn turned out. Still, it wasn't perfect and sometimes he slipped. She glanced to the door to make sure it was closed, and then reached a gentle hand to the raised red mark on his chest. She'd closed the wound, but there were limits to healing and an injury that serious would take a while to fully go away. As such, when she dug her fingers into Flynn's skin his muscles contorted and his eyes flashed open. His damaged lung left him gasping for breath, unable to get enough air for a proper scream, but the tears building up in his eyes told her he would if he could.

"Yuri is the one who did this to you, remember?" Estelle said gently, easing off the wound. "As soon as Yuri found out you didn't share his ideals, he attacked you and tried to kill you. Yuri is not your friend." She moved her hand to his head and gently cupped the side of his face. "I'm your only friend, Flynn," she said softly. "Remember? I'm the one you can trust."

The spark of horror dimmed as he stared into her eyes. "Yes…" he murmured. "I… trust you."

"You let me down, Flynn," she said. "You let Yuri get away."

"I'm sorry." He still looked scared, but now he was afraid of  _her_. Not of her, exactly, because Flynn worshipped the ground she walked on, but he was terrified of the idea of displeasing her. Good, that was how it should be.

"It's alright," she said soothingly, taking his other hand in hers and rubbing her thumb on the back of his hand. "All the pain you feel is your punishment for your failure. I told you, didn't I? That you wouldn't be in pain anymore if you listened to me and did as you were told? This is proof that I was right. Do you understand?"

"Yes." Confidence in her settled back into his eyes and Estelle leaned back in satisfaction.

"When Yuri came to your office," Estelle said, "he came ranting about me being a bitch for stringing him along and then not putting out. When he told you I went as far as to shove him away when he tried to kiss me, you got angry and started arguing. The argument turned violent, and became a sword fight. Yuri overpowered you and then left. Understood?"

Flynn nodded. "Yes, Lady Estellise. I'll tell people that."

"Good."

A minute later, Rita came back with a half-eaten bagel sandwich and a blueberry muffin. "Mm," Rita said with a mouth full of bagel and egg, "'ou're upf."

"Rita," Estelle said with an admonishing frown, "you shouldn't talk with your mouth full."

Rita swallowed heavily and plopped back down in her chair next to Estelle. "Yeah, sure. Here, blueberry is your favourite, right?"

Estelle smiled as she took the muffin. "That's right! Thank you for remembering."

Rita shrugged and went back to her bagel.

"You're so sweet, Rita," Estelle gushed, smiling cheerfully.

* * *

Yuri woke up from a horrible nightmare. He'd dreamed that Estelle was evil and Flynn attacked him and that he'd left Flynn dying on the floor. Wow, what had he eaten yesterday to inspire –

He was staring at the bottom of the upper bunk on the Fiertia and he felt sore all over. It wasn't a dream. That had really all happened. He covered his face in his hands. "Shit." The reality of it overwhelmed him, like it was physically weighing him down. He didn't feel strong enough to push past it to get out of bed.

What was the point? He'd lost Flynn, and found out he'd never really had Estelle. It would be better if they had simply died, because at least that way he wouldn't have also lost the fond memories. The two people he cared about above all others had been suddenly and cruelly ripped out of his life, and no one would expect him to get out of bed if he'd just had his legs torn off, right? It was practically the same thing.

Repede growled and nudged his elbow. Yuri pulled it away. Repede bit the edge of the blanket and shook his head to pull it off.

"Hey," Yuri said, lowering his hands and grabbing the blanket. "Give that back."

Repede snarled and dug his teeth into the fabric, yanking back. Yuri had to let go or risk being dragged to the floor. Repede clearly intended to get him out of bed, but Yuri didn't feel up to it yet. He rolled over to face the wall of the ship and closed his eyes to try to go back to sleep.

As soon as he closed his eyes, a vivid image of Flynn's agonized face as Yuri's sword sunk into his chest filled his mind. Yuri flashed his eyes open and grabbed his head, curling his legs up. "Fuck," he whispered.

It was a new day, but he didn't feel any better. In fact, he felt worse. He was able to think clearly now, and all he could think was that there must have been another way out of that situation. Surely killing Flynn wasn't the only solution. Why had he resorted to that?  _Why_ , dammit? Did some part of him always want to kill Flynn?

No, he shot that down immediately. He'd spent a good portion of his life irritated with Flynn for one reason or another, but to want him dead? Never. So why had he done it? Had he been so frazzled from the revelation about Estelle that he wasn't thinking and lashed out? In the end, though, did it really matter? Either way, Flynn was dead and he'd killed him.

Yuri dug his teeth into his knuckles to keep from screaming. He had never hated every fibre of his being more than he did in this moment. He wished he could go back in time and tell Duke not to bother saving him at Zaude, because dying there would surely be preferable to dealing with the soul-crushing pain of what he'd learned about Estelle and done to Flynn.

He hadn't even noticed Repede leave, but then the dog returned and brought someone with him.

"Repede tells me you're up," Judith said. "Would you rather go back to sleep?"

"I can't," he said, staring at the wall. "I can't stop thinking about it. I – I killed him, Judy."

"Yuri, listen to me because this is important." She sat on the edge of the bed and rested her hand on his arm. "You did  _not_  kill Flynn."

"But I-"

"It was the front page of the newspapers this morning. Flynn is alive, Yuri. He survived your attack."

Yuri froze, unable to believe it at first. Flynn was… alive? He wasn't sure how to deal with good news when every emotion in his brain was tuned to misery. He felt relieved, but at the same time he felt guilty about being relieved. There was a reason he'd tried to kill Flynn, after all. He'd made the decision to cut down anyone who would abuse their power, and both Flynn and Estelle fit that description. He'd told himself killing Ragou and Cumore wasn't personal and that he'd do it to anybody who deserved it, but now he found himself relieved that Flynn was alive even though he was almost as guilty about Mantaic as Cumore was. Maybe Yuri really was a hypocrite.

"What do the papers say happened?" Yuri asked, finally turned from the wall. He lay on his back and looked up at Judy. When she frowned and looked away, he got the feeling he wasn't going to like this.

"Are the details really important right now? I know you have enough on your plate at the moment."

"Judy. What is it?"

She bit her lip and then said, "The official story is that you, overcome with lust, assaulted the princess in her bedroom."

"I  _what_?" He knew he wasn't going to like this. This was all really, horribly, happening. He'd half-hoped that everything Estelle had said in her room was a delusion, but if Estelle was coming out with lies like this about him, she really was a villain.

"She fought you off, and you then ran to Flynn's office to vent your frustrations to him. It turned into an argument and you initiated a sword fight that ended with Flynn being critically wounded."

Yuri sighed heavily. Great. Fucking great. That was one thing about being close friends (or so he'd thought) with the princess and commandant: when his shitty luck inevitably ended up condemning him for crimes he was only partially guilty of, it made the front page.

"Karol and I are suspected of harbouring you."

"What about Rita?" Yuri asked, suddenly remembering she was still in Zaphias. Less than twenty-four hours ago, the idea of worrying if Rita was safe alone with Estelle would have seemed absurd. Now, he felt guilty for not thinking of her when they made their escape last night.

"The paper mentions that she refused to give an interview," Judith said. "She was probably told Estelle's side of the story and is just as horrified about you as we are about Estelle."

"Yeah, probably," he said glumly.

"Karol has explained the situation to Raven and Harry Whitehorse. We're currently just outside Dahngrest, but Harry has offered us a place to stay at Altosk for as long as we need it. He was shocked to hear the news about Estelle, but he believes us and says he'll give us asylum from the empire for as long as we need it."

"What time is it?"

"Almost noon," she said. "We arrived in Dahngrest a bit before dawn, but we thought you could use the rest."

"Oh. Thanks, I guess."

"Yuri… are you alright?"

Yuri stared at her, not sure what to say. Saying he was totally fine was such a laughable lie he didn't even think he could do it, but he felt like shit enough without complaining about how bad he felt and dumping it on Judith. Luckily for him, Judith read the look in his eyes and nodded slowly.

"That's what I figured. You can stay in bed as long as you need to. We all understand you've gone through a serious shock."

"No," Yuri said, shaking his head. Now that she'd directly given him the option, he felt the need to rise against it. "I'm not gonna lie here feeling sorry for myself." He pushed himself up, accompanied by a wave of aches and pains. Ugh, he'd gotten used to having a healer around. He hadn't felt this shitty after a fight since those weeks when Estelle had been kidnapped… no, those weeks when Estelle voluntarily left their party. It only reminded him how much more pain Flynn must be in, and he felt guilty for even thinking about it. He swung his legs off the bed and stood up straight. "Let's go. We need to figure out what our next move will be."

After a walk through the city accompanied by nervous stares from everyone who had seen his picture in the paper, they arrived at Altosk. They walked in silence through the halls. Yuri couldn't even imagine carelessly chatting when all he could think of was the fact that everything they thought they knew about Estelle was a lie.

Judith led him to a room, and inside they found Karol, Raven, Harry, and Kaufman sitting around a table. They looked up with matching solemn expressions, and no one felt the need for cheerful hellos.

Yuri slumped into a chair next to Karol. Judith sat next to him and said, "What's the situation?"

"We're discussing how the Union is going to react to this," Kaufman said. "Estelle and Flynn are both very high up in the government. Only Ioder outranks them."

Harry nodded. "With that much power, someone with ill intentions could easily cause huge problems for the world."

"The trouble is," Raven said, "how do we get them out of power without sparkin' a war? We can hardly walk up to Ioder and say 'yo, Estelle and Flynn are evil'. She'll have destroyed all the evidence by now."

"And if we remove them from power by force," Harry said, "coming from the Union, that would be tantamount to a declaration of war."

"The only evidence we have that Estelle is anything other than who she says is Yuri's word," Kaufman said. She looked to Yuri and said, "I trust you, but one man's word against the princess and the commandant are hardly going to sway many minds."

Yuri nodded silently. He couldn't think of anything to contribute and he feared that all this talk about Flynn and Estelle was going to set him off into a shaking mess again. That was the last thing he wanted to happen in front of Harry and Kaufman, so he kept his mouth shut.

"Uh, actually…" Karol said, holding up his hand slightly. "I was thinking about something."

"What is it, Karol?" Harry said. "You don't have to be shy. You're just as much of a guild boss as Kaufman and I."

"Er… right," Karol said nervously. He looked to Yuri and said, "Yuri, you told us that it seemed like Estelle had done something to Flynn, probably during the years you were apart. I mean, you don't think Flynn was always like this, right?"

Yuri nodded slowly.

"So… so it seems to be like Estelle brainwashed him or something. She did something to him at least."

"Brainwashing, huh?" Raven said, rubbing his chin. "Sounds kinda like somethin' outta a book."

"I know it sounds weird," Karol said, looking around the group, "but it seems like the only option, right? If he was a good guy when Yuri knew him, and then he spent time with Estelle and came out utterly loyal to her and with screwed up morals, she must have done something to his head, like with magic or something."

"That seems like a possibility," Judith said. "But how does that help us? However Flynn ended up where he is, the reality is that he's dangerous."

"Well, because… I don't know if it's really possible, but it seems to me that if you can brainwash somebody, you should also be able to  _un_ -brainwash them."

Yuri's frown, which had been etched into his face since he confronted Estelle yesterday, slipped away as he stared at Karol. "You… you really think so?"

"I don't know for sure," Karol said quickly, holding up his hands. "In fact, I don't know at all. I'm just guessing. But, I think Estelle probably did something to him to control him. If she's doing something, then we should be able to break whatever hold she has on him, right?"

Yuri nodded eagerly, ready to grab this possibility like a drowning man grabs a life preserver. "At the last second, right before I stabbed him, I saw a flash of himself in his eyes. He's got to be in there, buried under whatever crap Estelle piled into his head."

"If we can snap Flynn out of whatever Estelle's done to him," Kaufman said, "he would be a perfect witness to incriminate Estelle. He knows better than anyone else the depths she's gone to, and being the commandant gives him a lot of political credit. Ioder and the Council will listen to him."

Yuri didn't even care about that stuff. If bringing Flynn back could prevent a war, great. Ordinarily he'd be thrilled, but any possible good news paled in comparison to the hope that they'd be able to bring Flynn back.  _Please_  let this work, because the hope that they'd be able to remove whatever Estelle had done to him was the only ray of light in this dark and confusing world.

"I agree, but how are we going to do this?" Harry said. "How can we reverse a process if we don't even know what the process was?"

"We're going to have to do some research," Karol said, sounding more sure of himself now that the others agreed with him. "Someone must have done research into brainwashing methods. Estelle would have had to learn from somewhere, right?"

"Dahngrest has a huge public library," Raven said. "There might be somethin' there."

"The more difficult thing is that we'll need to get Flynn," Judith said. "We can't do anything to help him if he's still in Estelle's grasp at the castle, and I don't think he'll come with us willingly."

Yuri crossed his arms. "We don't have much choice. We'll have to abduct him and bring him back here."

"And how are you going to do that?" Kaufman said. "Abducting the commandant out of the castle isn't like picking up bread at the market, you know."

"Given the severity of his injuries," Judith said, "he's probably in the infirmary. That might make him easier to get to."

"Need I remind all ya," Raven said, "Estelle will have every knight in Zaphias on high alert looking for all of us. How exactly are ya proposin' we sneak inta the castle? She knows about the secret entrance through the sewers."

"I'll help," Kaufman said. "She won't have the knights looking for me."

"Once you've got him," Harry said, "you can bring him back here. I'll give you space to work with him and you can have any supplies you need."

"Thank you," Judith said.

"Getting Flynn back to his proper self and able to condemn Estelle is in the world's interest. There's no need to thank me."

"Besides," Raven said, "there's no need ta throw around thanks before we even know if it's gonna work."

"Right," Judith said. "Plotting a kidnapping isn't exactly something we have a lot of experience with."

"Well…" Raven said, glancing awkward to the ceiling and fiddling his thumbs.

"That's right, Old Man," Yuri said. "You're the only one here who's kidnapped someone before. Any tips?"

Raven shrugged. "Not really. It was actually pretty easy. 'Course, in retrospect I guess that'd be because she planned it from the beginnin'."

"What happened, anyway?" Karol asked. "Did she just go with you willingly?"

"I told her I wanted to talk and if she would go for a walk with me," Raven said. He folded his hands and looked down at the table. He'd never talked about exactly what had gone on during the abduction, and from the way his forehead creased and his lips tightened, Yuri assumed it was because he was ashamed. "I just led her toward the old teleporters at the entrance of the village. I'd activated one before I talked to her. When we were close enough, I grabbed her and pulled her on. She didn't put up much of a fight. I thought it was weird at the time, but I guess it makes sense."

Yuri stiffened. "And you didn't think of mentioning that?"

"What? Why would I? It's not like I knew ta be lookin' for signs she was evil." He rubbed his scratchy chin and added, "Now that I think about it, whenever she or Alexei didn't know I was watching, she always became a lot less frightened."

Yuri slammed his fist on the table. "How could you not have realized?!" The raw shout hurt his throat. He demanded the question of himself as much as Raven.

The others stared at him for a few seconds after his outburst, and then Yuri's muscles slacked and he pulled his arm back. "Sorry," he muttered.

"It's alright," Raven said glumly. "I get it. We're all pretty shaken up by this."

"In any event," Kaufman said, "I doubt Flynn will be that easy to kidnap."

"I hear ya," Raven said. "There're a lot of details we need ta hammer out first."

Hammering out the details took the greater part of the afternoon. There were a lot of considerations to make, but by the end they had worked out a plan to break into the castle, abduct Flynn, and drag him against his will to Dahngrest where they would imprison him. It was the most ludicrous thing Yuri had ever been part of planning, and yet it was the only thing he had left to hope for.


	4. Dirty Buisness

Yuri didn't know what time it was. It had been eleven-thirty when he gave up trying to sleep and walked down the hall to the sitting area of the wing on the ground floor of the Altosk building that Harry had set them up in. There were bedrooms, a small kitchen, and a common room/dining room where Yuri sat now. There was also a door that led to storage rooms in the basement, which would come in handy when they got Flynn back here. They needed a secure place to hold him, and the public cells Altosk used didn't give them enough privacy.

He'd spent most of his time focusing on Flynn, mostly because that was easier to process. Ha, his best friend had been brainwashed for at least several months and tried to kill him and that was the easy part. What the hell was he supposed to think about Estelle? He found himself playing through every interaction he'd had with her and putting it in new context.

Had she been the one to hire Zagi to attack her in Flynn's room? It certainly gave her an excuse to leave the castle. If Zagi reported to her, it would explain how that freak always managed to find them. Everything she'd done, every civilian she'd healed, every kind word she'd said to him… she'd planned it all to paint herself as kind. He briefly wondered how hard it must have been for her to pretend she was a terrible actress when they got roped into doing that play on Nam Cobanda Isle.

He heard footsteps, but didn't look up until someone set a glass in front of him and sat at the table across from him.

"What, lurkin' in the dark now?" Raven asked. "Don't tell me you're a vampire and you've been hidin' your true self from us, too."

Yuri raised his eyes and silently told Raven he really wasn't in the mood to joke about this.

Raven understood the message and sighed. "Yeah. I'm not really feelin' it either."

"You also haven't turned the lights on." Part of that was because the only way to turn lights on now was to find a candle. All the blastia-powered lights had suddenly stopped working last week and there hadn't been time to find a suitable replacement yet. "What's this?" Yuri asked, gesturing to the glass of amber liquid.

Raven raised his own glass. "Ya look like a man who could really use a drink."

Yuri wasn't typically the sort to drown his sorrows with alcohol. He preferred to drink when he was happy, because drinking when he was in a bad mood usually just made his mood worse. Then again, maybe if he was drunk the world would start making sense again. He pondered the glass for a few seconds, and then grabbed it. "Screw it; you're right." He took a big gulp, and then slammed the glass down as he erupted into coughing fit. When he could breathe again, he stared at Raven with watering eyes and wheezed, "Whoa."

Raven chuckled and took a smaller sip of his own. "Strong, huh?"

"That's one word for it." He wiped his eyes and added, "Potentially lethal is another." He hadn't known it was possible to bottle fire in liquid form, but the world was always full of surprises.

"Guess ya don't have much quality whiskey in the lower quarter."

Yuri shook his head. "The bars serve the cheap stuff and I've always suspected they water it down."

"That oughta be a crime," Raven said, shaking his head sadly.

"Since they don't advertise that they'd doing it, Flynn says it is." His grip on the glass tightened and the conversation fizzled out. It had been a valiant effort to talk about something other than Flynn and Estelle, but Yuri should have known better than to hope it would last.

"It's weird ta think about," Raven said, swishing ice cubes around his glass. "I guess I never met the real Flynn."

"If it makes you feel any better, the version you met was doing a damn fine job of acting like the real Flynn." So good, in fact, that Yuri hadn't even noticed. He'd been confused about Flynn's actions for a while and worried about what he was getting into, but he'd never doubted that Flynn was Flynn and that he could only have the best of intentions. What kind of friend was he if he couldn't even realize his best friend had been brainwashed?

"Don't beat yourself up over it," Raven said. "If someone's going outa their way to hide their loyalties, ya can't blame yourself for not noticin'. You'd have ta be suspicious of every person ya meet, and that's no way to live. Nah, the only one who needs a kick in the pants in that kinda situation is the asshole doin' the betrayin'."

"Yeah, but what's that old saying? Fool me once, I kick your ass, fool me twice, I must be a moron?" It wasn't even limited to twice, either. Raven, Estelle, Flynn – he hadn't even realized Alexei was a piece of crap at first. He was clearly a terrible judge of character.

"Er… I don't think that's exactly it," Raven said. "None of us saw Estelle comin'. That's the kinda deception ya can't realistically prepare for. Alexei had the entire world fooled, and of course ya would trust your old pal."

Yuri took another sip of whiskey. It burned on the way down, but he didn't mind. It was a nice distraction. "Raven… tell me the truth. You've been around the world a few times; have you ever heard of someone being brought back from this kind of brainwashing?"

Raven thought for a minute, putting off having to answer by taking a long drink. By the time he started speaking, Yuri had already resigned himself to what the answer would be. "To be perfectly blunt: no. But then, ya gotta consider that we don't even know exactly how Estelle did this to him. I haven't heard of any cases of brainwashing happenin' outside fiction books. The closest thing is that every now an' then religious cults pop up and it's said they 'brainwash' the members. This seems like more in-depth than that, though."

"Yeah," Yuri said. "Do you think she was using aer, or blastia or something like that? Alexei forced you to work for him because of the heart." Yuri tried to run through every interaction he'd had with Flynn, wondering if he'd ever seen his chest to disprove this theory.

"Hrm… that's only partially it." He looked down at his glass with a guilty expression. "I still had free will. I could have turned against him any time I wanted if I wasn't such a coward."

"So, some other kind of blastia, maybe?"

"In that case, it would have disappeared last week and he wouldn't have attacked you yesterday."

Yuri groaned. "That's right. Dammit… maybe some Child of the Full Moon thing? She can use artes without blastia, maybe she can do this, too?"

"Could be," Raven said. He hesitated and added, "Although, have you considered the other option?"

"Which one?"

"That she didn't do anything to him and he's operating entirely on his own free will."

Yuri shook his head without pause. "I don't believe that for a second."

"Well, alright. And look, as much as I want Judy and Karol to find a solution, there's a chance it doesn't exist. Any idea what you're gonna do then?"

Yuri met Raven with a hard glare. Yes, he'd thought about this. There was only one thing to do if they couldn't bring Flynn back to normal, and Yuri wouldn't leave without finishing the job this time.

"Ah," Raven said, clearly understanding the look in his eyes. "Figured." Raven finished off his drink and stood up. He rounded the table and patted Yuri on the shoulder. "Don't stay up too late, kid. We've got a commandant to kidnap tomorrow."

Their wagon stopped at the side gate of the castle.

"Good afternoon," the guard said. "Delivery?"

"That's right," Kaufman said from the front bench. The Fortune's Market logo displayed on the side of the boxy wagon.

The guard handed her a clipboard with a sheet of paper, saying, "Sign here. We need to search your vehicle."

"If you insist," Kaufman said, scribbling her name and handing it back. "What's all the fuss? Your friends at the city entrance searched it too. Fortune's Market deliveries have been coming in for years without being searched."

"Sorry, ma'am," the guard said while his friend walked around to the back of the wagon and swung the doors open. "I don't know if you heard, but Commandant Flynn and Princess Estellise were attacked the other day. We're on high alert in case the culprit tries to sneak back in."

"Oh, I did hear something about that," Kaufman said. "Well, I can't fault you for being cautious."

"It's fine," the guard said, coming back after a quick search. "They can go through."

"Thanks," Kaufman said, and Tokunaga pulled the reins and got the horses moving again. The wagon trundled across the scrubby grass and around the corner to the staff entrance near the kitchen. Fortune's Market was one of the castle's top suppliers, so nobody gave them a second glance. It also meant the guard didn't bother searching the storage area of the wagon too thoroughly. This was a good thing, because it meant he hadn't found Yuri and Raven hiding in the empty barrels marked as grain.

Tokunaga pulled up against the wall and they both hopped down from the driver's seat. Kaufman opened the back door of the wagon and stepped into the dark cabin. "You can come out now, boys."

The lids of the barrels pushed aside, and Yuri and Raven popped out.

"Any trouble getting in?" Yuri asked, climbing out of the barrel.

"No," Kaufman said. "They didn't suspect a thing. Now clear out of here. I need to get changed."

"Aw, ya won't let me stay and help?" Raven asked.

"The only thing you can help at is scaring small children," Yuri said, grabbing his arm and dragging him out. When they were gone, Kaufman quickly switched clothes. There were no guards around this part of the castle, but they could come through on a patrol any minute now. Kaufman had borrowed the nurse outfit from a friend in the medical guild, along with some other supplies they needed.

When she emerged five minutes later, Raven gave her a thumbs up. Kaufman just rolled her eyes at him and straightened her cap. She pulled off her glasses and slipped them into her pocket and then said, "Yuri, Raven, wait in the wagon. We'll be back shortly."

"Got it," Yuri said.

She really didn't think Yuri and Raven even needed to come, but Yuri had insisted. He said that if anyone was going to kidnap Flynn, he wanted to be there. Of course, he also had slept maybe a couple of hours total last night, and he was currently the most wanted man in Zaphias, so Kaufman had been less than thrilled bringing him along.

With Yuri and Raven hiding out of sight, she and Tokunaga entered the castle. Tokunaga pushed a dolly packed with crates, which he took in the direction of the kitchen when their paths separated. They did have some actual items to deliver.

Kaufman walked quickly through the walls, her heels clicking loudly on the marble floors. She tried not to look like she was rushing to avoid suspicion, but really she wanted to get this over with as soon as possible. She was a businesswoman, not a spy, and sneaking around the enemy's stronghold had all her nerves on high alert. She wasn't just worried about herself, but that she couldn't imagine how many trade partners in the empire would drop their contracts if the guild boss got arrested.

She breathed a sigh of relief when she found the door to the infirmary. She pulled the medical mask over her face, steeled herself, and entered. She and Flynn had met before, but she counted on the mask covering the lower part of her face, him being off the top of his game, and not expecting to see her here at all to keep him from recognizing her.

Flynn sat propped up by pillows going over paperwork on his lap. He smiled and said, "Good afternoon."

He took short, deep breaths and his face was unhealthily pale. After hearing Yuri's story, Kaufman had half expected to find him smirking evilly while plotting world domination. He looked so… normal. In fact, he looked worse than normal because he was clearly still recovering from serious wounds. She hesitated for a couple of seconds, wondering if Yuri had lost his mind and she was about to abduct the commandant for no reason.

"Can I help you?" Flynn asked.

Kaufman pushed those thoughts aside. She knew Yuri well enough to know he wouldn't have put his friend in the hospital without good cause. "I just need to give you a shot," she said, pulling the syringe out of her pocket. "Hold out your arm please."

"Alright." He held out his arm and rolled up the sleeve without protest.

Kaufman hoped her nervousness was hidden behind her mask. She had never given an injection before, and hoped she didn't mess up. Luckily, his skin was so pale the veins stood out clearly in the crook of his arm. She held his arm and pressed the needle under his skin.

"Aren't you supposed to disinfect the area first?"

Oh. Whoops. When she'd borrowed this equipment from her friend, she was pretty sure that had been mentioned. Considering she was kidnapping him, she felt it was a slip-up that could be ignored. "No, I don't need to on this one."

"Ok, I'm sure you know better than I do. What's this injection for?"

"It will help with your breathing," she said, pushing the liquid into his arm.

He took a deep breath. "That would be much appreciated."

The injection was done, so she pulled the needle out and slipped it back into her pocket. "That should do it. Is there anything else I can do for you?" she asked, stalling for time until the sedative kicked it.

"I don't think so. Now that I've got something to work on," he gestured at the papers on his lap, "I feel I might as well sit at my desk."

"I'm sure that wouldn't be medically recommended until you're fully healed," Kaufman said.

"Yes, I sup.. sup…" a deep yawn took over and he covered his mouth. "Ah… excuse me." He wrinkled his brow in confusion and said, "Actually, I suddenly feel incredibly tired." His eyes flickered and he put a hand to his head. "What is…?" He looked to her with alarm. "What did you give me?"

"I told you, sir," Kaufman said. "Just something to help with breathing. Do you feel tired? Maybe I should get a doctor."

She took a step away from the bed, but his hand shot out and grabbed her wrist. "Who are you?"

She turned back and grabbed his hand, prying his weak fingers off her wrist. "Nobody. If you're tired, just lie down and go to sleep."

"No… Kaufman?!"

Shit. There went that plan. Luckily, Flynn was already struggling to keep his eyes open. She grabbed his shoulders and pushed him against his stack of pillows to keep him from getting up. "Calm down," she said as he struggled against both her and the drug that was dragging him into unconsciousness. "Believe it or not, we're actually trying to help you."

"You're here with… Yuri… aren't… you…?"

His eyes closed and his struggling stopped. Kaufman waited a minute to see if he was faking her out, but he remained still, taking ragged breaths. It sounded horrible, but at least it meant he was alive.

Thirty seconds later, a gentle knock came to the door. Kaufman hurried across and opened the door a crack, and then widened it when she saw Tokunaga. "Perfect timing," she said.

"Is he asleep?" Tokunaga asked, entered the room with dolly and an empty crate. It had held potatoes until recently.

"Out like a baby." She remembered spending time at her cousin's house shortly after their child had been born and all the sleepless nights that entailed, and then revised her statement. "Out like a couple who doesn't have a baby, I should say."

"Good. Let's get him out of here." Tokunaga grabbed Flynn under the arms and Kaufman grabbed his legs, and they loaded him into the crate. It was very hard to not feel like a criminal while doing this, and she kept reminding herself that they were doing this for his own good.

Tokunaga put the lid back on the wooden crate and said, "I'll see you at the wagon."

Kaufman nodded and watched him leave. A delivery man walking side by side with a nurse might raise a few questions, so she'd let him get ahead and follow in a couple of minutes. For now, she sat on the edge of the bed and took a deep breath. They'd gotten Flynn out of the infirmary at least, and hopefully getting him out of the castle and then Zaphias wouldn't be too much more difficult. She had a feeling, though, that physically getting him to Dahngrest was going to be the easy part of this mission.

She was almost ready to go when the door opened again. Her heart skipped a beat, but she remembered she still had the mask on.

Rita entered the room and looked around. "Oh. Sorry, I was looking for Estelle. Thought she might be in here."

Kaufman shook her head and stood up. "No, I haven't seen here, sorry."

"It's alright. Where's Flynn?"

"A couple of the other nurses took him outside." It was almost the truth. "We thought the fresh air would be good for his lungs."

"Oh, ok." Rita was about to leave, but she frowned. "Have I met you before?"

"I don't think so," Kaufman said.

"Hm… ok. Well, sorry for bothering you."

Rita left, and Kaufman breathed a sigh of relief. Once she'd waited long enough for Rita to leave the area, she hurried out, eager to get back to her wagon and put this messy job behind her.

When Tokunaga emerged with the crate, Yuri jumped up. "Did you get him?"

"Yeah," Tokunaga said, pulling off the lid. "He's asleep, but he's fine."

"Good. Get him into the wagon." Working together, they pulled Flynn out of the crate. His knee banged on the edge, which made Yuri feel guilty, but not significantly more guilty than the fact that they'd already drugged and abducted him. They pulled him across the wooden floor and laid him to rest next to some empty barrels.

Yuri looked down at his sleeping face, trying not to tense up with worry every time he heard a laboured breath. He knew exactly who was to blame for Flynn's injured lung.

"He'll be ok," Raven said, sitting cross-legged against the wall.

"Yeah," Yuri said, not really feeling the enthusiasm. As he looked down at Flynn, the events of their fight running through his head for the thousandth time, it occurred to him that he'd lost his sword. In all the chaos and emotional turmoil he hadn't even thought about it, but he'd left it behind in Flynn's office.

You left it lodged in your alleged best friend's chest.

He pushed that thought aside. He was getting used to doing that. The sword was probably locked up as evidence in some knight's office.

The door opened again and Kaufman hurried out. "Let's get out of here," she said, pulling the mask away from her face. "Yuri, come over here for a second."

Eager for a distraction from feeling guilty over Flynn, Yuri hopped out of the back of the wagon and rounded to the front, where Kaufman and Tokunaga sat at the driver's bench getting ready to go. Kaufman held a few syringes out and said, "Give him another dose in about five hours to keep him asleep. Earlier if he starts stirring."

"Thanks," Yuri said, slipping them into his pocket. They'd parked the Fiertia at Deidon Hold to avoid notice. They'd probably get there before Flynn needed a third dose, but it didn't hurt to be too careful.

He was about to walk back around when he heard a furious voice. "I knew it! What the hell are you doing with Flynn?!"

"Whoa!" Raven shouted. "Settle down, Rita, darlin'."

"I will not settle down!" Rita shouted. Dammit, she was going to alert the guards. "You're here with Yuri, aren't you? What did that scumbag tell you to get you on his side, huh?"

Yuri darted around the wagon before Rita could set it on fire. Rita opened her mouth to shout again, but before she could get another word out, Yuri wrapped one arm around her chest with another hand muffling her mouth. Her heel smashed into his shin and she shook her head back and forth to try to get his hand away.

Yuri clambered into the back of the wagon, shouting, "Kaufman! Just go!" Raven slammed the doors shit and the wagon kicked into motion.

Rita tried to shout through Yuri's hand while he dropped to his knees to keep from being knocked over by the moving wagon. Trying to hold Rita still and silent was like trying to keep a grip on a tornado. "Hold – still," Yuri grunted. "I'm not gonna hurt you but you need to shut up until we're past the guards." It took every ounce of Yuri's energy to keep hold of her until he heard the grass under the wheels turn into cobblestone and he knew they'd left the castle behind.

His grip loosened only slightly, but it was enough for Rita to dig her teeth into his hand.

"Ow!" Yuri jerked his hand away and shook her. "What the hell, Rita?!"

"Let go of me, you asshole!" She elbowed him in the chest to get away from the arm still gripping her tightly.

"Would you calm down and stop struggling so much!? It's just me!"

"Is that what you said to Estelle?!"

Yuri stiffened, and his arms dropped. He hadn't been thinking when he phrased that, but considering the allegations Estelle had lodged against him… he felt sick. Rita scrambled away and sat on her knees with her back to the door, but at least she wasn't stupid enough to try to open the door and jump out of a moving vehicle.

Yuri stared at her, disgust settling into his bones. "Is that what you think? Do you really believe I did that to Estelle?" It made him sick just thinking that people believed him capable of something so revolting.

Rita let out a breath through clenched teeth. "Dammit, Yuri, I really thought I could trust you. What am I supposed to think? Estelle came running to my room with her shirt ripped, sobbing her eyes out."

Of course she did. She started this whole damn thing and then she had the gall to go crying to Rita. Yuri shook his head slowly. "She was lying."

"Why would she lie about something like that?"

Raven frowned. "Turns out Estelle's been lyin' about a lot."

"What are you talking about?" Rita demanded. "And where are we going?"

"Back to Dahngrest," Yuri said. "Looks like you're coming along for the ride now. Sorry."

"Like hell I'm going to Dahngrest! Let me out of here right now, and let Flynn go, too!"

"Would you give me a chance to explain?!" Yuri settled into a more comfortable position. "A lot of shit's happened and I'd like a chance to give you my side of the story, thank you very much."

Rita sat back and crossed her arms. "Fine. Give me your side. I would love to hear an explanation for all the crap you've pulled."

As quickly as he could, Yuri summarized everything from finding Alexei's letters to running away from Flynn's office after the fight. He knew it didn't sound plausible even as he said it.

When he was done, Rita gave him a skeptical look. "Let me get this straight. You're accusing Estelle of being some kind of soulless monster who's been acting this whole time? You think she was pulling Alexei's strings?"

"I don't think, I know," Yuri said. "She told me herself."

"But… come on, she's Estelle."

Raven nodded. "That's what makes it so hard ta believe."

"Rita, would I lie about something like this?" Yuri met her eyes and tried to convey honesty.

Rita glowered at the floor. "Well… no, but I don't think Estelle would, either." When she raised her face again, she said, "You're asking me to choose between two of my best friends. You've both given me a horrible story about the other, and I know one of them is true, but it's your word against hers and how can you expect me to figure out who to believe?"

She had a point. It was the exact point that they needed Flynn to disprove. Once they got him back, he could tell everyone the truth, but until then it was Yuri's word against Estelle's. "All I can say is… I'm the one telling the truth. But, Estelle will tell you the same thing. I can't tell you who to believe."

"Dammit," Rita muttered, deep in thought. To save herself having to decide right then, she looked to Flynn and said, "So, what are you doing with Flynn?"

"We're going to try to break whatever hold Estelle has on him," Yuri said. "We think he's been brainwashed or something like that."

"So you're kidnapping him."

"Er… yeah."

"Actually, come ta think of it," Raven said, "when ya sign up as a knight, they make ya sign all these forms about who your next of kin and stuff is, ya know in case ya die in battle. Who'd Flynn put down?"

"Huh?" Yuri thought back to their first day in the Knights so many years ago. It had been full of excitement and confusion, but he did remember a flurry of paperwork that he'd breezed through while Flynn carefully read every line. "I don't remember exactly, but it was probably me. Not like he had any other family."

Raven nodded. "That's what I thought."

"Does it matter?" Rita asked.

He shrugged and explained, "Not especially, but it does mean that if he's outa commission, Yuri's legally responsible for making medical decisions for him."

Yuri stared at him with wide eyes. "I am?"

"Yep," Raven said. "So if being brainwashed counts as being medically unfit to make your own decisions – and ta me that sounds like an exact definition – you're actually totally within your legal rights to take him."

"So if we prove Flynn was brainwashed, I haven't actually committed a crime?" Yuri asked.

"Not technically," Raven said. "'Course, even if it was technically a crime, if ya save him there's no way your buddy would prosecute you, and if we fail, there's no way Estelle won't. Just thought you might want ta know that technically, you're legally responsible for him now."

"Huh," Yuri said, looking to Flynn. Who would have thought that those forms he'd signed years ago would come back to him?

"Alright," Rita said. "I've made a decision."

"Oh, good," Raven said. "So, who ya decided to trust?"

"I've decided I need more information. I want you to let me out here. I'll go back to the castle and keep an eye on Estelle."

Yuri eyed her suspiciously. "How do we know you won't tell her where Flynn's gone?"

Rita rolled her eyes. "Yuri, who else do you think she would suspect? She's obviously going to know it was you, and she's already pretty sure you guys are in Dahngrest."

"Ah… right." Yuri stood up and knocked on the front wall. "Hey, Kaufman, slow down for a sec, would you?" he called through the wall. "We want to let Rita off."

A minute later, the wagon pulled a stop. Raven opened the back door, revealing a dimly lit alley in the public quarter.

"I won't alert the knights," Rita said, hopping down. She met Yuri's eyes and said, "I'll trust you with Flynn. Please don't let me down. If he dies, it'll kill Estelle."

Yuri snorted. "Yeah, well Estelle's feelings aren't paramount in my concerns right now."

"Yeah, I figured."

"Good luck, Rita," Yuri said. "Be careful. Don't let Estelle know you're suspicious of her."

Rita sighed. "Yeah, right… I'd wish you luck, too, Yuri, but right now I know that either you or Estelle is a monster. To be honest, I'm hoping it's you."

This was disheartening, but not unexpected. "I can accept that. See you around." Raven pulled the door shut, and they continued on their way.

Yuri sat in the lower cabin of the Fiertia with his feet on a crate. A few feet away, Flynn slept soundly on one of the bunks. Did it count as sleeping soundly if he'd been drugged? Yuri wasn't sure, and dwelling on it made him feel like shit.

It was late now. They'd spent all afternoon travelling to Deidon Hold, and they were now flying back to Dahngrest. Yuri's heavy eyes begged him to go to sleep, but the knowledge of the horrible nightmares that surely awaited him kept him sitting up. It was bad enough that he couldn't get those memories to stop playing in his head while he was awake. He could still vividly recall the feel of his sword sliding through Flynn. There had been surprisingly little resistance, and every strained breath Flynn made now reminded Yuri of how he'd gasped for air and coughed blood. Hey, Flynn attacked me first, he determinedly told himself. Thinking of it as self defense was the only thing that kept him from turning his blade on himself.

Estelle had attacked him first, too. Maybe the reason he spent so much time dwelling on what he'd done to Flynn was that even that was preferable to thinking about the truth of Estelle. He'd been hurt when he found out Raven had betrayed him, but this devastated him. He was still picking up the pieces of his shattered world view, and he knew it would be a long time before he let anyone earn his trust again. Even now, he was only ninety percent sure he could trust Karol, Judy, Rita, and Raven. After all, if Estelle could betray him, couldn't any of them? He'd even found himself side-eyeing Repede this morning.

He stared at Flynn, eyes glancing over the face that was even more familiar to him than his own (they hadn't had much in the way of mirrors in the lower quarter). He tried to forget what that face had looked like while earnestly trying to kill him. That wasn't really him, he reminded himself. At least he hoped it wasn't. He was putting all his faith on the idea he'd been brainwashed, even though he remembered how clear and focused Flynn's eyes had been while attacking him. He didn't act like a puppet whose every movement was controlled, but Yuri refused to believe his ideals could have changed to the point where he decided on his own to kill Yuri.

Flynn might be acting autonomously, but he wasn't really himself – he just couldn't be. Flynn hadn't been himself for a long time, and Yuri felt horrible for not realizing. It did, however, mean that there was a way to fix him. Whatever Estelle had used to force Flynn to follow her orders, they'd break it and return Flynn to normal. Yuri wouldn't rest until that happened.

Raven had said Flynn being controlled via a blastia heart seemed unlikely, but they really didn't have any proof, right? Yuri glanced around for a second, and then scooted his chair closer to Flynn's side. He struggled with the buttons on Flynn's pyjama shirt – geeze, maybe he did need more sleep. When he managed to get enough of them open with his clumsy fingers, he pushed Flynn's shirt open, almost afraid of what he'd find.

He was almost disappointed to find nothing. He wouldn't wish Flynn to be in the same position as Raven, but at least it would give them an answer and they'd know what they were dealing with. Flynn's chest wasn't totally unblemished, though. He had some ugly scars across his torso and shoulders, which caused Yuri some confusion.

There were healers embedded with every Knight squad, and Flynn himself could cast First Aid. Scars only formed if you went a long time without getting healed, so when would Flynn have been in a situation days away from a healer? In addition, he'd spent the last two to three years in the castle, where he hardly would have seen much action, and these were too old to be from their recent journey. Yuri was certain he would have known if Flynn had been injured to this degree when they lived with each other before joining the Knights.

Yuri frowned deeply and whispered, "What the hell happened to you, Flynn?"

Heavy feet stomped down the steps, and Yuri quickly buttoned up Flynn's shirt again.

Raven tossed a blanket over Yuri's shoulders. "Are ya still awake, kid? I thought when ya came down here ya were finally gonna sleep."

"Someone's got to make sure Flynn doesn't wake up and freak out before we arrive at Dahngrest." He'd fully embraced what Raven had said earlier about being Flynn's legal guardian. He probably would have felt like this anyway, but a legal precedent cemented the idea that Flynn was his responsibility.

"And I think that person has been you for long enough. Get some sleep."

Yuri smirked. "I know you're ancient, Old Man, but you're really not old enough to be my father."

"Aha, I'll take compliments from ya where I can. In all seriousness, ya barely slept last night and it's already almost midnight. Ya must be dog tired."

"Nah, I'm fine."

"Those bags under your eyes say differently. Go ta sleep, Yuri," Raven said. "I'll watch Flynn, alright? You can trust me."

Yuri raised his heavy head and looked up at Raven, analyzing his face. How could you tell someone was going to betray you? He hoped he'd recognize the signs from Raven, since he'd betrayed them before. He saw nothing but earnest care, but then that was all he'd ever gotten from Estelle, too. "Can I?"

Raven's face fell. "Hey… look, I know I'm the last guy who deserves your trust. All I can say is, I've screwed up enough in this lifetime and I don't plan on doin' it again."

Yuri hung his head. He hated doubting his friends, and he hated that he felt like he had to. "Sorry."

"I understand," Raven said. "Maybe you'll be a bit less on edge if ya get some sleep?"

Yuri wanted to protest, but he was so tired his muscles ached and keeping his eyes open was a constant challenge. If he didn't lie down, he would probably pass out where he sat. "Maybe you're right."

"Of course, the great Raven is always right!" He grabbed Yuri's elbow and pulled him to his feet. Yuri stumbled, catching himself on Raven's shoulder. Maybe he was more tired than he thought. "Go get some rest. I'll wake you up when we reach Dahngrest."

They got Flynn back to Altosk without incident. They went to the side entrance that Harry had lent them a key for, and Yuri waited with Flynn on his back for Raven to open the door. Inside, they found Karol and Judith at the table in the main room, surrounded by books.

"You're back!" Karol said.

"Did you have any problems?" Judith asked.

"No," Yuri said. "We did run into Rita. We explained what's going on."

"Did she come back with you?" Karol asked, trying to look around Yuri.

"No," Raven said. "Rita wasn't sure whether she believed Yuri or Estelle. She's stayin' in Zaphias ta try and find out more about our dear princess."

"I hope she's ok," Karol said.

"Rita can take care of herself," Yuri said, kicking the door shut behind him. "Where should I put Flynn?"

Judith quickly got to her feet. "We set up space for him in the basement. Harry gave us things to make it a bit more comfortable."

"Great."

Judith opened the door to the basement and Yuri carried Flynn down the cold concrete steps. She opened the first door on the left and led Yuri into a pitch-black room. Karol came down behind them with a gas lamp, which helped cut through the shadows. The room was small, but it had been cleared of storage leaving an open space. The only furniture was a cot against the wall, a small table and a couple of chairs.

Yuri dumped Flynn on the cot. They couldn't risk him waking up and overpowering them the next time they came into the room, so Yuri grabbed a pair of handcuffs off the table and cuffed Flynn's hands behind his back.

"Sorry," he muttered, though Flynn couldn't hear him. He turned to Judith and Karol and said, "Alright, tell me you guys found something."

Karol and Judith exchanged nervous glances that did nothing to lighten Yuri's mood. "We did find something," Judith said.

"You're not going to like it, though," Karol said.

Yuri sighed. "Why am I not surprised about this? Alright, let's go talk about this."

They left Flynn asleep on the cot and locked the door when they left. Karol left the lantern on the table, so that if Flynn woke up he'd have some light. Back upstairs, they sat around the table with Raven.

"Ok, tell me what you guys found," Yuri said, glancing at all the books.

"We actually didn't find a lot," Karol said. "Even though we spent all day in the library!"

"What we have here is basically every book the library had that discussed brainwashing, mind control, or things like that. A lot of it said it was mostly fictional," she added with a frown.

"Yeah," Karol said. "Actual cases of brainwashing are pretty rare."

"But there was something, right?" Yuri said.

"Yes," Judith said, nodding. "Just to clear things up, Yuri, do you think there is any possibility that when he attacked you he was hypnotized, and not fully conscious?"

Yuri thought back to his fight with Flynn and slowly shook his head. "I don't think that's it. He was totally normal until he decided he needed to get rid of me. He would have to be under hypnosis for years, and I don't think that's likely."

"Didn't think so," Karol said, crossing something off a list. "Just being thorough."

"We already crossed blastia off the list," Judith said. "It's theorized blastia could work for mental manipulation, but since it didn't go away when the blastia disappeared, that can't be it."

"We guessed that already," Raven said.

"Could Estelle be blackmailing him?" Karol asked.

Yuri shook his head. "No. Even if Estelle coerced him to fight me, there would be no reason for him to say the things he did when I was the only one there to hear it."

"Ok," Karol said, scratching something else off his list. "Well… there's only two more options we could think of. The first is that Estelle used some kind of mind control device that nobody else knows about and has never been documented."

"We're unsure how realistic that one is," Judith said. "Ordinarily I would say that inventing such a device would be far beyond Estelle's skill, but now I don't really know what to think of her."

"We'd better hope it's not that one," Raven said. "How're we supposed to combat a technique we don't even know about?"

"What's the other option, Karol?" Yuri asked.

"It's… it's not a thing like a device or an arte that we can just switch off or cure. I found a book on a hypothetical way to convert enemy prisoners to your side."

"Alright, and what do you use to do it?" Yuri asked.

"That's the thing, Yuri," Judith said. "It's not a thing you use, it's just pure mental manipulation."

"What? You mean, just talking them into switching sides?" Yuri shook his head. "Flynn's got way too much confidence to fall for something like that."

Karol chewed on his lip before speaking, and when he did each word plinked delicately into place. "But maybe it would be different if he'd been tortured."

Yuri stiffened and a chill rushed through him. His brain flashed back to those scars he'd seen as dread curdled in his stomach. "What kind of torture?"

"A combination of physical and psychological," Judith said.

Yuri used to be impressed with her ability to remain calm and rational no matter the circumstance, but now her emotionless tone irritated him. He should show emotion, because this was his best friend she was talking about.

She continued, "It's a process that spans weeks or months. The simplest way to explain it is that if you torture a person until their mind breaks, you can put the pieces back together again however you please, with a new set of beliefs and ideologies."

The unexplained scars, Flynn's mentions of pain and suffering that Yuri didn't understand, letters he'd written to Flynn at the castle that always went unanswered… it all made horrible, unsettling sense. He buried his face in his hands and tried to keep from shaking. How could he not have known? Yuri's still-aching injuries from the fight throbbed as he imagined those horrible scars he'd seen. His best friend must have suffered so much, for years, and he'd been oblivious. He whispered, "That's it. That's what we're dealing with."

"Ah," Raven said slowly. "That… complicates things."

"Yes," Judith said. "It's not a matter of Flynn being controlled. He was manipulated and tortured to the point where he's doing this of his own free will."

Yuri shook his head. "That's not free will. Torturing a person until their brain is so scrambled they'll believe anything you say is not free will." Yuri took a deep breath and raised his head. This was the most important question: "Is it reversible?"

Karol and Judith were silent for a long ten seconds. Karol hesitantly said, "Yes…"

Yuri's heart leapt.

Judith added, "But it's not pretty or easy."

"When has that described anything in my life?" Yuri said. "What do we have to do?"

"Reverse the process," Karol said. "It will be easier for us than what Estelle initially did, because we're just trying to salvage the old Flynn, not impose an entirely new personality."

"We need to get him unstable," Judith said. "It's going to be very unpleasant. Through verbal and, yes, physical abuse, get him to a point where he's disoriented and not sure what he's supposed to believe anymore. Once he's open to emotional manipulation, we can start coaxing his old personality out and encouraging him to go back to his old self. We'd basically be breaking him again so that we can put the pieces back in the right order."

Yuri looked down at his fists. "And that's the only way?"

Karol nodded slowly. "It's the only thing we found in the books."

"Has anyone actually successfully done this?" Raven asked rubbing his chin.

"Er… there wasn't a record of it in any of the books," Karol said. "I don't think this degree of brainwashing has ever happened before. At least, it wasn't in the library."

"Hrm," Raven said. "I'm just worried about what kind of mental state he'll be in, assumin' he recovers. That kinda abuse can really mess a guy up."

"But if we do nothing," Karol said, "he'll stay devoted to Estelle and that's not good either."

"Well, Yuri?" Raven said. "It's up to you."

Yuri glared at the table, mulling it over. On one hand, they were proposing hurting Flynn. This was, obviously, horrible. On the other hand, Flynn's brain had already been thoroughly dry cleaned by Estelle. That paperwork he'd signed all those years ago meant he was responsible for making medical decisions on Flynn's behalf, so he considered what Flynn - the real Flynn - would want. It didn't take much thought to determine that the Flynn he grew up with would desperately want them to do anything if it meant restoring his sense of justice and ideals.

"We'll do what we have to do," he said, looking up and glancing between his friends with determination. "If that means punching Flynn in the face until he listens to reason, so be it. I'll get started on him tomorrow."

"Uh, are you sure you should be the one to do this, Yuri?" Karol said.

"Yeah," Yuri said. "Flynn's my responsibility. If anyone is going to do this, it's gonna be me." He'd already resigned himself to taking on the dirty tasks no one else wanted to do.

"I don't think that's a good idea," Judith said.

"What? Don't think I can do it?"

"Honestly? No," Judith said. "I know how much all this has affected you, Yuri. I think you might break down before he does."

"He's my friend," Yuri said. "If someone's going to hurt him, it should be me."

"Actually, Yuri," Karol said, "I really think that's a bad idea. Someone needs to talk him out of this once he's unstable, and ideally it should be a person he doesn't associate with abuse. I can't think of anyone better suited than his childhood friend. You're the only one here who's even met the real Flynn, so it would be better if you're not the one to actually break him."

"Well… I guess you're right," Yuri said. He would greatly prefer to not have to be the one to hurt Flynn, but he didn't want any of his friends to have to do it, either. "Who's going to do it, then?"

After a long pause, Raven sighed. "I'll do it," he said. "I've already done some pretty shitty stuff in my life. What's one more?"

"If you need it," Judith said, "I'll trade off with you."

"Right." Raven stood up and stretched. "Well, if you kids don't mind I'm gonna hit the hay. Didn't get much sleep last night."

Yuri was tempted to join him, because he didn't get much sleep last night either. He'd gone to bed after Raven's pestering, but it had been another restless night. He didn't feel like lying in bed thinking about Estelle again, so he stayed put.

Raven left, and Judith took off not long after to go out and buy groceries now that it was clear they were going to be here for a while. Yuri and Karol were left sitting silent at the table.

About ten minutes after Judith left, Karol said, "Yuri… I've been thinking. When Flynn recovers and he tells everyone the truth about Estelle, what's going to happen to her?"

"I don't know. She'll probably be arrested."

"Do you think they would execute her?"

"I'm not sure," he said stiffly. "She's a princess. Flynn'll probably be hard-pressed to even get her arrested."

"I know that Estelle is not a good person," Karol said with a frown. "I believe everything you said, Yuri. But even though I know she did horrible things, I can't stop worrying about what will happen to her when everyone finds out. I know it's dumb, but I don't think I could bear to see anything happen to her even though I know what she's done."

"It's not dumb," Yuri said. "To be honest, I feel the same way. Even though she tried to kill me and publicly accused me of assaulting her, I can't stop caring about her."

"You know, I think maybe that's a good thing," Karol said. "At least, it means… it means we're not like her. If I had to either care about people I shouldn't, or not care about anyone at all, I think I'd take the former."

"I don't know," Yuri said. "The second choice sounds a lot less painful."


	5. An unpleasant Task

In Yuri's dream, Flynn was shouting at him.

"Why didn't you notice, Yuri?!" Flynn screamed at him. "How can you call yourself my friend?!"

Yuri tried to explain that he'd gone to the castle the first month after Flynn was transferred to visit but was turned away at the gates. He tried to explain that every letter he sent went unanswered, or if he was really lucky was responded to with a formal "Thank you for writing to the Knights. Lieutenant Scifo is very busy and cannot personally respond to every letter…". He tried to explain that it was unfair to accuse him of not noticing when Flynn had been the one going out of his way to pretend everything was normal.

He couldn't get the words out, though. It was like his mouth was full of pudding and his muscles were so heavy he couldn't move, and all he could do was sit there and listen to Flynn accuse him of being the worst friend in the world.

He was confused when he finally jolted away, because Flynn was still shouting. For a few seconds he thought he was still dreaming, but then he realized the muffled voice came from the basement.

"Hello?!" Flynn called. "Is anyone there?! Where am I?!"

Yuri looked around the dark room. Judith was still out shopping, Raven was asleep, and Karol was nowhere to be seen. Despite his best intentions, Yuri had ended up falling asleep on the sofa. He wished he hadn't, because before the dream had switched to Flynn – likely brought on by Flynn's real world shouting – it had been about Estelle. The details had faded from his head within the first minute of waking up, but he was covered in cold sweat and his heart still pounded.

"Hey!" Flynn shouted. "You can't just leave me down here!"

Yuri swung his legs off the sofa. His bare feet hit the wooden floor; someone must have taken his boots off. Whoever it was had also stuck a pillow under his head on the armrest, and the blanket in a messy heap on the floor had probably been draped on him before he thrashed around. He took a moment to appreciate the fact that at the very least, some of his friends were still his friends.

He headed down the steps to the basement, the cement cold under his bare feet. The key to the door hung on a screw that had been installed when they converted the basement room to a cell. He slipped the key into the lock, a bit surprised at how much his hand was shaking. This would be the first time he'd seen Flynn awake since he ran away from the office, and he had no idea what to expect.

Inside, he found Flynn only a few feet away from the door. He'd heard the key in the lock and braced himself to face his captor. When he saw who it was, he relaxed. "Yuri! Are you alright? They didn't get you too, did they?"

"Huh?"

"Do you know who's captured us? I think the guilds are involved. It's kind of hazy, but I feel like I remember Kaufman from Fortune's Market."

Yuri closed the door and slipped the key into his pocket. Did he seriously not remember?

"We need to get out of here." He tugged on his arms and added, "Can you pick the lock on these cuffs?"

He was so…  _Flynn_. For a moment, Yuri feared they'd made a mistake. This was his closest and oldest friend; what he was he doing locked up in the basement? Flynn took a deep, laboured breath. The reminder that Flynn was still recovering made Yuri feel even more guilty about locking him up, but also reminded him of the circumstances. Flynn was injured because he'd tried to kill Yuri.

He met Flynn's eyes with a steady glare. "Sorry, Flynn. No can do."

Flynn wrinkled his brow. "What? Yuri, what's going on? Where are we?"

"We're in Dahngrest." No point trying to beat around the fact that Yuri was the one holding him captive. "At Altosk. We brought you here for… medical care."

Flynn stared at him, and gradually his confusion dropped. "I see," he said coldly. "I suppose this has to do with our argument in my office the other day."

"Argu…? Flynn! You tried to kill me!"

"You left me no choice," Flynn said, standing a little straighter. "You shouldn't have pried into Lady Estellise's business."

"Maybe  _she_  should have tried to raise Zaude."

"Don't criticize her," Flynn snapped.

Yuri rested his hand on his hip. "I'm getting really tired of this mindless devotion to her. Just go lie down. We're not letting you go until we fix your head."

"My head? There's nothing wrong with my head."

"Sure there isn't. Now would you lie down? I hate listening to you struggle to breathe."

"And whose fault is that?" Flynn asked with a deep breath. "You're the one who stabbed me."

Yuri glared at him, carefully holding back his emotions. "Yeah, sorry, but I'm not gonna feel guilty about defending myself when you attacked me first."

"So this is how it is, then?" Flynn asked, pulling at his wrists as if he could get out of the handcuffs by himself. "You're really making yourself my enemy?"

"Estelle made  _you_  into  _my_  enemy," Yuri said. He planted his hand on Flynn's shoulder and said, "But don't worry. If the old you is listening somewhere in there, we're going to get you back."

Flynn jerked away from his touch. "The 'old me'? There is no old me! I worried that your warped sense of vigilante justice would lead you down a bad path, and now you've resorted to kidnapping? Let me out of here, Yuri. This isn't funny."

"This is for your own good. You've been brainwashed."

"Don't be ridiculous. You always feel like  _you_ know best. Who gives you the right to decide what to do with other people's lives?"

Maybe he was overstepping his bounds, and maybe what they were doing to Flynn was morally wrong, but Estelle was the one who'd warped Flynn's brain in the first place. Yuri was just doing damage control. Sometimes damage control wasn't pretty, but Yuri had never shied away from an ugly job. "I'm doing what I think is best for you," Yuri said. "When you're better, you'll understand."

"I don't  _need_  to get better!" Flynn shouted, and then smashed his head into Yuri's face. Yuri shouted in surprise, and Flynn followed it up with a spinning kick to Yuri's side, landing right on the still-healing sword wound he'd acquired in their fight. While Yuri clutched his side and staggered back, Flynn stuck out his leg and tripped him, sending him crashing to the ground. Flynn leapt over him and turned backward to the now-unlocked door. He fumbled to grip the knob with his cuffed hands, while Yuri jumped back to his feet.

"You asshole!" Yuri shouted, his hip throbbing. Flynn had just gotten the door to crack open when Yuri grabbed the collar of his shirt and his upper arm and slammed him back. "You're not going anywhere until you recognize what Estelle's done to you!"

"She hasn't done anything!" Flynn yelled. "She's the only one who helped me!"

" _I'm_  helping you!" He dug his fingers into Flynn's shirt.

"As if. You're just trying to get me out of the way, aren't you? You were always jealous of me, ever since we were kids."

"I  _what_?" Yuri's furious glare deepened.

"Because I was always better than you." Flynn smirked at him. "And you couldn't deal with that, so you left the Knights and abandoned me."

"What the hell gave you that idea? It was Estelle, wasn't it?"

The look in his eyes confirmed it for a second before they narrowed with anger. "The hardest part of this mission was pretending I still liked you." He tried to push Yuri away, but Yuri had the upper hand and kept him pinned against the door. "I almost forgot myself and nearly killed you the first time I saw you in Capua Nor. Heh," he wheezed. "You're lucky Lady Estellise found you interesting or I would have killed you ages ago, you bastard."

Yuri groaned in frustration.  _Don't get angry at him_ , he told himself.  _It's not his fault_. Flynn couldn't be held accountable for the terrible things he was saying any more than a depressed person could be blamed for feeling sad. Knowing that didn't keep Yuri from getting pissed off, though.

He loosened his grip on Flynn just enough to give him room to slam him against the door. "Ha! Like you could have killed me if you tried! I kicked your ass last time, didn't I?"

Flynn coughed and with a hoarse voice he gasped, "That's right, you nearly killed me. Guess you're-" he broke off in a cough, "n-not so,"  _cough_ , "better than me."

"You didn't give me a choice!" Yuri roared, but stopped when he saw dark chunks of blood on his hand from Flynn's coughing. Shit, he'd been too rough with someone recovering from a punctured lung.

He loosened his grip and Flynn hunched over, coughing. "Dammit, I'm sorry," Yuri said. "Sit down."

"O-oh, so,"  _cough_ , "now you c-c-care,"  _cough._

Yuri put an arm around his shoulders and led him back to the cot. Thick, coagulated blood splattered on the floor. Flynn sat on the edge of bed, trying to calm down his coughing and get enough air. Yuri rubbed his back and said, "Hey, come on, you're alright. Take deep breaths." Yuri took comfort in the fact that the blood wasn't bright and fresh. He hoped this meant it was just lingering blood still in his lung and not a new bleed. "Stay there," Yuri said quickly. "I'll be right back with a gel." He wasn't sure if an apple gel was going to stop the cough, but he felt awful sitting here doing nothing.

"Yuri," Flynn wheezed, "what are you g-going to do,"  _cough_ ,  _cough,_  "to me?"

Yuri hesitated, but he wanted to be honest with Flynn. Estelle had spent enough time lying to him. "We're going to un-brainwash you. It's not going to be fun. In fact, it's probably going to hurt, but you'll be better off when we're done."

Yuri started walking away, but Flynn's hoarse voice made him pause. "So that's why you brought me here?" After a few coughs he finished, "To torture me until I think the way you want me to? How does that," a particularly loud cough cut him off, "make you different from Estelle?"

Yuri looked back over his shoulder. "Are you admitting Estelle tortured you?"

Flynn stiffened, the anger and fear in his eyes fading. He coughed a few times, and then with significantly less emotion than before said, "I trust Lady Estellise. She wouldn't hurt me. She's my friend."

Yuri turned his head back. "Yeah, so I've heard you say," he grumbled on his way out the door. He locked it behind him and hung the key back on the hook.

He ran back upstairs, the last couple of minutes playing over and over in his head. It hadn't been the best conversation he'd ever had with Flynn, considering Flynn had expressed a desire to kill him, but at the end, he was pretty sure some facet of the real Flynn had broken through. When he was hurt and couldn't breathe and Yuri tried to help him,  _something_  had gotten through, if only for a few seconds. It gave him hope that this really was going to work.

* * *

"Are you sure about this, Old Man?" Yuri asked as they stood outside the basement door. "I can do it if you want."

Raven stared at Yuri, wondering what deep store of strength the kid had tapped into in order to even be standing upright. He was pretty sure Yuri hadn't had a sound night's sleep or a proper meal since before confronting Estelle, he must be sore from all the wounds from his sword fight with Flynn that only had gels for healing, and Raven didn't even want to comprehend the emotional shock of having your two best friends try to kill you. The kid was exhausted, physically and emotionally, and Raven wouldn't blame him for collapsing into bed and sleeping for a week.

Raven shook his head and rested his hand on Yuri's shoulder. "Don't worry about it, kid. Old Raven can handle this one. You oughta lie down and get some rest." It was evening, and Yuri insisted he'd napped earlier today before going in to see Flynn, but Raven doubted it had been particularly restful.

"No," Yuri said, leaning against the wall with his arms crossed. "I'm gonna wait here."

Raven frowned, but already knew there was no use trying to convince Yuri to leave. "Alright. I'll let ya know how it goes."

Yuri nodded, and Raven entered the room. Karol and Judith had helped him get Flynn ready earlier, so when he walked in, Flynn glared at him from the chair he was tied to. They'd wrapped soft fabric around his wrists before tying them to the arms of the chair, because they might be kidnappers but they didn't want him to get rope burn. He looked furious, and Raven told himself that this was far from the worst thing he'd forced himself to do to people he liked. He'd smacked his friends around quite a bit at Baction, after all. This wasn't so different.

"Good evening," Flynn said stiffly. "Are you here to un-brainwash me?"

"You don't miss a beat, do ya?" Raven grabbed the other chair and pulled it in front of Flynn, plopping down in it. "No wonder ya got promoted to commandant. Or was that because you're the princess' personal lap dog?"

"My promotion had nothing to do with Lady Estellise. Master Ioder promoted me based on performance."

"Ah, I see, but ya didn't deny being her lap dog." He'd had a long talk with Judith and Karol about what needed to be said and done to Flynn. They'd done it while Yuri was in another room, because as much as Yuri wanted to help, they worried he was too close to Flynn to even attempt approaching this impartially. The most important thing was to rip apart the mindless devotion to Estelle she had implanted in Flynn's brain, which was going to mean saying some really awful things about her. Considering he was still coming around to fully accepting the reality of Estelle's attitude, he was far from comfortable with this job. But, since he'd rather do it himself than subject Yuri to it, he steeled himself and said, "That bitch made you her bitch."

"How dare you call-"

Raven smacked Flynn across the face. "Shut up. I'm talking. I take back my compliment about seeing why you got promoted. Someone as blind as you doesn't even deserve to be a private."

"You really think-"

Flynn's head snapped to the side with the force of Raven's blow. "Didn't I tell you not to talk!?" The Schwann voice was slipping out, and Raven decided to embrace it. He would have preferred to leave that identity behind for good, but it had its uses. It was certainly more intimidating. "What kind of knight can't even take basic orders? Listen up, you little shit, we're not having a conversation here. I'm going to tell you what you need to know, and the sooner you accept it, the sooner we can all move on. Got it?"

Flynn raised his eyes and glared at him through clenched teeth, but didn't say a word.

"That was a direct question," Raven barked, slapping him again. "You answer those. You should know how this works! Didn't you even go to boot camp, you fucking idiot?  _Well_?"

"Yes," Flynn hissed.

"Yes, what?"

"Yes,  _sir_."

"That's not what I was looking for." Raven accompanied the shout with another slap. "I'm no 'sir'. I'm not a captain, or did your thick skull forget that already? I'm asking you to give me more than a single word answer, you moron."

"To which que-"

 _Smack_. "Did I say you get to ask questions?"

"What do you want me to-"

 _Smack_. "I asked if you understood the situation less than two minutes ago!"

"But you also asked me-"

 _Smack_. Raven's wrist was getting sore, to say nothing about the growing red mark on Flynn's cheek. "Answer the question!"

"Stop shouting at me!"

"I'll keep shouting at you until you figure out Estelle's been brainwashing you!"

"Yuri!" Flynn shouted. "I know you can hear me! Help!"

Raven hit him so hard the slap resounded through the concrete room. He hit with more force than before, because now he was irritated that Flynn was trying to play innocent. Yuri was enough of a wreck without Flynn playing with his emotions. "You fucking coward, crying for help already? I don't know what Estelle was thinking when she picked you of all people to turn into her puppet."

"She didn't-"

 _Smack_. "Estelle is a manipulative bitch who has done terrible things and ruined many lives. She is a  _bad person_. She's not someone you want to pledge your allegiance to. The  _only_  reason you currently think she's the bees knees is that she tortured you until you brain was putty and you'd believe anything she said."

"She did not torture me!" Flynn insisted with a curious edge of panic. He clenched his fists and his wrists strained against the ropes binding him to the chair.

Raven grabbed Flynn's throat and dug his fingers under his jaw. He carefully squeezed enough to be painful without completely cutting off his breathing. "It's the truth, and if you don't buy it, you're dumber than I thought."

Flynn wheezed and choked out, "Y-you think… you can keep yelling at me un-until I agree with you?"

Raven let go of his throat before he did real damage, and then smashed his fist across Flynn's face once more. "I can keep this up longer than you can." This was going to be a long evening.

* * *

Rita sat at a small dinner table in Ioder's chambers, trying to enjoy dinner. Estelle often dragged her along to these dinners, saying she couldn't bear to think of Rita eating alone, even though they were supposed to be small political meetings between her, Ioder, and Flynn. There were a lot of policy changes Ioder wanted to make, and there was a lot to do before his coronation.

Flynn wasn't here tonight, for obvious reasons, so it was just the three of them. Rita was quiet through most of dinner, trying to figure out what she should think about Estelle. While Ioder and Estelle chatted about the changes they wanted to make to the lower quarter, Rita silently cut into her chicken breast.

It was ridiculous to think that Estelle was evil. She happily babbled away, as perky as ever. Then, she remembered the look on Yuri's face in the wagon the other day. He looked so tired, and more broken than she had ever seen him. That wasn't the expression of a person making up wild accusations to save his own skin, and if Yuri wanted to make an excuse, wouldn't he have come up with something more plausible? In addition, even if he had gone after Estelle, the excuse that he'd gotten into an argument with Flynn that got out of hand afterward seemed feeble. After listening to Yuri fret over Flynn for months, she knew – far better than she would have preferred, to be honest – just how much Flynn meant to him.

None of this made sense. She'd tried to act like her normal self around Estelle to keep her from knowing she'd met with Yuri, but it was hard. Throughout every conversation, Rita analyzed every word and every expression. It was like observing a meticulous experiment, only she was terrified of finding the answer.

"What do you think, Rita?" Estelle asked, looking to her.

"I – what?" Estelle and Ioder were both looking to her expectantly. "Oh, uh… sorry, I missed the question."

"I just asked what you thought of the chicken," Estelle said. "It's good, isn't it?"

"Oh, yeah. Great," she said. "Sorry, I was just… thinking about blastia stuff."

"That's ok," Estelle said, smiling. "Sorry if I broke your train of thought."

"Don't worry about it," Rita said, stuffing salad into her mouth to keep from having to talk. How could she even doubt Estelle? Estelle was the best friend she had ever had. How could she even consider that it was all an elaborate act? But then, Yuri was one of her best friends, too. What Estelle claimed he'd done was completely out of character for him. Her story just didn't add up.

What she really needed was more information. She could hardly come to an informed conclusion without sufficient data. If Estelle really was a soulless monster, it didn't happen overnight. She must have been like this since she was a child, and maybe when she was small she was worse at hiding it. Someone would know.

With this in mind, Rita took her chance when Estelle excused herself to use the washroom. "Hey, Ioder," she asked in a low voice, "I was just wondering… who would I talk with to find out more about Estelle's childhood?"

Ioder frowned. "Her childhood? Why don't you just ask her?"

"Er," Rita raced to find an excuse, and settled on one that made her blush and fiddle her thumbs. "W-well, it's just, I wanted to get a present for her. Just to celebrate the journey being over, that's all. But – but I thought, what would I get for a princess? So I wanted to get herself something really personal but obviously I can't ask her since it's supposed to be a surprise."

"Oh, I see," Ioder said, smiling. "In that case, you might be able to track down one of her old nannies or tutors. A record of all the staff who have ever been employed in the castle is kept by the bookkeeper in the library. You could ask her."

"Oh, ok, great," Rita said, trying to brush the question off like it wasn't really a big deal. "Thanks. Uh, don't mention this to Estelle."

Ioder chuckled. "Of course not."

* * *

Yuri jolted out a restless nap when he heard Flynn shout. Repede looked up at him warily, and Yuri mindlessly reached out and rubbed his back. Yuri sat on the floor outside Flynn's room, and he'd fallen asleep with his head resting against the doorframe. He rubbed his sore forehead, feeling a thick indentation where he should have put a pillow.

Flynn's shout was followed by Raven yelling at him to shut up. Yuri sighed and rested his head against his knees. He'd wanted to stay awake just in case, but all the nights he'd gone without proper sleep were catching up to him.

He wasn't sure what time it was, but the candle he'd brought down to illuminate the hallways was barely a stub, the flame struggling to keep from drowning in a pool of melted wax. Based on that, it was probably so late at night it could more properly be described as early morning.

"If Estelle really cared about you," Raven was saying, "why would she have let you suffer in the first?"

"I had to," Flynn replied, though Yuri had to strain his ears to make it out. Flynn sounded exhausted, and even through the door Yuri could hear his laboured breathing. "That wasn't torture. It was training."

"Oh yeah? And who got you to believe that? Let me guess: Estelle."

"Lady Estellise w-wouldn't lie."

Yuri heard a smack, and winced like he'd felt it himself.

"Hey!" Raven shouted. "Are you stupid  _and_  deaf? I told you not to call her that!"

"But-"

Yuri pulled his knees closer when he heard a thud and a pained grunt.

"She doesn't deserve that kinda respect. Do you understand?"

"Yes, I understand," Flynn groaned.

"Understand  _what_?"

Flynn groaned. "I – I understand that La- I mean, Estelle… is a bad person."

Yuri wasn't naïve enough to think they'd broken through already. He recognized that tone of voice as the one Flynn used when he was tired of arguing. When they were younger, he'd used it to say things like, "ok, Yuri, you're definitely taller than me," or, "yes, I'm sure you could beat a dragon singlehandedly if you were ever given the chance." The only upside was that Flynn was a stubborn bastard, and he didn't give up an argument easily. If he was going along with Raven even though he didn't believe it, he must be exhausted.

Raven went on to scream more abuses at him. A lifelong instinct to jump to Flynn's defense if his friend was in trouble thrashed uselessly in his chest. He was furious with Estelle for manipulating them and doing this to Flynn, furious with Alexei for n doubt being an accomplice in this all, furious with Raven for hurting his best friend even though he knew they had to, and furious with himself for never noticing anything was wrong. He just wanted to scream and punch someone, but he was hampered by the fact that there was nowhere he could go to scream without disturbing his friends, and no one around he could punch.

When he heard another  _thunk_  and an angry shout from Flynn, Yuri groaned in frustration and pressed his forehead harder against his knees. He wished he didn't have to hear this, but he also felt obligated to keep watch, just in case. In case Raven betrayed them again and was actually serving Estelle, too, and would use this chance to drum in more loyalty to her as soon as Yuri left.

Yuri shook his head to shake those horrible thoughts out. No, he trusted Raven. He needed to stop being paranoid.  _But you trusted Estelle, too, and didn't you get screwed once before by trusting Raven?_  Argh, dammit, he was sick of doubting his friends. He rubbed his palms into his eyes, trying to clear his head.

Heels clicked on cement, announcing Judith's arrival. "Hey," Yuri said, looking up and trying to greet her as he always did, but he seemed to have forgotten how to make the muscles in his face do that thing where it made him look happy.

"Are you still up?" she asked, stopping by the door and clasping her hands.

Yuri glanced up in annoyance at the obvious question. "No, I'm actually asleep right now, can't you tell?"

Judith gave him an irritated look, since Yuri's sarcastic tone had been a lot more mean-spirited than it usually was. All she said, though, was, "I don't think a series of naps is a healthy sleeping schedule."

"I'm fine," he snapped. "Do you need something?"

"I was going to tell Raven to wrap it up for tonight. We all need some sleep, including you."

"I'm fine," he repeated, more angrily than was probably necessary.

Judith paused at the door, and then knelt next to him. She put her hand on his shoulder and said, "Yuri, you know depriving yourself of proper meals and sleep is not going to help Flynn."

"Oh, really?" he drawled. "I figured if I stayed up for enough hours straight, Estelle would  _magically_  go back to normal." He waved his hands as he said 'magically' to get his mystical point across. "Or are you going to tell me that getting a good night's sleep will make things better?"

Judith's hand on his shoulder stiffened. "Being nasty certainly won't."

Yuri anger flashed. "Gee, I am  _so_  sorry I am not properly cheerful about all this! Hey, I know," he said with a forced grin and every ounce of condescension he could pack into a single sentence, "maybe we should hang up some fucking balloons!"

Judith bristled with anger, and then slapped him hard enough to prove she'd be a sufficient replacement for Raven. Yuri's anger died as suddenly as it had appeared and he stared ahead, head frozen to the side as he took deep breaths.

Judith kept her words tight, as if fearing letting any emotion loose would escape into a cry. "You are not the only one who is grieving Estelle."

Yuri hung his head and whispered, "I'm sorry." He heard rather than saw Judith turn against the wall and slide down next to him, her shoulder pressing against his.

"We did everything to save Estelle," Yuri said, glaring at the ground with eyes harder than the concrete. "We fought so hard to find a way to protect her from her power and to find a way for her to live without harming the world." He took a deep breath. "You should have killed her when you first saw her in Capua Nor."

"I've been thinking about that, too," Judith said softly. To an outsider she'd sound cold, but Yuri had known her long enough to tell she was speaking as much from the heart as she ever could. "All these what-ifs and why-dids. If we had allowed Phaeroh to kill Estelle, the Adephagos would never have happened."

"We were so  _stupid_ ," Yuri seethed. "We played right into her hands. Her happy bodyguards to keep the monsters away while she got things ready to raise Zaude."

"If she hadn't raised Zaude, the Adephagos would still be there, waiting. It is inevitable that someone in the future would release it eventually. Because she raised Zaude when she did, we were able to destroy the Adephagos for good and fix the aer problem in this world."

"But that doesn't justify all the things she did! Countless people died and suffered because of her." His fiery anger bubbled just beneath the surface, threatening to break through at any provocation. Yuri struggled to rein it in, because yelling at Judith was not the solution to anything.

"I'm not saying it justifies it," Judith said. "Only that the way I think of it, the world is still moving forward, and good things have happened along with the bad. Dwelling on what could have been will get us nowhere."

"And what about what never was?"

Judith closed her eyes and lowered her head. "I feel as if Estelle has died. Like she died not only now, but over and over in all my memories of her."

"Yeah," Yuri muttered. He wished she  _had_  died, because then at least he'd still have happy memories of her to live with.

In a voice barely above a whisper, Judith let out, "I… have not felt a loss this keenly since the death of my father."

Yuri couldn't think of any loss that compared to this. He didn't even remember his parents and the only other person he'd let himself get attached to was Flynn, until Estelle had come along and wormed her way into his heart. Now he found himself grieving the "death" of a fictional persona concocted specifically to toy with him.

But as much as it hurt – and it hurt so much he wished he  _could_  sleep, and then sleep for weeks straight until he could wake up in a world that made sense again – he realized that he'd been so busy wallowing in misery that he'd almost forgotten that Rita, Judy, Karol, and Raven also loved Estelle.

"I'm sorry," he said again, the words sounding very small and very incapable of filling the heavy silence that engulfed the hallway. Judith didn't answer right away, and Yuri reached out and slowly ran his fingers through Repede's fur.

A yell from Raven ended the silence, and then Judith took a deep breath. When she raised her head and spoke, her voice sounded firmer and more like the calm, stoic Judy he was used to. "Raven's been working with Flynn for over six hours. We should probably let Flynn sleep for a couple of hours unless we want to kill him."

Yuri nodded as she stood up. He stared at the ground, deep in miserable thought, until Raven dragged himself out of the room.

"Hey," Raven said dully. "Why're you still up?"

"I already had this conversation."

"Yeah, figured."

He yawned, and Yuri said, "Going to bed now?"

"In a bit," Raven said. He rubbed his head and said, "I feel like shit."

"You did what you had to do."

"It still made me feel like shit. I'm gonna break into the Don's whiskey stash again. Wanna join?"

Yuri put his hand on the wall to help himself get to his feet. "Yeah, actually, I think I will."


	6. Breaking Point

Yuri stood by the sink, washing dishes. He'd cooked lunch for Karol, and then pushed some food around his own plate without eating much of it. He just didn't have much of an appetite, even though Judy, Karol, and Raven kept urging him to eat. It had been three days since they'd started trying to break through Flynn, and so far they hadn't been successful.

"Don't rush it," Judith had said. "This sort of thing takes time."

It had been enough time, as far as Yuri was concerned. Flynn wasn't getting any better, and the only reason Yuri hadn't called it off was because he'd already decided he'd have to kill Flynn if this didn't work. The hope that they'd fix Flynn grew smaller and smaller every day, and he'd begun steeling himself for the inevitable.

"Yuri?" Karol said.

Yuri just grunted in response as he scrubbed the plate. He'd been doing a lot of grunting instead of talking for the past couple of days, but that was because he felt bad enough for the nasty comments he'd made to Judith a few nights earlier. Intense anger, overwhelming grief, and infuriating powerlessness simmered within him and he didn't want to risk taking it out on Karol.

"Um, you've been scrubbing the same plate for ten minutes."

Yuri froze and looked down at what he was doing. "Oh." Just as he set the plate on the pile of clean plates, he jumped at a sudden yell from the basement.

"That sounded like Raven," Karol said, looking worriedly to the stairs.

Yuri frowned and nodded. They were used to angry screams from Flynn, but Raven had more of a booming military speech rather than outright yelling. A minute later, footsteps pounded up the stairs and Raven burst into the room with his hand over his mouth and nose.

"Are you ok?" Karol asked, staring at him in alarm.

"He bit me!" Raven said, pulling his hand away enough to show a bloodied upper lip. "I leaned in too close and the bastard  _bit_  me!"

"You should get an apple gel," Karol said.

"Yeah, already plannin' on it," Raven grumbled, storming down the hall to his room.

Yuri glanced to the open door to the basement. Judy was out, Karol didn't go anywhere near Flynn, and now Raven was out of commission for at least a few minutes. Yuri wouldn't blame him for needing a rest, since he'd been at it for hours. They'd rarely left Flynn alone since they started, so Yuri headed for the door, just in case.

He hadn't actually seen Flynn since this started, and when he entered the basement his chest clenched. Flynn slumped in the chair, his chin on his chest, taking deep breaths. He'd gotten only a few hours of sleep in three days, and had only water and a couple sandwiches to eat. They were trying to balance the difficult line between being harsh enough to break Estelle's hold, but not so cruel they became worse than her.

"Hey," Yuri said, standing next to Raven's vacated chair.

Flynn slowly raised his heavy head and turned his bloodshot eyes on Yuri. "Great," he panted. "It's  _you_." With his tousled hair, sweaty face, and Raven's blood on his lips, he looked practically feral. "What do you want?" he whispered with venom.

"Are you alright?"

"What the hell kind of question is that?" Flynn pulled uselessly at his wrists. Even with the fabric to protect him from the rough rope, the skin beneath was red and obviously sore.

"I mean, do you have any immediate and pressing health concerns?" Yuri sat on the edge of the chair Raven had vacated.

Flynn snorted and leaned his head against the back of the chair. "Oh, in the case, I'm dandy. I just haven't had more than a few hours of sleep in… however many days it has been."

"Three," Yuri supplied.

"Three. Perfect." He closed his eyes and took deep breaths. His breathing was getting easier, but that didn't alleviate Yuri's guilt over stabbing him.

"Hey, don't go to sleep," Yuri said, patting his knee.

Flynn cracked his eyes open and half-heartedly glared at Yuri. "What are you even trying to accomplish? You think if you keep me awake long enough I'll suddenly totally change my perspective on life?"

"It seemed to work on you last time." They didn't have any details about exactly what Estelle had done, which made their job difficult. Yuri was split between worrying they weren't being nearly harsh enough, and worrying they were going over the top.

Flynn stiffened and his expression went blank, which Yuri had come to expect any time someone tried to convince Flynn he'd been tortured. "There was no last time."

Yuri rolled his eyes. "For heaven's sake, Flynn." He grabbed the collar of his shirt and ripped it open, revealing a thick scar curving across his chest. "Want to explain how you got that, then?"

"Training accident," Flynn insisted. "It was my fault."

"That's bullshit! Just accept what happened to you!"

"Estelle wouldn't hurt me."

Yuri let go of Flynn's shirt before he forgot himself and got too rough again. "That's the brainwashing talking."

"Would you let that go?!" Flynn panted. Speaking with any energy drained what little strength he had left. "I haven't been brainwashed."

"You  _have_."

"I changed my opinion on things," Flynn said. "Just because I don't agree with you anymore doesn't mean I've been brainwashed."

Yuri rolled his eyes and tried to keep from shouting. "It doesn't count as 'changing your mind' if it was forced on you."

"It wasn't forced," Flynn weakly insisted. "I found a better way to see the world."

"If you didn't think it was a problem, you wouldn't have spent the last few months hiding it from me."

"Estelle told me to," Flynn said. "I don't question her orders."

"Dammit, Flynn!" Yuri leaned forward, resting his hands on Flynn's wrists. "This isn't you. You are not Estelle's pawn. You care about other people. You're the kindest, most honourable, strongest guy I've ever met, and if anyone can break through this, it's you. Remember who you are!"

"I  _do_  know who I am," Flynn said, evenly meeting Yuri's eyes. "Every day you spend making me miserable in an attempt to change me just convinces me more and more that Estelle was right about you never really being my friend." With a final burst of energy, he smashed his foot into Yuri's shin and roared, "So why don't you cut your losses and let me go?!"

Yuri jerked back at the kick, and then abruptly stood up. He didn't know whether he wanted to scream or cry, but neither would help the situation so he stormed out of the room and slammed the door behind him. He leaned against the door, taking deep breaths.  _It's not over yet_ , he tried to convince himself.  _There's still hope for Flynn_. Were they just fooling themselves? Yuri truly believed he'd seen a scrap of the old Flynn a couple of times, but was that scrap all that was left? It might be kinder to kill him now and let him rest in peace. Forcing him to keep living like this was cruel, and maybe Estelle was right. Maybe he wasn't a good friend. Maybe he was keeping Flynn around for selfish reasons and not what was actually best for him.

"Hey, Yuri," Raven said, coming back down the stairs. "Were ya in to see Flynn?"

He nodded silently, not trusting himself to speak without screaming.

Raven patted his shoulder. "I know that's gotta be rough on ya."

"He's not getting better," Yuri said in a voice smaller and more frightened than he'd intended.

"No, no, he is," Raven said unconvincingly. "Er… he freezes up more than he did before when I try ta convince him he was tortured. I'm… not actually sure if that's a good sign or not."

Yuri shook his head stiffly. He didn't know either. He pushed away from Raven and stomped upstairs, hands shaking with rage and fear. "Karol!" he barked, grabbing an axe from his room. "I'm going out."

"Where are you going?" Karol asked nervously as Yuri crossed the main room.

"I'm going to go kill some monsters."

Karol gave him a worried look, and then said, "Hold on, let me grab my axe. I'll go with you."

Half an hour later, Yuri yanked his axe out of a dead basilisk. He typically preferred swords, but he had to admit that there was a certain satisfaction to hacking monsters to pieces with an axe. Besides, he'd left his sword behind in Flynn's office. In his chest.

Dead monster carcasses covered the bloody grass around his feet. Beating monsters to a pulp did wonders to relieve stress, but the scent of blood permeating the scene pulled up vivid memories of Flynn bleeding to death. This heightened his rage and frustration, which led him to rip apart more monsters, which made more blood in a vicious cycle of pain and killing.

"Yuri, behind you!" Karol shouted, finishing off a basilisk of his own.

Yuri spun around and sunk his axe into a grasshopper taller than he was. The monsters in this area usually didn't give them any trouble, but he supposed getting only a bit over five hours of proper sleep in as many days hampered his fighting abilities. Before he could avoid it, one of its scythe-like arms slashed his shoulder. Yuri grunted with a wince and then swung his axe at the arm and hacked it off.

the grasshopper hissed and slashed at him with its left arm, and Yuri darted forward at the last second and sank his axe into its torso. He yanked the axe out and did it again, and then sliced off its other arm. It screeched and clicked its mandibles as it fell to the ground, but Yuri didn't stop.

The hot blood running down his arm called up memories of the last time he'd been injured in a fight, against Flynn. He brought the axe down on the writhing creature and in his mind he saw Flynn, staring up at him as he brought his sword down. He squeezed his eyes shut and shouted, hacking away at the grasshopper as viciously as he could. He barely even realized he was screaming as he slashed away at it, and some distant part of his brain recognized that he was putting far more force into his blows than necessary.

Someone else was shouting, but he spared no attention to it. All he focused on was the grasshopper, and hacking away at it until all the pent up rage flowed out through his axe. His throat hurt almost as much as his muscles did.

"Yuri!"

It was probably Karol. He didn't care. He had to kill this grasshopper, because it was a threat to the town and someone needed to take care of it and at least this was something he could do.

"Yuri, it's dead!"

No, he could still see it twitching. Maybe that was just the vibrations from repeatedly hacking into its body. Yuri had stopped screaming, mostly because his throat had run out of energy and he was left panting and grunting in fury as he ripped the giant bug to pieces.

"Yuri, it's dead, you need to stop," Karol said, reaching for his arm.

Yuri jerked away and then smashed his arm across Karol's face to get him out of the way. He hadn't even noticed he'd done it until he heard Karol fall to the ground and reality crept through his rage-fueled tirade against the grasshopper corpse.

He looked to Karol on the ground, staring at him with wide, frightened eyes and one hand gingerly rubbing his sore cheek. The axe dropped from Yuri's hand, shortly followed by his knees dropping to the grass. Before he could stop himself, a sob wrenched out of his chest.

"I'm s-sorry," he stammered, vigorously rubbing his eyes and trying to get them to dry up. Damn it all to hell – he did  _not_  cry.

"It's ok," Karol said softly.

Once he'd started, he couldn't stop. Yuri had spent most his energy dismembering the grasshopper, and now all the remaining dregs poured out of his eyes. He missed Estelle, he missed Flynn, and he felt like shit for allowing Flynn to suffer and now for smacking Karol. He had no idea what he was going to do with the rest of his life if he had to kill Flynn and then Estelle was never punished for her crimes. He'd really believed that when they defeated the Adephagos, he'd never have to face anything as horrible ever again.

Karol started crying too. Yuri felt bad for kicking him off, and scooted over to sit next to Karol so he could wrap his arm around the boy's shoulders and try to comfort him. Since Yuri was crying even harder than Karol was, this wasn't very effective.

"L-look at us," Yuri said, rubbing his eyes. "We're pathetic."

"I – I won't tell anyone i-i-if you won't."

"Heh," Yuri chuckled through his tears, "deal."

At the end of ten minutes, Yuri and Karol had cried themselves out. Yuri rubbed his sleeve across his eyes and sniffled, trying to clear up any evidence that he'd been crying. He couldn't remember the last time he'd cried. It had probably been back when he and Flynn were kids.

He didn't feel the same stab of grief and anger when he thought about Flynn that he'd grown used to. He supposed he'd used it all up on this sob fest. He didn't know if he'd say he felt  _better_  now, but smashing that grasshopper to bloody pieces had been amazingly cathartic. It felt like he'd been holding these gut-wrenching sobs inside since that night he went running to Karol and Judy, and finally letting loose was like setting down a heavy backpack.

"I think… I think it's going to be ok," Karol said, looking at the skyline of Dahngrest in the distance. "As much as I don't want to believe this happened, it has. We've gone through some horrible things before, so we'll get through this, too."

"Yeah," Yuri said. "We'll fix Flynn. He grew up in the lower quarter with me, and that means he's tough as nails." The fear that he would never get the real Flynn back still preyed at the back of his mind, but now that he was out of the confining basement and vented all his fear into hacking apart monsters, he felt a lot more optimistic. "Then he can tell everyone what Estelle is."

Karol nodded. "And even if that's not enough to convince everyone, I know we'll beat Estelle because we have something she doesn't."

"And what's that, Captain?"

"Friends!" He punched the air. "If she thought she could use us and then get away with it, she's got another thing coming. No one messes with Brave Vesperia."

Yuri smiled, which felt weird considering he hadn't done it in almost a week. They had lost Estelle, and that hurt more than he could put into words, and he was so close to losing Flynn it terrified him, but at the end of the day he still had some of the most amazing and supportive friends a guy could hope for.

Yuri took one last deep breath to stabilize himself, and then said, "I'm sorry I hit you."

"It's alright," Karol said. "I know you didn't mean it. Do you think we should go back now?"

"Let's wait a bit," Yuri said. "Your eyes are still all red and puffy."

Karol pouted and said, "Yeah, well so are yours."

Yuri rubbed some remaining moisture from his eye. "Hmph. I guess so."

* * *

Rita stood on the front step of a house in the public quarter, hoping no one would answer the door. It hadn't been difficult to track down the records of Estelle's former caregivers. There were employment records going back generations, so finding a list of who took care of the princess less than twenty years ago was simple. The records also listed the reason the person had left the position, which Rita found quite useful in narrowing down who to talk to.

The earliest nanny left because her mother in Halure became ill and she had to go take care of her. Then there were tutors who were dismissed after Estelle outgrew their instruction, or governesses who left because they'd become pregnant and wanted to take care of their own family first. The one Rita found interesting was the second nanny, who had been put in charge of Estelle when she was four years old. She left when Estelle was eight, and the only given reason was "no longer wished to associate with the princess."

The door opened and an older woman smiled at Rita. "Hello, Miss. Can I help you?"

"Uh, yeah, maybe," Rita said. "Are you Bridget Mason?"

She nodded. "That's right. Is there a problem?"

"I was just wondering if I could talk to you about Estelle."

Ms. Mason frowned. "Estelle…?"

"Princess Estellise. You used to take care of her, right?"

Ms. Mason's smile fell. "Oh. The princess. Yes, I took care of her. Has she… done something?"

The fearful tone in her voice made Rita's heart skip a beat. That didn't sound like the tone of a woman who was going to tell Rita not to be ridiculous and that of course Estelle was nothing but love and joy. "I don't know," Rita said. "She might have. I just want to know what she was like as a child."

Ms. Mason glanced nervously around the street. "She… there's nothing to tell. The princess was a wonderful child."

She was clearly lying. Rita frowned and asked, "So, why did you leave the castle, then? The records say you didn't want to associate with her anymore."

"That's personal," Ms. Mason said. "I am a dutiful worker of the empire. I wouldn't dream of saying anything to sully the name of the royal family. I'm sorry, it looks like I can't help you. Have a nice day."

She started closing the door, but Rita shoved her foot out and caught. "Hold on, I'm not done with you yet."

The door pressed against Rita's foot as Ms. Mason tried to close it, but Rita remained firm. "Miss, there is nothing I have to tell you. Please leave me in peace."

"You know something, don't you?" Rita demanded. "My friends might be in trouble because of her, but I can't help them if I don't get to the bottom of this. Tell me what you know!" She glared at the woman, and then decided to try out a word that Estelle had encouraged her to try. "Please."

They met each other's eyes for a few tense seconds, and then Ms. Mason's flicked away to look down the street again to see if anyone was watching. Finally, she sighed and opened the door a little wider. "You'd better come inside."

Rita usually found the prospect of new evidence to support a hypothesis exciting, but for the first time in her life she found herself dreading new information. Inside, Ms. Mason gestured for her to sit down at the kitchen table.

"Would you like a cup of tea?"

"No, thanks," Rita said, folding her hands. "I'm not really thirsty."

"Right," Ms. Mason said, sitting wearily across from her. She looked like she'd rather fuss around with a teapot than sit and talk about Estelle at the moment. "So, tell me, what brings you here about Estellise?"

"I want to know what she was like as a child. Was she… normal?"

Ms. Mason looked to Rita with pursed lips. "You aren't going to tell anyone you talked to me, are you?"

"Not if you don't want me to," Rita said.

"Alright. I've never told anyone about this because I was afraid I would get in trouble for bad mouthing the royal family. But if you promise to remain confidential…" Ms. Mason glanced around her kitchen like there were informants lurking in the cupboards. In a loud whisper, she said, "There was something  _wrong_  with that child."

"Wrong how?" Rita asked.

"She never had any friends," Ms. Mason said. "Noble children were brought over to play with her, but she was always disinterested in them at best. When she was six, I saw her go to two members of a group and tell them the other had said something mean about them, and then she sat under a tree making flower necklaces while watching the group devolve into arguments and fighting."

Estelle had told her she'd never had any friends before, but it had never occurred to her that she might have purposefully avoided other children. It made some horrible amount of sense. Even if she was a princess, there would still have been the children of Council members, who logically would want to go out of their way to get in with the royal family.

"She stole things regularly. Not out of malice, but just because she wanted something and didn't feel like going to the trouble of asking for it. And then…" Ms. Mason bit her lip, "there were small animals. Mice and things that got into her room sometimes. She killed them, sometimes quite brutally. Sometimes she'd keep them alive as long as she could, like an experiment."

Rita's stomach squirmed, trying to imagine sweet Estelle, who wanted to make a grave for every monster, torturing small animals. "But… she doesn't do that anymore."

"No," Ms. Mason said. "I scolded her quite harshly whenever I found out. She learned that hurting animals got her in trouble and that she wasn't allowed to have dessert if she did it. She started overcompensating, and going out of her way to tell me how much she liked animals to make sure she got her desert. If she accidentally killed anything, like a mouse or a bug, she'd loudly explain how sad she was that she'd done it and how horrible she felt, so that she wouldn't get in trouble."

And then she'd probably become a more efficient liar as she grew up, and reached a point where she could say things like that with utter conviction. Rita felt nauseated just thinking about Estelle in that way, and changed the subject. "What made you leave?" she asked, even though she doubted it would make her that much happier. "You were with her for four years. Did you just give up?"

Ms. Mason sighed and fiddled with her hands. "It was just after the Great War started, when she was eight. I explained to her that a war was starting and that's why all the knights were moving. She got so excited at the prospect of war, and I told her she mustn't be enthusiastic because it was a serious thing. She looked up at me and asked, 'are many people going to die?' But, it wasn't like a scared child. She sounded  _excited_ , like the prospect of thousands dying in a war like out of her books would be thrilling.

"I told her yes, and that it is very sad when people die. She simply said, 'Oh, alright'." Ms. Mason frowned and stared at the table with a cross look. "There was something in her eyes… or rather, there was nothing, and that terrified me. I could tell she understood what death was, but it didn't  _matter_  to her." She shook her head and concluded, "That was the last straw. I did my best with that child, but in the four years I cared for her I never saw her express any empathy or compassion for a single living being. I did, however, see her grow better and better at faking it as she aged. The thought of being around her when she was older, more experienced, and more powerful terrified me. So, I quit."

"I… see," Rita said, trying to rationalize this influx of information. She couldn't, though. This woman had no reason to lie to her, and it fit with what Yuri had already told her. It was all horribly true.

"I've heard that she's grown up to be a beloved princess who heals the wounded and helps the common man," Ms. Mason said, looking up at her. "I suppose I was naïve in hoping that against the odds she managed to grow up a normal, well-adjusted adult?"

"I think so," Rita said softly, staring at the table in shock. "I thought she was my best friend, but… crap."

"I'm sorry I had to be the one to tell you."

"I asked because I was already suspicious."

"Has she hurt anyone?" Ms. Mason asked worriedly.

Rita heaved a sigh. "Yeah. I'm pretty sure she has."

* * *

"Yuri!" Judith shook his shoulder. "Yuri, you need to wake up."

Yuri pried his eyes open from the first solid sleep he'd had in days. This had better be important. "What's the deal, Judy?" he said, sitting up slowly and rubbing his eyes. "First you nag me to sleep, and now you nag me to get up?"

"You need to go downstairs," she said. He couldn't see her face clearly because there were no lamps in his bedroom and only the moonlight coming through the window illuminated her, but she sounded tense. "Flynn needs you."

Yuri shook his head to clear his mind, and the mention of Flynn jolted him awake. He hopped out of bed and was already halfway to the door by the time he finished asking, "Is something wrong?"

"I'm not sure," she said, hurriedly following him. "I went down to relieve Raven, but just as I got there Raven ran out and told me to get you."

Yuri quickened his pace on the way down to the basement. He hadn't seen Flynn since their encounter yesterday, and he was terrified something had gone horribly wrong. Were they being too rough? Was he having another coughing fit and spewing blood everywhere? By the time he reached the door to Flynn's makeshift cell, he was convinced he'd find his friend half-dead on the ground.

What he didn't expect to find was Flynn sobbing his eyes out. Raven stood awkwardly by his chair, and when Yuri looked to him for answers he said quietly, "Uh… I think I got him ta accept that what Estelle did ta him was torture."

"What happened?" Yuri asked, walking closer while Judith hovered in the doorway.

"I was just talkin' ta him like I have been," Raven said, meeting Yuri halfway across the room and speaking in a low voice. "I asked him why a knight would need to be secretive about who he directly reports to, and usually if I ask that he babbles somethin' about not questionin' Estelle's orders. This time, though, he just snapped and started cryin'. I dunno if we've totally gotten through ta him, but I think ya need to talk ta him."

"Right," Yuri said, all vestiges of sleep gone from his mind. "Thanks for getting me. You and Judy can go; I'll deal with this."

Raven nodded, and Yuri sat in front of Flynn as the door clicked shut behind Raven's exit. "Hey, Flynn?" Yuri said, reaching out and resting his hand on Flynn's trembling bicep.

Flynn raised his head and stared at Yuri with wide, red-rimmed eyes, tears flowing freely down his cheeks. "Y-Yuri," he choked. "H-help – I don't – I can't – help."

The wooden chair creaked as he pulled at his bound wrists, and Yuri took pity on him. He untied them, praying Flynn wasn't going to flip out and try to strangle him. Flynn did lunge at him as soon as he was free, but instead of going for Yuri's throat, he went for his shirt and clung to him. He sobbed into Yuri's shoulder as Yuri awkwardly wrapped one arm around his shoulders, wishing he was better at dealing with crying people. Maybe if he let himself cry more often he'd know what to do.

"Why?" Flynn choked out, his voice muffled by Yuri's shoulder. "W-why… why is this happening?"

"I'm sorry," Yuri said. "I'm sorry we hurt you. It was the only way to-"

"No, not this." Flynn's grip on Yuri's shirt tightened. "All of it."

"I don't-"

"Estelle… sh-she wouldn't – she'd n-never… I trust Estelle."

"No, don't say that!" Yuri said quickly. Whenever Flynn started going on about how he trusted Estelle, he always closed off again. "What Estelle did to you was  _wrong_."

"Y-yes…" Flynn panted. "I c-c-can't do this, Yuri."

"Yes, you can. You're strong, Flynn."

"I can't! I – I'm not allowed." He raised his head and stared at Yuri with wide, panicked eyes. "She's going to find out."

Yuri could only assume he meant Estelle. "Find out what?"

"I'm not allowed to think it was torture! E-Estelle is going to… I'm going to be punished."

"No," Yuri said as firmly as he could. He really wasn't sure what was going on, so he grasped at straws and tried to say what he thought Flynn needed to hear. "No, she's not. She's not going to hurt you again. You're with us, now."

Flynn heaved for breath and then fell against Yuri's chest again. "But… but I trust her… I'm not s-supposed to think about it."

"Don't listen to her. No one has the right to tell you what you're 'allowed' to think about. You have to accept what happened so you'll understand Estelle doesn't deserve your loyalty."

"I don't want to." His chest heaved with a sob. "I d-don't want to remember."

"You've got to confront it," Yuri said. Flynn needed him to be calm and supporting, but it was all he could do to not smash a table in fury with Estelle for doing this to Flynn. Seeing his best friend, the friend who was always so strong and confident and always a step ahead, reduced to a shaking mass of sobs filled him with rage.

"Why me?" Flynn whispered. "W-why did she do this to  _me_?"

"I don't know, but you're going to get through it."

Flynn couldn't get any more words out. He just pressed himself against Yuri and bawled, and Yuri got the distinct impression that this was three years of horrified tears built up behind his mental block finally breaking through. There was nothing Yuri could do but sit still and hold him until he'd run out of tears, and even then his shoulders heaved and muscles trembled.

"Are you alright?" Yuri asked when Flynn finally loosened his grip on Yuri's shirt.

"I… no… thank you," he murmured. "You're so kind, even though you hate me."

"What? Flynn, I don't hate you."

Flynn stared at him with confusion, and Yuri groaned in frustration. He could deal with this later, though. They'd finally gotten Flynn to remember and accept that Estelle had tortured him. Getting him to accept that this meant Estelle was undeniably untrustworthy and a bad person was another step, and getting him to believe that she'd been lying through her teeth about Yuri hating him would hopefully happen along the way.

"Come on," Yuri said gently, slowly standing and pulling Flynn to his feet. "I think you deserve some proper sleep."

Flynn stumbled, and would have hit the ground if Yuri hadn't caught him. Yuri half-dragged him across the room to the cot and let him collapse onto the hard mattress. Flynn made no move to grab the blanket, so Yuri pulled it up for him.

"Goodnight," Yuri said, praying giving him a good night's sleep wouldn't undo this breakthrough.

Flynn was already unconscious by the time Yuri left the room.


	7. Parting Fog

Flynn was eighteen, and he had no idea what he'd done in life to end up here. He'd been so excited when he got his orders to transfer to the capital. It meant he was really moving up in the ranks, and that someone had noticed how hard he worked. He'd only wished Yuri was still around to celebrate with him.

And now he was here. They'd thrown him in a dark concrete room with no explanation, no charges, and no trial. He had lost track of the time, but he was pretty sure it had been over a month and a half, maybe over two. He had no way to be sure, because he couldn't tell when one day ended and the other began. He hadn't seen daylight since he got here, and he was only ever able to snatch an hour or so of sleep before someone rudely woke him up, usually by dumping freezing water on him or kicking him in the ribs.

He leaned against the cold, rough wall, taking short, shuddering breaths. It was hard to breathe with broken ribs, but he had a rare moment of solitude and he'd take any chance he had to relax. He couldn't feel his jaw beyond a dull throbbing, and even if there was enough light to see he would only have half his vision because his left eye was so swollen.

Flynn shivered and rubbed his arms, wishing he still had a shirt to combat the chill. He tried to stay positive and reminded himself that the frozen concrete wall felt good against the lashes on his back. He wanted to cry but he hadn't had anything to drink in what felt like a few days. His mouth was parched and he had no moisture to spare on tears, so he just closed his eyes and wished he could fall asleep and wake up in a happier place.

Maybe it would be better if he at least knew  _why_  any of this was happening. What had he done? Why was he being punished? The knights never told him. The one that came in the most often seemed to enjoy it, but that couldn't be why he was here in the first place. Maybe it was because he was such a terrible knight.

 _No, wait, I'm_ not _a terrible knight_ , he told himself. He held firm to his memories of praise from his former captain and the smiles from the citizens he'd helped. The trouble was that every day those memories got blurrier and blurrier. It was starting to become hard to believe that he'd even had a life before this hell.

This whole situation simply didn't make sense. He was a good knight. He'd always worked hard and done his duty, so why was this happening to him? He knew there were problems with the Imperial Knights, but they wouldn't lock up and torture an innocent man for no reason.

A creeping dread that he'd been trying to suppress for weeks finally put itself into words.  _If you are a knight and the Knights are, in general, a just organization, they wouldn't do this to you unless you really deserved it_.

Flynn groaned and buried his face in his hand. No, he didn't believe that. He knew he'd done nothing wrong… right? But those guards constantly went on about how wrong and awful he was, and they were even higher ranked in the Knights than he was, so they would know. If he couldn't even think of what he'd done to deserve this treatment, did that mean something about his worldview was just inherently wrong and kept him from seeing the truth?

"No," he whispered as forcefully as he could. He had to say it out loud to make it sound more true. That was bullshit thinking and he did not believe that. This must be a mistake. They'd arrested the wrong guy and they hadn't listened to his pleas for an explanation long enough to realize they'd messed up. There was nothing more important than protecting the innocent and fighting to make people smile. There had to be another reason this was happening to him… he just couldn't think of it through the haze of pain.

Metal scraped on metal and his heart leapt. That was the sound of the door unlocking. No, no, no, the knights had just left; they couldn't be back already. He was so exhausted he thought he might just pass out if they started again.

It wasn't a knight who entered, though. It was a girl. The door shut firmly behind her, and then she knelt next to him. Flynn flopped his head to the side so he could get a good look at her, and stared in confusion.

"Hello," she said softly. "Do you know who I am?"

He nodded slowly. "You're…" he croaked before his voice fizzled out. He took as deep a breath as he could through his busted ribs and tried again. "You're Princess Estellise."

"That's right, Flynn," she said with a smile.

She knew his name. She'd even said it. No one had called him by name since he got here, and he hadn't realized how much he missed hearing it. She must be here to tell him this was a mistake! The princess must have found out what was happening and then told Alexei she'd met Flynn and knew he wasn't the guy they were after so now she was here to let him out.

"I'm going to help you," she said.

Flynn managed to smile, though it hurt his face. He was right! The prospect of this hell being over made all his aches and pains lessen.

"You do know why you're here, right?"

Flynn's smile turned to confusion. "What…? No."

Estellise reached for him and he flinched, instinctively expecting her to hurt him. Instead she rested her hand gently on his shoulder, which felt so foreign he almost forgot how to interpret it. No one had touched him without causing pain in months.

She leaned forward and gently caressed his shoulder, carefully avoiding the deep bruise lower down. In a soft, soothing voice that reminded Flynn of angels, she said, "You're here because you are a bad person."

He gaped at her. "I… what… but…?"

"You deserve this," she went on. "This is happening to you because you are a bad knight."

He weakly shook his head. No, that wasn't true. What could he have done to deserve this? Estellise was behaving so differently from the guards who usually hurt him and she knew who he was, but she  _also_  told him there was something wrong with him, so didn't that mean it might be true?

She saw his confused eyes and said, "You deserve this because the way you think is wrong. If you weren't so wrong and so bad, we wouldn't have to hurt you. After all, the Knights only punish bad people."

That… was true… but this had to be some mistake! How could everything about himself be bad?

"But it's alright," Estellise said with a forgiving smile. "I'm going to help you become better. I'm your friend, Flynn. You can trust me."

Golden light glowed around her, and was forced to look away after weeks in darkness. Warm tingling spread across him, pinpointing the parts that hurt, which was basically all of him, and making the pain fade away. When the light died and she pulled back, Flynn gasped with relief. After breathing through broken ribs for a couple of days, being able to take deep breaths with only a mild amount of pain was a relief. The pain had only been lessened and not completely eradicated, but after so many weeks of misery even this was worth celebrating.

He stared at the princess with wide eyes and said, "Thank you."

"Of course," she said, smiling and wrapping her arms around his shoulders in a comforting hug. "I'm only here to help you."

Flynn relaxed for the first time in months. She was soft, warm, and smelled nice. He had never appreciated gentle touches as much as he did now. When she pulled away, his battered body longed for her comforting touch to return.

"Do you understand yet? That you're a bad person and that's why you deserve this?"

He still couldn't figure out why someone so kind was agreeing with his abusers.  _Unless it's true_ … No, stop thinking that! He shook his head. "No. The Imperial Knights are here to protect people, and I don't see how believing that makes me a bad person."

Estellise's smile dropped. "Oh, Flynn, I wish you would just trust me. Can't you see I'm trying to help? It's these beliefs you have that are making you miserable." She stood up and sighed. "Now you're going to have to suffer again, and it's all your fault. I'm so disappointed in you."

"W-what?" he tried to get up so he could follow her, but didn't quite have the strength for it. Estellise left the room, but as she walked out, two more knights entered. Flynn shrunk against the wall, heart hammering.  _Not again._

One of them grabbed his throat and jerked him to his feet. Flynn scrambled to find his balance so that he wasn't hanging by his neck and gasped as the sudden violent movement exacerbated all his half-healed injuries. He weakly clawed at the man's hand, trying to loosen the pressure on his windpipe.

"What a piece of shit."

The knight holding him tightened his grip and dread oozed down Flynn's spine at the voice. He could never tell them apart with their concealed faces, but he recognized this one by the voice. He was tall and broad-shouldered and came to Flynn's cell more often than any of the others, and he hit harder, too. Flynn thought of him as The Man with the Aftershave, because his was so overpowering it made Flynn want to throw up as he loomed in his face and clogged his nose with the musty aroma. Flynn was more frightened of him than he'd ever been of anyone else, and he didn't even know what he looked like, though he imagined he must be horrifying.

"Cowering on the floor like an animal," Aftershave spat. "You're not a knight, you're a filthy maggot."

He shoved Flynn away, and his arms flailed as he tried stay upright. He was so dizzy from hunger, dehydration, and lack of sleep that this was a useless effort and he hit the ground with a thud. His elbow smashed into the concrete, sending stabs of pain shooting through his arm. He groaned and tried to roll onto his side, but the other knight pinned him down with his boot.

"Did he actually bust his elbow falling over?" the other knight said. "What a waste of space. Can't even fall over properly."

Flynn took deep breaths, wishing harder than he'd ever wished before that he could just go home. If he left the castle he could walk down the street straight to the lower quarter, which he never thought he'd miss as much as he did now.  _I'm not wrong_ , he thought desperately.  _They're making a mistake. I'm not a bad person. I'm not, I'm not_.

"Hey!" Aftershave snarled. "Look at us when we're talking to you, you fucking worm." His heavy boot smashed into Flynn's side with a crunch, cracking the ribs Estellise had only just healed. Flynn squeezed his eyes shut and panted, his chest screaming in agony. He could barely breathe without setting off unbearable pain.

"You should be thanking us for even taking the time to pay attention to a pathetic animal like you." The other knight planted his foot on Flynn's chest, right over his broken ribs. "What use are you if you can't even figure out how horribly wrong and shitty you are?"

He leaned all his weight on that foot, pressing down on the broken ribs until the world flashed white.

* * *

Flynn's eyes snapped open. A dream, it was just a dream. He took a deep gulp of air, and felt his chest tighten with pain. Shit, shit, it wasn't a dream! His ribs were broken and he was in that room still and any second now the knights were going to come in and scream at him for sleeping.

He struggled to sit upright to they wouldn't know he'd been sleeping, and his legs tangled in a blanket. With his mind clouded by a racing heart and terrified confusion, he couldn't figure out how to get the blanket off and flailed his legs madly around. It took almost a minute for him to realize that the knights never gave him a blanket.

He paused, taking another deep breath. It was hard to get air and his chest ached, but it was different from the stabbing pain of broken ribs. His heart slowly calmed down and he leaned against the wall. He was sitting on a cot in a dimly lit basement. Other than the pain in his chest, he didn't actually feel that bad. He put the pieces together and remembered where he was.

His palms rubbed his damp forehead. Shit. He didn't want to think about any of that. Those memories had been shoved to the back of his brain for years, and he'd rather keep them there. It was like he'd picked at a scab and now he could stop the bloody thoughts gushing into his head. No, no, shit, had all that really happened? Raven was right; that had been torture.  _Fuck_ , he'd been tortured. Lady Estellise always told him he was exaggerating and she got so upset with him if he mentioned it, so he believed her, but now it was all rushing back and he couldn't deny the reality of what had happened. His hands shook as memories bombarded his mind.

Why would Lady Estellise torture him? She… she was his friend. He trusted her above anyone else. Now that he'd unlocked all these horrible memories, though, he found himself questioning her intentions. Stop that! He couldn't question her! Questioning Lady Estellise was the worst thing a knight could do, and he was a good knight.

He was embarrassed by his outburst last night, but maybe he could use it in his favour. Yes, he'd make the others think they were changing him, but actually he was just going along with them to get out of here. He'd convince them he'd 'seen the light' and then find Lady Estellise and beg her forgiveness for letting himself get captured.

_Why do you want to go to Lady Estellise if she's the one who did all those horrible things to you?_

He clutched his skull and shook his head. He couldn't think things like that! Thinking things like that was wrong and made him a bad person. If he let those thoughts come back he'd be miserable again. He needed to stay strong and keep his faith in Lady Estellise.

He heard the door unlocking and he tensed, half expecting knights to come in and attack him. Instead it was Yuri, carrying a tray with breakfast. Yuri kicked the door shut behind him and set the tray on the table. "Hungry?"

Flynn stared at the tray uncertainly. He smelled pancakes, but… why were they giving him pancakes?

"Come on, Flynn," Yuri said. "Sit down. We need to talk."

Flynn wasn't sure if he trusted Yuri – he wasn't sure about  _anything_ , he realized with horror – but his stomach growled and it would be stupid to turn down pancakes. He hesitantly sat down at the table and Yuri pulled the other chair over. Flynn picked up his fork and looked at the plate before him in confusion. "There's apple in these pancakes."

Yuri frowned. "Do you not still like that?"

Flynn raised his eyes slowly. "I… I don't know. I haven't had apple pancakes since… that last time you made them, I suppose."

"I know they used to be your favourite. I saw apples at the market when I was shopping this morning and I thought of you."

"Oh..." he said, cutting into them. But… no… it didn't make sense. Why was Yuri going out of his way to be nice to him? What did Yuri have to gain from going out of his way to get apples for him?  _Stop it, stop it, you're questioning Lady Estellise again!_

He was so confused. Lady Estellise said he couldn't trust Yuri and that believing in her would make him happy. Now, Yuri said he couldn't trust Lady Estellise and that believing in  _him_  would make him happy. He used to believe in justice and defending the innocent, but those beliefs had led him to feeling miserable. Lady Estellise said trusting her would make the pain stop, and it had for a while, but wasn't he miserable now?

Yuri kept saying he'd been brainwashed, but that was ridiculous. His mind wasn't being controlled, he'd simply changed his point of view. The person he was now was the 'real' Flynn, wasn't he? But, now that he thought about it – now that he was  _allowed_  to think about it – hadn't he been happy as the old Flynn up until he reached the castle? Was the person he used to be the 'real' Flynn? Who  _was_  he, and more importantly, which identity would make him not feel like shit?

"Are you not hungry?" Yuri asked.

He realized he'd been staring at his pancakes for a while, and took a bite before they got any colder. Yuri's apple pancakes were just as delicious as he remembered them being, and they made him think of warm summer mornings in the tiny room they'd shared as teenagers. One time he'd accidentally sliced his hand open trying to cut an apple, and Yuri had mocked him for being so bad at cooking he couldn't even cut an apple properly.

Flynn frowned, chewing slowly. Yuri used to fun of him because he was trying to tear him down, since he was jealous and wasn't really his friend. At least, that explanation fit into his current understanding of the world. Everything was so confusing and he wasn't sure what his view of the world even was, so he tried thinking about the fact that Yuri had spent the last of his pocket money buying an apple gel to close the cut on Flynn's hand, and then continued cutting up the apple to put in the pancakes even though he'd already said he wasn't particularly fond of apple in his pancakes.

Argh, stop this! He needed to stay loyal to Lady Estellise. That had been going so well for him until Yuri got involved. He wished life didn't have to be so confusing.

"So, how do you feel?" Yuri asked.

Flynn finished swallowing, thought for a moment, and decided there was no harm in being honest. "Confused."

"I can understand that," Yuri said. "Look, I brought this." He pushed a book across the table at him and opened it to the bookmarked page. "I know you find it hard to believe you've been brainwashed, but look at the description here. Can you honestly tell me that this isn't pretty close to what Estelle did to you?"

Flynn didn't even want to look at the book. He couldn't deal with anything that might plant more doubt in Lady Estellise. Not that he was worried about that because he trusted her. He  _did_. She was the anchor he'd clung to for years, and he would be even more lost than he already was without her.

When he saw that Flynn wasn't looking, Yuri pulled the book back and read aloud. "'At the first stage, the agent attempts to break down the target's sense of self. He denies everything the target believes about himself and attacks his core belief system'."

Flynn stared at his pancakes, trying not to listen. He didn't want to hear this, he didn't want to doubt Lady Estellise. He wanted to go back to the way things used to be, when he didn't think about all the horrible things that had happened to him.

"'Over the course of days, weeks, or months," Yuri continued, "the agent attempts to induce feelings of guilt and shame in the target. This stage can be heightened with the introduction of mind-clouding techniques such as sleep deprivation, malnutrition, and physical abuse'." Yuri lowered the book and looked up. "I mean, I don't know exactly what happened, but… is that basically what happened?"

"No," Flynn whispered unconvincingly, as vivid memories of precisely what Yuri had described flashed through his mind. He could feel the sick dread, pain, shame, and fear curdling in his stomach like he was locked in that room again.

"I've known you since we were little kids," Yuri said. "I can tell you're not being totally honest."

"I'm not brainwashed," he insisted. That would mean he didn't have free will, and he definitely had free will. He was thinking right now, wasn't he?

"Ok, if you don't like the word, we can call it manipulated," Yuri said. "You asked me last night why this all happened to you. This is why, Flynn. She was manipulating you."

He shook his head slowly, because it was easier than thinking of something to say. He finished his pancakes and set the fork down with a  _clink_.

"Why did you change your ideals?"

"They made me miserable," Flynn said, pushing the plate away.

"How?" Yuri asked. "Explain this to me."

Flynn stared at him and blinked. "They… they did. I didn't understand the purpose of the Knights."

"Oh, yeah? Now that you're so much wiser, educate me."

"The Imperial Knights serve the royal family. We follow orders."

"That's it?" Yuri stared at him incredulously. "Just follow orders without question? Whatever happened to swearing on our swords that we would fight to make people smile?"

Flynn shook his head. "That led to misery."

" _How_?"

"It just did."

"Admit it," Yuri said, "you have no cause and effect for this. All you know is that Estelle told you that's why you were suffering."

"Isn't that enough?" He crossed his arms and glared across the table at Yuri. He had to admit, this was preferable to when he'd been tied to a chair getting yelled at by Raven or Judith, but he still would rather be back in Zaphias.

Yuri slammed his fist on the table, and Flynn instinctively flinched from the sudden aggressive movement. "No, it damn well isn't! I made the same promise, and it didn't lead to any suffering for me. The only difference is that Estelle decided to lock you up and screw with you."

"I deserved it," he insisted.

"Why?"

"I was wrong."

Yuri sighed in frustration. "Flynn, you're not making any sense. Can't you see all your reasoning is going in circles? You believe things because Estelle told you to, but you only believe in Estelle because of the things she told you."

"She… she's my friend."

" _I'm_  your friend," Yuri said. "We've been friends way longer. Do all those years together mean nothing?"

"If you really cared about me, how come you never tried to visit me in Zaphias?"

"I did," Yuri said simply. "I showed up at the castle loads of times in the first couple months, but the guards always turned me away. You didn't answer any of my letters."

Flynn frowned in confusion. "You didn't send any letters."

"I did so," Yuri said. "Gee, I wonder if Estelle kept them from you?"

Flynn stared at him blankly, swimming in confusion. Everything Yuri said made sense, but then Lady Estellise made sense too. He'd been determined to maintain his loyalty to her, but it felt like admitting that what she'd done was torture had pulled loose a thread and now he struggled to keep it all from unravelling. His whole world had fallen apart in that cell and she'd helped him put it back together again. He didn't want to fall apart all over again.

"It's actually really insulting that you say I don't care about you," Yuri said. "Remember that time when we were sixteen and you got sick? You were  _so_ sick."

Flynn grimaced at the memory. "Yes, I remember."

"I kept making you soup but you kept throwing it up. You kept asking for soup, though, because despite it all, you were hungry. We went through so much soup and I think I cleaned most of it off the floor." Yuri laughed. "I told you that you'd have to pay me back the next time I got sick."

Flynn nodded and stared vacantly at the wall behind Yuri as he slowly said, "But then you never got sick, at least until we joined the Knights."

"You still owe me for that."

His eyes flashed back to Yuri. "Like we're not already even from all the times I cleaned up your messes."

"Oh, huh," Yuri said, resting his hand on his chin. "I guess there was that time I tried mixing baking soda and vinegar to see what would happen."

"I recall that. I also recall it made a huge mess, spilled off the counter, and ruined my only pair of shoes."

Yuri laughed. "You were so mad. And then you stole  _my_  shoes."

"Your feet were smaller than mine," Flynn said,eyes drifting back to the well as the memory returned to him. "But it was that or go barefoot."

"You made  _me_  go barefoot."

"It was your fault I had no shoes."

Yuri chuckled. " _Touché_." He sighed and leaned back in the chair. "Are you really saying all those memories are fake? That I was using you all along?"

Flynn hung his head. "I… I don't know, Yuri. To be honest, I want to believe you. However, I also want to believe Lady Estellise. Most of all… I just want the world to make sense again." Lady Estellise said that Yuri would lie to him about being friends, and that he'd been doing that all his life. Really, though, he had no logical reason to believe her word over Yuri's.

Yuri leaned forward, scooting his chair closer. "Yeah, ok, and I want to help you with that. You understand now that Estelle tortured you, right?"

"Yes," he said slowly.

"And torture is bad."

"Yes."

Yuri frowned. "I know we were pretty rough on you, too. I'm still not entirely sure if that was justified, but we needed to get through to you. I want to believe that nothing we did was as harsh as what Estelle did."

Flynn swallowed hard. He wasn't ready to forgive Yuri and the others for the past few days just yet. All he could think to say was, "No… it wasn't as harsh." That was true enough. He was exhausted and sore, but they hadn't broken any bones and he wasn't bleeding.

"So how can you remain loyal to someone who did that to you?"

Flynn leaned forward and rested his head in his hands. He closed his eyes, wishing he could go back to sleep. "You can't question loyalty."

"Why not?" Yuri demanded.

"You just can't." Please, please stop pestering him with questions. He didn't want to think about this. He wanted to go back to sleep and then go back to the way things were before when he didn't have to think about what he was doing or things that had happened in the past. Life was so much  _easier_  when he could just trust Lady Estellise at face value. "Please leave me alone. I want to go home."

"No can do," Yuri said. "Sorry, Flynn, but if you go back to Estelle now, she's just going to fill you up with bullshit again. We're going to work through this."

Flynn sighed, resigning himself to the fact that Yuri was not going to go away and he was in for another long and painful day, even if the stress came from a new source. He just wished he could figure out if Yuri was doing this because he secretly hated him or because he was actually the best friend he had.

* * *

Rita glanced down the hall to double-check she was alone, and then slipped into Estelle's room. She leaned against the door as she closed it behind her, taking a deep breath. Estelle was in a meeting with Ioder, so her room was dark and empty.

Rita shouldn't be here. It was rude to go snooping in other people's rooms, but she needed to get to the bottom of this. She'd thought a lot about her conversation with Ms. Mason yesterday, and decided she needed to get to the bottom of this. Maybe Estelle had been a horrible child, but that didn't mean she couldn't grow out of it, right? She was desperate to find proof that Estelle wasn't what Yuri had said.

She crept across the main room, wondering what she was looking for. She kept glancing at the door, and her heart leapt with every sound.

 _Geeze, calm down, Rita,_  she told herself. What was she afraid of? Even if Estelle came back, she'd apologize for coming in without asking and that was that. It wasn't like she was  _afraid_  of Estelle. She thought back to Ms. Mason, who'd quit her job and left the castle because she'd been terrified of Estelle at the age of eight. Maybe she  _should_  be afraid of Estelle. But… it was  _Estelle_.

Rita opened the drawers of Estelle's desk, looking for any sign of the letters Yuri had told her about. Her hands shook, and when she heard footsteps outside the door she jumped. The footsteps walked on by, though, so she kept searching. After ten minutes of going through Estelle's drawers, she hadn't found anything incriminating. She wasn't sure if she was disappointed in her failure or relieved.

It wouldn't make sense to hide incriminating evidence in the main room, though. Praying Estelle would forgive when she found evidence that this was all a misunderstanding and she'd been stupid to doubt her best friend, Rita crept into Estelle's bedroom. She could barely see anything since the thick curtains kept sunlight from entering the room. Rita pulled them open just enough to see and then started a search of the room.

There was nothing in her wardrobe but dresses and shoes. Rita eyed the dresser, and recalled that she hid her own private things in her drawers so maybe that's where Estelle hid things, too. Five minutes later, all she had to show for her search was a face redder than her shirt and more knowledge than she needed about Estelle's underwear. Estelle was going to be so embarrassed if she found out, Rita thought with guilt squirming around in her stomach.

Why was she even here? What did she expect to find? How could she doubt her best friend like this? She trusted Estelle way more than some random woman who'd worked with her ten years ago. For all Rita knew, Ms. Mason had been fired and made up the whole thing to justify leaving.

She ought to leave now with the firm conclusion that Yuri had made it all up. There was no evidence to suggest Estelle was anything other than her best friend. Yuri was a rotten bastard who'd tried to take advantage of Estelle and was talking out his ass to try to cover himself now. She felt like a moron for even entertaining the idea, and like an even bigger fool for letting herself get attached to the guy. She'd actually worried herself sick when she thought he'd died at Zaude.

 _Dammit, Rita, trust your instincts. He was a criminal douchebag who broke into your house and treated you like a criminal for days, so why did you go and let him convince you he wasn't really a criminal douchebag?_  She was going to kick him in the nuts next time she saw him.

Rita was about leave, but noticed a closed cupboard door on Estelle's bedside table. There might be something in there. With her hand on the doorknob, she stared at the nightstand with a frown. No, she'd already decided this was a pointless search. But still… She couldn't force herself through the door. As long as she didn't look, she'd always have to wonder what she might find.

With a sigh and a roll of her eyes, Rita hurried across the room. She'd take a quick peek just to put her mind at ease and then get out of here. She crouched in front of the nightstand and pulled the door open. Unsurprisingly, it was filled with books. There, see? Nothing suspicious, just Estelle keeping books by her bed. Rita had plenty of books on her nightstand, too. In fact, Rita's nightstand  _was_  books, in a teetering stack she had always meant to clean up.

She was about to close the cupboard when one of the titles hooked her attention and then reeled her hand forward to get a better look. Her heart pounded in her throat as she stared at the title, desperately trying to rationalize it.

_Lifton's Treatise on Thought Reform and Mental Manipulation._

No, no, no, there had to be an innocent reason Estelle had this. Rita gingerly opened the book like it was going to explode, and her dread thickened when she saw dog-eared pages.  _Dammit, Estelle what have you gotten yourself into?_

Rita skimmed the pages that Estelle had marked and felt sick. This was talking about torture and no matter how hard Rita tried she couldn't think of any innocent reason for Estelle to have this. If it was just this book, she'd ignore it, but when it came on top of Ms. Mason's testimony and Yuri's accusations it was a piece of a puzzle that she could no longer ignore.

She slammed the book shut and pressed it against her forehead with her eyes screwed tight. She took a few deep breaths, trying to quell the rising horror. Shit, it was all true, wasn't it? Everything Yuri said… Estelle was the first true friend she'd ever had! How could it be a lie? She loved Estelle so dearly, but Estelle had just been using her.

She shoved the book back where it came from and closed the cupboard door with trembling fingers. This was why she liked blastia more than people, she thought furiously. Blastia had never betrayed her like this.

Rita returned to the hallway, wishing she'd never investigated. She'd been horrified to be told Yuri was an attempted rapist, but confirming this about Estelle felt like a part of her had died. She needed to find Yuri and apologize for doubting him, and maybe spending time with him and Judith and… well,  _maybe_  Karol and Raven would convince her that making friends wasn't a wholly terrible idea.

Before she could run off to Dahngrest, she needed to find Ioder. With Flynn gone – and knowing what she did now, she was glad Yuri had gotten him out of here – Ioder was the only one who could do something about Estelle. He hadn't been officially sworn in yet, but he acted as the emperor in all but title. He was the only one with the power to keep Estelle from hurting anyone else.

Rita stormed through the castle in a daze. Her mind was so wrapped up in what she'd learned she barely even noticed when she reached Ioder's study.

"Can I help you, Miss Mordio?" an attendant at the door said.

"Yeah," Rita said roughly, trying to keep her voice level. "I need to talk to Ioder."

The attendant frowned. "Master Ioder is very busy right now. Can you tell me what this is about?"

"It's important," she said. "Just let me through."

"Oh, hello, Rita!"

Rita's blood ran cold as she heard that familiar cheerful voice. She slowly turned and forced a smile. "O-oh! Hi, Estelle."

"Are you trying to see Ioder?"

"Uh… yeah," Rita said. "I just wanted to talk to him about a thing."

"I was going to see him, too," she said. "We can go in together."

Rita shrugged, trying to play it cool. "Oh, nah, it's not really the important. If he's busy I'll just talk to him later."

"Oh…" Estelle stared at her, her lips squeezing together slightly the way they did when she was thinking something over.

Crap, could Estelle read Rita as well as she could read her? Or  _thought_  she could read her, she reminded herself grimly. Could she tell that Rita knew? Rita tried to meet her eyes evenly and not give away that she thought any different of her. She didn't think it was too hard, because now that she saw Estelle in person, it was hard to believe what she'd learned. When Rita looked at her, she just saw Estelle, friendly, goofy, perky Estelle whom Rita cared more about than any other person she'd ever met.

She needed to get out of here. If she spent any more time around Estelle, her affection might get in the way of the scientific evidence she'd gathered. "I need to go," Rita said.

"Ok, Rita," Estelle said. "Let me know if I can help you get a meeting with Ioder."

"Yeah, thanks." Crap. She knew. She had to know, or else that last comment wouldn't have carried the implication that Rita wouldn't be getting any chance to meet with Ioder if it wasn't through her. What was she supposed to do now?

She needed to get to Dahngrest. She had enough money to buy transport to Dahngrest, so she'd get going before Estelle had a chance to confirm Rita was on to her and act against her. She hurried toward her room to pack her things, hardly able to believe she was running away from Estelle.

* * *

It was evening, and Estelle was trying to find Rita. Usually Estelle met Rita at her room before they went to dinner, but Estelle had knocked on Rita's door and she hadn't answered. This was annoying; it was so much less boring eat dinner with Rita to talk to. She had already checked the library, and couldn't think of anywhere else to look for Rita.

"Excuse me," she said to a servant in the hallway, "have you seen Rita Mordio?"

The young woman thought for a moment, and then nodded. "Oh, yes, I heard she left town."

Estelle frowned. "Left town? Where did she go?"

"She had business in Halure. Something to do with blastia, I think."

"Oh, I see," Estelle said. Yes, that sounded like Rita. Running off to do science without warning. She supposed Rita had been worrying about it this afternoon, which explained her odd behaviour trying to talk to Ioder. She was relieved; she'd been worried Rita had discovered that Yuri was telling the truth. "Thank you for telling me."

She made her way back to her room, disappointed that she'd have to eat dinner alone. How boring. At the very least, she supposed her time in the castle now wasn't nearly as boring as it used to be. She knew she could leave whenever she wanted without having to concoct some wild scheme to get past the overbearing Council. It was just a shame Yuri had to go poking and learned her secret.

She'd spent most of the afternoon trying to convince Ioder to send knights into Dahngrest to recover Flynn. He insisted that they had no hard evidence Flynn was there and it wasn't worth sparking a war. He also claimed that if Flynn had been taken by Yuri and the others, then even though he didn't understand Yuri's motives he trusted Flynn wasn't in pressing danger. That wasn't good enough for Estelle. If Ioder wouldn't authorize it, she'd have to convince Sodia to lead the knights on her own. Sodia was much easier to convince to do something reckless for Flynn's sake. In any case, Estelle needed to get Flynn back before Yuri did something stupid and broke her favourite toy.

Back in her room, she went into her bedroom to get changed for dinner. When she walked in, she paused. There was something not quite right. She frowned, looking around her room. The closet door and dresser drawers were all closed, the bed was still made, there was nothing on the floor… She must be imagining it.

She crossed to the closet, but when she walked through a beam of fading sunlight she paused and slowly turned her head to the curtain. She had not left the curtains open. She specifically remembered pulling them closed this morning. Someone had been in her room.

Estelle hurried around her bed to the nightstand. Already sure what she'd find, she opened the cupboard and found her books. Sure enough, the one she'd used as a guide for Flynn was in a different position, clumsily shoved back on the shelf.  _Rita_.

She slammed the cupboard door shut and sat on the edge of the bed in a huff. How  _dare_  she snoop around her room?! Rita was supposed to be her friend! Now Rita had run off to 'Halure' – as if. Estelle would bet all the gold in the treasury she'd run off to Dahngrest to find Yuri.

This was getting dangerous. Too many people in Dahngrest were finding out, and it wouldn't be long before someone got through to Ioder. If he found out, her plans to rule the empire from behind the throne, out of the limelight, would be ruined. Damn it all to hell, her only choice now was to just become the empress herself and remove Ioder from the equation. What a pain; now she was going to have to assassinate him.


	8. Turnaround

In the past, Flynn lay on the floor. He once again found himself in that cold, dark room that reeked of blood, like he did almost every night. His hands crept along the concrete, searching. He hoped it hadn't flown too far, because with his knee twisted he didn't think he could move from where he lay on his side. Near the edge of his reach, his fingers finally closed on his tooth.

There wasn't much he could do about the blood pouring from his nose and split lip, but teeth could be popped back into place if you got to them quick enough. Muscles straining, he propped himself up on one elbow and spat out a mouthful of blood. Before it could accumulate again, he pushed the tooth back into place and then lightly bit down on his thumb to hold it steady. Hopefully it would hold. He didn't want an ugly gap in his mouth after he got out of here.

That thought made him pause, and he almost would have laughed if he had the energy to spare. He hadn't actually thought about having a life after imprisonment in a long time. He rarely even thought about having a life  _before_  imprisonment. It felt like that had happened to a different person in another life.

The lock clicked and he flinched on instinct. He'd come to associate the door unlocking with imminent agony like a dog salivating at the ring of a bell. Every muscle tensed and he reflexively curled his legs up as if he could protect himself. Then he realized the person approaching him was Lady Estellise, and he relaxed. She carried a bowl and a glass of water, and Flynn suddenly found himself even more like a salivating dog than he'd first thought.

"Good afternoon, Flynn," Estellise said, kneeling next to him. "I brought you something to eat. Are you hungry?"

His stomach had stopped rumbling at least a day ago, like it had thrown in the towel and given up asking for food and just left him feeling empty and drained. He nodded, though he still had his hand in his mouth to hold his tooth in place. A warm bowl of thick chowder sat on the floor in front of him and part of him wanted to just kneel on the floor and lap it all up with his tongue, licking the bowl until there was nothing left. He still had some pride, though; he wasn't going to eat like an animal.

"Let me heal your wounds, first." She held her hands over his knee and a few seconds later he felt the tell-tale warm tingling of magical healing and his body put itself back together.

He pulled his hand from his mouth, wiped blood from his chin, and delicately tested his tooth with his tongue. It felt firm enough, so he didn't waste any more time and grabbed the bowl.

"Be careful," Estellise said while he shoveled soup into his mouth. "Don't eat too fast or you'll make yourself sick."

He forced himself to slow down, but it was hard. He'd thought he'd known what starvation was like from living on the streets, but he'd never gone this long without food before. He finished the bowl far too fast for his liking and was ready for twelve more, but Estellise hadn't brought more than one and he didn't want to seem ungrateful by asking for me.

"Here," she said, holding out a glass of water, "have a drink. You must be thirsty."

He nodded eagerly and then gulped the glass down. It was fresh and cool and felt like a miraculous rainstorm arriving to the Sands of Kogorh. "Thank you," he gasped when he finished the glass and set it down. "Thank you, thank you,  _thank_  you."

"You don't have to thank me," Estellise said with a smile. "It's thanks enough to see you enjoy it."

"Did you make it yourself?"

She shook her head and blushed. "Um, no, I don't really know how to cook…"

Stupid. Of course the princess hadn't cooked it herself. What was he thinking? "I'm sorry. I should have realized."

"It's ok," she said brightly. "It would be nice to know how to cook, I think. Do you know how to cook?"

Flynn thought back to his own attempts at cooking – rather, his past life's attempts at cooking because that had been so long ago – and grimaced. "Er… no. Yuri says that if chefs were musicians, he'd be a pianist and I'd play the kazoo."

Estellise giggled. "Sounds like you're even worse than me. Who is Yuri?"

"Ah… he… he's just a friend of mine." He realized he'd never mentioned him to her before and felt embarrassed to have thrown the name out without context.

"A friend?" she cocked her head to the side. "Is he a knight, too?"

"Not anymore. We joined the Knights together, but then… he left."

"Why did he leave?"

"I don't know." He did, but it was complicated. Flynn's interpretation was that Yuri was too impatient to wait for the Knights to change. He always wanted instant gratification, and working within the rules in the hope of changing those rules years later wasn't good enough for him. Flynn understood his friend's decision and accepted it – to tell the truth, he'd found picturing Yuri as a knight hard to imagine since they were kids. He just didn't think he had the energy to explain properly in his current state. Even with Estellise's healing, he still felt the constant throbbing ache of dozens of injuries. He hadn't slept properly in days and as much as he appreciated the food she' brought he feared all it had down was awaken the ravenous beast in his empty stomach. He couldn't explain his complicated relationship with Yuri when all he wanted to do was curl up in a ball and sleep for six months.

"What's he like?" Estellise asked. "Did you know him when you were younger?"

He nodded slowly. "Yuri is… difficult. He's a sarcastic pain in the ass, to be honest." He dimly recognized that he shouldn't use such language around the princess, but his exhaustion had taken him past the point of having a filter. He sighed heavily and clarified, "Despite that, he's been my best friend since we were children. We used to do everything together. I always seemed to beat him when we played games; I wasn't trying to, but I guess I was always just a little bit older and a lit bit bigger." His voice was creaky and dry, since this was the longest uninterrupted speaking he'd done in weeks. Lately, the most exercise his throat got was screaming. He found himself rambling because he hadn't had an actual conversation in months and words tumbled out of his mouth in search of normalcy. He could almost pretend they were having a normal conversation between friends, despite the fact that he was shirtless, emaciated, covered in his own blood and countless bruises and knelt on a rough concrete floor in a dimly lit cell.

Estellise didn't seem to mind his rambling, so he went on, "We disagree about a lot of things – actually, we disagree about almost everything – but we have the same ideals and we know we'll always be there to back each other up." Flynn's cheeks twitched in the barest shadow of a smile. Just talking about Yuri made him – and the life Flynn had known before – seem so much more real.

"Oh, I see," Estellise said, nodding along. "So this Yuri person is the source of your resilience in your beliefs?"

"Well… maybe partially." He looked down at his knees. "We grew up together in the lower quarter, so my beliefs influenced him and vice versa."

"He sounds like a very… interesting person."

Flynn nodded. "He's certainly something." He glanced up to say, "But, you should be careful if you ever meet him."

"Oh? Is he dangerous?"

"I don't know if I'd say dangerous… but he can be unpredictable. He's always certain that his way of doing things is right, and doesn't listen to the law if it conflicts with his own ideals." Flynn trusted Yuri with all his heart, but for years he'd contended with the knowledge that if Yuri's personality paired with a less stringent set of morals he would easily become a villain. "Just, keep on your toes around him." He doubted Lady Estellise would ever meet Yuri. The very idea of them meeting felt bizarre in his mind, like two characters from completely different books inexplicably starring in one together.

Reminiscing about Yuri made him feel happy for… well, no. He wasn't happy, because the pathways in his brain that registered happiness had caked over with cobwebs from underuse, but peaceful contentment was such a nice reprieve from constant pain and horror that it was almost as good.

The contentedness slipped away as another thought occurred to him. "I wrote to him before I came and told him I'd visit him once I arrived in the city but… but I haven't been able to. I wonder if he's worried about me." He raised his head, slowly only because he was still so sleep deprived that fast movements made his head spin in circles, and asked, "He must have written to me. If I never answer his letters, he's sure to be worried."

Estellise frowned, and carefully shook her head. "No one has written to you, Flynn."

Flynn wrinkled his brow in confusion. "He would have."

"I'm sorry, Flynn, but you haven't gotten any letters. I've been looking for you just in case, but you haven't gotten anything."

"Nothing…?" No updates from his previous post? No requests from Hanks to come around and fix his cart now that he was back in town? Not  _one_  letter from Yuri asking what was up and why he hadn't come to say hello?"

"No. I'm really sorry." Her eyes wavered with unhappiness at having to be the bearer of bad news. "I know it really hurts to think it, but maybe those people you thought you'd hear from weren't really as good friends as you thought they were."

Flynn rested his face forehead in one blood-stained hand. "No… that can't be right."

"I sort of know how you feel," Estellise said sympathetically. "People act so nice to me to my face because I'm the princess, but behind my back they're jealous of my title and magic. You're a really strong fighter, so I bet people resent you for that."

"Well… maybe." He didn't want to disagree with her because she was the only friend he had now. "But I know that can't be the case with Yuri."

"I'm not so sure," Estellise said thoughtfully. "You said you always used to beat him in things, right? If it were me, that would make me feel really jealous."

Flynn shook his head. "No, Yuri isn't like that."

"Do you think he left the Knights because he was tired of being in your shadow?"

"That's not it."

"You said you didn't know why he left, and that sounds like a reason to me."

"He's my best friend," Flynn said stubbornly, in no condition to argue that point.

Estellise pouted and Flynn felt horrible for making her unhappy. "I'm only trying to help, Flynn. I'm worried that this friendship was bad for you. From your own words he was an unpleasant person, and if he was the one filling your head with all these wrong and misguided beliefs, he must have been a terrible influence."

There she went again, telling him how wrong he was. Flynn was so confused about this. Estellise was so nice to him and clearly cared about him, but it was so hard to buy into what she was saying. He refused to believe his ideals were really wrong. He and Yuri had sworn to fight for justice, hadn't they? Unless Estellise was right about Yuri, too…

"I know it hurts to think that you might be wrong about a friend," she rested a gentle hand on his arm, "but it's important to identify the toxic people in your life and get rid of them. It seems really backward to call someone your friend when you disagree about everything."

"If you met him, you'd understand."

Estellise frowned. "Flynn, from everything you've told me, Yuri was not a good friend to you. It's his fault you're a bad person, and I wouldn't be surprised if he manipulated you that way on purpose to make you less of a threat. You need to stop trusting him."

"But… he's Yuri."

She sighed and slumped her shoulders. "Why won't you just  _listen_  to me, Flynn?" She gently squeezed his bicep, though there was hardly any muscle left. "You would be so much happier if you'd just put your trust in me. It breaks my heart to see you obstinately refuse salvation. Because I want to see you do better, it's important to me that you see the truth about this Yuri person."

She slowly got to her feet, lightly ruffling his hair on the way up. "I need to go now, Flynn, but hopefully the next time I talk to you, you'll understand the truth about Yuri."

She picked up the cup and bowl and left the room. Flynn could almost feel the temperature of the room drop as she left.

* * *

In the present, Flynn lay in bed and staring at the ceiling. He'd spent two days doing nothing but talk with Yuri. Sometimes Karol joined them and they showed him books describing brainwashing methods. Karol said that if he understood what had been done to him he'd be able to break through it more easily. Flynn wasn't sure if that was true, because so far talking about it just reminded him of more horrific memories.

He preferred the hours when Yuri just sat and talked to him about the past. Yuri did most of the talking, because Flynn couldn't figure out which of his memories were real things that had happened, which were terrible things Estelle convinced him Yuri had done, and which were wishful thinking.

Between reminiscing about good times in the past, Yuri tried to reason with him. He raised some good points. If the torture Estelle had put him through was deserved and officially mandated by the Knights, why hadn't he been allowed to tell anyone about it? His belief in justice was what led him to feeling so miserable, except as Yuri reminded him, he'd been perfectly happy up until he met Estelle. Flynn was so exhausted and disoriented he couldn't figure out how to argue with him. He'd intended to only fake going along with Yuri to expedite getting out of here, but he could feel himself unravelling as all the things he'd clung to for years fell away.

He was confused. The world didn't make sense and he wasn't sure who he was supposed to be. All he wanted was to not be miserable anymore. The idea of being happy was so foreign he didn't even consider it. Even while working under Estelle he'd never been happy. He'd been… content. The world had made sense. He knew what he was supposed to do and what he needed to do to avoid pain.

Yuri and the others had torn that stability away from him. He had felt this way before, and recalled lying on the hard concrete in a black room, bleeding, hungry, cold, and in crushing pain. He'd stared up into the darkness and come to the conclusion that if there was any order or justice in the universe, he  _must_  deserve this treatment. He'd believed in the Knights all his life, and since everyone from fellow knights to the princess herself told him he was a terrible knight and that it was his fault for being wrong, it was easier to accept that fact than keep protesting it. He remembered hating himself and how horribly wrong he was and hating the beliefs that had led him there.

Then Estelle offered him a chance to become better. He had been so desperately miserable that he latched on to any offer of salvation. Estelle said trusting in her would make him happy, and it had. Well, it had made him not miserable at the very least. But now he was back in this state, and he desperately wanted to be himself again if he could only figure out who that was. Trusting Estelle had not made him happy. When was the last time he'd been truly happy?

It had probably been when he was with the knights in his old brigade. All the stories Yuri was telling him of their past stirred up memories he would consider happy. Really, he had no logical reason to believe Estelle's word over Yuri's. Following Estelle hadn't worked, so maybe he should follow Yuri now. Maybe if he listened to Yuri he would figure out who he was and what he should become. At the very least, giving it a shot couldn't possibly make him feel worse than he already did.

Having made the decision to trust Yuri, he rolled over on his side and closed his eyes. He took a deep breath, which was still a struggle because his left lung strained to fully inflate, but he knew that would heal with time. He only hoped his head was as easy to put back together.

* * *

Yuri was in the best mood he'd been in all week when he walked down the stairs with a bowl of oatmeal. He'd never admit it, but his screaming and crying fit with Karol the other day had really taken the edge off his stress. That Flynn seemed to be getting better also enhanced his mood. Flynn was still a wreck, but it no longer seemed inevitable that Yuri would have to kill him.

He unlocked the door and entered the room with a grin, "Rise and shine, sleepy – Flynn?" Flynn was asleep, but breathing hard. He twitched and thrashed, sweat rolling down his face. The bowl of oatmeal hadn't finished wobbling from the rush of being set down by the time Yuri reached Flynn's side. "Hey, Flynn," Yuri said, shaking his shoulder. "Wake up, you're having a nightmare." He shook him a bit more roughly and shouted, "Flynn!"

Flynn's eyes snapped open, and less than a second later he bolted upright and grabbed Yuri by the throat. Yuri choked and grabbed Flynn's wrists while Flynn panted and stared at him with confused terror.

"D-dammit," Yuri choked out. "Get a –  _hrk_  – hold of yourself!" He pried Flynn's hands off his throat and took a grateful gulp of air.

For a few seconds, Flynn struggled and pulled at Yuri's grip, until realization flashed through his eyes and he jerked away, scrambling away from Yuri and pressing himself against the wall. "Oh shit, oh – I'm so sorry, Yuri. I'm sorry, I'm sorry."

Yuri raised his hand to massage his bruised neck, and frowned when Flynn flinched. "It's alright," he said. "I'm not mad."

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry," Flynn said, staring at him fearfully. "I didn't mean to, I just-"

"Hey! Calm down and listen to me a second, would you?" Yuri lowered his hand and shook his head. "It's fine. I shouldn't have startled you like that. I'm not going to hit you or anything. Come eat breakfast before it gets cold."

"Alright…" Flynn said, slowly getting up and following Yuri to the table. By the time he sat down, he seemed to have come to his senses. He gazed sullenly at the oatmeal and said, "Damn… I'm a mess."

"Heh, that's putting it mildly," Yuri said, sitting across from him. "But, hey, they say the first step to getting better is recognizing you have a problem."

"Do you know what my problem is?" Flynn asked after taking a spoonful of oatmeal.

Yuri wasn't sure what to say, because Flynn had quite a few problems and Yuri was painfully aware of all of them.

After he didn't answer, Flynn said, "I'm tired. I am  _so_  tired. Despite that, I don't want to sleep because when I do, I just have nightmares."

"Ah. Well, I actually sort of know how you feel. I avoided sleep for a while, too, after I… you know."

Flynn glanced fleetingly at his chest. "Right. So, should I try to sleep anyway?"

Yuri shrugged. "I don't know. I guess all I can suggest is that you do what feels right for you."

"But… what should I do?"

"Don't ask me," Yuri said. "Er…" he looked around the room, wishing he had any kind of experience with helping mentally ill people. "Do… you want to talk about it?" He half hoped Flynn would say no, because he would have no idea what to say.

Flynn stared pensively at his oatmeal, pushing it around with his spoon. "It took ten months."

Yuri frowned. "What did?"

"From the day I was arrested for no reason to the day I was released to willingly serve Estelle."

Just like he'd feared, Yuri had no idea what to say to that. How could he even put into words how outraged he was that Flynn had been put through that? Besides, ranting at Flynn about how much of an injustice this was wouldn't help. He tried going back to a subject they'd already covered. "And, you know that this was wrong, right? You know Estelle wasn't actually trying to help you?"

Flynn slowly nodded. "It's hard to believe that. For so long she was the only person I thought I could trust. But, I trust you now and I believe you."

His chest swelled. "Alright, good." It was the first time Flynn had told him he trusted him. He was so used to hearing Flynn mindlessly say he trusted Estelle, and he hadn't realized how much he longed to hear those words. Flynn trusted him. Flynn didn't think he hated him. They could mark that down as another victory. "So, if you trust what I say… do you believe me when I tell you that you were brainwashed?"

Flynn face tightened. "I have to, don't I? It's the only thing that makes sense."

Yuri nodded eagerly, relieved Flynn was finally coming around. "You asked me why all this shit happened to you. That's why. Estelle wanted to manipulate you into being loyal to her, so she tortured you until you shattered and she could remake you however she pleased."

Flynn sighed, and then forced another spoonful into his mouth. After slowly swallowing, he said, "I guess I should be proud of how long it took to crack me."

Yuri nodded. "You're the toughest guy I know."

"Ten months…" Flynn said slowly, his grip tightening on his spoon. "They tried everything to break me. Psychological, physical… sexual." The spoon clinked on the edge of the bowl as he dropped it and then buried his face in his hand.

Yuri's insides squirmed. He really didn't want to hear the exact details, but if Flynn needed to talk, he had to listen.

"Through all that, Estelle was the only person who showed me any kindness. After endless months, I felt so alone and so broken. I can't even say I hit rock bottom because that implies a solid foundation. I was adrift and confused and all I knew was that I wanted something, anything, to save me from the pain, the guilt, and the shame. When Estelle offered me salvation, I didn't even question her."

"I understand," Yuri said. "No one blames you for what happened."

"It's like I was dead inside for the past few years. All I did was follow Lady – I mean, Estelle's orders and I never once thought about the past. It's not that I forgot I just… never remembered. Now you've woken me up and it's hitting me all at once, and every detail I remember is worse than the last."

"Well… that's better than being dead inside, right?"

"You think so?"

"I wouldn't want to be dead inside  _or_  outside."

"Oh… I suppose so." He took another spoonful of oatmeal and then pushed the bowl away.

"Are you not hungry? You need to eat to get your strength."

Flynn frowned, but pulled the bowl back. "Alright."

Yuri watched Flynn eat, reminding himself how far Flynn had come in only a week. It wasn't that long ago that he'd been totally under Estelle's thrall, and now he was on his way out. Yuri just didn't like how agreeable Flynn was being. He used to think having Flynn go along with whatever he said would be wonderful, and would certainly save him a lot of arguments, but now he found that Flynn agreeing with everything he said just didn't feel like Flynn.

Besides, Flynn  _shouldn't_  go along with him. He wanted Flynn to become the strong leader he used to be, and that wouldn't happen if he clung to Yuri. Yuri was a criminal, and not the sort of person Flynn should attach himself to. As glad as he was by Flynn's slow recovery, he worried that he was going to accidentally drag Flynn down the wrong path.

They spent the rest of the morning talking about the lower quarter. Flynn didn't seem to want to talk about his experiences any more, and now that he'd embraced the idea that he'd been brainwashed, Yuri didn't have to try to convince him of that anymore, either. Instead he told him stories about the crap they'd gotten themselves into as kids, in an effort to remind Flynn that he'd been happy once and he could get there again. Flynn seemed to enjoy the stories, although he never once smiled.

Karol brought them lunch around noon, along with a checkers board, which made up most of the afternoon. Yuri didn't take too much satisfaction in finally beating Flynn, since Flynn was far from the top of his game. Still, it was nice. Sitting there, just playing a game together, Yuri could almost pretend things were back to normal.

When evening came, Yuri packed up the board and said, "Hey, you know what? I think you've spent long enough in this crummy basement."

"You think so?"

"Yeah," Yuri said, nodding. "You should come upstairs and sleep in a proper bedroom." They'd kept him down here up until now because they hadn't been sure if they had really gotten through to him. His behaviour today, though, had convinced Yuri that he really was trying to put himself back together. More than that, Yuri didn't like the idea of leaving him alone down here to suffer through more nightmares alone. "Just promise me you won't leave on your own."

Flynn nodded. "I won't. I'll do whatever you say, Yuri."

Yuri sighed as he led Flynn out the door. "I'm not asking you to do whatever I say. I want you to make your own decisions."

"But…" Flynn seemed genuinely confused at this direction.

Yuri shook his head and decided they could leave this for another day. In the main room, they found Karol, Raven, and Judy sitting at the table eating dinner. "Hey," Yuri said, "mind if we join you guys?"

"Oh, hi!" Karol said, grinning. "It's good to see you up, Flynn."

Flynn, though, wasn't looking at him. His eyes were locked on Raven, who sheepishly waved a little.

"Maybe we should go," Judith said quietly when she saw Flynn trembling.

"No," Flynn said. "It's alright. I just - I'll eat dinner in my room. Yuri, where should I go?"

Yuri glanced apologetically at Raven and Judith, and then led Flynn to the room he was using. "Here, take my bed," Yuri said, closing the door behind him. "Flynn… you know Raven and Judy were only trying to help you, right?"

"I know," Flynn said, staring at the mattress rather than him. "I know that logically, but… I just don't think I can face them right now. Please thank them for helping me."

"Alright," Yuri said with a nod. "I can respect that. You take the bed and I'll sleep on the floor. I'll go get us some noodles and we'll eat in here." Yuri left the room and returned to the kitchen to get a couple of bowls.

"Sorry," Raven said in a low voice. "We didn't know ya'd be bringin' him up."

"It's alright," Yuri said. "He told me to thank you for helping him."

Raven sighed tiredly. "Well, I certainly didn't do it for my own health."

"It's so weird seeing him like this," Karol said, staring at the closed door. "I'm used to him being… you know… _Flynn_."

"Ugh, tell me about it," Yuri said, scooping spaghetti into the bowls.

"He'll get better," Judith said. "It will just take time."

"Right," Yuri said, pouring some sauce into the bowls and grabbing a pair of forks. He didn't want it to take time. He wanted his friend back now, and a tiny part of him almost wished he had never learned what happened to Flynn so Flynn could continue faking his old self. He knew it hadn't been real, but it  _felt_  real at the time, even if the real Flynn had been buried under layers of mental conditioning. He felt guilty for even thinking this.

When he returned to the room, he found Flynn sitting on the floor with Repede's head in his lap. He idly rubbed Repede's head while leaning against the bed. Repede glanced up at Yuri when he entered and Yuri gave him the tiniest of smiles to thank him for subjecting himself to affection. Repede closed his eyes, letting Yuri know he didn't mind helping Flynn at all.

"Dinner," Yuri said, handing Flynn the bowl.

"Thanks."

Yuri sat cross-legged on the floor across from him. Yuri dug in and splattered tomato sauce on his shirt within five minutes. Flynn, meanwhile, ate carefully and somehow managed not to get any sauce on his chin, a feat impossible for Yuri. Some things, at least, never changed.

* * *

Several days later, Flynn sat at the kitchen table, cheek resting on his fist, watching Yuri cook dinner. Repede sat at his feet, his back pressed against Flynn's shins. It had been a peaceful few days, for a given definition of peaceful. They hung out around the house. They talked about any subject but Estelle. Karol and Judith had started looking for a building to rent to turn into the main headquarters of Brave Vesperia, and though Flynn struggled to be in the same room as Raven or Judith without having a panic attack, he did his best to listen and offer what housing input he could.

Sometimes, he had… episodes. He still didn't know all the things that could set them off, but he had ten months' worth of horrific memories that had suddenly leapt to the forefront of his brain and cried for attention, while at the same time he desperately wished he could repress them again.

Sometimes he had no idea what set him off. He could just be listening to Yuri and Karol talk and something one of them said, or maybe the way they said it, reminded him of those endless days getting shouted at by the Royal Guard. He knew he was sitting safely in Altosk, but helplessness and dread overwhelmed him and he was left burying his head in his arms and shaking.

Other times, he knew exactly what triggered it. Yesterday morning, Raven stumbled into the main room to find some breakfast, half-asleep and fumbling with the buckle on his belt. Flynn froze up when he heard the clanking and rustle of clothing. While he could feel the soft sofa cushion beneath him, he also felt cold concrete under his knees and rough fingers gripping his hair. He heard a belt coming undone and a voice saying, "Open your mouth…"

Someone grabbed his shoulders and he shouted, and in a panic he smashed his fist out. Slowly, Yuri came into focus, clutching his cheek but staring at him in concern.

Flynn felt terrible every time he injured Yuri in a blind panic, but even though he kept asking Yuri not to put himself in harm's way, he insisted on running to Flynn's aid whenever a memory gripped him.

That was what true friendship was, Flynn realized as he watched Yuri busy in the kitchen. The understanding smacked him in the face, not because it was new but because somehow he'd forgotten it.

( _Not somehow. You know why. Blood and pain and crying and darkness-)_

_Stop, stop, stop! I'm not thinking about that right now!_

Estelle told him she was his friend but was only ever kind to him when he did what she asked, and she punished him harshly when he let her down. He'd gotten so messed up that she'd convinced him that was how true friends worked, and that she had to punish him if she was going to help him be a better knight.

He'd gotten so used to success rewarded with kindness and failure with punishment that he was confused for a while that with Yuri, both success  _and_  failure were met with kindness. Yuri didn't want anything from him except for him to feel better. It didn't matter how many times Flynn woke him up with his thrashing during a nightmare, or how many times Yuri had to reach for an apple gel after Flynn freaked out on him, he still came running and he never asked for anything in return. He never had to earn Yuri's support, he just got it. Now that he was able to see through Estelle's cloying words, he remembered that that was how it had always been between them.

He'd made the choice to trust Yuri rather than Estelle in a blind stab at trying something new that might lead to feeling better, but he was now certain that he'd made the right choice.

Footsteps came down the hall, which confused Flynn because Karol and Raven were already in the room and Judith was out. Yuri seemed confused by this too, so he set his knife down and leaned around the wall to peer down the hallway. "Rita?"

Rita entered with Harry, coming in from the door that connected to the main part of Altosk rather than the outside.

"Hey, Yuri," she said as she reached the main room. "Oh, Flynn. Uh… how are you?"

Yuri glanced at him, and Flynn settled on, "I'm alright." It was far from the truth, but he didn't want to get into just how messed up he was

"What are you doing here, Rita?" Karol asked.

"I just got here from Zaphias," she said, pulling up a chair and sitting across from Flynn. "You were right, Yuri." She pressed her forward into her hands. "You were right and I'm a moron. Sorry I doubted you."

"It's fine," Yuri said.

Raven asked, "Do you need something, Harry?"

"I wanted to check in on progress with Flynn. Seems to me like he's doing well."

"We're making progress," Yuri said, leaning against the kitchen counter with his arms crossed.

"He's not brainwashed anymore, then?" Harry asked.

Yuri waved his hand. "Ask him yourself."

Harry looked to Flynn expectantly, and he said, "Uh… I don't think I am." Of course, he hadn't known he was brainwashed even when he was, so how could he know for certain now?

"Good," Harry said. "Because we have a situation in Zaphias."

"What?" Rita said, raising her head. "Everything was fine when I left. Well… not  _fine_  because Estelle is… Ugh, you know what I mean."

"Kaufman got a message via carrier pigeon this morning," Harry said. "Her wagons aren't being let into the castle, and apparently Ioder has fallen ill."

"Guess they figured out how we got Flynn out," Yuri said. "Did it say what Ioder is sick with?"

"No," Harry said, "only that he's laid up in bed with a terrible illness that seems to be worsening."

"She's poisoning him," Flynn said softly.

In the long silence, no one had to ask who the 'she' was.

"What happens if Ioder dies?" Yuri asked.

"Estelle becomes empress," Rita said. "Guess she figured she needed more power now that she lost Flynn and the rest of us."

Karol watched them uncertainly from the sofa. "What do you think she'll do when she becomes empress?"

"I don't know," Yuri said, "but when she was a princess she tried to raise Zaude because she was bored so I doubt it will be anything good."

"Even if she has no evil plan," Raven said, "I doubt she'll be the kind of ruler who wants ta make peace with the Union and aid the lower classes."

"Bet the Council will love her," Yuri said bitterly. "Fat chance they'd depose her even if they did know the truth about her."

"We need to get to Ioder," Harry said. "And soon. If we sit around here too much longer, Ioder will die, Estelle will take the throne, and she'll appoint a new commandant. Once that happens, there's not much we can do."

"We have some time, I think," Raven said. "She'll want ta make sure Ioder's death is drawn out. A sudden illness that kills right away is too suspicious."

"How do we save Ioder?" Karol said.

"A poison bottle oughta do the trick," Raven said. "The trouble is gettin' it ta him."

"We'll have to sneak into the castle," Yuri said. "We can go in through the sewers-"

"She'll be expectin' that," Raven said. "You're the one who showed her that entrance in the first place."

"You can send someone, Harry," Rita said.

He shook his head. "Unlikely. According to Kaufman, they're not letting any guilds in."

"Dammit," Yuri said. "She knows we're going to try to heal Ioder so she's not letting anyone into the castle without her permission. Even if we managed to sneak in, even I don't think I could get past all the guards between me and Ioder himself."

"Exactly," Harry said. "There's only one person who can get past the guards, and do it easily by commanding them to get out of the way."

All eyes turned to Flynn, who suddenly understood why Harry had been so concerned to ask about his health. Flynn stared at Harry in shock. He couldn't be serious. Flynn had yet to go a day without at least two breakdowns and the thought of encountering knights from the Royal Guard, who would be wearing the same uniforms as the faceless guards from his memories-

 _You're not a knight, you're not even a man_. He could still see Harry glaring angrily at him, but the words spun around in his head like an echo.  _What a waste. Can't do anything right. You should kiss the princess' feet just for taking time to notice you._

"No," Yuri said firmly, snapping Flynn back to reality. He watched Flynn with concern, since Flynn had gone nearly a minute without responding to Harry and had spent it staring at the wall with wide eyes and a pale face. "He's not ready for that kind of mission."

"He seems to be upright and not brainwashed," Harry said. "That's as good as we need. All he needs to do is walk up to Ioder and give him a poison bottle."

"And what if he runs into Estelle?" Rita asked.

"There's no reason he would have to," Harry said. "Besides, he's stronger than her. If she attacks he can easily overpower her."

"He's not going," Yuri said. "At least for now. He needs more time to recover before we throw him into action again."

"Don't you understand how important this is?!" Harry slammed his fist on the table, which made Flynn jump.

"Yeah, I do," Yuri said. "Which is why we can't send Flynn in now."

"Harry, Yuri's got a point," Raven said. "I'm not sure if we want to put all our hopes on Flynn's shoulders just now."

"It's a simple operation!" Harry shouted, rounding on Flynn, who leaned back in his chair on instinct to put more distance between himself and the angry, shouting person looming over him. Repede raised his head and growled at Harry, who ignored him and went on to say, "Flynn, you can handle it, can't you? It's not like the knights are going to stop and question the commandant. What kind of knight are you if you can't even walk through a building and give someone a bottle?"

_"What kind of knight are you? Stop sniveling. You wouldn't be in pain if you'd just do what you're told."_

_Stop, stop, let go of my arm, please I haven't done anything wro-_

No, not now, he couldn't do this -

_"You still seriously believe a knight should put anything ahead of following orders? You're so fucking stupid."_

_No, stop, it's going to break._

"Are you even listening to me?! The world is in danger, Commandant."

 _"You are_ wrong _! People like you are ruining the whole Knighthood! Where did you even get these bullshit ideas?!"_

_Stop, stop, please st- FUCK!_

"Shut up, Harry. Flynn, hey, can you hear me?

_"Stop screaming, you useless bastard; it's just a dislocated elbow. If you lose your head over something like this, it's no wonder your brigade transferred you here to get rid of you."_

_No, that's not tr - ARGH stop twisting , please sto-_

"Flynn!"

He blinked and noticed Yuri's intense eyes right in front of his. Relief filled them when Flynn met his eyes. "I... I'm alright."

The rest of the room stared at him nervously, while Harry sulked and said, "I never thought you'd put the sake of the world after protecting your feelings."

"Shut your mouth," Yuri snapped.

"But-!"

"Not now, kid," Raven said.

"Flynn," Yuri said, leaning one hand on the table next to him. "Are you with us now?"

He nodded slowly. "Yes, I'm fine." The words sounded fake even to him.  _You are so not fine_.

Yuri turned to Harry and gave him a furious look. "And that's why we're not sending him into the lion's den just yet."

Harry's anger hadn't died down, but he didn't argue. "Fine," he said. "I get it. Flynn is our best shot at getting someone to Ioder, though. I'll check again in a week to see if the situation's improved."

As soon as Harry left the room, Flynn lost what little composure he had and dropped his head into his hands. "Dammit," he muttered.

"It's not your fault," Yuri said, walking back to the kitchen. "Harry shouldn't have yelled at you like that."

"Kid wasn't thinkin'," Raven said. "I'll talk ta him later. I don't think he understands the whole situation."

He glanced over at Flynn, who immediately averted his eyes. He could tolerate Raven or Judith being in the same room, but he avoided any kind of interaction with them. He didn't like feeling this way because he knew that if they hadn't broken him down he would never have snapped out of Estelle's influence, but he couldn't help how anxious he felt whenever they got too close.

"Alright, now to lighten the mood let's have what we've all been waiting for," Yuri said, returning to the table with a platter. Karol and Raven came to join the others at the table, while Yuri passed out plates and sat next to Flynn. "Go on," he said, gesturing to the plate. "Eat up."

Flynn eyed the platter, frowning imperceptibly. Yuri had made calamari, and Rita, Raven, and Karol happily heaped the warm, fried squid onto their plates. Flynn found squid only slightly less appetizing than old sponges, but if Yuri told him to eat then he would do as told. Putting his trust in Yuri was his plan to stop feeling terrible, and it hadn't led him astray so far.

He put some of the fried rings on his plate and then speared one with his fork. He was about to lift it to his mouth when Yuri grabbed his hand. He flinched at the sudden touch, and Yuri immediately pulled back.

"Sorry."

"What's wrong?" Flynn asked.

"Why are you eating that?"

Flynn stared at him blankly. What kind of question as that? Yuri had made the food and told him to eat the food, and now wanted to know why Flynn was eating it? "Uh… it's dinner."

"Yeah," Yuri said, "but you hate squid. You loathe it. You once ranted to me for five minutes about precisely how terrible it was from taste to texture to smell."

The others had paused in their eating to watch with confusion.

"But… you told me to eat it."

Yuri rolled his eyes. "If I told you to eat garbage, would you do that, too?"

"You wouldn't tell me to do something that wasn't in my interest."

Yuri sighed heavily. "Flynn, you need to stop agreeing with me all the time. I'm not trying to replace Estelle, alright? Don't go from following Estelle's orders to following mine. Think for yourself."

Yuri's words hit him like a bolt. He hadn't even realized he was doing it, but Yuri was right. He looked to Yuri as his salvation just as he had previously attached himself to Estelle. That wasn't what he wanted; he wanted to be normal again. He didn't want to be dependent on Yuri.

Flynn creased his brow. He understood this, but he was also confused. Just minutes ago, Yuri had decided for him that he wouldn't go to Zaphias like Harry wanted. Now, he was saying Flynn had to make his own decisions. So, was Yuri deciding for him or not? A prickling fear crept into his mind. What if Yuri  _was_  trying to replace Estelle? What if he told Flynn they were un-brainwashing him to get his guard down, so that Flynn would never suspect he was being conditioned to follow Yuri now? If Yuri let him feel like he was in control by letting him pick the small things, like what to eat for dinner, he'd never suspect that his mind was once again under control. After all, he hadn't realized he was brainwashed, so at any given moment, how could he be  _sure_  he was thinking as himself?

"Flynn?" Yuri said. "Hey, are you listening to me?"

"Huh?"

"I asked if you want calamari or steak. I cooked one for you earlier."

"Oh…" Was this a trick question? Was Yuri just fooling him into thinking he had free will? Yuri knew steak was Flynn's favourite and of course he'd want it over disgusting calamari. This wasn't a real choice; Yuri was presenting him with an option even though he already knew what Flynn would pick and had prepared accordingly.

No, Yuri wouldn't do that. He trusted Yuri. He needed to stop being paranoid. The mere fact that he was wondering if he could be brainwashed right now meant that he wasn't… right? Or was that just what Yuri  _wanted_  him to think?

"Flynn? You're spacing out on me. Are you alright?"

"I'm fine," he said quickly. "I'll have steak, please."

Yuri got up to fetch it for him while Flynn rubbed his forehead. He wasn't brainwashed anymore. He was thinking for himself and yes, maybe leaning on Yuri for now, but only until he got back on his feet. Figuring out whether or not one had free will was a question that could plague even the most stable of philosophers, so there was no point dwelling on it now when he still struggled to separate reality from memories sometimes.

* * *

The sun had gone down and Flynn was sleeping peacefully, for now at least. Over the past several days, Yuri had gotten used to waking him up from nightmares and then dodging as fast as he could before Flynn could attack him. He didn't mind so much. It was good exercise, and whatever Flynn could do to him couldn't possibly hurt more than watching him suffer through a nightmare and doing nothing.

Not wanting to disturb Flynn while he was still sleeping soundly, Yuri pulled a chair at the table sideways and faced the couch, where Rita was busy making up a bed. "So… you have a good trip?"

Rita aggressively tucked the sheet under the cushions. Yuri hadn't known it was possible to aggressively make a bed, but trust Rita to find a way. "It was uneventful." She slammed the pillow down and then whirled around and plopped down. "Yuri… I'm sorry, ok? I should have believed you."

"Nah," he said, waving his hand. "I wouldn't have believed me either."

"Yeah, no offence, but Estelle seemed a lot more trustworthy than you."

Yuri rested his arm on the back of the chair and leaned sideways against it. "I'm offended."

"You thought I was a thief when we first met. We're even."

"Fair enough."

"Ugh, I hate this," Rita said, crossing her arms. "How could Estelle do this to us? I trusted her. I… I really cared about her."

"Yeah," Yuri said, looking down. "Me, too."

Rita took a deep breath. "I can't believe she used us like that. Manipulated our feelings. I really thought… what we had… Argh!" She smashed her fist against the back of the sofa. "I am  _so_  going to make her pay for this. Nobody toys with me like that and gets away with it!"

"Hey, quiet down, would you?" Yuri said, glancing to his door. "Flynn's trying to sleep." So were Raven, Karol, and Judith, but Yuri didn't think Rita cared too much about the first of those and to be honest Yuri wasn't as concerned about the rest, either.

"Sorry," she said, crossing her arms once more and sulking. "I'm just so mad."

"Yeah. Been there."

"Sorry I tried to stop you guys from saving Flynn."

"Hey, as far as you knew, we were kidnapping him. I should thank you for looking out for him."

"I guess. How is he doing? He seems pretty shaken up, but is that better than it was?"

Yuri looked to the door again, frowning. "Yeah, it is better. At least, it's a different kind of just as bad. He was just pissed at us at first, but after a few days he cracked and now he's just…" Yuri searched for a word, didn't find one, and sighed. "He's himself, which is something. Just a really messed up version of himself."

"I wish the same option existed for Estelle," Rita muttered to her chest.

Yuri looked up with interest, not having considered this option before. "Are you positive we can't?"

"She's been like this since she was a little kid," Rita said. "It's not something she can snap out of."

"Oh," Yuri said, hopes falling again. "You know, I'm surprised we got through to Flynn as quickly as we did. I was expecting it to take longer." Like ten whole months. Yuri tightened his fists to deal with a flash of anger. Ten fucking months. He didn't have many clear details about everything that had happened, but he'd gleaned enough from Flynn's outbursts to put some of the pieces together.

The other night, Flynn had been having a nightmare and Yuri tried to wake him gently rather than shaking him out of it. He rubbed his shoulder and softly called his name, hoping this method wouldn't result in him attacking Yuri. Instead, Flynn's eyes flashed open in terror and he'd screamed, "Don't touch me!" while scrambling away from Yuri and trying to pull the blanket over himself.

Yuri had a pretty decent idea what sort of thing had inspired that outburst, and he decided he would be far happier not knowing the details of those ten months.

"It makes sense, though," Rita said. "It's always easier to break something a second time. Estelle did all the hard work for you, and besides, her job was harder from the start. She had to craft an entirely new persona for him, whereas you were just trying to pull out the one that was already there."

"I guess so," Yuri said.

Rita pulled her legs onto the couch and fell over sideways. "Now, if you don't mind, I need some sleep."

"Alright," Yuri said, standing. "Sleep well."

"Yeah, you too," she said, closing her eyes.

Yuri crept back into his room. Flynn was still sound asleep, apparently not dreaming yet. Yuri hoped it would last. He laid on the blankets on the floor, next to Repede who sat protectively by the bed. Yuri smiled a bit and rubbed Repede's head before leaning back on his pillow. At least there was someone looking after Flynn even when he wasn't in the room.


	9. Nightmares and Daydreams

"I wish you would stop waking me up," Flynn said, staring down at the blood on his knuckles.

"Don' worry 'boud id," Yuri said, pinching his nose and holding his head back. "Jus' need am abble gel." He fumbled around on the dresser, where he'd started keeping the gels because of how often he needed them after waking Flynn up.

Yuri shook his head and rubbed his straightened nose when he was down. "Thanks. Man, you sure pack a punch."

"I'm sorry," Flynn said. It felt like every other word he said was an apology, but after everything he'd done, that was how it should be.

"I told you not to worry about it," Yuri said.

Flynn wiped his knuckles on his other hand and sat back down on the edge of the bed. Yuri kept waking him up every time he had a nightmare, and while he appreciate the relief from reliving the horror over and over, knowing that every time he woke up he lashed out in a confused frenzy and hurt Yuri made him feel even worse. He wanted to ask Yuri to stop sleeping in the same room as him so that maybe he wouldn't notice when Flynn was having a nightmare, but – and he felt pathetic even admitting this to himself – he was afraid of sleeping alone.

There were two reasons for that, actually. The first was simply that he didn't feel safe. He didn't want to lie in bed thinking about how easy it would be for Estelle's knights to come crashing through the window and capture him again while he was unarmed and scatter-brained. With Yuri and Repede in the room, he felt at least somewhat secure.

The second reason was that when he lay awake, dreading falling asleep because of the inevitable nightmares, it was comforting to hear Yuri and Repede's slow breathing. Yuri slept on the hard floor for nights in a row because he would do anything to help Flynn. It told Flynn that he would be devastated if something were to happen to him, and it gave him the motivation to keep pressing forward.

He really needed this, because sometimes when he lay awake in the dead of night, hating himself and his life, his mind drifted to alternative ways out. He never mentioned these thoughts to Yuri during the day because he knew it would terrify him, but wondered if Yuri has suspicions. After all, you'd have to be naïve to not think that someone in Flynn's position might consider suicide.

It wasn't that he wanted to die. What he  _wanted_  was to feel like himself again. The trouble was that some nights, when the prospect of ever feeling normal again seemed impossibly far away, he wondered if maybe being dead would be preferable to the way he felt now. Besides, if he didn't know if he was really in control of himself, and if someone could potentially hurt lots of innocents with him, killing himself would actually be the responsible thing to do.

He never told Yuri about these thoughts in the morning. Usually, being around friendly, supportive people in the light of day made the future seem less bleak and it was easier to believe that there might be a light at the end of this tunnel. So it was daytime Flynn who never dared suggest Yuri let him sleep alone, because he was terrified that without the physical reminder that Yuri would be devastated if he committed suicide, he might one day go through with it. He was even more afraid that someday, that wouldn't be enough.

"Uh, Flynn?" Yuri waved his hand a few inches from Flynn's face. "You still with me?"

Flynn blinked, realizing he'd spaced out again. He did that a lot lately. He was just glad his wandering mind had gone to musing about suicide options rather than reliving some memory again. It really said something when thinking about killing himself was the  _better_  of two options.

He recalled what they'd been talking about before he let his mind drift. "I don't want to hurt you, Yuri. I've done that enough."

"Drop it," Yuri said. "There's no way I'm going to sit back and watch you suffer without waking you up, so just deal with it, alright?"

Flynn hung his head with a sigh. "Fine." Yuri never did what he asked when it came to big things. The day after Harry came, Flynn asked to go to Zaphias and try to get to Ioder so he wouldn't feel so useless. Yuri shot him down, claiming there was no way he was mentally fit to deal with that. After some convincing, Flynn had come to agree with him.

The next day, Flynn wanted a sword. It felt like it had been ages since he'd swung a sword around and he thought it would make him feel better. After some discussing with Raven, Yuri had decided not to let him. He had a compelling argument: when saying the wrong thing or holding a knife around him the wrong way could spark a freak out that ended in him lashing out violently at anyone who got too close, it might be best not to put a weapon in his hand.

"You know," Flynn said, "you can't keep making all these decisions for me."

"You're not well, Flynn," Yuri said. "I'm just taking care of you until you get on your feet again."

It was all the same. Estelle made decisions for him because she was his 'friend'. Yuri made decisions for him because he 'wasn't fit'. Yuri's explanation made sense and he was always rational about the things he didn't let Flynn do, but Estelle had always seemed rational, too. He was still torn over the possibility of being brainwashed by someone else. How could he possibly know if he actually had free will or not?

"How long will that be?" Flynn asked. "How long until I'm... 'better'." The thought of being better seemed very far away and unrealistic. He recalled being a very young child and accidentally dropping his mom's favourite vase. It had shattered into pieces, and in a panic he'd tried to glue it back together before his mom came home. It didn't matter how much glue he used; once something was broken you couldn't just put it back together and expect it to function the same as it always had.

"I don't know," Yuri said, "but we'll get there. Hey, get dressed, would you? I was thinking we'd go out today."

"Go out?" he asked, as if the concept was foreign. In a way, it was. He hadn't left the building since he'd gotten here. The last time he'd gone out in public, he'd still been... that other him. The one that had done terrible things that made his chest ache. He wasn't sure if it really was a different him, because it had still been  _him_. He was the one that decided to put his faith in Estelle, and decided that following her orders was infinitely more important than doing the right thing.

"Yes," Yuri said. "Outside. It's this strange world without a roof filled with a magical thing called fresh air. Ever heard of it?"

"Where are we going?"

"I want to pick up some things, and Karol and Judy say they've picked a potential building for our new guild headquarters. I want to check that out."

"Do you need me to come with you?"

"No, but I think getting out would be good for you."

"I... I guess so," Flynn said, his heart speeding up slightly. Damn, what had happened to the guy who could charge into danger without any concern for his own safety? Oh, yeah, he'd been tortured and used as a mindless slave for two years.

"Great. Get dressed and meet me in the main room."

Yuri left, and Flynn looked down at Repede as if hoping the dog would get him out of this. Repede growled slightly, which Flynn interpreted as telling him to pull himself together and go outside. With a sigh, he grabbed the clothes that Yuri had bought for him, since he'd come here in hospital pyjamas.

He pulled off his shirt and looked down at his chest with a sigh. He'd never questioned those scars until now. How the hell could he have let his head get so profoundly screwed up? His fingers grazed the raised white line cutting across his chest.

_"Your ideology is wrong. Your beliefs are incorrect. Anyone who encouraged you otherwise was a false friend trying to lead you astray."_

_"Th-that's not... n-not true."_

_"I'll stop cutting when you agree with me."_

_"Arrrgh... I'm not wrong."_

_"Say it. Tell me you're wrong. You know it's true; are you too cowardly to say it aloud?"_

_"I won't - ah! Hnng..."_

_"You really want to see how much blood you can lose before Lady Estellise takes pity on you and keeps you from dying?"_

_"Hah...f-f-fine. I'm wrong. Are you f-fucking happy?"_

_"With more conviction this time."_

"Argh!" Flynn shouted as pain shot through his hand and he jerked away from Repede, who barked at him. He panted, and with the hand Repede hadn't bitten he rubbed his chest to get rid of a phantom ache.

Yuri popped his head through the door. "You ok?"

Flynn scrambled to pull his shirt over his chest and cover himself. It was stupid, he knew. It wasn't like Yuri had never seen him shirtless before. He just couldn't stand feeling exposed to anybody, even Yuri. "I'm fine," Flynn said. "I was just... I was thinking. Repede bit me. Don't worry about it."

"Alright..." Yuri said, glancing between him and Repede and then slipping out the door again.

That scar was over two years old, dammit. He hadn't thought about the day he got it since he left captivity. He wished he could go back to never thinking about what had happened and being able to act totally normal. Sure, he'd only been able to act normal because his brain had been scrambled Putting on a show to pretend you were normal was far from actually  _being_ normal, but it was easier than the volatile mess he was now.

"Is everything alright?" he heard Judith ask from the kitchen.

"Yeah," Yuri said. "Well, as close to alright as he's been lately."

"That's too bad," Judith said. "I really wish there was something we could do to help him recover faster."

"I don't wanna be a real downer here," Raven said, "but ya might be gettin' ahead of yourself. I'm not sure fully recoverin' is a realistic expectation here."

Flynn paused with his shirt hovering above his head, his interest horrifyingly piqued.

"What are you saying?" Yuri said. "Of course he's going to recover. Flynn's resilient; he can bounce back from anything."

"I've seen this kinda thing before," Raven said. "Back in the Great War we called it battle fatigue. Some guys experienced horrible crap and they just broke down - started havin' nightmares and flashbacks like Flynn here."

"How did they get better?" Judith asked.

"They didn't," Raven said. "I mean, yeah, the symptoms became less extreme with time, but I've run inta some of the guys I knew in the years since and they're still affected by it. It's not about gettin' the symptoms ta go away, it's more learnin' to live with 'em."

Flynn let the shirt fall over him and then leaned forward with his head in his hands. He was  _never_  going to stop feeling like this? He had ten months' worth of memories to revisit, and that wasn't even counting the guilt he felt for the things he'd done under Estelle's command. He'd hoped at the very least he could look forward to a future without these memories threatening to overtake him every time something vaguely reminded him of them, but apparently even that was too much to hope for.

Fully dressed, he left the room. "I'm ready to go," he said, and Yuri jumped up from the table.

"Great. Let's go get some fresh air."

Flynn wasn't sure if he'd call the air outside 'fresh'. It was damp from rain overnight and the air was filled with the scent of dead worms and wet dirt. He followed Yuri away from Altosk, unable to shake the feeling that he was like turtling walking away from his shell. He felt so exposed out here, like danger lurked around every corner. Yuri carried a sword as always, but he didn't have one and how could he protect himself if anything happened?

Not that he was going to need to protect himself. He was in Dahngrest, not roaming the unexplored fields of Hypionia. Besides, maybe it was better he wasn't armed. The last time he had a sword in his hand, he'd tried to kill Yuri. He glanced at his friend's back as his chest flopped with guilt. At least he hadn't succeeded, unlike the other innocents who'd suffered because he followed Estelle's orders. That wasn't going to happen ever again, though. He had control of his own mind again.

At least, he thought he did. There really wasn't any way to be certain.

"It's right around the corner over here," Yuri said when they reached the end of the street. They rounded a corner and Yuri pointed at a dilapidated building at the end of the street. "Ta-da."

"It... looks like a bit of a fixer-upper." The roof was caved in, decades-old paint peeled from the rotting window frames, and not a single window had a complete set of glass panes.

Yuri put his hand on his hip and announced, "Brave Vesperia's not afraid of a little work."

"A lot of work," Flynn said, walking closer. "Is it even structurally sound?"

"It's fine," Yuri said. "Judy says the foundation is alright, we just need to do some rebuilding."

"Where are you getting the money for this?" Flynn asked. "Can you even afford the down payment on the property?"

"Er... well, we figure we're going to have to take out a loan from Kaufman," Yuri said.

They stood at the entrance to the building now, and seeing it up close didn't make Flynn any more confident that it would even be safe to enter.

"It sucks being in debt right as we're starting out as a guild, but we don't have any other options. The original plan was to borrow the money from Estelle, but..."

It didn't need to be explained further. Flynn ran his hand along the doorframe, careful to avoid splinters. He was afraid merely touching it would make the whole thing collapse. "I can lend you the money." The loose windows rattled in the strong wind. "I've got a huge salary as commandant." He hadn't thought too much about his job. He'd been so concerned with all the horrible things he'd done while serving Estelle that he hadn't dwelled on the one positive.

"I don't want charity from you," Yuri said. "We'll keep this between the guilds."

"Just as well," Flynn said. "I don't deserve to be commandant anyway."

"What? Sure you do."

"The only reason I got promoted is that Estelle thought I'd be more useful as a captain," he said, staring at the peeling paint on the door. "After you rescued her at the castle, she's the one who found Ioder and talked him into appointing me as Alexei's successor."

"Well... that doesn't mean you didn't deserve it."

"Really?" Flynn looked over at him and raised an eyebrow. "Out of all the knight captains in the empire, I'm the only one with notable victories under my belt? I'd only been captain for a couple of months. There are dozens of men and women more qualified than me, but I got the job because Estelle needed a puppet at the head of the knights."

"Think of this as a silver lining, then," Yuri said. "I still think you're the best man for the job, even if you did get it because of connections."

He wasn't even sure if he wanted the job anymore. The idea of using his position to make positive changes in the empire seemed like an ideal way to atone for the things he'd done, but the risk of abusing his power or being used was too great. He could never definitively know if his actions were his own or if he'd been brainwashed again. Besides, if Raven was right and these horrible memories would never fully leave him, trying to command troops might be impossible without breaking down.

"Are you alright?" Yuri asked.

"Hm? Yeah," he said, looking over. Yuri seemed concerned, no doubt worried Flynn was caught in a memory again. "Just thinking. I'm sure you'll manage to fix this place up. It will look great when you're done."

Yuri grinned. "Yeah, it's going to be awesome. I can't wait until we're an established guild. We've already got a some solid footing thanks to our help with the Adephagos, but once we have an office it's gonna be official."

"Help with the Adephagos?" Flynn raised an eyebrow. "Yuri, your group almost single-handedly took care of it."

Yuri started walking away, waving his hand. "Nah, it was nothing."

Flynn followed, shaking his head wearily. He would never understand Yuri's complete refusal to take credit for the good things he did.

They left the building behind and headed through the streets to the market. The closer they got to the shops, the more crowded the streets became. Flynn recoiled whenever someone bumped into him and keeping track of everyone around him left him feeling more stressed than he had in days. He felt like a rabbit, with ears swivelling around at the slightest sound and all muscles poised to run away at a second's notice. It was stupid to be so hyper alert, but he couldn't relax. He hated feeling so skittish and for the thousandth time he wished he could go back to normal.

They stopped at a stall to pick up some apple gels, and Flynn tried not to feel helplessly guilty about the fact that Yuri had gone through so many of them because of him. He couldn't help lashing out at anyone in the room in the first minute or so after jerking awake from a nightmare, and that always ended with Yuri getting hurt.

"Man, would you look at that," Yuri said as they walked away from the stall. "The price went up."

"Did it?"

"Some bullshit about the new peace treaty with the empire making trading more expensive. Man, these clowns will make any excuse to get more gald out of you."

"That's annoying," Flynn said, not really paying too much attention. He was busy scanning the crowd on the street for potential danger.

"And they know they can get away with it, too, because everyone needs apple gels."

"You don't  _need_  them," Flynn pointed out, finally looking back to Yuri. "Bandages and traditional first aid can go a long way."

"Yeah," Yuri said, "but the only reason you would need those is if you can't afford apple gels. So, the rich get all their injuries taken care of while the poor have to deal with bandages. It's screwed up."

"You're right. It's not fair."

They stopped at another stall so Yuri could pick up food for dinner. Within seconds, Yuri voiced his displeasure at these prices, too. "Are you kidding me?" Yuri said. "That chicken had better have been fed gold dust to warrant that price tag."

The vendor crossed his arms. "We're low on supplies. People panicked and thought the world was going to end a couple weeks ago and splurged on feasts. Now there aren't as many chickens left on farms."

"Come off it," Yuri said. "It's just chicken."

Flynn said, "If you're worried about money, I could-"

"No," Yuri snapped, causing Flynn to quickly step back with a flinch and a spike of fear.

_Stupid, stupid, you're not afraid of Yuri. Pull yourself together._

"Ah, sorry," Yuri said quickly, guilt washing over his face. "I didn't mean to yell at you."

"It's fine," Flynn said stiffly, turning away before the vendor could give him another look. He didn't want random strangers wondering why he was so jumpy and fragile. He walked away from the stall to leave Yuri to debate the price of chicken in peace. He stepped off to the side of the street and leaned against the wall with his arms feet close together, still feeling dumb for getting scared by Yuri snapping at him.

 _This shows you're not under anyone's control_ , he thought.  _No one would manipulate you into becoming a jumpy, paranoid wreck. What would be the point of that?_

Unless that was just what they  _wanted_  him to think…

He didn't even know who he thought was brainwashing him. He didn't consciously suspect Yuri of anything, there was just a nagging fear at the back of his mind that he would spend the rest of his life never knowing if he was actually operating on his own decisions or if he was being controlled again. Thoughts of some of the things he'd been compelled to do under Estelle's orders curdled in his mind, mixed with guilt and horror.

"Hey, ain't that the commandant?" said a voice.

Flynn's head jolted to the side as his heart skipped a beat. A man and a woman paused on the street, looking at him curiously.  _No, you're wrong, move along and please don't recognize me_ , Flynn thought.

"I think so," said the woman. "Hey," she took a few steps toward him, "what do you think you're doing in Dahngrest? We don't take kindly to empire types around here."

"Nothing," Flynn said, unable to meet her eyes. His heart pounded and he pulled his arms closer. He couldn't handle a confrontation. "I'm just… visiting a friend."

"Surprised to see him," the man said. "I read in the papers a week or so ago that he almost got killed."

The woman snorted. "Too bad it didn't hold. The last commandant was a piece of crap, and I'm not expecting this new one to be much better."

"True enough," he companion said. "What good ever came from the Knights, anyway?"

"I'm sorry you feel that way," Flynn said diplomatically. "I hope to reform the Knights so that they are more beneficial to everyone."  _Go away and leave me alone_.

"Oh, yeah?" the woman said. "How?"

"I can't give precise details at this time."

"Hey, I've got some suggestions," the man said, stepping closer to Flynn. "Why don't you start by taking the whole Knighthood and shoving it up your ass?"

He was bigger than him, but Flynn tried not to let that get to him. He failed in that attempt. His heart pounded as the bigger guy loomed close and his fingers twitched for a sword. A strong part of him wanted to call out to Yuri, but he fought that urge down. He needed to pull himself together and not cling to Yuri for every little thing. That's what Yuri kept telling him, wasn't? Make his own choices; don't transplant his attachment to Estelle onto him.

"If you have suggestions, please mail them to my office in Zaphias," Flynn said, trying to put an end to this on his own. It took effort to keep his voice from shaking.  _Dammit, pull yourself together! You are a knight; you don't get jittery just because someone is standing too close to you. Even if the person is bigger and likely stronger and could easily overpower you, pin you down and break you…_

Not doing this. Not now.

_Besides, you're not even a knight. You're pathetic…_

Not doing this! He took a tight breath while the street became blurry around the edges. He felt like he was holding back an ocean of panic with a paper umbrella. "If you'd please excuse me," he said, taking a step back in Yuri's direction.

"Hey!" the man barked, reaching for him. "We're not done talking, yet." He grabbed Flynn's elbow and yanked him back.

_…his shoulders strained as the rope around his wrists yanked his arms up behind his back. Flynn grunted and bit down on his already-bloody lip to hold in a scream. His bare feet couldn't reach the ground, all his weight hanging from his shoulders and his arms behind his back._

_He panted for breath, struggling to think clearly through the haze of agony. He couldn't think. He thought he'd been here for months, but he'd lost all track of time and it may have been years. He had lost all sense of identity in a sea of guilt, shame, and self-loathing. He didn't know what exactly he'd done wrong, just that he was wrong, so wrong and so stupid and so deserving of this misery._

_"Even a moron like you knows why this is happening, right?" one of the knights said. It was his old friend with the aftershave, whom Flynn would have found somewhat intimidating even if he wasn't tied up and at his mercy._

_"No," he gasped, staring at the floor. He didn't have a choice in that, since with his arms jerked up behind him his body was forced to bend to keep his shoulders from dislocating. "Please…"_

_"You're suffering because you still think 'making people smile' or whatever that shit you said is more important than following orders. It's those stupid ideals that are making you feel guilty and miserable."_

_With great effort, he raised his head enough to look at the knight, though of course he couldn't see his face behind the helmet. Was that… true? He'd heard it before but this time… it made so much sense. He felt so rotten and wretched right down to his core that of course it was the ideals he held there that made him feel this way. This realization gave him relief. It wasn't him that was worthless and shameful and wrong, it was his beliefs. If he let them go, he wouldn't have to feel this way anymore._

_"Y-yes," he forced out. Every second he hung like this felt like an hour. His arms had practically gone numb, and he hoped they would soon so at least they'd stop hurting. "You're right… I was s-so wrong… I need to… I n-need Lady Estellise."_

_The pair of knights looked at each other, and then the shorter one left the room. Flynn had hoped they'd let him down while they went to get her, but no such luck. He closed his eyes and took deep breaths, waiting it out and hoping his shoulders didn't dislocate._

_"What, you finally realized why you're so stupid?" Aftershave said. "Never thought I'd see that."_

_Flynn didn't answer. He hated this man. He hated all of the knights, but this one always seemed to take a particular pleasure in the job. He'd never seen his face, but his voice had etched itself in his mind and just the faintest whiff of his aftershave sent chills through him._

_"As pleased as I am that you've finally seen the light," the man said, passing the rope from one hand to the other. The shift caused Flynn to swing slightly, send stabs of agony through his arms. "I'll be sad to see you go."_

_His hand settled on Flynn's bottom, and he flashed his eyes open. The knight smirked at him and squeezed. "After all the fun we've had, huh?"_

_Flynn kicked and struggled to get away from that hated touch. Struggling sent fire through his arms that managed to burn even fiercer than fire shooting from the man's fingertips. "D-don't…"_

_The door opened and Lady Estellise entered the room, like an angel descending from heaven. The knight dropped his hand and turned to her at attention. Estellise gave Flynn a sympathetic look and said, "Let him down."_

_Aftershave let the rope slide over the beam above their heads and Flynn dropped a few inches to the ground. His arms lowered and only the knight grabbing his upper-arm kept him from toppling over. Flynn's skin crawled at his touch. He never wanted this man to touch him, ever again, for any reason._

_"Flynn," Estellise said softly, "the knight told me you wanted to talk to me?"_

_"Yes," he panted. "I… I'm sorry. You were right. You were al-always right."_

_"What was I right about?"_

_"I had it all wrong. I have such… wrong beliefs… I should have listened to you."_

_"Does that mean you will follow any order I give?"_

_He nodded quickly, eager to please her._

_"And you understand that 'justice' doesn't really exist, and you were a fool for believing in it?"_

_He nodded again, slower this time because he was so ashamed of how stupid he'd been._

_Estellise smiled brightly. "Oh, I'm so happy for you, Flynn! You finally understand. I knew you could do it."_

_Her kind words soothed him like she'd actually casted First Aid. Yes, he wanted to make her happy. She was so kind to him. She was the only person he could really trust, the only friend he had. Just knowing he'd pleased her made the pain in his arms feel less._

_"Ok, Flynn," Estellise said, "I'm going to get you out of here and then there's something you need to do for me. There's a maid that's been annoying me. I need you to kill her."_

_An electric shock ran through him as he stared at her in sudden clarity. "K-kill her? But… but she hasn't done anything…." Justice may not exist, but killing an innocent person was still wrong… wasn't it?_

_Estellise's face fell. "Oh, Flynn," she said sadly. "I'm sorry. That was a test, and you failed." She caressed his face and then leaned forward and gently kissed his cheek. "Don't worry, we'll get through to you soon."_

_She left the room, Flynn staring desperately after her. What had he done wrong?! He trusted Lady Estellise to be right about everything, but killing an innocent… could he really be wrong about that, too? "No!" he cried as he watched her go. "Come back! Please… please don't l-leave me here…"_

"I'm not going anywhere, Flynn, now just look at me!"

_The knight jerked on the rope, wrenching him into the air with a scream._

_"How'd you manage to fuck that one up?!"_

"Flynn, come on, it's me, it's Yuri."

_"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," Flynn sobbed, barely able to hear himself over the blood rushing in his ears._

"You are in Dahngrest. Do you hear me?"

_"What do you expect?" the other knight said. "He fucks everything up."_

_The knight lessened the pull of the rope just slightly enough that Flynn was able to put some of his weight on his toes. "Yeah, you're right." He laughed, and then jerked Flynn back up again. "The only thing he doesn't fuck up is being fucked."_

_His arms weren't in their sockets anymore. It hurt so deeply but he almost didn't care because he deserved this. He deserved feeling this agony for letting Lady Estellise down. He had to stop thinking these things. He needed to stop putting other people before Lady Estellise's orders. How else would he ever repay her for the kindness she showed him?_

"Look at me, Flynn. Can you hear me? You need to snap out of this."

Someone shook his shoulders.  _No! Stop! His shoulders hurt so much, he was afraid they'd never work properly again._

"Come on, please…"

_He dangled in the air, panting for breath and struggling to hold in screams, but there were also hard cobblestones beneath his knees and…_

He looked up and saw a blurry blob through tear-soaked eyes. He didn't know who it was and he panicked, falling backward (when had he gotten to his knees?) and scrambled away.

"Flynn!" Yuri's voice was recognizable and Flynn blinked to dispel the tears.

The dark blob took form as Yuri. Flynn stared up at him in shock, and then glanced around the street to figure out where he was. Dahngrest. That's right, they were in Dahngrest. That had happened over two years ago. He was in Dahngrest, he was with Yuri, and everything was fine now. A small crowd had gathered around the street corner, watching with curiosity. Shame burned on his cheeks, embarrassed that he'd made a scene.

"Are you alright now?" Yuri asked, crouching in front of him.

Flynn nodded slowly. "Uh… I… I think so."

"Ok, come on." He held out his hand and let Flynn reach back and take it. He pulled Flynn to his feet and said, "Sorry. I shouldn't have brought you here. Let's go somewhere with less people."

Flynn nodded mutely and let Yuri lead him away. He barely noticed where they were going, his mind still stuck in a disoriented haze. A deep, throbbing ache settled in his shoulders, which was ridiculous because that had been done to him over two years ago. It was in the past, so why couldn't he shake the terror as if it happened five minutes ago?

Before he realized it, they'd reached the Union headquarters again. Rather than lead him back to the wing they were using, Yuri took him through a side hallway and up a couple flights of stairs. When they walked through a door, Flynn found himself on the roof. The central tower of the building was behind them, and a waist-high stone wall surrounded this section of roof.

"I found this place when I was wandering around while you were still…" Yuri glanced over at him. "You know. With Raven and Judy."

"Yeah."

Yuri walked to the edge, tossed the bag of apple gels at his feet, and leaned against the wall, the strong wind whipping his hair back. "It's got a great view of the city."

Flynn followed him to the edge and looked down. The twisting streets of Dahngrest curved away from the Union headquarters like snakes, and the dark, overcast sky did nothing to brighten the endless brown shingle roofs. "It's nice, I guess." He leaned over to see how high up they were, and his stomach flipped at just how far from the ground they were. Yuri was probably used to it since he spent so much time flying around with that Entelexeia, but all Flynn could think about was how a fall from this height would definitely be lethal.

"I'm sorry about what happened back there," Yuri said. "I should have been paying more attention."

"It isn't your fault," Flynn said. "It's my problem. I don't want to burden you with it."

"Man, now I know how annoying it is to be on the other side of this," Yuri said. "I don't think it's a burden to help you. You don't have to do this alone, alright?"

"Do you remember that story my mom read to us when we were really little, about the girl who opened the box and evil came out? In the book of old myths?"

Yuri nodded. "Yeah, sort of. Why?"

"That's how I feel. When you and your friends broke Estelle's hold, you opened the box. All these memories and horrible feelings were locked away but they're all spilling out now and no matter how hard I try I can't close the box."

"It's good to get them out, though, isn't it?" Yuri said. "I know it sucks having them come out, but at least they're not locked up in your head anymore."

"It feels pointless," Flynn admitted. "How am I supposed to carry on with the rest of my life when I might freak out and relive that crap all over again? What if these memories  _never_  stop?"

"Well… maybe," Yuri said. "But think about it. I remember that story, and at the end, when all the evil had flowed out of it, the only thing left in the box was hope."

Flynn thought about this. He hadn't considered that there might be hope buried deep under all these horrors. He hadn't felt real, true hope for the future in such a long time… if he could just get through this all, maybe he would feel better. Surely getting it out there would be better than letting it fester inside him. "Yuri… would it bother you to hear about it?"

"Hm? What part?"

"All of it," Flynn said, looking at the rooftops because it was easier. "I want to get this all out. I don't want to let it rot in my head anymore."

Yuri hesitated for only a second. He turned around and sat down with his back against the wall to get out of the wind and said, "You can tell me anything."

Flynn sat next to him, stretching his legs out and rotating his shoulders for a second to dislodge lingering phantom pain. "Thanks. I want to tell you the full story."


	10. Opening the Box

"I was only at the castle for about three days," Flynn said, looking at his hands in his lap. "I had been so excited to get that promotion. It meant that someone higher up had noticed how hard I worked, and I was really moving up in the ranks. Everything was going so _well_." He laughed hollowly, which seemed more creepy than mirthful. "I should have known better than to think nothing bad would happen."

Yuri watched him with a serious expression, not saying a word. He got the feeling that this wasn't a conversation and Flynn didn't need him to interrupt with encouraging platitudes every few lines. What Flynn needed was someone who would sit quietly and give him an outlet for all the crap stewing in his mind and not judge him, and Yuri would be whatever was needed of him.

"They told me I was probably going to be placed in the Schwann Brigade. Can you imagine? I'd only been in the Knights for about a year, and I was already a lieutenant and might get placed in the most prestigious brigade. I felt guilty that I hadn't gone down to the lower quarter to visit any of you yet, but everything was happening so fast. I was even excited because my first day there I ran into the princess and…" he trailed off as his eyes widened in horror, and then he pulled his knees to his chest.

"Oh… oh no… that's the only time I met her and… that must have been when she picked me. How else would she have even known I existed? If I hadn't bumped into her…" He buried his face in his hands. "None of this would have happened. I – I must have said something during our five minute conversation that made her think I would be a good subject. If I hadn't gotten lost my first day there, then I…"

This little revelation could use some encouraging words, though. Yuri remembered what Judith had said about the Adephagos, and said, "What happened, happened. You can't let yourself dwell on what-ifs."

"But… but it might never have happened. It's my fault I got lost and my fault I said something to her…" He leaned forward and clutched his head. "If I hadn't been such an idiot this never would have-"

"Whoa, slow down, there." Yuri hesitated, not sure if he should touch Flynn or not. He opted to not. Flynn wasn't looking at him and wouldn't see Yuri's hands coming, and surprise touches freaked him out. "You did  _nothing_  wrong, alright?

Flynn raised his head and looked to him with pained eyes. "But I-"

"You were in the wrong place at the wrong time. Believe me, I know how that feels. It's not your fault."

Flynn took a deep breath and steeled himself. "I guess… you're right, of course. I just… if that day had gone just slightly differently…" He sighed again. "It's the past. There's no point wishing it didn't happen."

"Go on," Yuri said. "I didn't mean to interrupt."

"Right… on my third day, I got called into Alexei's office. I was told I'd been selected for a special program working with the princess and I was so excited. Alexei said it required special training, but then when I went to report for training…"

His eyes narrowed as he stared at the wall ahead of him. "Without any explanation, the Royal Guard shoved me into a windowless cell. They didn't tell me any charges or give me a trial or anything. They left me there for several days. From this point on, I can't tell you exact time frames because I had no way to keep track of time in there. All I know is that I was certain they'd somehow forgotten about me and that when someone finally came back I was starving and delirious from thirst.

"And then… that's when it started. It was always knights from the Royal Guard. I never saw their faces but their voices…" He closed his eyes for a second and failed to repress a shudder. "I'd remember them if I heard them."

Flynn looked to Yuri as a sudden thought struck him, "Do you think it's possible any of them transferred out of the Royal Guard before Alexei's coup?"

Yuri was taken aback by this sudden question. "I… guess? I don't know, they might have been. Probably not very many, but it's possible."

"But that means… that means that some of them may be serving under me right now." His face constricted with horror and shame. "S-some of my knights have seen me…"

Yuri kicked himself for accidentally confirming Flynn's fear. "I said not very many, if any," he said quickly. "I mean, the Royal Guard is as high up as you can go, right? So I doubt anyone would get transferred out of it, and probably not the ones Alexei trusted enough for… this."

Flynn seemed somewhat pacified by this news. "Yes, that's true. Thanks."

"Yeah, sure."

"As I was saying, it was the Royal Guard. At first, they just mocked me. They belittled everything I did, like insulting my military record or suggesting that I…" his nose wrinkled as he thought of it, "that I must have slept with someone to get my promotion because there was no way I could have gotten it on my own. They even criticized stupid things, like that I ate too slow or that I had stupid hair. I almost thought it was funny at first."

Ordinarily Yuri would have made a comment that Flynn's hair was indeed pretty stupid because it stuck out in all directions and he could never get it to sit flat. He had those bangs that grew too longer around his face and got in his eyes sometimes, but he never got around to trimming them. He didn't want to say anything that agreed with the torturers, though, even if it was something they used to be able to joke about.

In fact, it would probably be a long time before either of them were comfortable with Yuri teasing him about anything. If making fun of him for stupid little things reminded Flynn of being tortured, there was no way Yuri could tease him. It was frustrating to think that even years later, such a basic aspect of their relationship had been ruined by this. In the grand scheme of things, losing the ability to make fun of Flynn was far from a huge problem, but losing the little things made it feel all the more personal and insulting.

"I was so angry for the first couple of weeks," Flynn said, brow creasing with remembered fury. "They wouldn't tell me why I was being incarcerated or why they were mocking me. I tried to ask, but every time I spoke back… that's when the physical abuse started. They beat me whenever I protested their accusations, which was frequent. Sometimes I went along with them just because I didn't see a point in fighting over whether or not my hair was dumb. Other times I shouted back just because I was pissed and didn't want to take it sitting down any more."

That was easy to imagine. Flynn, exhausted and in pain but using every ounce of energy he had left to shout his fury at his captors because he wasn't the sort to take this lying down. Yuri wished he had been there, not only to rip those bastards to pieces himself, but also to hear the kinds of insults Flynn must have thrown at them.

Flynn sighed and leaned his head against the wall. He stared up at the stormy clouds and spoke in a slow, steady voice. "It was stupid. I shouldn't have wasted my energy. By the end of the second month I'd used up all my fire and I just wanted it to be over. They kept telling me I was wrong. My beliefs were wrong, my ideology was wrong, everything about me was wrong, and then made me agree with them and say it myself. I didn't think much of it at first, because after the first couple of months, when I'd used up all my energy to fight back, I figured there was no harm in going along with them. Just because I said it didn't mean I believed it, and if all it took to get them to stop hurting me was to say 'yeah, of course I'm a terrible knight', that was easy. The thing is, if someone tells you that you're a piece of crap all day for months on end… eventually you start to believe it. Agreeing with them became painful because I felt like I was betraying myself, like me saying it made it true.

"They made me feel guilty. I don't even know what I was guilty of, but they told me it was my fault and that I should be ashamed and after a while it sunk in. I didn't know why I felt guilty or what specifically made me pathetic, just that I was and I felt horrible. Throughout all this, I barely ever got food or water or proper sleep. Eventually they started physically torturing me even when I didn't talk back, and then mocked me for how I reacted to that. They beat me. They burned me. They broke my bones. It all  _hurt,_ so badly, and I didn't even know why it was h-happening to me." For the first time his voice trembled, and he had to take a minute to take deep breaths and recompose himself.

Yuri struggled to keep from commenting. He had so many scathing remarks he wanted to make about the bastards who did this, but he'd save them for later.

Flynn's emotionless face filled with regret. "My life before imprisonment blurred and my entire world narrowed to that one awful room. The only frame of reference I had for what was the truth was my own increasingly unstable mind and Estelle's words. I hope you can understand, then, why she seemed like an angel. After about three months she started coming in sometimes. She would heal my wounds and give me cold water and say sweet things to me. She was so gentle and after the harshness of everything else I just… I thought she would save me.

Yuri nodded slowly. "Yeah. I get it." He hated it, but he understood it. He needed Flynn to know that, too. As much as he wanted to rage about it, he didn't want to risk Flynn misinterpreting his rage at Estelle for anger with Flynn for falling for it so he reined it in.

"Estelle told me it was my beliefs making me miserable. She told me I deserved the pain because I was a bad person. I didn't believe her at first. I was confused. I spent most of those ten months terribly confused, really. I trusted her, but I also disagreed with her views. I wanted to repay her for healing me, but I also wanted to ask why she was allowing this to happen if she cared about me. I did ask her once." His eyes glazed over and he started rubbing his shins. In a voice like he was reading a textbook, he said, "She reprimanded me for asking a 'stupid question'. Then she told me I would need to be punished for questioning and left the room. Then the knights broke my legs."

He stared straight ahead and rubbed his legs like they were physically in pain. Fearing another flashback like the one on the street, Yuri carefully said, "Hey, it's alright; that was years ago. Your legs aren't broken now. You're fine."

Flynn blinked a couple of times, and then looked to him and dropped his hands. "Uh… right. Right, sorry. I just…"

"It's fine."

Flynn hung his head. "Thanks."

"You don't have to keep going if you don't want to," Yuri said.

Flynn shook his head without raising it. "No, I need to get this out. It – it hurts. It's like ripping off a bandage, though. I need to get this out and I would rather not let it trickle out slowly."

"If you're sure," Yuri said.

"After the episode with my legs… and Estelle didn't come back to heal them for two weeks… I never questioned her again. At first it was out of fear, then out of habit, until it just became natural." He loosened his legs and let himself sit more comfortably. "Damn, Yuri… so many things happened. It wasn't every day – sometimes they left me alone for a while like the first few days. I was torn between praying they would come back to me and give me food or water, and praying they forgot about me and would leave me to finally die. But between those times…" He squeezed his eyes shut. "The things they did to break my resolve..."

He took a deep, shuddering breath. He was silent for a over a minute, staring at the wall with concentration. He was clearly warring over whether to say this next part, and Yuri wasn't sure what he should do. He ended up sitting silently and waiting for Flynn to speak first.

Flynn met Yuri's eyes. "Yuri… I want to tell you what happened because I just can't handle letting this fester in my head."

Yuri nodded. "Yeah, that's what you've been doing. You can keep going as long as you like."

"Everyone already knows that I was… tortured," he struggled to get the word out. "But this next part… please don't tell anyone." His breath caught in his throat and he squeezed his eyes shut. "I couldn't bear for anyone else to know. They'd… they'd look at me differently."

Yuri was fairly certain that none of his friends would look at Flynn differently no matter what had happened to him, but he nodded anyway. "Yeah, of course. I won't tell anyone anything you don't want me to."

Flynn opened his eyes and nodded slowly. "Ok… well… one time… though this was just the first of many… I don't know what happened, but I snapped. This was after about five months, I think, and I was so disoriented and in so much pain. I knew I was wrong and guilty and I felt like shit but I didn't know why, and my arm was broken in two places on top of other bruises, and then the guy kicked me and told me to confess to being a terrible knight. I snapped and I launched at him and I tried to strangle him."

Yuri smiled slightly, eager to find any bright point in this awful testimony. "Way to go."

A dark smirk played across Flynn's lips. "I think I might have been successful if my arm wasn't broken, which made it easy for his friend to pry me off. They threw me to the ground and I just laughed and laughed. No clue what was so funny. I think I might have been channelling you."

"You kidding?" Yuri said to the smirk on Flynn's face, trying to speak casually. "If it were me, I would have had a much cleverer comeback than just to laugh."

The smirk dropped and Flynn's expression when dark. "Then the knight, still rubbing his throat and glaring daggers at me, said 'You think this is fucking funny? Let's see how funny you think this is.' They tied my hands behind my back. Too tight," he mumbled, rubbing his left forearm. "It hurt my broken arm. They pinned me down on my chest and one of them grabbed the waistband of my pants…"

His voice trickled out, his shoulders shaking. Yuri's chest tightened and muscles stiffened. If Flynn had been bleeding, he'd bandage it. If Flynn had been in a fight, he'd jump in and help him out. Now the thing hurting Flynn was inside his head and there was nothing Yuri could do to fix it. He felt so helpless, and the only solace he could find was the hope that he might have killed the bastards who did when they were fighting the Royal Guard last month.

He looked to Flynn, who had leaned forward and hid his face in his knees. "You don't have to say it," Yuri said. He really wished Flynn  _wouldn't_  say it, because he didn't want to hear this.

"It went on forever," Flynn mumbled into his knees. "And when the first one finished the second went. It… there was so much blood... how do people do this for  _fun_?" he added bitterly. "A couple days later they did it  _again_ , and it just became a thing, for when they got bored, I think. It kept happening for months and months and..."

Yuri's blood boiled and he couldn't even look at Flynn's agonized face without shaking in fury. He had already guessed that Flynn had been raped, but hearing about it made him want jump up, grab his sword, and go to town on the pieces of crap responsible. The only thing that kept him sitting still was that they didn't even know the exact identities of the culprits, and in all likelihood they were already dead. Yuri really hoped he had been the one to kill them.

This was just so…  _wrong_. This sort of thing simply didn't happen to strong men like Flynn. Flynn was always so confident and in control, and just picturing this happening to Flynn went against the very core of his conception of the world. A world where this kind of thing could happen to Flynn seemed a lot less safe.

Not knowing what else to do, Yuri rested a hand on Flynn's shoulder. He flinched but then relaxed. "It's over," Yuri said softly. He didn't know what else to say, because obviously things were not ok and all was not right.

"I finally gave in after... eight, maybe nine months. At that point, everything had lost meaning. I felt disgusting and wrong and guilty and after feeling that way for so long I believed it was true. The only person I didn't hate was Estelle and I would do anything to please her."

Flynn seemed eager to move on to less distressing memories, but the fact that this part could be less distressing than anything broke Yuri's heart.

"I guess I should be thankful that it lightened up after that. The last month or so was mostly Estelle conditioning me to accept any order without thought or protest. By that point I  _wanted_  to go along with her. I was punished for showing any kind of free thinking, and then once she'd hammered the last dregs of personality out of me I was punished for not successfully imitating my former self.

"Finally, ten months after I was originally imprisoned, they let me out of that room for the first time. It was like being reborn. I was so  _proud_  to finally be a 'proper' knight. I could flawlessly pretend I was still the old me, but it was like wearing a costume. Over the first couple of weeks, Estelle assured me that I was exaggerating what I had been through. She kept telling me it was just normal training, and punished me if I said anything about… torture." He obviously still struggled to say it aloud. "I hated making her unhappy so I pushed those memories away and never thought about them again, until... until now."

Flynn heaved a sigh. "It's hard to believe it's really over. I'm so grateful to you for waking me up, even if the method you used was... not pleasant."

"Sorry about that," Yuri said.

"You did what you had to do. I should be the one apologizing. I did such terrible things under Estelle's orders."

Yuri shook his head. "You don't have to apologize for that. It wasn't you."

"I want to," Flynn said. "I want to feel somewhat responsible because then at least I feel like I had some amount of agency. To think of myself as a mindless puppet with no free will is even scarier."

"If it helps you," Yuri said. "But know that I'm not holding you accountable for any of it."

"I'm sorry I attacked you in Capua Nor. I'm sorry I said such cruel things to you in Mantaic. I wasn't sure how to handle that situation and knew I needed to keep up the Flynn act while talking to you, so I took the moral high ground and accused you of being a murderer because I thought that's how I would react."

"Really, it's fine," Yuri insisted.

"Damn, I was such a hypocrite," Flynn said, rubbing his forehead. "I could have saved Cumore. Estelle told me not to, but the rope was right there. I saw him fall in, and he had only just slipped under when I walked up. I could have saved him!"

"Whoa, slow down," Yuri said. "I know you feel guilty about a lot if things, but Cumore is really not someone you want to lose sleep over."

"It's the principle of the thing," Flynn said. "There's more. I... I'm ashamed to admit all the things I did. There was... more than once I..." He dug his fingers into his hair and pressed his eyes shut.

Yuri took an uncertain breath, trying to think of anything to say. "Flynn... you know, there is nothing you could tell me that would ever make me think any less of you."

"You don't know that," Flynn whispered.

Yuri wasn't very good at expressing affection. He usually got by with friendly punches to the shoulder or his own particular brand of loving sarcasm, but in this instance he thought Flynn needed something more tangible. "Flynn, you've been my best friend since I can remember. I think... ugh, you'd better not tease me about saying this when you feel better - and you  _will_  - but... I love you, Flynn. You're the most important person in my life and I will never stop loving you, and there's no way telling me about things that happened to you will change that."

Flynn turned his head just enough to meet Yuri's eyes. Yuri met those eyes with as supportive a look as he could give. Flynn took a deep breath and then closed his eyes again and muttered, "I slept with Estelle."

Yuri's stomach squirmed and disgust shot across his face for a second before he masked it, and he prayed Flynn hadn't seen it. He was disgusted with Estelle for forcing him to do that, not at all with Flynn, but he had a feeling Flynn wouldn't interpret that in this state.

"She was just using me and now I'm so disgusted with myself." His lip curled and his fists clenched.

"That's not your fault," Yuri said forcefully.

"It's not like she forced me," he said bitterly. "She told me to and I didn't even question it."

Yuri shook his head aggressively. "No. That wasn't your choice, Flynn. You  _couldn't_  make any choices. She took that ability away from you." He suppressed a shudder. He couldn't even imagine going through everything Flynn had. The idea of having his identity stripped away and losing the ability to make his own choices was far more terrifying to him than death. "It's like... well, I think it's like if you drug someone to get them to sleep with you. You're the guy who enforces the law - you'd arrest the person for rape, wouldn't you?"

Flynn looked down with a frown. "Yes. I suppose so."

He clearly didn't totally believe it, but Yuri hoped this was something he'd come to accept with time. There wasn't anything else he could say now to make it better.

"I'm so sorry," Flynn said. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I gave Don Whitehorse the wrong letter on purpose, and only came back with the proper one after it became clear the Don had never been fooled and that it would be suspicious if I came back empty-handed and without any notable victories to justify making me a captain. I used my troops to get Ioder out of Zaphias because Estelle wanted him to be the emperor. We had time to go to the lower quarter but I claimed we didn't so that they could be bait to lure the monsters away from my brigade." The confessions spilled out of him while he stared at the ground, his face tight with self-hatred. He spoke emotionlessly like he was reading out charges at a trial. "I led my troops in a raid on Nordopolica in an attempt to get the apatheia for Estelle. I purposefully left most of my brigade behind when we went to Zaude because I wasn't actually trying to stop Alexei. I..." he paused, emotion suddenly lighting up his otherwise dead eyes.

"Wait," Flynn said. "Zaude..." He reached up and rubbed his shoulder, deep in thought. "I remember now. I hated you. Estelle twisted all my memories of you around and convinced me you hated me."

"Hmph," Yuri said, scowling. "That's not very nice of her."

"And then at Zaude, I thought I hated you when we met again. I was annoyed because pretending to be your friend every time we met was difficult. But then I saw that laser streak toward you and in a split second I was overcome with the urge to save you. I didn't know why I did it and I was furious with myself afterward, but I think I know, now. I think it's proof that she didn't totally destroy me. That no matter how far down she buried it, I was still there.

"Of course," Flynn said, his eyes darkening, "Estelle was furious with me afterward. I was punished severely. When I saw you again at Hypionia, I could barely bring myself to say hello in fear she'd think I was being too friendly. Then I was afraid she would punish me for not faking friendship well enough so I over-compensated and tried to be really nice at Aurnion." He sighed. "It was a confusing time in my life."

He finally raised his head and met Yuri's eyes. "Still, what I take away from this is that she couldn't stamp me out completely, even after all... that."

Yuri couldn't help smiling. "That's right," he said. "I told you that you're made of tougher stuff."

Flynn looked away, rested his head against the wall, and stared up at the sky. "Ten months of… of torture and emotional manipulation, and a piece of me survived. That's... amazing."

"You've always been able to bounce back from these sorts of things, Flynn," Yuri said. "If all that didn't totally destroy you the first time around, there's no reason to think you can't survive through remembering it."

"That's an interesting way to look at it. I'm not sure I fully believe it," he admitted. "Logically it sounds right, but I'm struggling to imagine a future where I'm not this emotional wreck. The possibility of being happy seems very far away, but I'm willing to work for it."

"Yeah!" Yuri said, more enthusiastically than he probably should have. "I've got your back every step of the way. You'll see; you'll be your old self again in no time."

"I certainly hope so." He frowned and said, "Unless, of course, someone brainwashes me again."

Yuri's excitement died. "Who do you think would do that?"  _Please don't say me, please don't say me_. He'd finally got Flynn trusting him again; he didn't want to hear the Flynn was suspicious again.

"I don't know," Flynn said. "Anyone, I guess. I can't shake the feeling that I'll never know for sure if I'm really the one in control of my mind. What if someone is using me  _right now_  and I don't even know? How can I ever know? Does free will even exist?"

"Uh... I don't know. Sorry. I've never really thought about it before."

"That's what I can't stop thinking about. I'm afraid of losing control again. I'm afraid someone will use me against my will, without even knowing it. I want to know that my body, my mind, and my ideals are mine alone, but all of those have been violated."

Yuri thought for a few seconds, trying to think of anything encouraging to say. He eventually ended in a frustrated sigh. "I don't know, Flynn. I've never worried about this before. I guess just… rationalize your choice to yourself. If you prove to yourself that you're basing your decision on internal conviction and not someone else's influence, then it's probably you. "

Flynn nodded slowly. "That might work… Sorry to get philosophical on you."

"It's fine." Yuri glanced up at the sky, though it was hard to tell the time of day with all the clouds overhead. "We should probably get back soon. How do you feel?"

Flynn stared straight ahead for a few seconds, and then said, "I feel… better. Not a lot better, but considering my starting state…"

"Good," Yuri said. The knowledge of everything Flynn had been through made him so angry and so horrified he wanted to throw up. If he could get out of town and take out his rage on a grasshopper again, he would. For now, though, he had to be strong to give Flynn someone to lean on. As much as he wished he never had to think about what Flynn had faced, it was better now that he knew so that he could help Flynn carry the weight.

Yuri grabbed the wall above his head and pulled himself to his feet. "Ready to go in?" he asked, brushing off his pants.

Flynn nodded. "The others are probably wondering where we are. Oh! Yuri, what about the chicken?"

"Don't worry about it," Yuri said. He'd dropped the chicken the second he noticed what was happening to Flynn. He still felt terrible for that. He'd known how fragile Flynn was; he should have paid more attention. The bastards who'd set him off had scurried away the second they saw Yuri storming toward them, but Yuri hadn't bothered giving chase since he'd been more concerned with talking Flynn out of the flashback. It was hard enough trying to help Flynn when he wasn't trapped in his head, far beyond Yuri's reach.

"But what will we eat for dinner?" Flynn asked.

Yuri offered his hand, which Flynn clasped. Yuri pulled him to his feet and said, "We'll pick up take out or something."

* * *

Sodia finished signing the last document of the day and set the pen on the desk. Flynn's desk. She shuffled the papers and put them carefully in the outbox, and then folded her hands and looked around the office. She hated finishing work, because then she wasn't sure what else to do.

Flynn had been missing for nearly two weeks now. As this was no time to be without a head of the military, Ioder had appointed Sodia acting commandant until Flynn returned. Sodia tried to remain positive, but every day her optimism sunk. Flynn could be dead now for all they knew. She wanted to believe Yuri wouldn't kill him, but she'd seen what he'd already done. The large, reddish-brown stain set into the carpet where Flynn had nearly bled to death was a harsh reminder.

Sodia rested her face in her hands. She missed Flynn. She didn't feel qualified for this job and she hated sitting here uselessly while Flynn might be in danger in Dahngrest. It was like when he'd gone off to Hypionia a month ago and she'd given him up for dead. Ironically, the person who'd sparked her out of her slump then had been the very person causing her despair this time.

 _Hold yourself together, Sodia_ , she said to herself sternly.  _What would Flynn think if he saw you falling apart like this?_  She felt woefully inadequate to fill Flynn's shoes, but someone had to do it and as Ioder said, she was best suited to carry out Flynn's wishes until he came back. Assuming he  _did_  come back… There were so many things she'd always wanted tell him, but now it might be too late. Dammit, she had to stop thinking like that. She needed to be professional. Flynn being missing was a problem for the entire empire, not just her lonely heart.

There was a knock at the door and then Lady Estellise poked her head in. "Hello, Sodia. Are you busy?"

Sodia snapped her head up. "Ah, Lady Estellise. No, I'm not busy. I just finished going through some forms."

"Ok, good," she said, walking in. "I didn't want to bother you."

"I always have time for you, Your Highness." She forced a smile and tried to pretend she hadn't been on the verge of tears a moment ago.

Estellise sat on the other side of the desk and sighed. "Any news on Dahngrest?"

Sodia frowned. "Harry Whitehorse is not allowing knights into the city, and he claims to have no knowledge of Yuri Lowell or his friends staying in Dahngrest."

"They  _have_ to be there," Estellise said, frowning. "Where else would they be?"

"That's my thinking precisely," Sodia said.

Estellise rested her face in her hands. "Oh, this is just all so wrong. I never thought Yuri would turn on me like this, and now he's got all my friends against me too… I can't even imagine what he told them to get them on his side…"

"It will be alright, Lady Estellise," Sodia said, pretending she hadn't been wallowing in despair a few minutes ago herself. "Yuri can't hide from us forever."

"I know," she said, sighing. "I just hate that this is all happening. Everything was going so  _well_  after the Adephagos, and now…"

Sodia looked down at her hands. "It seems we're always on the cusp of a catastrophe. And all this on top of Master Ioder's illness."

"Yes," Estellise said, lowering her hands and her voice. "I doubt they're related but… it just isn't fair. The coronation was supposed to be only a couple of days from now, but he's so ill I doubt he can even get out of bed."

"Have the healers found any cause of illness yet?" Sodia asked.

Estellise shook her head with a frown. "No. I've tried all my healing artes on him and nothing is working. I gave him a poison bottle but it didn't work, so this has to be a natural illness."

"I'm sure he'll get better," Sodia said, trying to be more confident than she felt. If Flynn were here, he'd stay optimistic, even if Ioder's condition was gradually worsening. He spent the day in bed, pale faced and shivering. Estellise had largely taken over his duties as the emperor elect, and the Council was already abuzz with wondering whether they would have to put her on the throne instead.

"You don't think Yuri has anything to do with this, do you?"

Sodia shook her head. "I doubt it. How would he even get to Master Ioder?" Besides, since Flynn had been kidnapped, they'd heightened security all around the castle. All deliveries had to be made outside the gate, and members of guilds weren't allowed in at all. More guards patrolled the hallways than ever, including some stationed in the room with the statue of the goddess. Sodia wasn't sure why they needed guards there, but Estellise had insisted.

"You're probably right," Estellise said. "Besides, even after all this, I don't think Yuri has it in him to assassinate Ioder. I can't think of why he would want to."

Sodia nodded. "Right." Yuri was a criminal, but she thought of him more as a thug than an assassin.

Estellise stood up again. "I'm sorry to bother you. I just wanted to check on things."

"You're never a bother, Your Highness."

Estellise smiled. "Thanks, Sodia. Well… please let me know if you hear anything about Flynn. I'm just so worried about him."

"I promise you will be the first to know."

Estellise left, and Sodia took a deep breath. She couldn't let herself break down again. Lady Estellise hadn't given up on Flynn, and she wouldn't either. He would come back, and he would be so disappointed in her if she hadn't kept on top of his paperwork. There were still so many boxes to go through, and even though some were confidential and she didn't feel like she had the right to look through them, there was still some work she could do. With a streak of motivation, she grabbed another stack of papers and got to work.

* * *

It was probably the wind that woke him up. The strong breeze knocked a trash can over on the street outside with a clang. Yuri had always been a light sleeper, and over the past week, he had become more attuned to noise than ever before so that he could shake Flynn out of a nightmare the moment he started crying out.

Yuri blinked and rubbed his eyes, relaxing when he realized it had just been the wind and not Flynn. He still wasn't used to Flynn's nightmares, and seeing him suffer without being able to do anything tore him up inside. Flynn slept silently for now, though. Yuri was glad the trash can hadn't woken him up, since he got such uneasy sleep as it was. If they were lucky, maybe Flynn wouldn't have a nightmare tonight since he'd poured all of his memories out to Yuri this afternoon. Yuri was about to close his eyes and go back to sleep when a sick thought slid into his brain. Flynn was sleeping a little  _too_  silently.

Yuri bolted upright and shot his eyes to the bed. It was empty. Shit. "Dammit, Repede!"

The dog stirred and raised his head, looking to Yuri questioningly.

"How did you let him slip by you?" Yuri grabbed his shirt as he ran into the main room. He had his arms through the sleeves when he confirmed Flynn wasn't out here. Where the hell could he have gone? Yuri highly doubted Flynn had any interest going to the basement, but it was worth a shot.

Halfway to the basement, he glanced to the front door. It was unlocked. Maybe they hadn't locked it before going to bed? No, he distinctly remembered Judy locking it behind her when she came in and then no one had gone out for the rest of the evening. Shit.

"Ugh… Yuri?" Rita sat up from the couch and rubbed her eyes. "What are you doing?"

"Did you see Flynn go through here?" he asked.

Rita frowned. "Flynn? No. I was asleep. Why?"

"He's not in bed," Yuri said. He grabbed the front doorknob and swung it open. "I think he wandered off somewhere."

"Oh, great," Rita said, putting her shoes on.

Yuri didn't have time to bother putting shoes on and ran onto the street. Hopefully Flynn wouldn't have had time to go far. Where would he even go? He wasn't comfortable in this city; he hadn't even wanted to leave the Altosk building this morning.

"Do you think he's sleepwalking?" Rita asked, hurrying out after Yuri.

Yuri walked a few paces down the street, regretting his decision not to wear shoes. The cobbles were freezing. "I don't know. It's possible."  _Think_ , Yuri. Where would he go? To the market to get chicken because he felt guilty for ruining their shopping trip? That was a possibility. Maybe he'd woken from a nightmare Yuri hadn't noticed and then snuck out while confused about reality. Dammit, Dahngrest was a huge city; he could be anywhere! That was assuming he'd stayed in the city. Yuri certainly hoped he wasn't dumb enough to wander out into the fields without a sword, all alone and a night. If Flynn got himself eaten by a giant grasshopper after everything they'd been through, Yuri was going to be pissed.

"Yuri…" Rita said, standing still in the middle of the street.

"What?" he snapped.

"I found him."

"Huh? Where?" Yuri's eyes flew around the street, desperately searching for any sign of him. Then he realized Rita wasn't looking at the street, but up. With a sinking feeling, Yuri turned his head up and looked toward the Altosk building. His heart stopped beating and he whispered, "Shit."

Flynn stood on the edge of the roof, staring pensively at the ground.


	11. On the Edge

Yuri barely even noticed the passage of time as he tore up the steps. He might have left Rita on the street two seconds ago. All the way up, he kept imagining Flynn jumping before he could reach him. What if by the time he reached the top, Flynn was already on the ground? What if the last time he would ever see Flynn alive had been that solemn silhouette he'd seen from the street?

 _No, dammit, I am not going to let that happen!_  He managed to get even more speed behind his legs and cleared the last few steps to the door. It slammed against the brick wall as he rushed out onto the same rooftop they'd sat on earlier that day. He had never been more relieved in his life to see Flynn's back.

Flynn stood on the low wall that surrounded the roof. The wind fluttered his hair, but otherwise he didn't move. Yuri gaped at him, trying to get words out when his throat seemed sealed shut by adrenaline and it was all he could do to gasp for air after his frantic sprint up the stairs.

Flynn didn't turn his head, but he said, "Hello, Yuri. Don't come any closer."

Yuri froze mid-step. Instantly obeying Flynn's orders wasn't something he usually did, but he was terrified that doing the slightest wrong thing would push Flynn over the edge – literally. "Ok," Yuri said, trying to calm down. "Alright, I'll stay here." He stood midway across the roof, the gravel digging into his freezing feet. He wondered if Flynn could hear his hammering heart, and if knowing how terrified he'd made Yuri would get him down. "We can talk from here. Let's talk."

"How would that help?" Flynn asked, staring at the ground.

"It seemed to help you earlier today." At least, he'd thought it did. Damn, what if getting Flynn to spill his guts had had the opposite effect? What if going through everything that had happened to him had overwhelmed him?  _Fuck_ , Yuri was not good at talking out emotional problems. This was the sort of thing he would have left to Estelle before. What the  _hell_  was he supposed to say? The pressure to say the right thing lest Flynn take one more step forward filled him with more anxiety than he'd felt facing Duke.

"Whatever you're feeling now," Yuri tried, "it will pass. There is so much more you can do with your life! You can't end it now. If you do, things will never get any better." He was only partially-aware of what he was even saying. He was so lost on how to handle this, he'd decided to just throw supportive words at Flynn and hope something would stick.

"I don't want to die," Flynn said.

"Oh." He felt a sliver of relief. "Ok. That's, uh, that's a good sign. You know, a really good way to  _not_  die is not to stand on the edge of the roof."

"This is about free will."

"How about using that free will to choose to step down off the ledge?" Every muscle twitched with desperation to run forward, tackle Flynn, and drag him down, but he was afraid if he started running, Flynn would jump before he could reach him.

"How do I know that's my choice though?" Flynn asked. "But, I figure, if someone is trying to use me, and I'm useless if I'm dead, then there's no way someone would brainwash me to jump off a roof."

"That's because jumping off a roof is a really bad idea," Yuri said. "Just step down.  _Please_."

"If I jump, it means I have free will."

"Yeah, for about five seconds," Yuri said. "You don't have any will, free or not, when you're dead. Is that worth it?"

"At least I'd know," he said, so quietly his words were almost swallowed by the wind.

"Come on, Flynn, please… think this through. You've never been the reckless sort."

"I've been thinking about this for days," Flynn said. "It feels like I'm choosing between a brief few seconds of knowing for sure that I am in control of my life, or spending several more decades wallowing in traumatic memories and never sure if I really am making my own choices. I heard Raven this morning; this isn't something that's going to go away."

"Maybe it won't completely go away, but you can learn to live with it. We swore on our swords that we would fight to make people smile. Did you just forget that? You can't make anybody smile if you're dead."

"But it's too much of a risk! If I'm the commandant, and someone controls me, then I could seriously hurt people. I've already hurt people, and I was just a lieutenant and a captain. I can't stand living in uncertainty."

"Alright… alright… But, do you have to do this  _now_?" Yuri tried. He was losing feeling in his toes, but the rest of his body already felt numb so he hardly noticed. "Step down from there. We'll talk about this."

Flynn finally turned his head away and looked at Yuri over his shoulder. Yuri's stomach flipped to see the paranoid fear directed his way. "But what if you're manipulating me, too?"

"What? I'm not!"

"How can I  _know_? If you really want me to make my own choices, why won't you let me make this one?"

Yuri struggled to remain calm. "Because this is a stupid choice." He clenched and unclenched his fists; he couldn't stand how useless he felt just standing here. "Please, Flynn." A mental image of Flynn stepping over the side and dropping out of his life forever played over and over in his mind. " _Please_ , don't do this."

"All I want is to know that I control my life. If that means ending it, well… I don't feel like I'm really giving up something worth keeping."

"It's worth it to me," Yuri insisted. "And everyone else who loves you."

Flynn closed his eyes with a pained look. "I'm sorry, Yuri. I'm sorry I have to hurt you again." He took a deep, shuddering breath and said, "I admit that I'm scared… but maybe I'll be better off."

"No…" Yuri said, desperately scrambling to find anything to say.

"I feel like this is the first real choice I've made for myself in three years. Can't you be happy for me?"

"Hell no!" Yuri said. "Would it help if I got on my knees and begged?"

"Don't," Flynn said. "You're not the begging sort, Yuri."

"No, but if it would get you down from there I'd wear a tutu and tap dance through the lower quarter."

"Yuri… thank you."

Hope glimmered. "For what?" For talking him out of it?  _Please_  let it be for talking him out of it.

"For being such a good friend to me even when I didn't deserve it."

The hope smashed. That had sounded an awful lot like a goodbye. "Flynn…" he said, unable to get his voice out cleanly. "Please…"

"Tell Sodia I'm sorry. Everyone else back home, too. Tell them I'm thankful for-"

"Tell them yourself!" Yuri shouted.

He couldn't hold back anymore and started walking forward, but froze when Flynn snapped, "Stay back!" He twisted quickly, and wobbled on the ledge. Yuri couldn't breathe until Flynn managed to stabilize himself again. "Don't try to stop me, Yuri. I want to make my own choice! For the first time years, I'm making a decision as me. I'm taking control of my life, even if only for a few more seconds."

Logical thought vanished from Yuri's mind. All he heard was an endless stream of 'no' and 'fuck'. Flynn was going to jump. He was really going to do it. Yuri had failed to talk him down and now he was going to lose the best friend he had ever had. He had to do something, anything! He always went to Flynn's aid if he was in trouble, but now when Flynn needed it the most, when he was literally at the edge of his life and only seconds from being gone forever, he could nothing.

An idea shot through his mind like an electric shock. He didn't have time to think it through, he just ran. Running toward Flynn would push him over the edge, so he ran to the side, right up to the wall further down from Flynn. Yuri crawled up and stood, digging his frozen toes onto the even colder cement to stabilize himself.

"Alright, Flynn," he said breathlessly. "If that's how you want to do it." He glanced down and his head spun. Wow, they really were high up, weren't they? A small crowd had gathered far below, staring up at them. He saw Karol, Raven, Judy, and Rita in the forefront, and a distant murmur of surprise when they saw Yuri climb up onto the ledge as well.

"What are you doing?" Flynn demanded. "You're going to fall."

"Yeah," Yuri said, trying to sound casual. "We certainly wouldn't want anyone to fall from here, huh?"

"Get down. This doesn't involve you."

"But it does," Yuri said, looking back to Flynn and meeting his eyes. "Because I will always try to save you. I've been told before that I have an unhealthy obsession with saving people, and I guess that's true. You know me; I can't stand to see people in need and not do anything. I've always been a bit more reckless than usual when you're involved. If our places had been reversed at Zaude, I would have taken that laser for you. And if you fall from this ledge… I'll try to catch you on the way down."

"Don't be ridiculous," Flynn said. "What exactly is your plan once you catch me halfway down?"

Yuri shrugged and tried to sound calm. "You know I never think these things through ahead of time."

Flynn looked to him with fury. "Are you seriously threatening to commit suicide to stop  _me_  from committing suicide?"

"Yeah, pretty extreme, huh? I mean, what kind of loser jumps off a roof, right?"

"You don't understand at all!"

Yuri looked to Flynn and dropped the casual attitude. "You're right. I don't think I can ever fully understand how you feel, because you've been through something no one should ever have to. I do understand that you're in a lot of pain and that you want to make your own choices. So, make this choice. You can choose if you want to live or die. It's up to you. Just know that your life isn't the only one that would be destroyed if you jumped."

Flynn stared at him, anger turning to pained confusion. "How is this a free choice? This is just more manipulation."

"You're making the choice to care about my life, aren't you? Besides, that's the thing about choosing your own path: it's never just about you. Every choice you make affects other people. You didn't have to worry about the consequences of your 'choices' when you were following Estelle's orders, so doesn't the fact that you're debating them now prove that it really is your free will deciding this?"

Yuri glanced down again, the wind hitting his face and making it feel like he was already falling. For a second he saw ocean below and a dim throb of pain from his abdomen. "And, if you want some personal experience… falling to your death isn't nearly as fun as it's cracked up to be. So," he looked to Flynn with a faint smile, "what's it going to be?"

Flynn stared at him. For a whole minute, Yuri heard nothing but the rushing wind and his pounding heart. Even the crowd below had gone silent. For the entire minute, Yuri met Flynn's eyes, silently begging him to step down.

Flynn hung his head. "Yuri… you really are a ridiculous person." He climbed back down to the roof.

Cheers and applause rang out from below, and all Yuri's muscles relaxed after being tensed for so long. He breathed a deep sigh of relief, and turned to step off the ledge himself. Just as he turned, the wind picked up and smacked him in the face with a gust. He stumbled, throwing his arms out for balance. His foot stepped back to catch himself, but he'd run out of ground to step on.

With a shout, he dropped over the edge. One hand snatched the edge of the wall at the last second, jolting him to a stop. He could already feel his fingers slipping, and the strain of holding his entire weight on his fingertips sent fire through his hand and arm.

Just as he felt the stone slipping out from under his fingers, hands grabbed his wrist. Below, the crowd shouted and pointed in horror. Yuri focused his attention above, though. Flynn's arms shook with the exertion of holding him, but his eyes were focused. It was a look of stubborn determination that Yuri hadn't seen on Flynn in a long time.

"Give me your other hand," Flynn said.

Yuri pulled his hand up and grasped Flynn's wrists. With a grunt of effort, Flynn pulled. Yuri's feet scraped painfully on the rough stone as he slowly rose back over the edge. When he finally reached the top, he rolled over the wall and collapsed onto the roof. He took a few deep breaths and said, "…Thanks."

Flynn slumped to the ground next to him. "I should say the same to you."

Before he could stop himself, Yuri leaned over and wrapped his arms around Flynn as tightly as he could. "You  _bastard_ ," he said through gritted teeth. "Don't you  _ever_  scare me like that again!"

"I'm sorry." Flynn wrapped his arms around Yuri as well. "I'm sorry. I'm… I'm sorry."

"Stop apologizing." Yuri clung to Flynn, half-afraid that if he let go Flynn might climb onto the ledge again. "Seriously. Hey, look, you just saved my life, didn't you?"

"But you were only in danger because I-"

"Because I was reckless and climbed up onto a narrow ledge on a windy night. You saved me, Flynn. You're not weak. You're not useless. You've just got to give yourself time to get back to who you used to be, and you'll be back to saving people all over the place."

"Do you really think so?"

Yuri finally pulled back from the embrace. "You're damn right I do. Now come on, let's get back down stairs before I develop a fear of heights."

* * *

A couple of days later, they were finishing lunch. Judith had cooked a delicious meal of leftover chicken breast and macaroni salad. Flynn felt guilty about the fact that the rest of the group switched out whose turn it was to cook but never asked Flynn to participate. It made him feel like a freeloader.

Yuri laughed him off when he voiced those concerns the other night. "It's got nothing to do with you being sick. You're the worst chef I've ever met. I'll let you cook the next time we want a salt cake, alright?"

Flynn had pouted and protested that that had only been once – salt and sugar were identical, you couldn't blame him for messing up – but secretly he was relieved. He wanted to cook because he felt guilty, but sometimes even watching cooking from a distance made his palms sweat and his mind race. When Raven had cooked the chicken last night, he'd had to leave the room when he smelled it start to burn.

_…the scent of burning flesh filled his nose. It was coming from him. Searing pain spread through his lower back…_

"So, what's the plan for the rest of the day?" Karol asked, looking around the group. "I need to go meet with Kaufman to sign some stuff about the loan for our building. Do you want to come, Judith, Yuri? Uh… Flynn?" He glanced awkwardly at Flynn.

They'd all been tiptoeing around Flynn for the past couple of days. Flynn couldn't blame them; he'd tried to commit suicide, after all. He wished he could explain that making the choice to keep living to prevent Yuri from doing something really stupid had mostly pacified him on the free will issue, but he didn't think Yuri had ever explained exactly what had happened on the roof. As far as anyone knew, he'd wanted to die to escape the pain, whereas on the contrary he wanted very much to keep living so that he had the chance to amend for all the people he hurt. As long as he could be reasonably sure his actions were his own, he didn't see any reason to end his life.

"I'll go if you want me to," Yuri said. "You feel up to it, Flynn?"

It wasn't even a question that if Flynn didn't want to go, Yuri wouldn't either. Flynn didn't think he needed a babysitter, but Yuri had barely taken his eyes off Flynn since that night on the roof. He'd become so good at spotting flashbacks coming on he sometimes was at Flynn's side before Flynn realized he was falling into one himself.

"Actually…" He set his fork down and looked to Yuri. "I'd like to spar with you."

Yuri paused, and then glanced to Raven for a second. "I'm not sure that's a good idea…"

"I'm tired of sitting around doing nothing," Flynn said. "I want to use a sword again. Please respect my decision."

Yuri met his glare. Without having to say it, his look said,  _Seeing someone chop meat turns you into a shaking mess and you want to swing a blade around?_

Flynn replied with his own silent assertion.  _I need to do this if I ever want to feel normal again._

Yuri finally relented. "Alright. If you really want to."

"Thanks," Flynn said.

Half an hour later, they were outside the city. Flynn was already on edge from walking through the city. He hated crowds. There were too many variables to keep track of and keeping all his senses on high-alert was exhausting. Yuri carried the swords through the town, presumably worried Flynn would panic and start attacking innocent bystanders. Flynn thought this was an overreaction, but he couldn't be mad at Yuri for being cautious.

When they reached the field outside of town, Yuri passed the sword over. "Are you sure you're ready for this?"

"No," Flynn admitted, gripping the hilt. "But I want to try. I want to feel normal again." The weight of the sword felt heavy and familiar in his hand. The last time he'd held a sword, he'd tried to kill Yuri. Not this time. He wasn't following anyone's orders any more, and he was not a helpless invalid who needed Yuri to make important decisions for him. He could be himself.

"Alright," Flynn said, holding his sword out. "Ready to get your ass kicked?"

"Oh, what's this? Pretty cocky for someone who lost the last two battles against me." Yuri smirked and held his sword out as well.

"The way I see it," Flynn said, "I haven't been me since I arrived at the castle. The last battle you had against  _me_  was when he spared right before you let the Knights. I won that one."

Yuri swung his sword and the battle began. "What?" Yuri said between blows. "You think you can just declare the ones you lost as not counting?"

"Yes." Flynn easily blocked Yuri's blows. Neither were pushing themselves at this point, and Flynn enjoyed the familiar feel of an easy spar. Every seamless movement of his arm or familiar, well-timed step sent power racing through him. He was in total control of every movement his body made.

"Oh, I see how it is," Yuri said. "You want a do-over because you're mad that you lost."

Flynn blocked a strike. "I have to believe automaton me was not as competent at sword fighting." Then it was Yuri's turn to block a strike of his own. "There's no way I would have lost to you otherwise."

"Whatever helps you sleep at night." Yuri leapt out of the way and sidestepped. Flynn had to jump backward to avoid the next blow. "But you know," their swords hit with a clang, "I've been thinking."

"That's never a good sign," Flynn pushed him back. His sword smashed into Yuri's and for a moment they were locked in a parry.

"You want to make sure you're not brainwashed, right?"

"Ideally." Flynn wasn't sure where he was going with this, even though he did know where Yuri was going with his stepping back and then trying to circle around. They'd fought together for so many years it was almost impossible to take each other by surprise.

"You believe that I am not brainwashed, and I'm not trying to brainwash you, right?" Yuri frowned as Flynn easily blocked his attempt at a surprise attack from the side.

"Yes." Yuri was one of the only people he really, truly trusted. There were others that he was pretty sure weren't actively out to get him, but when push came to shove, Yuri was the only person he wasn't at least distantly paranoid of. He hated feeling like he had to be on guard around every other person in the world, but he couldn't shake the phobia that letting his guard down for an instant would open himself to being hurt again.

"So if you're ever at all concerned that a decision you're making isn't wholly you, you can talk to me." He paused to take a breath between attacks. "If you can rationalize why you're doing something and I tell you that it sounds just like you, then that means it's probably you, right?"

Flynn nodded while pressing forward with a series of strikes. "That sounds like a compelling argument."

"And if you ever think I'm acting irrationally, you can tell me." Yuri easily backed up, blocking Flynn's blows with a series of clanks. "You can rely on me, and I'll rely on you."

"Just like always."

"I can't be at your side all the time, though."

"We have different paths to take." Flynn wouldn't want Yuri spending the rest of his life looking after him anyway. He recognized that he needed the support for now, but he had no intention of spending the rest of his life on the verge of a mental breakdown.

"But if anything happens and you need me…"

He didn't even have to finish the thought. "Yeah." He felt embarrassed that he'd spent so long believing Yuri secretly hated him. It was stupid to be embarrassed because he knew, logically, he hadn't been thinking as himself during that time, but he couldn't shake the feeling. "The same to you. I've done a lot of things I owe you for."

"Ah, shut up. You don't owe me for everything."

Flynn frowned. "I would feel better if you let me repay you somehow." Both for the terrible things he'd done, for lying and manipulating him, and now for getting Yuri caught up in this. He couldn't even imagine how he could start to repay Yuri for all that he'd done for him.

"If you really want to pay me back," Yuri grunted and pushed back against Flynn, "why not buy me dinner tonight and we'll call it even?"

"Hm. It's a start."

Yuri took a step back to avoid Flynn's next attack, but then yelled, "Whoa!" His foot landed in a gopher hole and twisted to the side, knocking him off balance. Flynn took this chance to smash the flat of his blade across his chest and smack Yuri's sword from his hand. Yuri toppled over, his sword landing a foot away.

"There." Flynn held sword over Yuri and said, "I knew I would win now that I'm myself again."

"That doesn't count!" Yuri protested. "I tripped!"

"Oh, you want a do-over because you're mad you lost?" Flynn dropped to the ground and set his sword down. "Let's call it a draw."

"If it makes you feel better." Yuri fell back on the grass and took a deep breath. "You did pretty good."

"Says the guy who lost."

"I thought it was a draw?"

"I said that to make you feel better about losing."

"Oh-ho, I see how it is."

Flynn didn't actually care about winning or losing. He hadn't wanted to fight to prove anything to himself other than the fact that he could fight. He liked the feel of a sword in his hand, of every muscle reacting precisely to his control, of letting loose and doing something that didn't take intense concentration that risked lapsing into memories.

He knew it would be a long time until he truly felt normal again. It was possible, likely even, that he would never feel totally normal. Ten months of torture and two years of enslavement wasn't something you could just walk away from. Be he felt… content. He was in control of his own life, and he had the strength to fight and protect himself. There was light at the end of the tunnel, and even though he knew it would be a long and hard trek to reach it, it was comforting to know it was there.

"Yuri… I need to go to Zaphias." With one leg stretched out and his arm resting on his other knee, he stared ahead. He didn't have to look over at Yuri lying in the grass to know his face was conflicted.

"Are you sure you're ready for that?"

"Ready or not, we can't wait much longer. Master Ioder needs help. I can only assume he's still alive because it would be announced everywhere if he died, but I fear he's running out of time."

Yuri sighed. "I've been thinking about that, too. You're right. I'm going with you."

"You can't get into the castle."

"You're the commandant." The grass rustled as he pulled his arms up to support his head. "Once you get in, you can tell them to let us in."

"The knights might listen to me. My brigade is loyal to me, but most of the knights in the castle barely know me and may be more likely to take orders from Estelle."

"We'll make it work."

Flynn snorted and shook his head. "You never change, Yuri."

"What?" he said defensively. "I'm just being optimistic."

"Ok. I'll go in, head to Master Ioder's room and deliver the antidote. Hopefully I can get in quickly and quietly without Estelle knowing I'm there. Once that's taken care of, I'll find Sodia and have them spread the word to lower the guard and let your group in, and also send knights to arrest Estelle." A paranoid thought wriggled to the forefront of his mind and he frowned. "I…  _can_  trust Sodia, can't I?"

Yuri raised his head slightly. "You're worried you can't?"

Flynn hung his head and twirled blades of grass between his fingers. "I know it's dumb. I just… I think it's going to take a while for me to be able to trust other people again."

"Well, if my opinion is worth anything, I believe you can trust her. That girl's devoted to you. Trust me, she would do  _anything_  to keep you safe."

Flynn nodded. He knew Yuri didn't like Sodia much, so if he was vouching for her it had to be because he earnestly believed Flynn could count on her. He didn't feel able to give her that trust himself yet, but he'd believe in Yuri's trust.

"We'll talk to Harry," Flynn said. "We can go tomorrow."


	12. The Ultimate Test

The sky at his back was a radiant orange sunrise, but Yuri stared ahead at the murky grey dawn. Wind whipped his face as the Fiertia soared toward Dahngrest. He'd woken up only a few minutes ago, after they'd travelled through the night to reach Zaphias in the morning. He leaned on the railing and yawned, wondering if it was worthwhile to cook breakfast on the ship or if they could get by on muffins brought from Dahngrest.

"Good morning."

Yuri would have jumped if he was a more skittish person. "Morning, Judy. Didn't know you were up already."

"I've been awake for about half an hour," she said, strolling across the deck toward him. "I was just talking with Ba'ul."'

Of course she had to outclass him. Here he was in socks, sweats, and a hastily-thrown-on vest with messy hair and eyes that hadn't fully opened yet, and she was already walking around with perfect hair and as put-together as always. He wondered if Krityans actually needed sleep or if she went out of her way to be up and roaring before he even woke up on purpose.

"Where's Flynn?" she asked.

"Still sleeping." Flynn slept a lot, for the joint reason that constant anxiety was really exhausting and also he didn't get much rest when he did sleep due to nightmares. "Why?"

She reached his side and shrugged. "I was just curious. I've hardly seen you leave his side in a week."

Yuri crossed his arms on the railing and said, "Repede's looking after him for me. I'd leave him alone more often, but the last time he wandered off by himself he tried to jump off a building." He had intended that to be a joke. It didn't come out very funny.

He still couldn't get over how terrified he'd been on the roof. He'd seen his friends in mortal danger before, but it was different when it was a monster or an evil person threatening them. In that case, he knew he could train harder and make himself stronger so that even if - heaven forbid - he failed to save his friend, he would be strong enough to save the next one. Suicide, though… there was nothing he could do about that. How could he protect someone from themselves? He couldn't beat depression in a sword fight. All he could hope to do was help pick up the pieces while watching a horrible monster eat his friend from the inside out.

He gazed at the fields rushing by below with a sigh. He'd never been afraid of heights before, and he wouldn't say he was afraid of them now, but he certainly found them a tad disconcerting after nearly losing Flynn to them.

"He's doing better," Judith said. "Just think about how far he's come since we broke through to him. He's functioning, even if at a low level."

Yuri nodded. As much trouble as Flynn was having, he had definitely improved. Yuri shuddered to think about the confused, mute wreck Flynn had been the first couple of days. Yuri looked out at the world with tired eyes. "Honestly… I just want to see him smile again."

It wasn't always easy to notice something that wasn't there, but the absence of his smile was like a big black hole in the slowly reforming Flynn. He had always been such a cheerful person. He tried to act serious but whenever he won a fight or thought of something funny he couldn't help smiling so hard he could barely see. That big goofy grin was as integral to Flynn being Flynn as his sense of justice or his unruly hair, and Yuri never thought he would be so desperate to see it again. He hadn't once seen Flynn crack a real smile since all this began.

"It will come back." Judith rested her chin on her hand as she leaned over the railing. "It may take some time. Yuri, do you really think he's going to be able to take the job of commandant after all this? It's such a stressful job, and he's got enough stress dealing with this."

Yuri frowned, remembering what Raven had said about battle fatigue, or whatever you'd call this, never really going away. "I don't know," he admitted. "I'd like to think so. He's really jumpy now, but I want to believe he'll mellow out with time."

"Have you thought about finding professional help?"

Yuri instinctively wrinkled his nose. "You mean… therapy?" It was a kneejerk reaction. Nobody went to therapy in the lower quarter. Everybody had difficult lives and it was common consensus that if you talked it out with a stranger other than a bartender you were a pretentious snob. That had only grown stronger in the Knights, where the general impression was that knights were tough and seeking therapy was weak. If he logically thought about it, Yuri knew there was nothing wrong with seeking psychological help, but it was hard to shake the stigma.

Judy glanced over and raised an eyebrow. "Is there a problem with that?"

"No…" He sighed and said, "I guess I kinda hoped I could take care of him on my own. Finding a therapist feels like defeat."

"Isn't it the same as going to a doctor to fix a broken leg you can't deal with yourself?"

Yuri paused before responding. That was an interesting way to look at it. He could accept the belief that tough guys – guys like him or Flynn – didn't need fancy 'therapy' to deal with being sad, but he also had to wonder if turning down professional help was like rejecting a sword when slaying a monster. There was so much more wrong with Flynn than just being sad, and he was willing to try anything if it would keep him off the roof.

Judy turned her head back to the view. "You should bring it up with him and see what he thinks."

Yuri nodded slowly. "Yeah. I think I will."

"You might as well wake him up now and give him time to get some breakfast," she said. "We'll be landing soon."

"Yeah." He glanced down at his bare chest and said, "Maybe I should put a proper shirt on, too."

Judy smirked. "And deprive us of your abs? I know you worked so hard on them."

Yuri snorted and pulled away from the railing. "I do what I can. Sorry, though, not all of us want to be walking eye candy."

She straightened up and folded her hands behind her back, pushing her chest out in a way Yuri was certain was intentional. "Oh? What's that supposed to mean?"

He'd heard more sickeningly innocent questions from six year olds. He started walking away and called back over his shoulder, "Just try to keep the cleavage to a minimum around Raven, alright? I'm sick of mopping drool off the deck."

Judith laughed and leaned her elbows against the railing. "I'll get breakfast ready if you wake the others."

* * *

Flynn had thought he was done with the days of dreading going to sleep in fear of nightmares around the time he stopped using a teddy bear to try to fend them off. He found himself wondering what had ever happened to Sir Teddie, and if pulling him out again now would help at all. Probably not, and it probably wasn't worth it for Yuri's inevitable teasing. Besides, he'd probably end up ripping poor Sir Teddie to shreds in his panicked flailing upon waking up.

He panted for breath and looked across the wagon to the hesitant group gathered on the other side. Only Yuri knelt near him, his arm held up defensively. After disembarking at Deidon Hold, they'd met up with a Fortune's Market delivery wagon to take them the rest of the way to the city. Flynn had promptly gone back to sleep, since he hadn't gotten much rest the night before. He'd lain awake in bed for hours, worrying about the next day, and once he finally drifted into sleep he landed right in another nightmare. The only consolation he had was that even though he was forced to relive his experiences in nightmares every night, he had not yet had a repeat. Maybe once he got through all ten months' worth of memories they would stop.

"Are we there?" he asked.

Judith nodded. "Tokunaga is parked just around the corner from the castle."

"Oh. I see." It was time. His hands shook with nerves.

"You ok?" Yuri asked.

Flynn nodded. "Yes. It was just a bad dream." The anxiety of entering the castle and facing Estelle and other knights again had sent him into some of the worst nightmares he'd ever had.

Karol looked to him hesitantly and asked, "Do you… want to talk about it?"

He could still feel rough rope digging into his wrists and the scent of sweat, blood, vomit, and other horrible fluids lingered in his nose like they'd physically pulled him from that room only a minute ago. He took a few deep breaths, assuring himself that his ribs weren't really broken and the foul taste in his mouth was just a lingering memory.

He squeezed his fingernails into his palms, digging them in until it hurt to remind himself where he was. After a couple more deep breaths, he look to Karol who was still staring at him in concern and said, "I… don't remember the details."

Yuri frowned at him, seeing through that lie like a window. In a low voice, he said, "You don't have to do this. We can put this off longer, or I'll find another way in without sending you in first."

"No," Flynn said. "I'm doing this." He was never going to feel better if he holed up inside and avoided his responsibilities. He recalled Yuri's weight hanging from his hands, his own firm grip the only thing keeping him from smashing to the ground.  _You can do this_ , he told himself.  _You're strong. You are in control now._

"If you're ready," Judith said, "the entrance to the castle is just around the corner."

Before he could chicken out, Flynn stood up and crossed the wagon. His sword felt comfortingly heavy at his side. Even if he ran into knights who sided with Estelle, it wouldn't be like last time. He wasn't unarmed, imprisoned, and malnourished anymore; he could fight back and defend himself. He opened the door and stepped onto the street.

"Flynn," Yuri stood on the edge of the wagon, frowned, and then reached for his wrist. With a bit of fumbling, he snapped the empty blastia bracelet from his wrist and held it out. "Take this."

Flynn stared at his hand in confusion. "Why would I want that?" Now that the blastia was gone, the bracelet itself was just a useless scrap of metal.

"I want you to have it." Yuri shook his hand, trying to get Flynn to take it.

"But without the blastia, it's only function is sentimental value. It won't make me stronger but I know it means a lot to you." He didn't think he'd ever seen Yuri take it off since the day he got it.

"Yeah. It does mean a lot to me, so what does that have in common with you?"

Flynn gazed at the bracelet. "Oh."

"Take it. You know I wouldn't give this to just anyone, so if I'm giving it to you it's because I really do care about you and trust you with it. Just… hold on to it in case you run into Estelle."

Flynn took the cool metal and clutched it until the edges dug painfully in his palm. "Thanks."

"You'd better give that back when you get out. If you break it I'll send the bill to the commandant's office."

"Right." He slipped it into his pocket, where it clinked against the poison bottle.

"Hey, you'll be fine." He smiled, and then added, "And if you do run into Estelle... hold on to yourself. Don't believe anything she says and remember who you are."

Flynn nodded slowly. "Thanks. I'll try to remember that."

He walked slowly down the street, glad that the night air was cool because his blood felt hot. A door slammed a block away and he had jumped against the nearest wall and drawn his sword before processing that he was overreacting. lad no one was here to see him, he sheathed his sword and took a deep breath.

_Pull yourself together, Flynn. You are a knight, not a frightened rabbit._

Had he really once walked these streets without a care in the world? It seemed so irresponsible now. If you asked anyone if they believed tragedy could strike them or their loved ones, everyone would say, yes, of course. Even though everyone knew that logically, at their core, no one actually believed it would happen to  _them_. That was the sort of thing that happened to strangers in the newspaper. People went through life truly believing, even if only at the backs of their brains, that if they were good, decent people, nothing really terrible would happen to them. It was a comfortable padding around the harsh edges of life that let people go about their day without fearing murderers lurking in every alley.

That padding had been ripped out of Flynn's mind because he now knew, viscerally and intimately, that heinous things could happen to decent people for no reason at all. The shuffling down the street was just a leaf scraping along the path as the breeze pushed it along... probably. It could also be the cloak of a murderer swishing across the ground as he crept through the night to end Flynn's life. Was it unlikely? Probably. But he didn't have the benefit of believing "it couldn't happen to me" because it  _had_  happened to him, and only constant vigilance could protect him from it happening again.

He somehow managed to reach the castle without having a heart attack, but then he saw the knights standing guard at the main gate. He saw their uniforms, their face-obscuring helmets, and he pressed his back against the wall before his shaking knees collapsed.

... _a pair of knights entered the room. He couldn't see their faces past their helmets. One of them carried a whip..._

He clamped his teeth on his lip until it hurt, and let the sting draw him back into reality. That was the past. There was no reason to believe these knights had anything to do with that. There was no reason for his heart to race and his muscles to tremble with the urge to drop everything and run. He had never felt a huge kinship to rabbits before, but he had to envy them for having nice dark burrows to scurry to and hide in whenever their twitching ears caught a glimmer of danger.

_I'm so pathetic..._

Dammit! He had things to do and people were relying on him. He couldn't let this rule him. He'd fought through injuries before, and just because this was a mental injury didn't mean he couldn't force through it, too. His fingers ran around the poison bottle in his pocket. All he had to do was get this to Ioder and then he could hide in his room for a few days to recover from how terrifying this was.

The sooner he got this over with, the sooner he could curl up in bed with his pillow over his head. He pushed away from the wall and marched as confidently as he could toward the gates. These knights were not the ones that had tortured him. There was no reason to be afraid of them. He outranked them, after all.

When he walked up to them, they shifted their spears and one said, "Do you need something?"

Flynn froze, surprised they hadn't recognized him. Then he realized he was wearing civilian clothes, he'd lost a lot of weight in the past couple of weeks, and he didn't doubt he was holding himself with significantly less confidence. For a few seconds he didn't know what to do. The plan had been to walk right past them, but they didn't recognize him. What was he supposed to -

Wait. Stupid. He was still the commandant. "It's me," he said. "Flynn Scifo."

The knights looked him up and down and shock hit their faces. "Oh!" the other said. "We're so sorry, sir! We didn't recognize you."

"It's alright," he said. "Please let me through."

"Of course, sir," the first said, stepping aside. "Sir, if I may ask, everyone's been so worried about you. Were you really kid-"

"Now is not the time to discuss that, Corporal."

"Right. Sorry, sir."

See, these knights respected him. They were not at all the same knights that he was afraid of. "Do me a favour and don't go announcing my return. I'd like to keep a low profile for now."

"Yes, sir!" they said in unison, saluting as Flynn continued inside.

His nerves hardly calmed once he was within the castle. It was hard believe that three years ago, he'd practically bounced with joy upon entering this building. That was back when he was so excited to be posted at the castle. Back when his stupid, naive self had no idea he only had three more days to be happy before everything was ripped away.

He knew the route to Master Ioder's room. He didn't even have to think about it. He wished he did, because that left spare room in his mind to consider the fact that somewhere in this building, probably not very far away, was  _that_  room. The room he visited every night since Yuri awakened his memories.

Just the thought that it was somewhere nearby sent waves of panic rushing through him. His head was a cup and every piece of stress or fear was a drop of water that steadily filled it up. His cup was so full of water he could see it bulging over the rim with only surface tension holding it in check. It would spill into a full-on panic attack if he didn't keep on top of it, and he couldn't let that happen until he got to Ioder.

 _I'm fine. I can do this. I'm just walking through the castle. I have every right to be here so no one is going to stop me_. He couldn't shake the feeling that someone was going to leap around a corner and attack him at any moment. When he did see people, he had to consciously remind himself not to draw his sword on a maid.

"I'm sorry!" Flynn said, hastily sheathing his sword the first time he forgot this.

The terrified maid pressed herself against the wall.

"I'm sorry, I'm  _so_  sorry." Flynn held his hands up and said, "I'm a little jumpy – you startled me – not your fault.  _So_  sorry."

"Uh… it's ok, Commandant," she said. "Um, are you feeling ok, sir?"

"I'm fine," he said a little too quickly.

"It's just, you look a bit tired and…"

"I said I'm fine!" Guilt beat him over the head as she shrunk against the wall again. He sighed and slumped his shoulders. "…Sorry. Could you just… not mention to other people that you saw me and forget about this?"

"Yes, sir!" Before he could snap at her again, she scampered away.

 _Great. Now I'm traumatizing other people_. Maybe this was a bad idea… But someone had to get this poison bottle to Ioder. He just needed to hold it together for a few more minutes and then he could let loose and have a crying fit in his bedroom. Maybe he could find Sir Teddie.

He walked up a flight of stairs. There was only one more hallway to go before reaching Ioder. He just had to get there. He quickened his pace as he walked down the empty hall, his footsteps echoing eerily. He turned a corner and saw the ornate door that led to the emperor's suite. Yes! He'd made it without having a panic attack! It was the little victories that counted.

He was halfway down the corridor when he heard a voice.

"Hello, Flynn."

The floor inexplicably morphed into glue. More accurately, he thought as he slowly turned his head over his shoulder, into webbing. He was as trapped as a fly as the spider strolled toward him, her heels lightly clicking on the polished floor.

"Where have you been?" Estelle asked, stopping a few feet from him.

Flynn managed to turned and face her, but he couldn't get words through his throat.

"You were with Yuri, weren't you?" She rested a hand on her hip. "So, how did it go? I don't suppose I should get my hopes up that you managed to kill him?"

Air came from his mouth, but no sound. Words, what were words? Even his mind was silent. No clear thoughts could break through the internal screaming.

Her eyes narrowed. "Don't tell me… did he actually convince you to trust him?"

Shit,  _shit_. He could have convinced her that he still served her. That would have been so much easier. He didn't know what to do. Should he run? Should he fight? Should he fall to his knees and sob his eyes out? Shut up, brain, that isn't helping! What would he have done if he was still the confident young man who'd joined the Knights? Focus on that.

"Everything… is… fine," he forced out. It sounded pathetic even to him.

Estelle frowned. "He  _did_ , didn't he?"

"N-no. I serve you, Estelle." Wait, crap! "I mean, Lady Estellise."

Estelle rolled her eyes. "You are a horrific liar, Flynn. You were  _good_  at lying when you still served me, though. You were better at everything. Don't you see that trusting Yuri has just broken you?"

"Yuri helped me," he insisted.

"Is that why you're trembling and look like you're on the verge of a panic attack? Because you're 'better' now?"

"I… um…" He couldn't think of a decent reply because all his energy was spent holding his mind in one piece and keeping him from melting down.

"Look at you," she gestured at him. "Pale. Skinny. Frightened. You've been like this before, and then you decided to put your trust in me. I made you strong, I gave you a chance to be the greatest knight the empire had ever seen, and now you turn your back on me? After everything I've done for you?" Her eyes wavered. "You haven't just messed up my plans, Flynn… you've broken my heart."

"I'm sorry," he said instinctively. No, wait, stop, he didn't need to apologize to her. It didn't matter if he'd broken her heart because she was evil, remember?

She rested her hand on his arm. He expected to flinch, but instead her touch felt familiar and warm. "I forgive you, Flynn," she said. "That's what friends do."

He jerked his arm away.  _Draw your sword_ , said a voice in his head, but he couldn't get his hands to function properly. The best he could manage was taking a feeble step away from her.

"Flynn…" Estelle said, looking to him with heartbroken eyes, "don't you trust me anymore?"

"I never should have," he tried to sound confident but it came out weak. He couldn't think with his heart pounding in his ears.

"Oh, Flynn, why would you say that?" She stepped closer and before he could stop her, she wrapped her arms around him in a close embrace. She pulled him against her, and he could feel her soft cheek against his and smell the flowery shampoo in her hair. Her arms closed around him tight enough to feel secure but not so tight he felt trapped. "I love you," she whispered in his ear. "I care about you so much and for you to betray me like this…" her voice wavered on the brink of tears, "I don't believe it. You – you  _wouldn't_ , would you?"

He should run away. He needed to pull away and get out of here, but he couldn't move. Her voice was like honey and for the first time since stepping out of the wagon his off-the-charts panic settled to a more manageable level.

"You're in so much pain, Flynn," she murmured. "I can see it in your eyes and it hurts me so deeply to see you suffering. You never hurt like this when you trusted me."

Well… yes, that was true. While serving her, he never felt fear or uncertainty. He never stressed over what path to take or struggled with nightmares or worried about his future. But, that was because he didn't think  _anything_ , and that wasn't any good either.

"Please, just let me make you feel better." She rubbed his back soothingly, and his stress ebbed away.

He let himself lean into the hug. For the first time in weeks, he felt safe. Her embrace was comforting and familiar, and found himself wishing he could place his trust in her and let her take care of his problems. "I… no," he mumbled. "You're - you're controlling me."

"But isn't it nicer? Why would you choose to be in pain when you can listen to me and feel better? What kind of person chooses to take the more painful route? It goes against human nature."

That was a good point. Really, it would be so  _easy_  to give in to Estelle. She didn't want to hurt him, she just wanted to make him feel better. All she asked in return for her love and affection was that he follow her instructions, which wasn't so high a cost. He considered how nice it would be to go back to living without constant anxiety. It was like Estelle was his barrier blastia, keeping out the harsh monsters of pain, depression, and fear.

What good was free will if it just made him miserable?

"Just listen to me and all the pain will go away."

She was so warm. She was warmth and comfort and love. She had never hurt him. It was the knights who hurt him; she was the one who made him feel better. He just wanted to stop hurting, and here she was, offering him relief. It would be… easy.

"Help me," he whispered.

"Always."

He nodded, not able to get words out. Tears welled up in his eyes and he wasn't sure if they were happy tears or not. He didn't know if this was the right thing to do, but worrying if it was the right thing hurt so much… it was so hard…. He couldn't do this. Life was too hard. Life was scary and harsh and any tiny thing could send him into panicked shaking. That was no way to live.

He managed to raise his arms and wrapped them around her waist while squeezing his eyes shut. "I trust you."


	13. Confrontations with Nightmares

Estelle drew back from the hug. She met his eyes with a huge smile. "I'm so happy to hear you trust me, Flynn. You have no idea how much this means to me."

Flynn nodded silently, sweet relief washing over him. Everything would be ok. He didn't have to worry anymore because Estelle would take care of everything. He would never have to suffer or hurt or panic as long as he put his faith in the one person who always comforted and supported him.

"There's something you need to do for me first. You came to heal Ioder, right?"

He nodded again.

"I'm going to forgive you for betraying me, but first I need you to give me the poison bottle."

He reached into his pocket. She was so generous for forgiving him so easily. Handing over the poison bottle was the least he could do to show how grateful he was. When he reached for the bottle, his hand hit something else first. It was a strip of metal, and his fingers curled around it in momentary confusion. What was… oh. Yuri's bracelet. Sparks flashed through his dulled brain, but they died away when he let go of the bracelet and grabbed the small glass bottle instead.

"Thank you," Estelle said, taking it from his hand. "I knew I could count on you."

A flicker of a smile reached his face. Lady Estellise counted on him. He was a good knight. It was the happiest he'd been in weeks.

Estelle threw the bottle to the ground and Flynn jumped as the shattering glass resounded through the empty hallway. "There," Estelle said as she glanced down with a satisfied smile, "now that that's out of the way, all we need to do is take care of your friends. I have no doubt they're lurking outside somewhere."

Flynn didn't answer, too busy staring at the broken bottle. Green liquid oozed between shards of shattered glass. He trusted Estelle, so why did he feel so melancholic upon seeing the destroyed antidote? He was happy now that he was with Estelle; he shouldn't feel this way. Although… was this  _really_  happy? He tried to remember the last time he'd been truly happy. It had been a long time ago, so it was hard to remember, but he faintly remembered a warm, bubbly feeling in his chest while sitting around and laughing with Yuri. Now, he just felt empty. Feeling nothing was such a step up from feeling pain that he'd interpreted it as happy, but now he wasn't so sure.

As he stared down, his hand reached into his pocket again and found the metal bracelet Yuri had given him. The shiny floor was slick enough to give him a faint reflection, so he stared into his own eyes while clenching the bracelet until it hurt.

 _Remember who you are_.

Yuri's words echoed around his head. Who was Flynn Scifo? It was such a hard question. The bracelet dug into his palm, reminding him of the care in Yuri's eyes when he'd handed it over. Yuri cared more about that bracelet than almost any other object he owned. He wouldn't have given it to just anybody. What would Yuri think if he saw Flynn with Estelle now? But Estelle made him feel so safe…

He had to loosen his grip because it became physically painful. He trembled as his mind flashed through memories of much worse pain.

He managed to raised his eyes from the floor. "May I ask a question?"

"Hm?" Estelle cocked her head to the side.

"If you are truly my friend… why did you torture me?"

"How could you say that? I never did anything of the sort." She frowned and added, "You know you're not supposed to call your training torture."

His breath quickened. "I'm not stupid! What you ordered the knights to do… how can that be called anything else!?"

Estelle stared at him for a few seconds, and then her face fell. "Oh, Flynn… have you gone back to that misguided thinking again? It breaks my heart to think you're going to have to be corrected again."

He shook his head and ran his thumb along the smooth metal in his pocket. "Please give me a straight answer."

"I had no choice, Flynn. You had to be corrected. I fixed you."

"Why? Why did I need to be corrected? What was wrong with me?" He felt like a traitor for questioning her, but his grip on Yuri's bracelet reminded him that going along with her would make him a traitor to Yuri. He could trust either Estelle or Yuri, and he had to figure out which.

"You were a bad knight," Estelle insisted. "You're so much further gone than I thought, Flynn. I'm sorry, but I think you're going to need a few more weeks of training."

"Why?! Why is believing in justice a bad trait for a knight? Why has no other knight been put through the 'training' that I did?"

 _Remember who you are_.

He was Flynn Scifo and he was a knight. Knights fought to protect the innocent and make people smile. That was what he had firmly believed the last time he was truly happy. Giving himself over to Estelle would be painless, but it would never move beyond that. He remembered what 'happy' felt like, and if he ever wanted to feel that way again, he had to take a risk and hope he could find it at the end of Yuri's painful path. He was a knight, and knights were not afraid of difficulty.

"Why would you question me, Flynn?" Her eyes welled up with grief. "I love you."

"You haven't given me any reason to believe that." She always told him she was his friend and that she loved him, but beyond effortless hugs and sweet words, she had never actually done anything for him. He had never questioned this before, because in his disoriented and torture-addled mind he couldn't think of any other frame of reference for what love was.

He squeezed the bracelet. Yuri had nearly gotten himself killed saving Flynn's life even when Flynn didn't want it saved. Yuri got punched in the face - or worse - waking Flynn up because he'd rather feel the pain than see Flynn suffer through a bad dream. Yuri had put his life on hold to take care of him, and he had never asked for a single thing in return.  _That_  was what love was.

He stared at her with sick horror. "You were never my friend."

Estelle's smile dropped, and then she slapped him across the face.

The last shred of trust for her that he couldn't shake shattered, and he could practically hear the remnants of his ties to her clattering to the ground.

"What a pain," Estelle said irritably as Flynn clutched his face. "I wonder if it's worth it trying to break you in again or if I should just cut my losses and kill you."

"Why?" Flynn demanded. "Why did you do this to me?"

She rolled her eyes. "So I could use you, obviously. Clearly it wasn't for your intelligence."

"Why me?"

She shrugged. "You annoyed me. You were too perky. I figured that even if it didn't work, it would be fun to watch you crack."

Flynn gaped at her, eyes wide with horror. His whole body shook with rage and pain. "Fun?" he breathed.

"It was something to do, at least. Life in the castle is usually  _so_  boring. As a bonus, I got a pretty good puppet at the end of it."

He couldn't even move. At the very least he'd thought that his life had been torn to shreds as part of some grand evil scheme, but… fun. She did it because she found it entertaining. She'd ripped apart his body, destroyed his identity, and twisted his emotions all because she felt like it.

"You really should just come back to me," she said, glancing down at her nails. "Serving me, at least you're useful. Without me, you're just a sniveling wreck. Admit it - you can't function without me anymore." She glanced up with a smirk. "It's ok. I won't blame you. I rewired you that way on purpose after all."

"No…" He backed away from her, shaking his head. He shook like a pot about to boil over. He had his sword at his waist, but he felt too numb and dizzy to even reach for it. "I'm not… I won't follow you!"

"But what else are you good for? You're a failure of a knight."

"No. No! Your idea of the Knights is wrong!" It was hard to get words out around his heart pounding in his throat. "The Imperial Knights believe in justice and protecting the innocent!" That was an anchor he could cling to in this sea of confusion and broken ties.

"Justice? There's no such thing."

"There is!"

"Geeze, you're almost as annoying as Yuri." With one hand on her hip, she said, "Justice is just what self-righteous people call revenge in order to feel better about themselves."

"That's wrong!" His head spun with confusion, but he grabbed the bracelet in his pocket to steady himself. "Justice means defending those who have done no wrong and punishing the wicked so that they won't be able to harm anyone else."

"Yes, but who decides who's wicked?"

"Wicked people hurt innocents."

"Says who? Says society at large? Why should I listen to them?" She took a step toward him, and Flynn instinctively backed away again. "It's always the same with you goody-good types. You just buy into whatever you're told, and that's why you were such a good subject for my experiment. There's no such thing as an innocent, Flynn. Everyone is a bastard at heart; they're just too cowardly to express it in fear of going against social norms. Those of us who aren't caught up in the peer pressure to care about other's feelings for the sole reason that people say we should are vilified as wicked. Morality is a social construction that you buy into because you're too stupid to consider that there's another way of living."

Flynn couldn't stop shaking his head. "To care about another creature's pain is what it means to be human. It's what separates us from monsters."

"I'm still not seeing a compelling argument to give a damn about other people. Admit it - you're just jealous that I don't have these pesky worries about 'morality' holding me back from achieving my goals. You accuse me of brainwashing you, but you've had people since the day you were born telling you what to believe and who to care about. Caring about others isn't innate to humans - it's imposed on you when you're a child so you can conform to society's values." She pointed her finger and poked his chest. "And  _you_  bought into it wholeheartedly. You just leap to accept other people's values. You were born to be brainwashed, Flynn. Don't get mad because I used you like you wish you were brave enough to use others."

"That's not true." He clutched the sides of his head and looked to the floor with panicked eyes as his voice wavered. He didn't believe what she was saying, but his brain was too rattled to create a counter argument.

"You'll thank me once I fix you," Estelle said. "Once I've hammered out these hang-ups about justice, you'll back to being the servant you were born to be."

The only thing Flynn got out of that was the implication that she intended to lock him up and torture him again. The prospect of living through that again sent bolts of terror shooting through him that blinded him to all other thought. No, no, no, not again, he could  _not_ handle that again. Panic threatened to spill over again, and he couldn't stop a steady stream of images flooding through his brain, accompanied by the horrifying thought,  _this is going to happen to you again._

Before he could even complete a thought about having a sword and being a strong fighter, he ran. Estelle's voice shouting for the guards rang through the corridor and he pushed himself onward. He didn't know where he was going, just that he had to get away from Estelle.

His heart hammered so hard and fast he vaguely wondered if he was going into cardiac arrest. He had to keep pushing faster because his legs flew under him and slowing down just a hair would throw off his balance and send him crashing to the floor. He passed a knight, but he flew by so quickly the man didn't even recognize him.

 _They're going to capture me_.

He couldn't see straight. Everything moved too fast and every connection in his brain flashed on high alert.

 _When they capture me, they're going to torture me again_.

He wasn't sure if his inability to breathe was due to sprinting so hard it hurt his shins or the panic clutching his chest.

 _This is my fault I gave her the poison bottle Ioder is going to die I screwed up fuck I screwed up I can't fix this they're going to torture me_.

He had to get out of here. No, he couldn't make it all the way out of the castle. Flynn heard shouts in the distance and knew they were knights looking for him. He was going to get captured and Estelle was going to lock him up and she'd probably never let him out again. Tears streamed down his face as his mind blared with the certainty that a slow and agonizing death was ahead of him.

He saw a knight at the end of the hall. "Sir?"

_Shit he's going to kill me fuck fuck fuck fuck fu-_

He couldn't keep running around the castle. He was so disoriented he had probably taken a wrong turn. He couldn't deal with this, or with life in general. Flynn swerved to the side, grabbing a door handle to save from falling over. He pulled the door open and found a dark, cluttered closet, and immediately threw himself into it, slamming the door behind him.

He found a corner against the wall, blocked from the door by a large crate filled with cleaning supplies. A clumsily shoved away broom clanked on a bucket as it fell to the ground. In the corner, he curled up and pulled his legs to his chest. With his face buried in his knees, his shoulders heaved with every frantic breath.

He couldn't stop crying. The terror that knights would find him any second now and drag him away to that room was worse than actual torture. The more he cried the more pathetic he felt, which just confirmed how useless and helpless he was. What a terrible knight. He wanted to throw up.

The door creaked open, and his head shot up in terror.

"Commandant?" It was Sodia.

"Go away!" His voice cracked.

Sodia hesitated, but then entered anyway and closed the door softly behind her. "Sir, what's going on? A knight told me you freaked out and ran into a closet."

Sodia didn't know anything. She had no idea Estelle was a monster, or that he'd been tortured, or that he'd done so many terrible things. How could he possibly explain everything? Just thinking of how overwhelming his circumstances were panicked him even more. He gaped at her with frantic eyes while he shook like a machine going into overdrive.

"Sir?" she said hesitantly, taking a few slow steps toward him.

He edged away from her, afraid that Yuri was wrong and she was working for Estelle, too. He couldn't control his wild breathing and his heart raced so fast he could barely feel it anymore.

Sodia held her hands out to show she wasn't attacking as she slowly approached him and crouched. "Sir, I think you're having a panic attack."

Who cared what it was called? He was going to die. They were going imprison him and rip him apart. He wrapped his hands around his head and hid his face in his knees. He gasped for air, trying to get enough oxygen through both uncontrollable sobs and frantic breathing.

"You need to calm down, sir. You're hyperventilating." Her hand touched his shoulder, but he flinched away. She was gentle, which reminded him of Estelle.

She pulled her hand back, and it hovered a few inches from him. "Sir, look at me. I'm trying to help you. Raise your head and look at me."

Not knowing what else to do, he lifted his head. It was hard to make her out with his vision fuzzy around the edges and tears blurring his eyes.

"Alright, sir, try to breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth. Do it with me." She breathed in deeply through her nose and then blew out through her mouth. "Keep time with my breathing."

Flynn met her eyes and took a deep breath through his nose. He only last a couple of seconds before he had to breath out and gasp again, but he kept trying. Sodia crouched in front of him and kept breathing slow and deep, until finally Flynn was able to time his breathing with hers. He took a long, deep breath, and when he exhaled he felt a small shred of relief. At the very least, he could control his breathing again.

"Are you alright?" she asked after a couple minutes of this. "Can you tell me what's wrong?"

What  _wasn't_  wrong? He didn't even know where to start. He was able to breathe normally, and he could feel his heart throbbing as it gradually slowed down, but he was still jittery. He reached up to rub his eyes and sniffled to try to bring his crying to an end.

"I'm f-f-fine." He was too distraught to even feel embarrassed that his subordinate officer was seeing him in this state.

Sodia frowned and shifted forward to sit on her knees. "Sir, you are clearly not fine. When did you get back to Zaphias? Is this Yuri Lowell's doing?"

 _Yuri_. He reached into his pocket and pulled out the bracelet, and then clasped it between his hands and rested his forehead against it. He clung to the bracelet like a life preserver in a raging ocean; it was tangible proof that someone trusted and loved him ( _but why should he when you fucked up so badly?_ ). He took a few more deep breaths and then raised his head. "Sodia… we cannot trust Estelle," he said with hoarse voice.

She was confused. "What is going on, sir?"

"Estelle was working with Alexei. She is currently poisoning Master Ioder."

"Are you positive?"

Flynn nodded as his thoughts began to clear. Sitting in a small, quiet room certainly helped. "I was manipulated. For the past two years, I had lost my free will and followed her orders unquestioningly. Estelle was collaborating with Alexei to raise Zaude."

"I don't see how that's possible, sir. How could she manipulate you like that? You've always had such strong ideals."

He hesitated, trying to think of a way to explain without actually having to talk about. He failed, and averted his eyes before whispering, "Torture."

Sodia covered her mouth with a small gasp and watched him with eyes full of pity.

"She… tortured me until I would follow her mindlessly, and then used me as a pawn in her schemes. I know it's hard to believe."

Sodia bit her lip while hesitating, but her eyes darted over Flynn's dishevelled appearance and she swallowed hard. "I trust, you, sir. Are you… alright?"

Her belief in him was relief. He thought about that question, and then sighed heavily. "I'm really not," he admitted. He saw her concern and added, "Physically I am uninjured. Mentally… I feel like I'm holding myself together with a thread."

"Sir…" She hung her head and gritted her teeth. "I had no idea any of this happened to you. Please forgive me for being inattentive."

"It's alright. I didn't realize it either," he added grimly.

"What happened to remind you?"

"Yuri." He squeezed the bracelet again. "He forcibly removed me from Estelle's influence and broke her hold on me. Please don't blame Yuri for my… instability. My current behaviour is a reaction to what Estelle did to me, not him."

She clearly didn't like being told Yuri wasn't to be held accountable, but she nodded. "Alright, sir. When did you get back to Zaphias? We've all been so worried about you."

"Just today. I was supposed to take a poison bottle to Ioder, but…" he squeezed his eyes shut in shame. "I messed up. I let Estelle get to me and she smashed the bottle. Then she told me she was going to torture me again until I followed her orders and I - I just panicked. I'm sorry you had to find me like this."

"Sir, I completely understand why you panicked. I'm just glad you've calmed down now." She glanced back at the door. "That explains why the knights were looking for you."

His heart skipped a beat. "They're looking for me?"

"That's how I heard you had returned to Zaphias. Everyone is confused. Lady Estellise reported to the knights that you've turned traitor and that she caught you trying to assassinate Master Ioder. The knights are under orders to search the castle for you, but it's turning into chaos. Many, including all those from our brigade stationed here now, refuse to believe her. Sergeant Isaacs saw you run in here, and came to get me because he said you seemed… off."

Off. That was one word for it. Off his rocker, maybe. "That was Isaacs?" Isaacs was in the Flynn Brigade. Flynn didn't know him personally, but could count on him for a mission. He felt embarrassed that he'd thought he was going to kill him.

Sodia nodded. "Sir, what is our next move going to be? We can't hide in a closet forever."

Flynn thought for a moment. He was able to think clearly and rationally again, something that was helped along by the still quiet of the closet. He felt safe in here, but he knew he couldn't stay forever. "There is a poison bottle in my room. We can get it and then return to Master Ioder."

"Alright, sir. Are you ready to get moving?"

No. He wanted to stay curled up in the closet for the rest of the day, or maybe for the rest of his life. He didn't want to let everyone down again, though. He'd already failed them once, so he grabbed the edge of the crate and pulled himself to his feet. "Sodia… thank you."

"Of course, sir. Please let me know if there's anything else I can do to help you."

Flynn let Sodia open the door, steeled himself, and then followed her out. Sergeant Isaacs jumped to attention. "Sir! Is everything alright?"

Flynn wondered how obvious it was that he'd been sobbing his eyes out a few minutes ago. If it was obvious, Isaacs didn't mention it. Flynn glanced to Sodia, silently telling her to explain.

"Everything is fine," Sodia said. "Isaacs, I want you to spread the word through the knights that Lady Estellise has betrayed us."

His eyes widened. "She - really?"

"Commandant Flynn has done nothing wrong. He has recently discovered that she was working in tandem with Alexei and she is attempting to discredit him before he can report her treason to the Council. Make sure the knights know that if a dispute between the Knighthood and the royal family arises, we stand with the commandant."

Isaacs saluted. "Of course, sir! I'll spread the word."

"Also," Flynn added, "tell the guards that if Yuri Lowell and any of his companions attempt to get into the castle, they are to be allowed in." He had originally been hoping to get to Ioder without Yuri and the others showing up and causing a commotion, but commotion had been caused and there was no point keeping them out. The idea of Yuri coming comforted him more than he cared to admit. He was trying to get back on his feet, but he couldn't keep himself from using Yuri as an emotional crutch.

"Got it," Isaacs said with another sharp nod.

"What is the situation with the Council?" Sodia asked.

"They're holding an emergency meeting in the council chamber, trying to figure out what's going on."

Flynn had a strong feeling they would side with Estelle, at least before they got the full story. Most of the Council wasn't enamoured with him and would jump at the chance to paint the boy from the lower quarter as a villain. Stress piled up on him again as he struggled to figure out how to fix this problem. He took a deep breath and focused, which was difficult to do with panic dancing around the edge of his mind.

"When we administer a poison bottle to Master Ioder," Sodia said, "that will prove he was being poisoned. Lady Estellise claims to have given him one, but clearly she didn't. This will prove her lie and strengthen your case."

Flynn talked to the ground, working things out as he said them. "Isaacs, we need to organize all the knights who remain loyal to me. Those who side against me must be taken out - non-lethally of course. We also need to make sure Estelle is not allowed to escape the castle, so keep security around all possible exits. We'll also send a squad to the Council chamber to stand guard and keep them in there. The last thing I need is for them to come out with an official mandate deposing me. That squad should be members of our brigade to ensure loyalty." He finally raised his head and glanced between Sodia and Isaacs. "Understood?"

Sodia nodded once. "Yes, sir."

"Is there anything else?" Isaacs asked.

Flynn shook his head. "No, that's all."

"Uh, sir," Sodia said, quickly licking her lips in nervousness. "I know it is not my place to suggest, but I wonder if it would not be pertinent to assign security to Master Ioder. Lady Estellise may attempt to finish the job."

Flynn paused, staring at her for a moment. Yes, that was the sensible thing to do. He should have thought of it himself. "Yes," he said softly. "That… do that, Isaacs."

Isaacs tried to hide his confusion that Flynn seemed abnormally out of it today, but he nodded anyway. "Right. I'll send the next group of knights I see to his chambers for protection."

"Thank you for your loyalty, Sergeant."

Isaacs smiled slightly. "You've more than earned my trust, Commandant." He saluted once more for good measure, and then hurried off.

Flynn let Sodia lead the way through the castle. If she thought it odd that he let himself fall back and follow her, she didn't mention it. He found it comforting to let someone else take the lead for now. They walked in silence for a while; Sodia didn't seem to know what to say and Flynn appreciated the chance to get his thoughts together.

He was angry at himself for losing the poison bottle. He already knew that Yuri wouldn't be mad at him, but that didn't make him feel less like crap. It was so frustrating not being able to be himself. All he wanted was to stop being scared of stupid crap, or at the very least to handle that fear with the dignity and courage of a knight.

A few times on their way to Flynn's room, a group of knights ran past. Whenever they did, they stopped to ask what was going on and Flynn let Sodia explain. They were lucky; they hadn't run into any knights who supported Estelle yet. Part of that was because the ones they did meet told them which way not to turn and where the worst of the fighting was. The sounds of distant fighting echoed through the corridors, and Flynn felt terrible thinking his knights were getting hurt because of him, even if Estelle was the one who started it.

Sodia finally broke the silence. "Sir… may I ask you a question?"

It took him a second to snap out of his thoughts and process what she'd said. Damn, he'd let himself zone out again. This was why she was in the lead. "Of course you can."

"Were you under Lady Estellise's manipulation for the entire time I knew you?"

Flynn's throat tightened, catching his breath. Sodia didn't look back at him as they walked, and Flynn pulled his eyes from the back of her head to stare at the slick floor. "Yes," he whispered.

"I… see," Sodia said softly. "So, the man I would have killed for… it wasn't even you."

Flynn wasn't quite sure what that meant, but he was too torn up with guilt to dwell on it. "I'm sorry." He was doing nothing but apologize lately, but with all the shit he'd done, he needed to.

"It's hardly your fault," she said stiffly.

"While under her control, I tried hard to behave as my actual self so as not to raise suspicion from those who already knew me. I like to think my true personality is not all that different from the front I presented to you and the rest of our brigade."

Sodia took a deep breath, and then turned around. She held herself straight and stuck out her hand. "In that case, it is an honour to finally meet you, sir."

Flynn stared at her outstretched hand for a few seconds, not sure what she was getting at. He hesitantly reached out and clasped it, though he knew it was one of the weakest handshakes he'd ever given. "It's… uh, good to meet you as well."

"I will strive to be more attentive in the future. I cannot forgive myself for failing to notice you were being controlled." She dropped her hand and let her professional air lower. "And sir, if there is anything I can do to help you recover from this trauma, please let me know."

"Thank you." He wasn't ready to unconditionally trust her yet, and he didn't know if he would ever be able to fully trust people again. It was possible Estelle had irreversibly broken that part of his mind. He could, however, have cautious optimism that she wouldn't stab him in the back.

Sodia saw the uncertainty in his eyes, but if it bothered her, she didn't show it. She nodded once, and then turned and said, "We should keep going."

They walked at a brisk pace. As they went, Flynn couldn't keep his mind from wandering. It drifted to worries about what would happen if they got stopped and captured by knights loyal to Estelle. When the inevitable consequences of that (torture, pain, blood, suffering - _stop thinking about that!_ ) overwhelmed him he tried to distract himself with thoughts of Yuri. Was he in the castle yet? He had to be. As soon as he noticed signs of a commotion from the castle, Yuri would have charged in. Flynn might run into him around any corner.

They rounded a corner, and Flynn breathed a sigh of relief when he saw the door to his room. They'd made it without running into any opposing knights. Entering the room was a soothing relief after the constant danger in the hallway. Knights weren't going to sneak up around corners in here, so Flynn let his guard drop, if only slightly.

"It should be over here," he said as Sodia stood by the door. Flynn knelt in front of the chest by his bed, trying not to think too hard about how the last time he'd used this room he'd still been under Estelle's control. He'd had only two nights in this room right before being imprisoned. He would have savoured those nights more if he knew what was coming. Up until he'd been transferred to the castle, he'd never in his life had a room to himself, and never had a mattress this soft. He wished he'd been able to appreciate it more before enduring ten months sleeping on cold concrete.

His fingers wrapped around the small bottle and he pulled it out before his mind could drift again. He wondered if he would ever reach a point when every tiny thing didn't remind him of trauma.

"Alright," he closed the chest and stood up straight, "let's hurry on to Master Ioder." Once he was healed, Ioder could take over and deal with the Council and Flynn could go back to hiding in bed. He hoped to eventually be able to take on the post of commandant even if he wasn't sure he truly deserved it, but he knew he was definitely not ready for that kind of responsibility right now. It was still a daily struggle to keep himself from falling to pieces; he couldn't deal with the responsibility to hold an entire military together.

"We're almost there, sir," Sodia said, opening the door. "Just a little longer."

Flynn nodded silently and walked past her into the hall. As he stepped into the hall, he stopped when he saw a trio of knights making their way toward him.

The knights paused, and one of them said, "Oh, Commandant, there you are."

Flynn froze up, not sure yet if these knights were on his side or not. Sodia took charge and asked, "Have you received your orders?"

The short one nodded. "Yes. We are to escort the commandant to Lady Estellise."

Flynn's heart skipped a beat and he reached for his sword.

Sodia kept her calm and said, "Ignore those orders. Lady Estellise has committed treason and those loyal to the empire must place their faith in Commandant Flynn."

Oh, right, they didn't actually know that these guys were aware of the situation. Flynn lowered his hand, wishing he could stop being so jumpy.

"So we've heard," the tallest one said, "but we're going to need you to come with us."

A chill ran down Flynn's spine, but he couldn't place the exact cause. All he knew was that these knights had apparently chosen to side against him, and his hand shot back to his sword.

"Stand down!" Sodia commanded. "Knights with honour will remain loyal to our commandant."

"Our empire is headed by the royal family," the knight who was neither the tallest nor the shortest said. "I find it easier to believe a commandant has gone rogue than the princess. Look what happened with Alexei."

The tall one nodded and drew his sword. "Surrender, Commandant. If you give yourself up willingly, I'm sure Lady Estellise will take pity on you. She's fond of you for some reason."

The chill appeared again, this time in the form of an icy hand gripping him tight and holding him frozen in horror. That voice. He knew that voice,  _he knew that voice_ , fuck,  _he knew that fucking voice._ The distant whiff of overpowering aftershave drifted down the corridor.

"Sir?" Sodia said, glancing at him nervously when she noticed he'd gone rigid.

It was  _him_. It was the man Flynn had met in his nightmares almost every night for weeks. That bastard must have gotten himself transferred out of the Royal Guard when he saw the ship sinking and now he was here. Flynn had his sword in hand but couldn't move his arm. Yuri said all the people who had tortured him must be dead or in prison, but now here was the worst of them, facing him in a hallway, and all thoughts about being armed and strong flew from his brain. He felt as powerless as he had in that room as the man's very presence threatened to snap the threads holding him together.

All he could do was whisper, " _You_."


	14. Face to Face

"Oh?" Aftershave said, taking a few steps forward. "Remember me, then? I wondered if you would. We had such good times together."

"Sir," Sodia said in a low voice, "who is this man?"

"You two take care of the woman," the knight said. "I'll deal with the commandant."

Sodia whipped out her sword as the other two approached. "Sir, you need to focus," she snapped, but Flynn couldn't move.

"Sir!" She had to raise her sword to block an attack by the short knight. The two of them ignored Flynn and drove Sodia back. She was a strong fighter, but holding off two at once was a challenge.

Flynn stood paralyzed, staring at the tall knight pacing toward him. In his mind, he was in that room again and he was utterly helpless. The sword hanging loosely in his hand felt like nothing but a heavy weight. Certainty that he was going to die painfully gripped him and his breath came short and fast.

"What's wrong?" the knight asked. "Not happy to see me?"

He struggled to put words together. "Ge… get away…"

"So quiet." He reached Flynn and held his sword out, lighting poking Flynn's chest. "I used to be able to get much more satisfying noises out of you."

He couldn't think over his mind screaming,  _it's him, it's him, it's him_ , over and over. It was his worst nightmare come true, and Sodia was busy with the other knights and couldn't help him. The threads holding him together strained to their limits and another word from this knight threatened to send him into a sobbing heap on the floor. He had never been so terrified of another human in his entire life.

"Put down your sword, you pathetic excuse for a knight," the man said. The tip of his sword dug into Flynn's chest, light breaking his skin. It stung, but Flynn knew it was nothing compared to what was in store for him if he dropped his sword and let himself be captured.

His grip on his sword tightened. He would  _not_  let that happen. He would rather die than go back there. Terror still coursed through his veins but his trembling began converting from fear to anger.

The knight noticed his grip tightening and chuckled. "Are you actually going to fight me? You think you can? I know all your weaknesses." His other hand settled on Flynn's rigid shoulder, and he flinched as sparks seemed to radiate from his hand. "I've had you sobbing and begging at my feet and you're stupider than I thought if you think I can't do it again."

Flynn's skin crawled under the man's hand. His heart raced and alarm bells clanged through his head.  _Don't fucking touch me!_  He finally managed to move, if only to shake his head. "No," he said in a hoarse voice. "Sh-shut up."

"What's wrong? Don't want your lady friend to hear about how you moaned like a whore? I don't know why you're even making a big fuss about this - you obviously liked it."

Words caught in his throat as his vision blurred. No, no, no, no, no….

"Didn't you hear me?" he demanded, raising his voice. He leaned forward, his fingers digging into Flynn's shoulder as his sword bit into Flynn's chest. "Drop your sword, you wretch!"

The knight had counted on Flynn crumbling to the learned habit of cowering before him when he rose his voice. It almost worked. The last threads holding himself together snapped, but instead of falling to the ground, he ricocheted outward.

With an unintelligible scream of rage, Flynn's sword flew up faster than the knight could react. His blade dug into the knight's arm until he hit bone, and the knight pulled his arm away from Flynn's shoulder with a shout. Flynn was already moving forward, slashing at the man's other arm. The knight dropped his sword and clutched the bloody mess of his arm, stumbling backward.

Flynn drove forward, his sword clanking on the knight's armour. He only hit the armour because he could barely see straight through the red haze of rage. He had never wanted to hurt someone as much as this man, and every muscle tensed with the effort to deliver as much pain as possible with every blow.

"Stop!" the knight yelled, trying to block the blows with his arms and ending up with more lacerations across his forearms. "Please! I surrender!"

"How dare you?!" Flynn roared, driving him against the wall. "How  _dare_  you ask me for mercy, you bastard!"

He dropped his sword. It wasn't satisfying enough. He grabbed the injured man by the collar and threw him to the floor, and his helmeted head clanked on the ground with a grunt. Flynn tore the helmet off as he straddled him and drove his fists into his face. Something cracked, probably the knight's nose. Flynn was vaguely aware of a stream of profanities flying out of his mouth, and the knight screaming and begging him to stop, but it was hard to hear over the blood pounding in his ears. His vision blurred and his mind narrowed, only able to focus on one thing: cause as much pain as you possibly can.

His knuckles were covered in blood and his shouldered heaved with pants. Flynn had always believed in taking his enemies down as easily as possible, but all that flew out the window. All that mattered was that this man suffered as much pain as Flynn could physically inflict and every furious punch sent a thrill of satisfaction through him.

"Commandant!"

Sodia must have dealt with the other knights by now. Good, that meant he could focus on hurting this one.

"Commandant, you're going to kill him!"

Why was that supposed to be a problem? The only bad thing about him dying was that it would mean he couldn't suffer any longer.

"Sir, this man needs to be arrested. You can't do this!"

Her hand touched his shoulder and he swatted her away. "This is him, Sodia!" he roared. He smashed his fist into the knight's throat, cutting off his gasps for mercy. "This is the man who tortured me!" He couldn't keep his voice steady and his throat hurt as he snarled, "The man who raped me!"

Flynn grabbed his shoulders, pulled him up, and then slammed him back into the ground. He drove his knee into the man's crotch and a mad grin spread across his face as he heard the howl of pain.  _Good_. "How do you like it?! How do you like being-" he smashed his fist against the knight's temple, " _broken_?!"

"Sir, you need to stop," Sodia said firmly. "This isn't you. You're letting your anger rule you."

Flynn ignored her, because talking to her took up words he would rather use screaming at the bastard in front of him. He still had energy in his muscles, which meant he still needed to make this man suffer. After everything this bastard had done to him, he had no right to complain about a few minutes of pain. He  _deserved_  this.

"Flynn." Sodia crouched and grabbed his arm, her voice soft but firm.

He jolted to a stop simply from the shock of hearing Sodia address him by nothing but his name. He panted as blood dripped from his fist onto the knight's bloodied face.

"Flynn, maybe I've never met the real you before, but I know this isn't it. This man must be arrested and stand trial for his crimes. You are so much stronger than this. Please don't lose yourself in your anger."

"But he…" Flynn gasped. His voice trembled. "He…"

"I know," Sodia said, letting go of his arm. "But it is not a knight's place to take out justice on whoever they deem fit. If the real you is even half the man you pretended to be, you know this. Please, Flynn, this…" she looked down at the man gasping for breath through his bloodied mouth and wrinkled her nose, "this piece of crap, if you'll excuse my language, isn't worth sacrificing the ideals we've worked for."

Flynn stared at the man, whose eyes were already starting to swell up. He looked so broken, lying on the ground with a crooked nose and tears leaking from his eyes. He deserved it… Flynn clung to that thought as he pictured what this bastard had done to him. But when he pictured that, the mental image was disturbingly similar to what he was seeing now. He deserves it, he thought again. That didn't change the fact that suddenly he had to realize he was capable of causing the same amount of pain and suffering. Maybe this bastard did deserve to die, but it wasn't Flynn's place to dish it out. He needed to be arrested and face justice, otherwise this was no better than revenge.

"Please, Flynn." She managed to keep her voice calm and firm, even though her face was torn up with worry. "We said we were going to reform the Knights, but that cannot happen if your first act as commandant is beating a man to death with no trial."

Flynn dropped his hand, and then in a quick movement he spun and fell against Sodia. She stiffened in surprise at first, and then slowly reached her arms up to hold him tight. He choked for breath, and tears squeezed from his eyes. There wasn't much left after his outburst earlier, but the past fifteen minutes had been a hurricane of panic, terror, rage, and grief and the stress had to escape somehow.

His hands rested on the ground by his knees as he choked out sobs against Sodia's shoulder. She said nothing, but her silent embrace spoke volumes of support. He was supposed to be her commanding officer, but here we was, sobbing on her like a child. She gave no sign of judgment or annoyance, though, and her steady breathing reassured him. She was an anchor to cling to, and he realized that he had been foolish to doubt her. Yuri was right; he could trust Sodia.

After five minutes, he finally pulled away and rubbed his eyes on his sleeve. "Thank you."

She nodded tightly. "Of course."

Flynn took one last deep breath and then turned to the knight, who had passed out. Now that the red haze had faded, he was able to get a good look at the man's face for the first time. In all his months in prison, he'd never once seen the man without his helmet. Flynn wasn't sure what he was expecting his face to look like, but certainly not this. He looked so… human. He was just a guy. Flynn had always imagined him as some hideous demon, but he was so average Flynn could have passed him on the street without looking twice.

This revelation comforted him. The man who stalked his nightmares was not an inhuman beast who could find and destroy him at any time. The only reason he'd had power over Flynn was because he'd been imprisoned, unarmed, and weak from malnourishment. He was just a man, and a man could be defeated.

"Sir, your knuckles are bleeding," Sodia said.

He glanced down at his hands. He'd thought it was just blood from the knight, but as the adrenaline rush died he noticed a dull stinging. "So they are." He mopped up the blood on his shirt. "Are the two you took out dead or unconscious?"

"Unconscious." Sodia snapped back to professionalism like, well, like a professional.

"Good. All three of these men need to be arrested. The first two merely need to be held until the situation with Estelle is resolved. This one," he gestured at the man, "is to be charged with behaviour unbecoming of a knight." It was a tricky case, since he'd been following orders from Estelle and Alexei, but the orders had so clearly been unlawful and immoral, Flynn wasn't too worried he'd be convicted.

Flynn stood up. "Take care of this. I'm going to Master Ioder."

Sodia got to her feet as well and asked, "Do you not want me to accompany you?"

Flynn hesitated, and then looked down at the knight at his feet. He was more afraid of this man than anyone else in the world, and he'd defeated him. If he could overcome this, he felt confident that he could overcome anything. He didn't know if he could do it without fear or without straining all of his senses from hypervigilance, but he could make it to Ioder without an escort. "I'll be fine. I'll find you when the task is completed to let you know I'm alright."

"Very well, sir."

He walked away with his head held high.

* * *

Estelle hurried down the hall, a vial of poison clutched in her hand. Things were not going her way. She'd told the knights to go after Flynn and bring him to her, but the stupid knights had mostly sided with him for some reason. Even if she managed to capture Flynn, what should she do if most of the knights remained loyal to him? They were at risk of a military coup, and without knights to back her up she had no way of winning.

She had tried to go to the Council to ensure she still had their support, but the damn Flynn brigade had sealed off the entrance. The Council was no doubt furious, but she hadn't even had a chance to explain to them what had happened. All they knew was that she and Flynn were feuding and that the knights were taking sides, so even though she was pretty sure they would side with her, it was still up in the air if Flynn showed up with evidence first.

Everything was falling apart, and it was all because of Flynn. If that worthless idiot had sorted through those boxes properly, Yuri would never have found those letters and none of this would have happened. She didn't think she even wanted to get Flynn back as her slave if he was so useless. She just wanted to capture him so he could be properly punished for screwing everything up. Oh, when she was done with him he was going to think back on those first ten months with fondness.

Ioder was the deciding factor here. Even if Flynn got captured, he would have a chance to tell the Council he believed Ioder was being poisoned and they could give him a poison bottle to check. If Ioder was dead, though, there would be no way to prove he had been poisoned after death and it would be back to her word against Flynn's. She had to kill Ioder as soon as she could.

She ran her fingers around the vial of arsenic. It comforted her, like a magic white powder that she just had to sprinkle on someone to make her problems go away. Once Ioder was dead, she could concentrate on capturing Flynn. It shouldn't be too difficult to prove he had staged a kidnapping to slip out of the castle and join up with the guilds. Most of the Council would jump at the chance to discredit him without Ioder to stop them. Then she could be crowned empress and she'd find a new schmuck to make the commandant.

She smiled as she neared Ioder's chambers. Everything was going to be alright. She just had to finish the job of assassinating Ioder and then she would be free to plan out exactly what she was going to do to Flynn as payback.

She heard voices and glanced around the corner. Five knights stood on guard outside Ioder's chambers. Damn Flynn; he must have sent them. Oh well, it wasn't anything she couldn't handle. She took a moment to summon mana and golden light glowed around her. Before the knights could notice, she murmured, "Come, oh silver light… Angel Ring."

Blinding golden light blossomed around the knight in the middle of the group. He looked down in alarm, but then a golden ring flew up around the others and pulled them crashing together. They smashed into each other, heads banging and then collapsing to the floor. Estelle wasn't sure if they were all knocked out, but they were incapacitated for now so she took her shot and ran for the door.

* * *

Estelle crashed through the door to Ioder's bedroom, but she froze when she saw people already there. She stopped in the middle of the room as the door slammed shut behind her.

"Not expecting us?" Judith asked, stepping in front of the door.

Estelle's eyes narrowed as she glared at the group gathered around Ioder's bed. "I should have known you lot would show up."

Yuri shrugged. "Yeah, well, we have this little thing called 'caring about other people's lives'. Perhaps you've heard of it."

"Estelle," Karol said, "can't you just snap out of it? Come on, this isn't really you."

Yuri shot his eyes to Karol. "Karol, are you still thinking like that? We've been over this. There is no Estelle. This lovely woman is Princess Estellise, and she's a monster."

Estelle's harsh expression dropped and she looked to Rita with wavering eyes. "Rita, you don't really believe them, do you? After all that we've been through?"

Rita held up her fists. "If you think you can toy with my emotions again, you've got another thing coming."

"Don't bother tryin'," Raven said, coming up behind her from where he'd been lurking by the door. "We all know what ya did ta Flynn, and you're one sick cookie." He grabbed her, pinning her hands behind her back.

Estelle shouted and pulled, but Raven was stronger than her. "Raven, let go of me! Please! How could you do this to me again?"

"Save it," Yuri snapped. "None of us are buying your little innocent princess routine anymore."

From the bed, Ioder groaned and opened his eyes. Yuri set the empty poison bottle on the bedside table and asked, "You alright?"

"Ugh… what's going on?"

"Ioder, help me!" Estelle said, squirming in Raven's grip. "Flynn spread terrible lies about me and now they're all turning on me!"

"That's not true!" Karol said. He looked to Ioder and said, "You've gotta believe us! She's been poisoning you and we just gave you the cure."

"And looky here," Judith said, picking up a vial Estelle dropped. "I'd be willing to bet this is more poison to finish you off."

Ioder wrinkled his brow and struggled to sit up against his headboard. "Estellise… why would you…?"

"I didn't!" she insisted. "They're framing me. Oh, please Ioder, you have to believe me. We're family."

"Estelle's been lying to us from the get-go," Rita said. "She's got this whole false persona constructed ever since childhood."

Ioder's face fell. "What…?"

"Don't listen to them, Ioder," Estelle pleaded.

"Just wait until Flynn gets here," Yuri said, his furious eyes on Estelle. "He can tell you everything she did to him."

"Estelle was giving orders to Alexei," Judith said, putting her hand on Estelle's shoulder to help Raven hold her still. "Yuri found out accidentally and she tried to kill him to silence him."

Ioder frowned and looked to Yuri. "How does Flynn play into this?

"Estelle was controlling him," Yuri said. He glared at her with fury and wondered if it was even possible to sum up what she'd done to Flynn in a single sentence. "This bitch tortured him into being brainwashed."

Ioder gaped at him and then turned his eyes on Eselle. "Estellise, is this true?"

"Of course not!"

"But why would your friends create these lies?"

"I don't know!" She frantically shook her head. "I don't know what happened, but they're all turning on me. Please, Ioder, you have to believe me."

"We just gave you a poison bottle," Rita said. "Estelle claims to have tried healing you already. Since the poison bottle worked, she clearly didn't actually use Recover."

"Estellise, the evidence is stacked against you," Ioder said. His face was pale and he had bags under his eyes, but Yuri wasn't sure if that was the lingering illness from poison or because of how exhausting it was to learn a close friend had betrayed you.

Yuri raised an eyebrow. "You seem to be accepting this fast."

"It does explain why I wasn't raised in the castle. When I was young and asked if I could meet my cousin, my guardians told me it wouldn't be a good idea and hastily changed the subject. I always wondered about that." He pushed the covers away and rubbed his sleeve across his sweaty forehead. He stood up shakily, and Yuri grabbed his arm to help him stay upright. "Estellise, we may be family but I cannot overlook what you've done. I'm still not entirely certain what I believe about Flynn and everything else, but the evidence is pretty clear that you poisoned me."

Rita scowled. "That's just the tip of the iceberg."

"We should get both of ya ta the Council," Raven said. "Get it all sorted."

"I need to find Flynn," Yuri said. "If we got to Ioder first, something must have happened to him." He wanted to trust that Flynn could take care of himself, but… Yuri wasn't sure he could.

"If Flynn was on his way here," Judith said, "we may run into him on the way out."

"Ioder, please, you're making a mistake." Estelle pulled against Raven's grip, but he easily overpowered her.

Ioder gave her a weary look and sighed. "We'll work this out with the Council."

They left the room, but didn't get far before stopping again. "Estellise," Ioder said when they stopped in the hallway. "What happened to these men?"

The knights on guard outside Ioder's chambers, who had helpfully let Yuri and company through, lay in an unconscious heap in the middle of the corridor. "Looks like Angel Ring to me," Yuri said.

Estelle shook her head. "No, this wasn't me. I saw them knocked out and I ran inside to see who attacked them."

"Yeah, right," Rita said. "I don't have any artes that pull enemies together like this."

Ioder didn't say anything, but Yuri could see his distrust of Estelle growing stronger. Good, the less work they had to do to convince him, the better.

They walked through the hallways, but with Ioder at their side, they didn't run into any trouble. Even when they encountered knights loyal to Estelle, Ioder trumped her and they were left alone. Yuri couldn't relax, because the instinct to stay on guard when knights were running around was deeply ingrained. His fingers kept twitching and he had to put effort into not reaching for his sword every time clanking footsteps approached them. It didn't help that Raven dragging Estelle along with them stirred up all those feelings of hurt and betrayal again. He wanted to punch something, but he kept it bottled up. The others no doubt recognized his tense face and jerky movements, but while Karol gave him concerned glances, no one said anything.

His hand reached for his sword again when he heard footsteps, but then Flynn strode around the corner. He stopped when he saw them, staring in surprise.

"Yuri?"

"Hey," Yuri said, a grin replacing his glower. "You're late."

Flynn looked to Estelle hesitantly, but then asked, "Master Ioder, are you alright?"

Ioder nodded. "Thanks to Yuri and his friends."

Yuri walked away from the group to approach Flynn. "Is everything alright?" he asked when he got close. He frowned as he glanced down. "Your hands are bloody."

Flynn covered his knuckles with his other hand, but since both were equally bloody it wasn't much use. "It's nothing. I just… I got in a fight."

"With your fists? What about your sword?"

Flynn' Adam's apple bobbed as he swallowed heavily. "Yuri, I ran into… he was the main knight who…"

"Ah." He understood. "You ok?"

Flynn nodded. "I am now. He's been taken care of."

"Good. We're on our way to the Council. Are you coming?"

"Yes." He hesitated and then hung his head. "Yuri… I'm sorry I messed up. I had nearly reached Ioder when I ran into Estelle, and… I let her get to me."

"Hey, don't worry about it." Yuri patted his shoulder. "It all worked out now, didn't it?"

"I guess so."

"Now come on, we've got to turn her in to the Council.

On the way to the Council, Yuri and Flynn fell to the back of the group while Flynn filled Yuri in on everything that had happened. This, of course, did nothing to make Yuri less angry. He cast a dark look at Estelle, who was still trying to play innocent. He was pleased when he heard that the bastard who'd tortured Flynn had been arrested, though. That meant he was still alive and Yuri might have a chance to wring his neck himself.

"I won't lie," Yuri said quietly as Flynn wrapped up his story, "Pretty sure I would have killed him." If Judith and Rita in front of them were listening to their conversation, they didn't mention it.

"I know," Flynn said. "but that isn't the path I want to follow."

"I think I'm glad you didn't. Sodia is right -" it almost pained him to say that, "that isn't you. You're going to change the empire from within, so you have to keep your hands clean. I'll take care of the dirt that slips through the cracks."

Flynn looked down at his hand and flexed his bloodstained knuckles. "My hands certainly don't feel very clean."

Yuri frowned and glanced at Estelle again. "I've told you before that you can't be blamed for the crap you did for Estelle."

Flynn dropped his hand. "Yeah. I'm trying to get that to sink in."

"Actually, I meant to talk to you about that. I was thinking… well, to be honest, Judy suggested it, but do you think you should see someone? A, you know, a therapist."

Flynn was silent for a few seconds. Yuri knew he was working through the same stigma Yuri had, but luckily Flynn was a lot more logical about these sort of things than a lot of knights. "Actually, that sounds like a fantastic idea. I really don't feel capable of doing my job at this point, and I need all the help I can get to put myself back on track."

"Yeah, ok," Yuri nodded encouragingly. "Why don't you come to Dahngrest with me? We'll find you someone in Dahngrest and you can stay with me until you're back on your feet."

"Ok. Thank you."

The fact that Flynn was so easily agreeing to taking time away from work when he had more to do than ever confirmed to Yuri that he must  _really_  need the help. "You don't have to thank me."

When they reached the Council chamber, the members of the Flynn brigade stood aside and saluted Flynn. Ioder opened the doors and led them into the noisy chamber. Council members yelled at each other across the room, but everyone froze when the group entered.

"Master Ioder, you're alright!" said one of them.

"What's going on?" an angry man shouted. "Flynn, I demand you remove your knights from the entrance. This is completely unlawful."

"I told you!" another shouted, marching up to them. "He's trying to stage a coup!"

Flynn stiffened, and Yuri stepped in front of him before the councilman could get right in his face. He shifted his position to make it very clear that even though he currently wasn't holding his sword, that could change at a second's notice. "Flynn hasn't done anything wrong."

The councilman meekly backed away until he bumped into the long table on the left where half of the group sat.

"Yuri is correct," Ioder said. "As far as I can see, it is Estellise who is the instigator of all of this."

"The princess?" a man said. "Don't be absurd."

"You can let her go, Raven," Yuri said. "She's not going anywhere."

Raven released her arms and Estelle quickly stepped away. She glanced around to all the exits, but every member of the Council had their eyes on her. Even if she ran away now, it would only prove her guilt. "Everyone has turned on me," she said, giving the Council her puppy eyes. "Please, I must appeal to you as a last resort. Both Ioder and Flynn have sided with Yuri, even after he attacked me!"

"Oh, shut up," Yuri said with irritation. "I'm getting pretty tired of you pretending you're such an innocent little flower. Ioder, tell them what happened."

Ioder, who held Judith's arm to stay upright, said, "My sudden recovery from illness is thanks to a poison bottle. I was being poisoned."

"How can that be?" a woman said, leaning forward on the table. "Estellise claimed to have already tried a poison bottle and healing artes on you."

Karol crossed his arms and stuck out his chin. "She was lying, obviously."

"Estelle was working with Alexei the whole time," Yuri said. "I found a bunch of letters from her giving him orders."

"Do you have any proof of this, young man?" a man asked.

Yuri scowled. "Nah. She probably burnt them already."

"I see," the man said, looking down at some papers on the table and shuffling them.

"I can give you my word," Raven said. "I know the word of an old guildsman isn't worth much, but if ya want to consider it comin' from the late Captain Schwann…" He shuffled his feet and cleared his throat. "When Alexei supposedly kidnapped the princess here, she displayed some rather suspicious behaviour."

"If she's behind all this," the councilman who'd tried to confront Flynn said, "then how come it's the knights loyal to the commandant that are causing all the problem?"

"Flynn was trying to deliver a poison bottle to Ioder," Yuri said. "Estelle stopped him and then sent the knights after him. Most of the knights trusted him more than her, and started fighting each other."

One of the women crossed her arms and glared at Flynn. "Why don't we hear from the commandant himself? What's he doing hiding back there when his knights have been keeping us locked in here?"

Flynn faltered, and Yuri turned around to him. "It's fine," Yuri said softly with a reassuring smile. "Just tell the truth and explain what happened. You don't have to go into detail."

Flynn nodded weakly and took a few small steps forward. He bit his lip, took a deep breath, and then said, "I can tell you from personal experience that Lady Estellise has committed serious atrocities. I was a victim of…" he struggled to find a word that could sum up everything he'd been through, "cruel mental conditioning through torture." He paused to swallow hard and strengthen his voice. "It is only recently that I have been able to break the hold she had over my mind."

"That's not true," Estelle insisted. "Why would you say that, Flynn?"

Flynn pointedly avoided looking at her. "I can supply a lengthy list crimes she either committed or ordered during the past two years. In addition, we have arrested a knight who was complicit in her unlawful acts and can testify against her."

"You can search her room, too," Rita said. "I found a whole book about brainwashing in there."

"As far as I am concerned," Ioder said, "we have more than enough evidence to convict her of high treason, among other crimes. There will, of course, need to be a trial."

"This is quite distressing news," one of the councilmen said. "To even imagine that such betrayal could come from within the royal family…"

"It's all lies," Estelle said with tears in her eyes. "I would never do anything like this!"

"We would love to believe that," Judith said. "If you have an explanation for failing to give Ioder a poison bottle when you said you did, attacking Yuri, those letters you sent to Alexei, and the years of abuse Flynn endured from you, among other things, we would love to hear it."

Estelle glared at her, but couldn't come up with anything.

Ioder sighed. "Estellise, I have no choice but to believe you really are responsible for these heinous crimes. Flynn, please see that she is arrested. We will arrange a trial for the coming weeks to settle this."

Flynn nodded. "Yes, Your Highness."

"I'll put a stop to the fighting," Ioder said. "Yuri, you and your friends are welcome to stay in the castle tonight while we get everything sorted out."

"Alright," Yuri said. "So this means all the charges against me are dropped, right?"

"Yeah," Flynn said, stepping back out of the limelight. "I'll get Sodia to take care of all the paperwork for this case."

"Where is she, anyway?"

"Most likely her office," Flynn said. "I sent her to take care of arresting three men, so she'll be filling out the arrest papers for them."

"Right. Well, if there's nothing more to be done here, can we get going? I want to find Tokunaga and let him know everything worked out so he can send word to Harry."

"I'll be in my room," Flynn said. "I've had enough stress for today. I think I need to go sleep for a week."

"Ok. I'll come find you when I've taken care of things." Yuri gave one last look at Estelle. She returned his look with furious eyes, but in the moment, Yuri couldn't match her anger. He hated her for playing with him and hurting Flynn, but as he stared at her, he just felt sad.

He couldn't deal with this anymore, so he tore his eyes away and turned his back on Estelle. He would be perfectly happy if he never had to see her again.

Outside the Council chamber, he took a deep breath and strode through the gathered knights. He needed to send word to the Union, but there was something else he had to take care of first. As such, he soon found himself standing outside Sodia's office.

"Come in," she said after he knocked. She looked up as he entered, and then her face fell. "Yuri Lowell. Where is Commandant Flynn?"

"He's fine." Yuri closed the door with his heel and then stood by the desk, not bothering sitting down. "He's with the Council right now, and then he's going to take a nap."

"That's good to hear. Is the situation with Lady Estellise resolved?"

He nodded. "So far, at least. There still needs to be a trial, but that's in a couple of weeks."

"Very good. Why are you here?"

Yuri smirked. "What, I can't just drop by to visit?"

Sodia scowled at him. "You know perfectly well we aren't friends."

"Fine." He finally sat down. "It's about Flynn. You know you and I are the only people he really trusts, right?"

She nodded slowly. "I wasn't sure he trusted me, but I am relieved to hear it."

"Great. He's gonna be staying with me for a little while, but after that, he's going to be back here and I can't be by his side. I'm the last person he needs to get him back on the road of being a shiny white knight. You need to be that person, because after everything he's been through, he  _needs_  someone by his side."

"Of course. I will always support him." She seemed offended that he'd even need to tell her.

"What I really wanted to tell you is… about Zaude." Sodia flinched mildly at the subject. "Are you planning on telling him the truth?"

She looked down at her hands, her orange bangs hiding her eyes. "I'm… not sure. I told myself I would after the Adephagos was out of the way and the world was at peace, but now I'm not sure."

Yuri leaned forward on his elbows. "It's ultimately up to you, but for what it's worth, I don't think you should. I told you to make your own choice the last time we talked about it, but things have changed. Flynn needs to be able to trust you. If he finds out you lied about this, he might never trust anyone else again. I don't think I need to tell you that would be really bad for him in the long run."

Sodia nodded and then raised her head. "Yes, I agree. Maybe I can tell him in the future, but he's not ready to deal with this right now."

"Yeah." Yuri felt bad about discussing this behind Flynn's back. He thought of it as another case of feeling like a shitty friend in order to help him in the long run. It may not be right to collaborate with Sodia and agree to hide something from Flynn, but it was also true that Flynn was in a fragile mental state and they couldn't risk another break down.

He pushed up from the desk and walked to the door. With his hand on the doorknob, he looked over his shoulder and said, "Take care of him for me. When he moves back to Zaphias we can talk again and I'll give you some pointers on helping him with flashbacks and nightmares."

She paused, gaping at him for a few seconds, and then said, "Yuri… thank you."

Yuri nodded and walked out.


	15. Remade

Flynn couldn't remember when Sir Teddie had lost his left eye, but he was ninety percent sure it had been Yuri's fault. The ragged teddy stared up at him with one loose button eye, smiling with a sloppily stitched grin. The bear was so patched that very little of the original stuffed animal remained, which raised interesting philosophical questions of whether it could still be said to be the same Sir Teddie his mom had made for him as a toddler.

The bear had been through serious abuse over the years. He'd lost an arm in a game of tug-o-war with Yuri, he'd needed skin grafts on his leg after Flynn left him too close to the fire, he'd bled nearly all his stuffing and been severely crippled for a few days after a run-in with a nasty dog, and all his softness had been worn away over years of cuddling. The poor little bear had been through hell, and he'd been so thoroughly broken that he barely resembled the original Sir Teddie. As far as Flynn was concerned, though, he was every bit the bear he'd loved when he was three. Even if Sir Teddie would never be the same as he was before being broken, Flynn didn't care about him any less and he was still able to do his job of providing comfort. Maybe not all things were like a broken vase. Maybe some things could break and still keep going. Maybe he should stop analyzing his identity by comparing himself to a teddy bear.

Flynn sighed and set Sir Teddie on the bed next to him. He'd found the poor thing at the bottom of a box in his wardrobe. He'd never even gotten around to fully unpacking before being imprisoned, and when he'd returned he hadn't even thought of it. He had only been eighteen when this began; that felt so long ago. A whole chunk of his life was gone, and he would never get that time back.

Someone knocked on the door and he jumped, instinctively reaching for Sir Teddie. "Who is it?"

"It's me."

He sighed in relief. It was just Yuri. "It's open."

"Good evening," Yuri said, closing the door behind him. "Did you have dinner yet? I'm no fan of the castle, but I have to hand it to the chefs."

"No." He shook his head. "I'm not hungry."

"Have you eaten at all today?"

Flynn thought for a moment, and then shook his head again.

Yuri plopped onto the bed and pulled his legs up. Flynn frowned at him for getting his boots on his bed, but didn't mention it. "You've got to eat something," Yuri said, leaning back on his hands.

Flynn shrugged. "I've gone longer without food." The concept of knowing where his next meal was coming from had been a novelty when he and Yuri joined the Knights. Perhaps he should be grateful that he'd gotten so used to hunger in his childhood. It made dealing with days of no food while imprisoned easier to deal with.

"Yeah, well you shouldn't have to anymore."

"I guess not. I just don't feel like eating anything."

"Are you feeling ok?" Yuri considered this question, and then changed it to, "Well, I mean, is something bothering you more than what's usually bothering you?"

Flynn squeezed Sir Teddie's stomach until his chest bulged. "It's stupid."

Yuri leaned his head back with a sigh of frustration, his hair tickling the blanket. "Are you still saying things like that? I told you, you can tell me anything."

Flynn frowned, and spoke to Sir Teddie instead. "Alright… well, I feel stupid for being scared of this… but I'm really nervous about the trial."

Yuri raised his head. "Estelle's trial?"

Flynn nodded. "They want me to testify against her and explain everything she did. I have to explain everything, because if I'm not detailed enough it might sound like I don't really know what happened or might not be damning enough. But, just the thought of standing before the entire Council and court and saying everything that happened to me…" His stomach churned just thinking about it. It had been hard enough putting it into words when he told Yuri.

"Will they let me into the trial?"

"They should." Flynn glanced up at Yuri. "They'll want you to explain the letters you found."

"Ok, good. So, if you have to talk, just look at me and pretend you're only talking to me. Would that help?"

"Maybe." He still wasn't comfortable with the idea, but having Yuri there would make him feel a lot better. He just hated the idea of the entire Council knowing all the details. How could he expect to command respect from them if they knew how filthy and broken he was?

"It will be fine. I'll sit in the front row and if anyone gives you any trouble, I'll kick their ass."

"Thanks."

"Hey, did you get that nap?"

"I tried." He stared down at Sir Teddie's one eye. "I couldn't get to sleep. I'm still too jumpy from being in the castle. I keep thinking that elsewhere in this very building is that room where everything happened. I imagine it as some dark recess with evil seeping out of it and contaminating the whole castle." He squeezed the abused bear and sighed. "I know that's stupid. It's just an old storage room Estelle used because it was out of the way. Sodia even told me where it is after interrogating that knight."

"Have you gone to see it?" Yuri asked.

"Part of me wants to. I think if I saw it, and saw that it's just an ordinary room and not some den of nightmares, I'd feel better. I was going to go earlier after talking to Sodia, but… I chickened out."

"I'll go with you, if you want." He pushed himself upright. "We can grab dinner on the way back."

"I'm not sure…"

"Let's do it." Yuri hopped up and held out his hand. "Come on. It'll be good for you."

Flynn set Sir Teddie on the bed and took Yuri's hand. "Fine." This was going to be painful, but he knew he'd be better off getting it over with.

Yuri laughed and as pulled Flynn to his feet. "So you still have that dumb bear?"

"Yes," he said indignantly.

"What was he called? Mr. Bear or something?"

"Sir Teddie."

"Oh, right. You were always so creative."

He led Flynn out of the dark room, and Flynn could physically feel his anxiety rise just by leaving the security of his bedroom. "Like you're so much better. You had that little wolf Hanks' wife made and you called it Growly."

"I have no idea what you're talking about," Yuri said, stubbornly looking ahead.

"Whatever happened to that?"

"I don't know. It doesn't matter." He had that indignant pout he always wore when Flynn brought up things he was embarrassed by. He quickly changed the subject. "So, hey, Sodia talked to that knight? Did you see him too?"

"No," Flynn said with a shake of his head. "Sodia wouldn't let me into the room."

Yuri glanced back with a raised eyebrow. "I didn't know she had the power to 'let' you do anything."

"I didn't know either." It was probably for the best. He'd tried to follow her into the interrogation, but she stopped him and gave him a stern talking-to about understanding one's limits and how interrogations required precision. It had been a polite way of telling him he wasn't emotionally stable enough to handle facing the man again, and she was probably right.

"So? Did she get anything out of him?"

Flynn realized he'd drifted off again. Damn, he just couldn't concentrate lately. "Ah, yeah. His name is Peter Sprenger. He has a handful of minor charges for behaviour unbecoming of a knight, but he was never convicted of anything. He claims he can't be prosecuted for this because he was just following orders. That's the same defense most of the Royal Guard who helped Alexei gave, and the court established a precedent that following orders could not be used in cases that are clearly immoral."

"That sounds good. So is the Council actually going to follow through on punishing a piece of crap?"

Flynn frowned. "Well… not exactly. In exchange for testifying against Estelle and giving us the names of every other knight involved with my…" he still struggled to put it into words sometimes.  _Torture_. To just throw two little syllables into a sentence to sum up everything that had happened to him felt strange. He couldn't just casually say it because he was far from being able to think about it casually. Yuri noticed his hesitation, but he pressed on and forced it out. "My torture. In exchange for their names, he'll be given a lighter sentence."

Yuri's expression darkened. "They're going to let him go?"

"He'll serve time. Just… not as much." Flynn saw how angry this made Yuri and said, "Yuri, please don't take this upon yourself."

"Are you saying you don't want this bastard to die?"

Flynn could read Yuri's expression like a book. Yuri was partially glad Sprenger would be released after a short sentence, because that meant he had an excuse to take him down himself. Flynn couldn't let Yuri do that, though. "Please, Yuri. If he gets murdered right after being released, it will make future criminals think there's no point in plea bargains. It could really damage the justice system."

Yuri scowled. "Flynn, you of all people should want him dead. Just watching you have nightmares or memories kills me and I'm not even experiencing it." He rounded on Flynn with fire still in his eyes "Now the man who did all this to you is going to get a short sentence, and you're ok with that?!"

Flynn jumped back with a flash of fear, his heart skipping a beat. Yuri's anger disappeared in an instant, replaced by guilt.

"Dammit." He squeezed his eyes shut and clenched his fists. "I'm sorry."

"It's fine." He was more embarrassed by his reaction than anything. Even though he  _knew_  Yuri would never hurt him, he still freaked out when people shouted at him. He tried to keep talking like nothing had happened, like he could pull together some semblance of normality. "Since his crimes were against me, personally, doesn't that give me the right to decide if I want him dead?"

"I guess," Yuri grumbled and they started walking again. "Why don't you want him dead, though?"

"I do," Flynn muttered at the floor. He felt guilty for admitting it, because he had never thought of himself as the type to wish death on a person. "More than anyone. Despite that, I also want to believe that the justice system works. I don't want him punished by a lone vigilante, I want him punished by the law. Please respect that."

Yuri growled in frustration, and then said, "Fine. Can I at least beat him up?"

"Be my guest."

After a few more minutes of walking, they made it to a hallway in the basement. The prison cells that Yuri was so familiar with weren't too far away, but this was a long, dimly lit corridor of storage rooms. The fine marble floors of the castle were gone, replaced with grey slabs of cement. Flynn stopped when his feet hit the cement.

_"I don't understand. Where are we going?"_

_"Be quiet."_

_"I was told to report for training, but what's down- ow!"_

_"I said be quiet."_

_"Where are you taking me? What's through this do- ugh."_

_"You never shut up, do you? Get in there."_

_"Wait, what's going on?"_

_Slam!_

_"What is this room? Hello? Hey, you can't just leave me in here! Where am I? What's going on? Hello?!"_

"Flynn?" Yuri lightly touched his elbow, and he flinched.

Flynn looked to Yuri with wide eyes and realized he was shaking again. "Uh… I'm ok."

"Ok… follow me, you're almost there."

Flynn didn't want to almost be there. He had to put effort into every step forward. The last time he'd walked down this hallway, ten months of horror came next.  _It's fine,_ he told himself over and over. He was following Yuri, not being escorted by knights. There was nothing special about this room, and that's what Yuri was trying to show him.

Despite telling himself this, he was shaking and dripping sweat by the time they finally stood in front of the door. Every instinct told him to run away as fast as he could, and he actually had to grab Yuri's arm to keep steady.

Yuri turned his eyes on him with concern. "We can turn back if you really want to, but I think you'd be better off if you faced this."

Flynn nodded. "Yes. Just… open the door."

Yuri opened it, but Flynn looked away and squeezed his eyes shut. He was certain he smelled the sick stench of various human fluids mingling together over ten months. He took short, fast breaths, trying to get the cloying odour away. Blood, sex, vomit, urine, sweat -

"Come on, you can look," Yuri said softly his hand on Flynn's shoulder. "It's just a room."

It was  _not_  "just a room". It was the place where his life ended and turned into this living hell. Screams rang through his head. They were memories of his own, and they reverberated against the close concrete walls. Knights were laughing and an ache settled into his muscles.

"Flynn!" Yuri snapped his fingers in front of his face, startling him out of the memories. He panted and stared at Yuri in shock as Yuri grabbed his shoulders and said, "Look. It's just a storage room. They're keeping fertilizer and shovels in there now."

No, no, no, he didn't want to look. There were going to be bloodstains and ropes and knights waiting to finish him off.

"There is nothing in there that can hurt you," Yuri said firmly. "Well, I guess if you tripped on a rake that might hurt. It is a thousand times worse in your head so just look."

Flynn took a deep breath and grabbed Yuri's arm in a vice grip. If Yuri was bothered by Flynn holding him tighter when he'd been dangling off the side of Altosk, he didn't mention it. With that lifeline firmly in hand, he turned his head to look through the doorway.

Yuri was right; there was nothing in the room but gardening supplies. Sacks of fertilizer lined one wall, and a corner was taken up with a stack of clay pots. Hoes and rakes leaned against the wall, and a broken lattice reached up to the beams on the ceiling. There was no sign of blood, and the thick scent was actually just the fertilizer that his mind had warped. Peter Sprenger was just a man and this was just a room. There was no reason for him to be afraid of a garden shed. He didn't think he ever wanted to come down here again because it stirred up too many memories, but he no longer felt like this room had power over him.

"You ok?"

Flynn nodded slowly. "Yeah… thanks. I needed to see this."

"Great. How about letting go of my arm? I think I'm losing circulation."

"Sorry." He dropped his hand. "Let's get out of here." He turned away from the room and walked quickly down the hallway.

Yuri ran to catch up with him. "Can I convince you to stop for dinner?"

Flynn wasn't really hungry, but he knew Yuri would pester him until he ate. "Fine."

"Good. I'm gonna be spending the night in the castle. Do, uh, you want me to stay in your room? I don't mind sleeping on the floor."

Flynn really wanted to say no and tell him to go sleep comfortably with Karol and Raven. Then he thought about lying alone in a dark room and how vulnerable he'd feel because he couldn't protect himself while asleep, and that was on top of the knowledge that if he had another nightmare there would be no one to drag him out. He looked down at the steps and muttered, "If you don't mind…"

"It's not a problem at all."

Rita lay in bed, trying to sleep. She was back to her room in the castle, but she couldn't sleep. Estelle was locked in one of the cells, Yuri was acting like his old self again, and Flynn seemed to be on the road to recovery. Everything was working out, so why did she still feel like crap? It was stupid to be upset about Estelle. Estelle betrayed them, so she shouldn't waste time feeling sad that she was gone. And yet, she couldn't stop feeling like she was being ripped apart.

She tossed to her side and pulled a pillow against her chest. Part of her wished Yuri had never found those letters so she could keep believing Estelle was her friend.  _This is why I liked blastia_ , she thought miserably.  _Blastia never lied._  She would have sworn off ever making friends again if it wasn't for the fact that she still cared about Yuri and Judith. She scowled and glared at the wall, and silently admitted that she had some semblance of fondness for Karol and Raven too.

She closed her eyes and tried in vain to get some sleep. It wasn't fair that Estelle could still hurt her through lack of sleep even after Rita had ended their friendship. Her door slowly opened and her eyes shot up.

She had a spell powered up and ready to fire by the time she sat up in bed and turned to the door. "Who's there?"

The door clicked shut and the glow from Rita's prepared spell illuminated the intruder's face. Rita was so surprised she let the mana peter out and then the room went back to blackness. Light footsteps crossed the room. Rita couldn't breathe as they closed in on the bed.

"Rita, don't be scared. I don't want to hurt you."

Rita still couldn't see her in the darkness, but she breathed, "What are you doing here, Estelle?"

The bed creaked as she sat down. Rita stiffened bit didn't pull away. Her eyes began readjusting to the darkness and the moonlight streaming through the window outlined her profile.

"I'm leaving," Estelle said.

"Aren't you supposed to be in jail?"

"I escaped," Estelle said simply. "Those cells really weren't designed to hold magic users." She turned her head, but the only detail Rita could make out was the glint of moonlight in her eyes. "I realize there's no way to prove my innocence."

"Because you're  _not_  innocent," Rita snapped, pulling her blanket over her knees.

"Heh. No, I suppose I'm not." She folded her hands on her lap and Rita was able to make out a small smile. "So, I'm leaving Zaphias. I'm going to start a new life somewhere else and lay low for a while."

Rita's fists bunched around the blanket. "Estelle… why did you do all this? Just…  _why_?"

"Because… I wanted to." She shrugged. "I've always done what I wanted to. I know most people care when other people hurt, but I just… don't."

"But… what about me?" Rita's voice wavered. "Was it really all a lie?"

Estelle didn't answer right away. In the tense silence, she grabbed Rita's hands. "Come with me, Rita."

"I - what?" Her eyes had adjusted enough to make out Estelle's sincere eyes. It was disconcerting to see such a familiar expression when she had already written those looks off as false.

"Once I leave, I'm never coming back and I'll never see you again. You should come with me."

"Why do you want me to?" She should pull her hands away, but she couldn't bring herself to draw away from Estelle's touch.

"Because I've never felt this way about anyone before you. You're the most amazing person I have ever met. Liking you was never an act."

Rita's chest throbbed. "Estelle…" She took a shuddering breath to pull herself together. "How can you say that when you already told me you don't care about anybody?"

Estelle squeezed her hands. "You're right. I understand that normally people hurt when the people they love hurt, and they can find pleasure simply in their loved one's happiness. I don't feel that. I  _can't_ , even if I wanted to. The emotions are just foreign to me. Despite that, I feel like my life won't be complete if you're not in it."

"Stop it." Rita squeezed her eyes shut. "How can you say that? I know what you did to Flynn." How could someone capable of such heinous and cruel torture tell her she needed her with such sincerity?

"I want you to come with me. We'll start over far away from here. It can be just the two of us, and I can promise not to hurt anyone else if it means you'll stay with me. You're the only person I've ever appreciated like this and I don't want to lose you. So, please, come with me."

Rita opened her eyes and looked down at Estelle's delicate hands curled around her own. A strong part of her wanted to say yes. She wanted to run away with Estelle and pretend this never happened. She could deal with abandoning Yuri and the others if it meant staying with Estelle. But… "You're not even sorry for what you did to Flynn, are you?"

Estelle hesitated, and then said, "No. I understand that by society's standards it was a bad thing, but I can't bring myself to feel remorse."

Rita swallowed hard. "How can I know you'll never get bored of me? What if you decide you'd rather break me like you broke him?"

"Never," Estelle said. "I would never want to change you. You're perfect how you are."

Rita pulled her hands out of Estelle's grip and slowly shook her head. "No, Estelle. I can't go with you. I can't overlook the things you've done."

Estelle dropped her hands and stared at Rita for a few long seconds. She was partially afraid Estelle would attack and try to take her with her by force, and that uncertainty was reason enough to not spend the rest of her life with Estelle.

Estelle looked to her knees. "I understand."

"You're not going to go after Yuri or Flynn, are you?"

Estelle shook her head. "No. I won't say I don't want to, but the risks outweigh the benefits. I'm going to leave Zaphias and I plan to never encounter any of you again."

"Oh. Well… good."

Estelle slowly stood up, and then turned back to Rita. "Thank you for being my friend, Rita." Rita sat frozen as Estelle rested her hands on her shoulders, leaned forward, and gently kissed her forehead. She gave Rita a tight smile and then left the room.

Rita stared at the door after it closed, still able to feel the warm tingling on her forehead. She should get the guards, of course. Estelle was making her escape, and it was Rita's responsibility to warn the knights to keep them from letting her leave the castle. Despite thinking this, she didn't make a move to alert the guards.

She let out a groan of frustration, and then buried her face in her hands. She knew would never see Estelle again, but she wasn't sure if she was glad about that or filled with grief.

How to get bloodstains out of carpet probably shouldn't be the top of his priorities, but Flynn couldn't help dwelling on it. He sat at his desk, leaning forward on his crossed arms. He was supposed to be getting things ready for Sodia to take over his duties for a little while, but every time he tried to read a line, his mind drifted halfway through the sentence. He'd read the same line at least ten times before giving up to contemplate the blood on the carpet from where he'd nearly died.

Someone knocked on the door and he jumped in his chair. Crap, he was supposed to have gotten all this ready for Sodia and he'd zoned out. His heart sped up and he frantically looked around the desk for something to prove he hadn't been slacking. He'd messed up and now he was going to get punished and -

No. Stop. He was the commandant now. The worst anyone could do to him was be disappointed in him. There was no reason to be afraid.

But what if it was Estelle?! He gripped the edge of his desk, his muscles going rigid. She'd escaped from jail last night and the last he heard, the knights still hadn't caught up with her. She was going to come after him and punish him for turning on her.

The door cracked open and Flynn leapt to his feet, drawing his sword. He pointed it at the door with his face constricted in terror, ready to defend himself.

"Uh, sir?" Sodia said, peeking through the door. "Is everything alright?"

He sheepishly sheathed his sword again and slumped back into his chair. "Everything is fine." Stupid. Freaking out over nothing again. He leaned forward and rested his head in his palm. "Ha. If you were still wondering why I'm taking time off, this is why."

Sodia entered fully and approached his desk. "I completely understand, sir. After what you've been through, no one would fault you for taking medical leave. Have you finished your preparations?"

His stomach squirmed with guilt. "No," he mumbled. He rubbed his forehead and sighed. "I can't seem to read anything without my mind drifting." He didn't mention it, but since he had an ocean of traumatic memories lying in wait, when his mind drifted it always seemed to land in something unpleasant. This made him less inclined to even try reading, because analyzing the pattern on the curtains was easier than remembering exactly what a broken bone sounded like when you twisted it.

"I'm such a mess," he grumbled. "I can't even read, let alone do my job."

"It's alright, sir." Sodia pulled up a seat across from him, folding her hands on the desk. "You just need to take some time off and get the help you need. Don't worry about these forms. I'm sure I can manage with what you've already left. I was filling in for you for the past couple of weeks already."

Flynn managed to lower his arm and raise his head. "If you could, I would greatly appreciate it."

"Anything you need, sir. Have you already gotten your things together for your trip to Dahngrest?"

Flynn winced and in a small voice admitted, "No." He'd been so concerned with trying to get this stuff done for Sodia that he pushed packing to the back of his mind. He could only focus on one task at a time, and even that took effort.

"I can help you pack," Sodia said, thankfully sounding non-judgmental. "You don't have very many clothes, after all.

"Thank you. Also, while I'm thinking of it, I want to properly thank you for stopping me yesterday. I don't think I would have ever forgiven myself if I'd gone through with murdering Sprenger."

She nodded tightly. "I know, sir. I'm just glad you're yourself again."

"Have the other knights involved been arrested?"

"All the others were already either dead or in prison, sir. They're currently serving time for helping Alexei with his coup, but they'll stand trial for these additional charges and their sentences will be extended."

"And all of them are accounted for?" He didn't want to directly say it, but he was terrified of the prospect that someone who helped torture him could still be loose somewhere. He'd spend the rest of his life fearing he'd bump into them around any corner.

Sodia nodded. "Yes, at least all the names Sprenger gave us."

"Good." That was a heavy weight off his chest. There was just one more thing for him to worry about. "And what about Estelle? Any luck in finding her?"

Sodia shook her head with a frown. "No. I'm sorry, sir, but there's no sign of her. The jail cell was busted open with a magic arte and any guards in the area were knocked out. No one saw her slip out of the castle."

"She didn't try to make contact with anyone from Yuri's group?"

"No. I asked all of them, but they said they didn't see her. Miss Mordio, however, did ask me to tell you that she was positive Lady Estellise wouldn't try to go after you again. I'm not sure what she's basing this certainty on."

"I see." He folded his hands and thought. Rita probably understood Estelle better than anyone, but even that wasn't saying much. Yuri always thought he understood her, too. Flynn took some comfort in her words, but he also knew it would be a long time before he felt safe enough to sleep without the windows locked. "I suppose that's all we can do." Part of him was actually glad she was missing, because as long as Estelle wasn't around, he wouldn't have to testify at her trial.

Sodia stood up. "Sir, why don't you leave this paperwork to me? Go get your things together so you can get going. Being in the castle is so stressful for you, so I don't want you to linger here any longer than is necessary."

Flynn looked down at his papers. He didn't want to feel like a quitter, but in an hour he'd only managed to read a single paragraph. "Maybe you're right."

There wasn't anything he could do about Estelle for now, and trying to do work when he couldn't even read was getting him nowhere. The best thing he could do was to get out of here and work on healing. If he managed to pull himself together to a point where he could handle stress and didn't have a panic attack when someone yelled at him, he could return to his post and prove to himself that he deserved it, even if it had been handed to him under dubious circumstances. If he couldn't, he was at least comfortable leaving the position in Sodia's hands.

He stood and slid the paper across the desk to Sodia. "Thank you, Sodia. For everything."

"Of course, sir."

"I'm going to go pack." He walked away, muttering, mostly to himself, "Damn, do I ever need a vacation."

"Are you feeling ok, Yuri?" Karol asked, pausing next to an open box.

"I'm fine," he said, a bit more terse than he'd intended. He stuck his paintbrush into the bucket and then slapped more paint on the wall. They'd finalized the lease for their new building, but it was taking a lot of work. They'd been at it for a month already, and they still weren't open for business.

"Are you sure you're not worried about Flynn?" Karol pulled books out of the box and began stacking them on a shelf.

"Why should I be? He's a big boy. He can walk home by himself."

Flynn had been staying with them for the past month, first at Altosk and then staying in Yuri's room at their new Brave Vesperia building. Karol had been the one to find a therapist for him - it turned out there was actually a psychology guild, a fact which barely even surprised Yuri anymore. He wouldn't be surprised to find there was a guild for cheesemongers. Flynn met with a women for a few hours every other day, and it seemed to be doing him some good. At the very least, nightmares were no longer a nightly occurrence. He still tossed and turned for hours before falling into a restless sleep, leaving Yuri feeling guilty if he let himself fall asleep before Flynn did, but Yuri only needed to rouse him from a nightmare every few days.

Since the first day of therapy, Yuri had walked Flynn to the session and then gone back to walk him home. Flynn got nervous in crowds and Yuri didn't want to risk leaving him alone on the street again in case something sparked another traumatic flashback and no one was there to help him. Today, though, Flynn had asked him to stay home, saying he wanted to make the walk back by himself. Yuri agreed, because if Flynn felt he needed to do this, then Yuri would respect his choices.

That didn't mean Yuri wasn't still worried, though. He should have been home fifteen minutes ago, and Yuri couldn't help imagining him having a freak-out on a street corner with strangers standing around gawking. Half of him wanted to head out and look for him, but if he ran into Flynn taking a leisurely stroll home, seeing Yuri's lack of faith in him might devastate him.

"I'm sure he's fine, Yuri," Karol said. "Most people would recognize him as the commandant, and everyone around here knows the commandant is staying with us for now, so if there were any problems, someone would come get us."

"Yeah, I know, I told you I wasn't worried." He wished he could be as optimistic as Karol, and he wished Karol wasn't as adept at reading his emotions.

Repede barked from the floor, telling him in his way to stop fretting. Yuri scowled at the dog and turned his attention back to painting the wall. Maybe he was fretting, but he felt that considering Flynn's condition, a little worrying couldn't hurt.

"If you're not worrying, why have you painted the same section of wall three times now?"

Yuri paused and stared at the beige paint dripping down the wall. He frowned, and then said, "I'm making sure it gets enough coats."

Karol rolled his eyes. "Sure, Yuri."

"Why did you and I get left with this job, anyway? There others should be helping out, too."

"Judith promised to help later," Karol said, setting the final book on the shelf. "But she's busy right now."

"Yeah, yeah, I know that." She and Ba'ul had taken off to find Estelle. Rita said she didn't think they had to worry about her, but Yuri was still nervous about letting her roam free. So far, though, Judy hadn't had any luck. Wherever Estelle had run to, she was good at covering her tracks.

Part of Yuri didn't want to find her. As much as he wanted her to pay for what she'd done, both to Flynn and to everyone who suffered due to her schemes, he also didn't think he could stand to see her suffer. Usually when confronted by villainous scumbags he got blindingly angry and wanted nothing more than to make them pay for hurting people. When it came to Estelle, though, he couldn't garner up the fury and instead he just got sad. He didn't want to punish her; he just wanted to move on and try to get over her betrayal.

The front door opened, and Yuri nearly dropped his paintbrush as he spun around. "Hey, you're late." He tried not to reveal how worried he'd been.

"Sorry," Flynn said, closing the door and then setting a package on the table against the wall.

"You didn't run into any trouble, did you?" Karol asked.

"No, I'm fine. I'm sorry if I worried you."

"Worried?" Yuri said. "Who was worried?"

Karol glanced over at Yuri and then snickered. "Yuri, you're dripping paint on your boots."

"Huh?" He glanced down and swore and then dropped the paintbrush back in the bucket. "Whatever; they were old anyway. So, anyway, how'd it go, Flynn?"

"Same as usual." He scowled a bit and then added, "It's not fun, but it helps. On the plus side, she says I might be able to go back to work in another month, maybe earlier."

"That's great!" Karol said with a big grin.

Flynn leaned against the table and crossed his arms. "Eager to get rid of me, are you?"

Karol faltered. "Ah, what? No, of course not! I just mean - you know, it's good that you're feeling better."

"Yeah, I understand," Flynn said.

Yuri watched him with worry. It was hard to tell sometimes when he was joking. It had only been in the past week or so that he'd started dropping jokes or sarcasm, so they weren't used to it. Add that to the fact that his sense of humour had taken a turn for the dark and that he never smiled, and it was pretty hard to tell when a comment was a joke.

"You're already almost fully recovered, then?" Yuri asked with a grin. "I knew you had it in you."

"Well… not exactly. She said she'd set me up with someone in Zaphias so I can keep seeing someone."

"Oh." Yuri's excitement fell somewhat, but not entirely. Flynn was still making improvement, and that was enough for him. He walked to the table and asked, "So, you got home alright?"

Flynn nodded. "I'll admit I was nervous, but I didn't have any problems."

"Alright!" Yuri held up his hand for a high five, which Flynn returned with a bit less enthusiasm. It might seem silly to cheer something as simple as walking home alone, but they celebrated the small victories. "So, what held you up?"

"Actually, I stopped at the post office. I asked Hanks to mail me something before I left Zaphias." He picked up the package and untied the string.

"Hm? What is it?"

Flynn pushed away the paper, opened the box, and then pulled out something that caught Yuri by surprise.

"Where the hell did you get that?"

"Hanks had it," Flynn said, holding up a small stuffed wolf. "He said you left it with him before joining the Knights."

"Yuri?" Karol said, walking over to get a closer look. "What is it?"

Heat rose to Yuri's cheeks and he crossed his arms. "Yeah, I asked him to toss it for me."

"He said you specifically asked him to keep it safe for you."

"Geeze, that old man sure knows how to make up a story."

The worn, tattered wolf stared at him piteously with blank bead eyes. "How could you say that, Yuri?" Flynn said, holding the wolf out. "Look, he misses you."

Karol laughed. "Wow, Yuri, that's pretty cute."

"It's just a dumb toy!" Yuri scowled. "I don't even know why Hanks held onto it."

"Since you thought it was so funny that I still had mine, I thought you'd appreciate the reminder," Flynn said. He looked down at Karol and said, "His name is Growly. Yuri named him himself. He was very proud."

"Dammit, Flynn, you don't have to tell him that!"

Flynn looked down at the stuffed animal. "If I recall correctly, Growly was a super wolf who could run faster than a horse and bite through solid armour."

Yuri gave Karol a furious glare, warning of dark things to come if he didn't stop laughing. Karol did not heed his warning, so Yuri grabbed for the wolf. "Alright, you're done, give it here."

Flynn jerked his hand away. "I thought you didn't want him?"

"I don't!" He leaned forward and tried to reach around Flynn to get it. "But I especially don't want  _you_  to have it. And dammit, Karol, is it really that funny?!"

Flynn backed away from him, holding Growly above his head. "You'll have to try harder than that. Growly the super wolf can't be caught that easily!"

"Ok, ha-ha, really funny, Flynn." He reached up, but Flynn fended him off with his other arm.

"Awooo! Evildoers beware!"

"Be careful! He's really old; don't be so rough!"

"I thought you didn't care about him?"

"I don't!"

Flynn backed up some more, but then he tripped on a box and toppled to the ground. Yuri followed him down in seconds. He had been about to tackle him and pin him down, but thought better of that halfway down. He veered to the side and landed on his knees next to him, wrapping both hands tightly around Growly. The last thing Flynn needed was for someone to pin him to the ground, even if it was Yuri, but tug-o-war with a stuffed wolf was unlikely to trigger a horrific memory.

"You've had your fun, I'm sorry I made fun of you for Teddie, now give that back!"

Flynn let go of Growly without much protest, partially because he was laughing too hard to focus on a strong grip. With Growly safely out of Flynn's mocking hands, Yuri held him protectively against his chest and glared at Flynn for a few seconds.

He couldn't keep glaring for very long. Flynn lay on his back, clutching his stomach with his eyes squeezed together in a fit of laughter. Tears ran from his eyes and he gasped for breath between laughs. A huge weight slipped off Yuri's shoulders and a grin slid onto his face. He hadn't realized just how much he missed Flynn's smile until now.

Yuri chuckled and sat back, leaning against the table leg. Karol had stopped laughing and was back to smiling happily, while Repede just gave them a look and silently reprimanded his humans for being so childish. It really wasn't that funny, but Flynn still couldn't stop laughing. When Yuri considered that this was the first time Flynn had really laughed or smiled since he was eighteen, he could understand the need to get it all out.

Flynn gasped for breath and then rubbed tears from his eyes. He raised his head with a small smile and said, "Heh. Heh-heh. Sorry, Yuri."

"Don't worry about it." He glanced down at the wolf in his hand and added, "I just hope Repede doesn't get jealous."

Repede growled slightly to let him know that it would be a snowy day in hell before he got insecure about a stuffed animal.

Flynn got up and dusted himself off, but Yuri stayed on the floor and watched him with a small smile. It would be naive to think Flynn didn't still have serious problems. He would probably always have problems, and their idea of a positive future was when he could go months or - in a best case scenario - years between breakdowns. It was looking like he would be able to live something close to a normal life between attacks, though, and that was more than Yuri had hoped for when they first started working with him.

Estelle had escaped unpunished, and that pissed Yuri off more than he could say. He hated imagining her happily living the rest of her life thinking she'd won. His only hope was that one day she'd sit down for breakfast in whatever backwoods village she was hiding out in and open the morning paper. There she'd see a story about how successful Commandant Flynn was and all the sweeping change he'd brought to the empire. Yuri imagined the newspaper crinkling under her angry fists as she realized she hadn't successfully broken Flynn beyond repair.

She hadn't won, even if she may think she had for now. She thought she'd successfully shattered him into a thousand pieces, but little by little they were putting those pieces back together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that brings us to the end of this cheerful story. I hope you enjoyed it! If you ever thought it's too depressing, just remember that the original plan was for Yuri to actually kill Flynn in their first battle and the rest of the fic would deal with the consequences of Yuri killing his best friend. So, hey, it could have been a lot worse!
> 
> If you're interested in the particulars of what Flynn went through, you should look up the Chinese treatment of American POWs during the Korean War (which is what I based Estelle's techniques on) or the deprogramming of cult members in the 70s and 80s (which is what I based Yuri's techniques on). Both topics are fascinating, although very depressing.
> 
> There's also an alternate scene I wrote for a thing on tumblr. I re-wrote a scene from chapter 9 from Estelle's point of view, so if you're interested you can read that [here](http://fontasticcrablettes.tumblr.com/post/60728037937/it-took-a-decent-amount-of-consideration-to-figure).
> 
> That's all I have to say, so thanks for reading!


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